Grapesofwrath Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 A quick update from my world. I've been posting here at LS since March, 2015. At that time, I was up to my neck in an A that I knew was wrong and wanted to end. It took me a while to gather my strength to end it, and I was not successful the first time. It took longer than it should have. (Well, honestly, it never should have happened in the first place but that's another thread.) Now, 19 months later, I am firmly NC with no desire whatsoever to revisit that chapter of my life. I wouldn't want him under any circumstances, and know that as well as I know my own name. I had finally gotten to a place of feeling comfortable on my own. At peace being single and having fun with friends/family. Dating sometimes, but not with any kind of set agenda. I recently met someone wonderful. We are a very good fit, and he is single as he can be. We see each other when we want to, can spend the night together, can be in each other's homes. We can meet each other's friends and family. I can get in touch with him any time. He asked me about my holiday plans because it would be nice to spend some of the holidays together (we both have kids, so we'll work around their schedule.) Yesterday was his birthday. We spent the day together. His sister called to send her best wishes, and he put me on the phone with her. I'm not telling you all that to gloat. I'm telling you all that because I want you to know that you can end this painful situation and find yourself a single man who will be yours and yours alone. Maybe this relationship will run its course and we won't be together a year from now, but it doesn't matter. He is available. We can be transparent with the world. I am not some dirty little secret. He respects me and it shows. He has regard for me, and it shows. He wants to invite me into his life, and that feels amazing. 31 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 Grapes, Congratulations. And one of the great things for you is that you can enter into this relationship with this man no being a cheater yourself at its inception because you are not going to leave your new boyfriend and go have sex with another man that he does not know about. Glad you succeeded Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 Wishing you all the best life has to offer. Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 A quick update from my world. I've been posting here at LS since March, 2015. At that time, I was up to my neck in an A that I knew was wrong and wanted to end. It took me a while to gather my strength to end it, and I was not successful the first time. It took longer than it should have. (Well, honestly, it never should have happened in the first place but that's another thread.) Now, 19 months later, I am firmly NC with no desire whatsoever to revisit that chapter of my life. I wouldn't want him under any circumstances, and know that as well as I know my own name. I had finally gotten to a place of feeling comfortable on my own. At peace being single and having fun with friends/family. Dating sometimes, but not with any kind of set agenda. I recently met someone wonderful. We are a very good fit, and he is single as he can be. We see each other when we want to, can spend the night together, can be in each other's homes. We can meet each other's friends and family. I can get in touch with him any time. He asked me about my holiday plans because it would be nice to spend some of the holidays together (we both have kids, so we'll work around their schedule.) Yesterday was his birthday. We spent the day together. His sister called to send her best wishes, and he put me on the phone with her. I'm not telling you all that to gloat. I'm telling you all that because I want you to know that you can end this painful situation and find yourself a single man who will be yours and yours alone. Maybe this relationship will run its course and we won't be together a year from now, but it doesn't matter. He is available. We can be transparent with the world. I am not some dirty little secret. He respects me and it shows. He has regard for me, and it shows. He wants to invite me into his life, and that feels amazing. So glad you posted this! One of my male customers triggered the heck out of me tonight (he's an arrogant, rude POS), and it sent me into a tailspin thinking about MM. Not sure why my emotions and thoughts went that direction, but your post made me feel peace. My last contact to MM was 38 days ago, and MM to me was 27 days ago. Finally this week I've been just about to my normal, happy self that I haven't felt in soooo long since MM. I felt peace wash over me after reading your bolded statement above--the peace I was feeling before crappy customer interrupted it by triggering me...thank you! Congratualtions on your new love! Wish you much success and happiness with him! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 Oh my God grapes, I'm so happy for you!!!! Well done! I've always followed all your posts, they were so well written and so eloquent. I've always admired you so much. But my question is, how did you find a (new) guy like that? I've always been comfortable being on my own and single, however, I loved having that one guy who is - despite being committed to somebody else - doting on me and spoiling me and at the same time I had all my freedom in the world, because how on earth would he be able to ever make any demands with regards to my situation? And the sad thing is, I don't even want to date anybody else or go out with anybody else, because I really liked him a lot and I wasn't interested in any of the other guys. Now that it's over the only thing I can think about is how great of a time we had. And I miss him. But at the same time i've never been able to picture ourselves in a real open official relationship. Because that would've been different, even maybe boring (??) - just a situation that might have not benefited us. On the other hand, being alone is almost worse. So I'm really not sure how to cope. I'm TJing. Sorry.... Anyways, kudos to you, and good luck with the new guy. And keep us posted in case the affair guy is coming back fishing...... Link to post Share on other sites
Bambi1234 Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 Congratulations! Im having a bad day today and your post gives so much hope! I miss him, but I know I miss the person I thought he was and the idea of the future he promised. Ive been no contact since dday and he totally threw me under the bus. Big hugs to you! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grapesofwrath Posted October 27, 2016 Author Share Posted October 27, 2016 Congratulations! Im having a bad day today and your post gives so much hope! I miss him, but I know I miss the person I thought he was and the idea of the future he promised. Ive been no contact since dday and he totally threw me under the bus. Big hugs to you! Bambi: I was thinking of you, and LillyP and a few others when I wrote this post. You really can do it. It's not easy. It hurts. It's difficult to stay the course. There will be tears. But the only way out is through. And once you're through, the world is such a better place. I can't emphasize this enough. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grapesofwrath Posted October 27, 2016 Author Share Posted October 27, 2016 Oh my God grapes, I'm so happy for you!!!! Well done! I've always followed all your posts, they were so well written and so eloquent. I've always admired you so much. But my question is, how did you find a (new) guy like that? I've always been comfortable being on my own and single, however, I loved having that one guy who is - despite being committed to somebody else - doting on me and spoiling me and at the same time I had all my freedom in the world, because how on earth would he be able to ever make any demands with regards to my situation? And the sad thing is, I don't even want to date anybody else or go out with anybody else, because I really liked him a lot and I wasn't interested in any of the other guys. Now that it's over the only thing I can think about is how great of a time we had. And I miss him. But at the same time i've never been able to picture ourselves in a real open official relationship. Because that would've been different, even maybe boring (??) - just a situation that might have not benefited us. On the other hand, being alone is almost worse. So I'm really not sure how to cope. I'm TJing. Sorry.... Anyways, kudos to you, and good luck with the new guy. And keep us posted in case the affair guy is coming back fishing...... Thank you, Minnie, for those kind words. That made my day. How did I meet him? Just dumb luck. I was going with a dear old friend to see a lecture (it sold out immediately, but another friend offered me tickets just a couple days before...so the luck started there). We decided to duck into a pub for an hour or two to watch a playoff baseball game beforehand. (I love baseball. Huge fan. She isn't that into it, but was willing to humor me.) I had never been there before. And there he was, watching the same game with one of his friends. He chatted me up. I gave him my phone number. He texted me, and there you have it. (In a world full of OLD, meeting in a pub sounds so wholesome!) He is just the cutest and I totally dig him!! Don't get me wrong, he is a complicated guy with scars from life, too. That's part of why I like him. He's a flawed human, like me. I think the main takeaway, for me, is that if you are secure and happy in yourself, you can't lose. Then you just pick up your chin, look around, and see what there is in the world. Eventually something will catch your eye. And if it doesn't, you are still secure and happy in yourself. To respond to your last bit...the xMM has been trying lately to get in touch by sending emails to my work email address. I can't really block them, but I figured out how to send straight to spam. The ones I have seen are asking about my career. Anyone who has spent 5 minutes reading this site knows what they're really about, and I am grateful to this "community" for educating me so I never spent a moment wondering if it meant anything other than what it actually means: An attempt to restart the A because it works for him, regardless of what it did to me. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyp32 Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 Grapes, thank you for this post! I keep coming back and reading it when I feel a little lost in all of this. Grieving the loss of both the A and my marriage simultaneously has been emotionally draining even though I know it's best that they both ended. Your post has given me hope and a new sense of resolve. It's made me see that there is light at the end of this dark tunnel and that I will be ok if I keep on pushing through! So thanks, you're the best 4 Link to post Share on other sites
HeCantBreakMe Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 Best darn story ever!! Honestly - you keep bragging. You broke out of something unhealthy, made yourself a better person, and now you are in a healthy loving relationship. This is something to BRAG about !! We all know the depths of despair caused by affairs and it is wonderful to see someone who made it and is living happy and authentically.:bunny: Thank you for sharing this story. I want to read more of these. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 Good for you that xMM messages go directly to trash. You are handling those unsolicited messages the best possible way. Don't even reply telling him to get lost. That would just pique his interest. The opposite of love is indifference. You have reached the point of indifference. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 WOW WOWO WOWOWOW WOOO and more! Grapes I am overjoyed to read you wonderful email. How wonderful to have found a lovely guy who found you in a pub, just like people used to. What you describe is just what I would like in the future... somebody who will invite me into his life and not be afraid to be seen anywhere with me. It has given me heart to go from 7 months NC to forever. Thank you so much Poppy. XXX 1 Link to post Share on other sites
afoolto no end Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 I am so proud of you Grapes, everyone here knows how difficult it is to be in an affair or to be a bs or have your life turned upside down by an affair.... You stood up for yourself, you made yourself worth more than him, that is a great start for your life to keep getting better, being a you, you can respect yourself.... You keep on going one day at a time, take your time and learn how to listen and love better ....you will be amazed how happy it will make you..... The life you had before was not a life, the freedom of not being stuck there must feel great. so proud of you......stay strong girl......... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grapesofwrath Posted October 28, 2016 Author Share Posted October 28, 2016 I know that I have mentioned this in various posts on this forum, but I'd like to be clear: I have been on all sides of his horror show. 1) Long-distance exit EA from my marriage. There was a D-Day. 2) Boyfriend who was a serial cheater. Ended the relationship after catching him FOR THE THIRD TIME. 3) OW for 17 months, ended it before D-day. I have come to the conclusion that cheating sucks, no matter how you slice it. There is no good outcome and no winners. I wish I could have learned this without firsthand experience, but I didn't. I've still got many years left on this earth, and now I know, and will behave accordingly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 I know that I have mentioned this in various posts on this forum, but I'd like to be clear: I have been on all sides of his horror show. 1) Long-distance exit EA from my marriage. There was a D-Day. 2) Boyfriend who was a serial cheater. Ended the relationship after catching him FOR THE THIRD TIME. 3) OW for 17 months, ended it before D-day. I have come to the conclusion that cheating sucks, no matter how you slice it. There is no good outcome and no winners. I wish I could have learned this without firsthand experience, but I didn't. I've still got many years left on this earth, and now I know, and will behave accordingly. Sometimes we have to experience these things to learn. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Adoraxx Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 So happy for you, Grapes!! Hugs!! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts