JQM Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 I don't know where to start but I will try to make this as short as possible. So I have been in a relationship with someone for about 3+ years (not married). Everything was going good until I found my self being attracted to someone else who I met through work. Me and this person from work started talking and we both knew that we were in serious relationships, we began to go on lunch dates and what not and on one of those days we shared a kiss. I felt so guilty, yet I wanted more.... as I am writing this I feel like a bad person for even thinking that way. I have always been a loyal person and never have I cheated. So yes I became that person I guess, well things with the person from work got a little too tempting and so that happened. After that happened me and my co worker agreed to keep it strictly as FWB no feelings attached as we both want to keep our relationships. I know I feel bad, why even be in a relationship if I keep doing this? that is what I am having trouble understanding..... and why did my co worker agree to the same thing knowing they are in a relationship? I have been having so many mixed feelings I sometimes feel that I am beginning to have feelings for this other person and that I am losing feelings for my actual partner. Things with the co worker are absolutely so spontaneous and I love that. I know we both agreed not to catch feelings but I think I may have or I just really enjoy their companionship. But honestly I don't know, it could just be that this other person is both good in bed and personality wise I don't know. I just feel like complete **** for being in this position. Part of me wants to break up with my partner just because I don't want to continue lying... as for my co worker I think I just want to keep what we have while it lasts. As my co worker recently told me that our "thing" must end soon, and I am totally okay with that. I think my co worker helped me discover a new side of me that I my self did not know existed. I think if both of us were not in a relationship things could have been different. ...................... But again, I know I still love my partner... Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 You are a complete **** for doing this. You need to stop. If you are a woman, you will continue to "Catch Feelings" the more that you have sex. It is the way that it is. This happens for some men as well. If neither is married, just brake up already. And if you don't want to break up quit the affair. You will continue to feel bad about what you are doing because you know that it is wrong. You are both doing it because you want some strange, which is OK if you are single. But not OK if you are in a Monogamous relationship. Which you both are. Honestly, either break up with your SO's, or quit the affair. You really don't want to be this person, trust me on that one. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 It takes at least 1 1/2 to 2 years to know if you are a match wuth someone. So, unless you and your partner are like teens/early 20s and mutually decided to wait to move forward (cuz college, finances, etc.), it appears that you don't care much for your 3 year person and this workplace affair is a symptom of it. Maybe it's time for you to make a decision as to where you wanna go this point forward with your 3 year person. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 To put it straight, you are cheating. There! I removed the sugar coating. The candy wrapper is off. How does it sound now. Think about it and decide. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 Lets go back to your actual relationship, you've said very little about it. What stage is it at after 3 years? I mean clearly you should end this affair if you want to continue the relationship, but what besides attraction drove you to cheat? What is holding back your relationship after 3 years? Maybe you should just break off your relationship, but don't be surprised if your affair partner doesn't want to put in the effort of dating a single girl, but his relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 I don't know where to start but I will try to make this as short as possible. So I have been in a relationship with someone for about 3+ years (not married). Everything was going good until I found my self being attracted to someone else who I met through work. Me and this person from work started talking and we both knew that we were in serious relationships, we began to go on lunch dates and what not and on one of those days we shared a kiss. I felt so guilty, yet I wanted more.... as I am writing this I feel like a bad person for even thinking that way. I have always been a loyal person and never have I cheated. So yes I became that person I guess, well things with the person from work got a little too tempting and so that happened. After that happened me and my co worker agreed to keep it strictly as FWB no feelings attached as we both want to keep our relationships. I know I feel bad, why even be in a relationship if I keep doing this? that is what I am having trouble understanding..... and why did my co worker agree to the same thing knowing they are in a relationship? I have been having so many mixed feelings I sometimes feel that I am beginning to have feelings for this other person and that I am losing feelings for my actual partner. Things with the co worker are absolutely so spontaneous and I love that. I know we both agreed not to catch feelings but I think I may have or I just really enjoy their companionship. But honestly I don't know, it could just be that this other person is both good in bed and personality wise I don't know. I just feel like complete **** for being in this position. Part of me wants to break up with my partner just because I don't want to continue lying... as for my co worker I think I just want to keep what we have while it lasts. As my co worker recently told me that our "thing" must end soon, and I am totally okay with that. I think my co worker helped me discover a new side of me that I my self did not know existed. I think if both of us were not in a relationship things could have been different. ...................... But again, I know I still love my partner... Cheating is easy because there are no "dailies" with that person. No household demands, no responsibilities -- just fun and excitement. You have been in a committed relationship with a woman for 3 years! Either you communicate with her to discover and address whatever issues there are that are causing you to turn away from it and attempt to rebuild that relationship or you decide right now to end things with your girlfriend. why did my co worker agree to the same thing knowing they are in a relationship? -- well, you're doing the same thing . . . and the answer is lack of vision and insight for the future and the consequences of poor decisions and behavior. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 (edited) Hi JQM, from the way you have written I'm getting the sense that you are a man. That makes your AP a woman. The thing is that you have been a bit opaque about some things. Firstly, does your relationship mean that your partner is your fiancee or are you just dating but have not made any commitments yet? What about your AP? Is she her partner's fiancee or are they, like you, in a relationship where they are just dating but have not committed firmly to each other? Irrespective of the above status, since your relationships are serious as per your statement, that makes you both cheaters as mikeylo said. Certainly both of you ate not really invested enough in your relationships to be doing what you are doing. Inspire of your saying that the two of you have agreed to a strictly FWB arrangement and do not want feelings to creep in, the feelings are already there. Either both of you are born cheaters or neither of you are really deeply invested in your relationships. This kind of thing is not happening after years of a boring and colourless marriage where kids are involved and all the attending problems of a long term relationship are present. This is happening when your primary relationship is still fairly nascent and the real heavy baggage of marriage has not been encountered. How long has your affair been going on? My suggestion would be to have a very serious talk with your AP immediately and ask her if she has the stirrings of any feelings for you. You already seem to have them. Ask her if she sees a future with you and introspect yourself on whether you think there is a future with her. If both of you are clear that there is no future for you two then break off the affair and concentrate on your primary relationships. If both of you feel there is a possible future for the two of you then be kind to your primary partners, confess to them and break off your relationship with them. Remember, you don't want to be that person who cheats on his partner. Hope you decide wisely and do the right thing. Edited October 27, 2016 by Just a Guy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JQM Posted November 2, 2016 Author Share Posted November 2, 2016 Dear all thank you for all of the feedback it was much needed. So a few of you had some questions and some comments that I would like to clarify. Yes I am a man and me and my SO are in our early 20's and I am currently attending college. Yes we have both mutually decided not to move in together until I am finished with school. Our relationship has been really great but pretty rocky lately as we have been arguing a lot lately, I feel like we have drifted apart, our goals are not the same and those butterflies are slowly going away. Just to be clear this was all happening before I started talking to my co worker. I am not sure if this happens to other men or women but I am beginning to feel that I maybe want to be alone. I love my SO but I don't know what drove me to cheat ....that is not love!!! I have been having this affair with my co worker for about 3 months now. Terrible I know. someone asked about my co workers situation, yes they are also in a committed relationship and are not married. She claims that he is perfect and that they are in love (btw she is older than me). I don't know if I have the courage to confess this to my SO, things are already rocky as is.But I love her and I must make a decision.................. Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted November 2, 2016 Share Posted November 2, 2016 I've been in your shoes JQM. If you want to be not completely embarrassed about your handling of the current situation you break up with your GF right now. It's ok. Really. Early 20 RS do not generally last and that fine. RS that start out as affairs do not usually last and turn out to be great RS either. You should end the affair as well and just focus on becoming a respectable, decent human being. It's very difficult, but the only thing that really matters in our lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JQM Posted November 2, 2016 Author Share Posted November 2, 2016 Umirano thanks man I appreciate your advice, now since you mentioned it I guess this situation is a lot more common than I thought. It is not a situation I thought I would be, but I think this has a lot to do because we are both still growing and our minds are a bit different than from when we met. You are right I hope my GF understands but it looks like I am going to have to go on that route. And as for the co worker I do have feelings for this person idk they just make me feel like I am still a fun person to be around and its different But I know It will no go anywhere so I must end that as well.... gees I really made a mess of my self and I feel so terrible about it. especially for my GF she deserves better. Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted November 2, 2016 Share Posted November 2, 2016 JQM....is there anyone else in your world other than yourself? Not only are you cheating on your SO (the one that you claim to love) but you are also stomping on another man....P*ss poor example of morals and ethics IMO. You're young and someday you'll know what its like to have another step on you this way and maybe just maybe you'll learn to be respectful of other people....actually you and the AP deserve each other....if cheaters just stayed with theyre own, those of us who have the ability to say, thanks but no, wouldn't have to deal with this type of behavior..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 2, 2016 Share Posted November 2, 2016 You love your SO but you are no longer in love with your SO. Your relationship has run it's course, but instead of doing the right thing, you just escaped with an affair. There is no point in continuing your relationship because the guilt will just eat you alive. Man up and just end it already. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts