Is my BIL attracted to me?

[Relentless1]

I've known BIL through a friend for a long time but we've never got to properly know each other as I'm quite shy but I have became more outgoing through the years. I also think this is to do with his wife as she is very possessive but with good reason as he is flirty and has been suspected to stray before.

 

He used to say sexual/suggestive remarks but it was always in front of people and taken very lightly as a joke. Some time after i got together with his younger brother and the comments and such died down. At one point an argument between my bf and BIL happened which ended up with my bf slating his wife and BIL telling my bf that I am too young for him and that I would soon leave him for someone younger (my bf is 7years older than me). This led me to believe that he really didn't like me.

 

About 6 months later everyone was getting along again and he told my bf that I'm alright and that I have "grown up" and then I started to notice I'd catch him looking at me quite often (my bf has noticed this too). I'd get a feeling he was looking at me through my peripheral vision and on the occasion I had the courage to glance and check he would have his eyes locked on mine and one time I can remember he had a very intense look in his eyes with his tongue in the corner of his mouth. I would always avert my eyes straight away as I daren't keep looking at him. Also when he'd borrow a lighter or something and was passing it back if our fingers were touching he'd hold it there for a good couple of seconds which I always found a bit unusual.

 

I'm not going to lie, ive started to find him very sexually attractive. Anyway, after another fallout about an unrelated topic everyone was beginning to speak again but this time I am trying to be a lot more outgoing and talkative towards him as he is the only person in the family I've not really got to know.* I could tell he was trying to make more of an effort with me too but he has gone a bit quiet with me now. I'm struggling to see if he's just talking to be polite or if there is possibly an attraction on his side too. When we speak he holds very steady eye contact. I still catch him looking at me from across the room and when I catch him he looks away smiling doing a little shake of his head. But when he walks past me he looks down like he's trying to avoid me.

 

When we were all having a drink there was a huge space on the sofa between me and my other SIL but he chose to squeeze on the side next to her instead which made me feel a bit awkward. He literally never sits next to me lol. He's always glancing at me and hes always friendly and his body language reads well as he has his feet pointed in my direction alot but other times when he's avoiding me I feel like he really dislikes me. Oh and he still does the extended finger contact when passing me something.

 

He's also helpful and when I left something of my daughters at the FILs he came straight down in the car to fetch it and when I opened the door to him he did this like smile and turn his head thing which made my heart leap. He's very outgoing and can speak to anyone so I don't get why he talks to me so much less but I still get a feeling he likes me I am so confused lol

 

Do you think he hates me or likes me because I honestly just don't know with this one.

Edited October 27, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[stillafool]

Is this your sister's husband you're talking about?

[Relentless1]

No its my boyfriends brother

[ChickiePops]

1. He's not your brother in law if you and your boyfriend aren't married.

 

2. Are you planning to start an affair with him?

[Relentless1]

I know he's not technically it's just easier for writing out on my phone lol

 

I don't think I'd be adverse to it if I thought he felt the same way

[stillafool]

Stop it right now. Even if your so called BIL went for you it would break up his family. You will be viewed as trash by them and it's very doubtful this would turn into a relationship. Have more respect than to lust after your bfs brother.

[Relentless1]

Honestly I would never want a relationship with him. It's only a sexual attraction for me. And like I said I wouldn't be adverse to it but I am probably not ballsy enough to act on it. I just wanted other people's opinions on his behaviour.

[vanhalenfan]

I wouldn't take the time to even read into any of it because it's your boyfriend's brother...I mean, he's off limits so why bother putting thought into whether or not he's attracted to you. Morally speaking you can't do anything about it anyway. Unless you want to go down that road, but I would strongly advise against that. Based on what you've said, if you want to know if I believe he's attracted to you or not, it's very mixed. He seems conflicted if anything. He may very well be attracted to you but doesn't want to mess with his brother's girlfriend, and for good reason!

[BTDT2012]

This man has a wife. Don't encourage this behavior.

[stillafool]

Honestly I would never want a relationship with him. It's only a sexual attraction for me. And like I said I wouldn't be adverse to it but I am probably not ballsy enough to act on it. I just wanted other people's opinions on his behaviour.

 

Well I hope not! BTW, the first step you need to take is to break up with your bf because he doesn't need a gf who is lusting after his brother.

[stillafool]

This man has a wife. Don't encourage this behavior.

 

Not only his wife (who would probably slap her face); but he has a brother who would be destroyed.

[anika99]

You want to cheat on your bf by screwing his married brother? That's a really low class, sleazy plan. Do you care one bit how this would destroy the brother's wife and your bf, not to mention the upset it would cause that entire family? Do you care about anyone other than yourself?

 

If you want to cheat on your bf then it is time for you to break up with him and then stay away from everyone in his family.There are plenty of fish in the sea so you don't need to be dating married men who are part of your bfs family.

[ChickiePops]

I know he's not technically it's just easier for writing out on my phone lol

 

I don't think I'd be adverse to it if I thought he felt the same way

 

Gross. Why would you do this to your boyfriend, his sister in law, and their kids?

 

Be a lady, not a pig.

[sandylee1]

Have you ever heard of boundaries? He's your boyfriend's brother FFS. Do you really want to go down this road?

 

This is their life and their family, not the Jerry Spinger show.

 

You clearly don't love your BF if you're happy to have sex with his brother. Leave the whole family alone.

[aileD]

[]

 

Why don't you just break up with your boyfriend? You don't seem care about him anyway if you're spending all this time getting to know his married brother.

Edited October 27, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Relentless1]

I know it's not right to lust after him, God I actually used to really dislike him at one point myself. It's only because of his staring etc that has caused this attraction and you can't help who you like. I don't want to destroy his family or mine. Ive never cheated on my bf and its only within the past year the thoughts have entered my mind as we are having problems. The only thing I would want is a one time thing at the most with no one finding out. But I don't even know if that's a possibility which is why I came here to ask what people thought about his behaviour, I didn't ask if it is morally right because I know it is not.

[ShatteredLady]

Is your daughter from a previous relationship?

[MidnightBlue1980]

I know it's not right to lust after him, God I actually used to really dislike him at one point myself. It's only because of his staring etc that has caused this attraction and you can't help who you like. I don't want to destroy his family or mine. Ive never cheated on my bf and its only within the past year the thoughts have entered my mind as we are having problems. The only thing I would want is a one time thing at the most with no one finding out. But I don't even know if that's a possibility which is why I came here to ask what people thought about his behaviour, I didn't ask if it is morally right because I know it is not.

 

If you want to play around (and honestly I am in no position to judge) go meet someone in a club or online, not your bf's brother. That is yuck, like screwing your own brother. I am picturing my BILs now or my SIL's husband and ewww. It may not be incestuous but it's just really Jerry Springer like. And I love me some Jerry Springer but I would not want to be ON Jerry Springer.

[Relentless1]

My daughter is my bfs child.

 

The thing is I don't want to just cheat on him. I do love him but I don't always feel he does me which is where the problems stem from. It's only BIL I'm getting attracted to.

 

Can anyone take a guess at his intentions?

[ChickiePops]

I know it's not right to lust after him, God I actually used to really dislike him at one point myself. It's only because of his staring etc that has caused this attraction and you can't help who you like. I don't want to destroy his family or mine. Ive never cheated on my bf and its only within the past year the thoughts have entered my mind as we are having problems. The only thing I would want is a one time thing at the most with no one finding out. But I don't even know if that's a possibility which is why I came here to ask what people thought about his behaviour, I didn't ask if it is morally right because I know it is not.

 

You cannot control who you're attracted to but you sure as hell can control who you spread your legs for.

 

If you cannot muster up the strength to care about your boyfriend or anyone else in his family, at least try to muster up the strength to be a decent person for your daughter.

[Grapesofwrath]

Let's say, yes, he totally wants you.

 

How would knowing that help the situation? This is a disaster waiting to happen.

 

Ew. Just ew.

[Hummingbird17]

I think you are way reading into his actions or lack of actions. Maybe he is looking at you because you are always looking at him, trying to have longer conversations with him etc. He maybe trying to figure out what your issue is, and have may have already talked to his wife about it, so I'd be careful.

 

If you and your bf are having problems, I'd try working on that or leaving, not worrying about whether some guy who ignores you half the time is interested in you.

 

Are you a SAHM? Do you work outside the home or have regular interactions with other adults regularly? Maybe the attraction is growing because of proximity.

 

Leave it alone.

[whichwayisup]

Honestly I would never want a relationship with him. It's only a sexual attraction for me. And like I said I wouldn't be adverse to it but I am probably not ballsy enough to act on it. I just wanted other people's opinions on his behaviour.

 

Probably not ballsy to act upon it? Say NOT going to act upon it.

 

You have a boyfriend and your bf's brother is MARRIED. Lusting after and wondering if your brother in law likes or hates you, finds you sexy or not should not matter. This is all ego related and a game. A game that will end your relationship and cause many problems in the family. Fact that YOUR bf has noticed this too, is something you have to pay attention to - Focus on HIM only and not your brother in law. Who cares if he finds you attractive. Neither of you are available to act up on it, so please forget it and try not to over think this.

[stillafool]

My daughter is my bfs child.

 

The thing is I don't want to just cheat on him. I do love him but I don't always feel he does me which is where the problems stem from. It's only BIL I'm getting attracted to.

 

Can anyone take a guess at his intentions?

 

Yes. He's probably wondering why you keep staring at him? Has that crossed your mind? He probably knows you want him and is enjoying the attention at his wife and brothers expense. Really, if you have thoughts about a one night stand with your BIL you need to break up with your bf. It's just plain wrong and I don't see you changing your desire for BIL. All of us have told you how disgusing your thoughts are about him and the next thing you want to know is:

 

Can anyone take a guess at his intentions?

[ChickiePops]

I predict that this poster is going to go ahead and sleep with the BIL no matter what anyone here says, as nothing seems to matter to her but getting her muffin buttered. Not even her own child.