sandylee1 Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 Unfortunately, one can never baby sit the spouse no matter what. And I really feel bad that ex married man and I put her in that situation but I cannot redo the past no matter what. All I can do is to apologize and remain no contact from her husband. I know it's true. I certainly wouldn't or couldn't be in a marriage where I had to police my husband, let alone to the point of getting a job where the whole affair began. No man is worth that kind of stress. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Forever broken Posted October 28, 2016 Author Share Posted October 28, 2016 & it probably is. however -- it's also natural to be more forgiving towards someone you know, have good memories & history with... than to someone you've never met before & who did you ONLY wrong in life. her NOT accepting your apology is as honest as you'll get... i'm sure you meant well but in the end - those are just empty words that hold no value, especially in the eyes of the BS. you should change your job or go to the HR -- IF something happens. i understand the fear but you're acting on your assumptions and panic right now. Well you are right. She was honest to admit she will never accept my apology. But I don't blame her and I accepted that. Hope one day things change for the better. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Author Forever broken Posted October 28, 2016 Author Share Posted October 28, 2016 We are blamed all the time, as OW and BS. I took the heat from BS because MM was too weak to resist me because of my pursuits and BS million things she was doing wrong. She was so happy he was giving their marriage another chance. Go chew on that!! But not all women are the same. I am not mad at my H's eOW. He texted her, started it up and pursued yes. Yes we were having problems, yes she knew he was married and tried to get him to leave me, but all is fair in love and war. From what I heard (he ran into her) she has a boyfriend and bought a house. She does hate him though, forever. That bothers him as "she knew I was married". Men. My H says infidelity is like a suit of clothes you have hanging in the back of your closet. You see it every day and it's an active choice whether or not to put it on. We all have the potential to be a darker version of ourselves. I understand how you feel. I took a lot from the betrayed spouse because I needed her to release her anger. I kept quiet throughout the whole ordeal. Hope everything works out for them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Forever broken Posted October 28, 2016 Author Share Posted October 28, 2016 needing a job? wanting to work...? i'm not staying unemployed & refusing a GOOD position that satisfies me because my husband's xOW works where i WANT to work. screw that. Hey I guess who can blame her. We all need money to survive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Forever broken Posted October 28, 2016 Author Share Posted October 28, 2016 Is there any way that the jobs all of you do...be scheduled in a separate way? maybe different shifts. Making contact as little as it can be... I think as time goes on, it won't feel so uncomfortable for all of you, life is a very long time, things could change. They could leave the job, you might, who knows right now keep visual and in your face contact to the bare minimal. I think apologizing to the BS is admiral, not a lot of OW do this....I think you are owning your part and that is good step to your healing and you regaining your integrity in this situation and in life. It is just another situation where an affair hurts everything and everyone involved. All you can do is act with integrity compassion and calmness...... If the BS acts inappropriately, don't take the bait......just say your sorry for hurting her and walk away..... We work the same shift but different departments. I have come to realize affairs can cause a lot of damage. Thanks very much for your input. I will act right with her and hope with time she will find in her hurt to forgive me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Forever broken Posted October 28, 2016 Author Share Posted October 28, 2016 I never received an apology from my WH's MOW. The closest thing to an apology I got was "I feel very sorry for you." I think it is good you apologized. You didn't need to and it shows compassion. I know you know it wasn't right to start a R with a MM and it is relevant in your posts. Am sorry you never got an apology. Hope someday you do get it. But I do apologize on her behalf. We all make mistakes and yes some mistakes are avoidable. I know, sorry doesn't work all the time but hopefully you accept my apologies. Hope you find peace for what you have been true. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 We work the same shift but different departments. I have come to realize affairs can cause a lot of damage. Thanks very much for your input. I will act right with her and hope with time she will find in her hurt to forgive me. She may forgive you in her own way, a private way and there's a good chance she won't tell you. She doesn't owe you anything so please don't expect or wait for her to come to you to forgive you. Just keep your distance. Chances are you won't run into her too often since you work in different areas/departments. If her H, your exMM tries to speak to you, ignore him. Most of all, forgive yourself. Don't look back. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts