murcielago03 Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 (edited) About a year and half ago I started seeing a girl from my office. The backstory is we always had a friendly relationship with each other and she was coming fresh off a 3 year relationship. One cold winter day we're having a conversation and I made a joke how we should just fly south for the long weekend and avoid the upcoming storm. To my amazement she said 'let's do it then'. Now, I've had a crush on her since the day I met her and saw this as an opportunity to get closer to her. So naturally, I said OK and we booked and went just like that! We had an amazing 3 days and both of us mutually expressed our admiration for each other and how much we enjoyed each other's company. We literally spent the whole time talking (and yes there was a lot of sex). I was completely smitten. After we get back, I decide to take my foot off the gas and play it cool. I didn't text for for 2 days since we get back and then she eventually texts me talking about how much fun she had with me and wants to see me again (outside of work). This led to us eventually spending more and more time with each other. With both of us completely head over heels for each other, her birthday was coming up and I booked us a trip to New Orleans (I told her in advance I was so she could make necessary arrangements). I noticed a week prior to leaving she had grown to be somewhat distant with me, taking longer to answer texts, canceling plans etc, I naively disregarded and thought the trip would get us back on track. The trip turned out to be a mess, she was super emotional, crying all the time, especially when she looked at me. Told me how no one ever stays in her life, that she's broken...etc. We were able to salvage the rest of the trip and ended it on a high note so I thought, with her not letting go of my hand the entire flight home and making plans together for the following weekend. That's not what ended up happening. After that we get back she virtually stops texting me and when she does her replies are cold, basically a complete 180 from the flight. Eventually I ask what's going on and she tells me she's seeing her ex again and wants for us to remain friends etc. I'm completely heartbroken and upset for how she decided to handle it, but I try to be as empathetic as possible and tell her that I understand, tell her how special I think she is and wish her well. I was only seeing her for 2 months but it hurt more than some long term relationships I had which ended. Since then I didn't date or see anyone seriously. I clearly wasn't over her, which was insane consider how short our time together was. Seeing her around the office also made it that much more difficult. But whenever we did cross paths, it was always pleasant with no animosity. Fast forward to last month and she randomly messages me asking why I never text her anymore, to break the ice again. Tells me she broke up with the ex for good and said she missed me. Even though I waited a year and a half to hear her say that I couldn't let her know that. We slowly start texting more and eventually start hanging out. But I wasn’t about to make the same mistake as I did the first time and proceeded with absolute caution. For the past month we’ve seen each other outside of work four times and the relationship has been very casual (we only slept to together once in the four times) but we’re very touchy with each other during those other times. We text each other probably 2–3 times a week and it’s usually pretty casual lighthearted stuff. Completely different how we are with each other now than how we were during those two months. I’m pretty apprehensive and I think for good reason. So, we’re clearly not dating or anything. If anything we’re just friends with benefits. The other night we’re watching tv and her phone buzzes and I see she gets a notification from Tinder, doesn’t try to hide it or anything. So, she’s actively dating and this obviously hurts me. I'm honestly so confused and dont know what to do. Any advice is appreciated. Edited October 27, 2016 by murcielago03 Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 I think you were a rebound, sorry. That probably explains her hot and cold behaviour. When she just broke up you were there to help her forget about her ex. I would back off unless you're fine with being fwb. She's dating so it's very likely that won't last long, and she'll replace you with a new guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author murcielago03 Posted October 27, 2016 Author Share Posted October 27, 2016 Yes, I figured I'm probably the rebound but her ex was also a rebound that ended up lasting almost 5 years. Is it worth fighting for? Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 Yes, I figured I'm probably the rebound but her ex was also a rebound that ended up lasting almost 5 years. Is it worth fighting for? No, fight for what? She's playing ping pong with you guys. And should've made her work a lot harder than some texts to say she missed you. I mean this is the same woman who didn't have the decency to tell you she was seeing her ex again. Now she knows she can bounce back at will and you'll linger around waiting for her text. Be cautious because she may do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
40somethingGuy Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 No, fight for what? She's playing ping pong with you guys. And should've made her work a lot harder than some texts to say she missed you. I mean this is the same woman who didn't have the decency to tell you she was seeing her ex again. Now she knows she can bounce back at will and you'll linger around waiting for her text. Be cautious because she may do it again. Send her a video of u having sex with another woman. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 I think you need to just talk to her about your own feelings, without getting too carried away. Something like, Pam, I'm really glad you're not seeing your ex anymore, but even though we weren't seeing each other that long, it did bother me when you called it off. I'm a man. To be honest, I don't want to just be friends with you. I don't want to be a placeholder until your ex comes back or a new guy comes along. Do you care enough about me to get serious? Because I don't want to just be wasting time and getting attached again and then you change your mind. Link to post Share on other sites
AlexIvlew Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 Ñïàñèáî! Link to post Share on other sites
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