In a Jam

[Power_Forward]

Hello everyone. So I had a situation occur recently that is really weighing on my conscience. I don't know where to turn at this point. If you can give me some pointers on how to resolve this, I'm all ears.

 

I am a male, 20 years old, and I am a sophomore in college. I currently share a house with one of my best friends and another friend. Well anyways we're always hanging out here and partying, my roommates and their GFs, people from school, etc. My buddy's GF is over here all the time, whether or not he is here. She studies in his room and whatnot.

 

So one day I am at the house by myself just taking it easy as I don't have class that day, and my roomates are in class. About 1:30 my roommates GF comes over. She is my age about 20 yo. I say what's up and she goes into his room and closes the door, so I assume she is just studying or whatever like usual.

 

About an hour goes by and I get up and walk to my room to get something. As I'm walking down the hall my buddy's GF comes out of his room completely naked and passes me in the hall. She looks me right in the eyes with a big smile on her face and says "Hi!". Like that, and walked down the hall to the bathroom. I hear the shower come on and she starts taking a shower.

 

At this point I was really confused. I didn't know what to make of why she did that. She comes over a lot and uses the house but never walks around naked or anything. It turned me on, I will admit, but also it made me feel uncomfortable. So I just went about my business and walked back into the living room and went back to watching tv.

 

After about 10 minutes I hear her come out of the bathroom and go back into my buddy's room. I wanted to forget about the whole thing, but in my mind I could not stop picturing her naked. I got up and walked to my room and as I passed my buddy's room I saw her in there drying herself with her towel, again, totally naked.

 

I stopped outside of her room and was looking at her. She turned around and saw me and looked directly at me, but she didn't close the door, she just kept drying herself off, smiling.

 

At that point I went into her room and had sex with her.

 

It was pretty quick, about 5-6 minutes. Afterwards we didn't say anything, I felt really bad and left the room quickly and went back to my room. A couple hours went by and my buddy came back from class and I heard him and his GF talking. Later we all were hanging out drinking and everything seemed fine.

 

The more days that pass the more this bothers me. I don't know if I should come clean with my friend and tell him what I did, or just keep quiet about it. I don't know what good confessing this would do. My buddy's GF hasn't brought it up at all, she just kinda smiles at me when nobody is looking. It's weird. I'm worried that I will do it again and what might happen if my friend finds out. I'm an idiot, I know. But it you have any advice I could use it.

 

Thanks,

Dave

Edited October 27, 2016 by Power_Forward

[Herbalist]

My advice is to find a new place to live, and also make do what you can to make things right by confessing to the guy so that he knows the truth of his girlfriend, otherwise she might get him sick and such. Even if you waited until after you moved out to tell him, it would still be better than not telling him at all.

[Power_Forward]

My advice is to find a new place to live, and also make do what you can to make things right by confessing to the guy so that he knows the truth of his girlfriend, otherwise she might get him sick and such. Even if you waited until after you moved out to tell him, it would still be better than not telling him at all.

 

I'm on the lease here until May 2017. I hear what your saying. I just don't know if the consequences of telling the truth are worth it. I would probably lose one of my best friends, I would break up their relationship probably, although maybe not. Is the truth always worth it? I don't know.

[Herbalist]

Well, you seem to only be thinking of yourself. The money you would still owe on the lease. Not wanting to lose a friend for yourself. Choosing sex over being an actual friend to him. And so on. If you only care for yourself then you would keep quiet in order to try to avoid the consequences. But if your character is important to you, then you should tell him. Because someone who cheats on their partner especially in such a way as you describe, is a sinister person who cannot be trusted.

 

For the sake of your friend then perhaps I could persuade you to tell him but to try to avoid the consequences to an extent still. You could tell him what happened, and that because he is your friend, you wanted to know if she would really cheat on him or not, and then you found out. But in order for this to fly at all you must tell him immediately. You could think of something that excuses why you waited such as that you wanted to wait until he wouldn't have anything big like an exam coming up or he wouldn't have to be around anyone, in case he would be very upset.

 

I know you seem to ask for advice for yourself but TBH I feel more for your friend so maybe consider a way to tell him the truth even if you do it in a way as to cover your ass a bit.

[PaperCrane]

I'm on the lease here until May 2017. I hear what your saying. I just don't know if the consequences of telling the truth are worth it. I would probably lose one of my best friends, I would break up their relationship probably, although maybe not. Is the truth always worth it? I don't know.

 

I find it funny you call someone a best friend after you have sex with their gf.

 

You didn't have to walk in that room, but you did. If I was he, I'd break your jaw. Not trying to sound all tough online macho man keyboard thumping away, but it'd be my honest reaction. That's not just one, but TWO deep betrayals.

 

My honest advice though still is to tell him, if you consider him one of your best friends, a best friends duty is to inform them of cheating of their SO. The rub here, is that man she cheated with is you.

 

I'd come clean to him ASAP, he may forgive you, or maybe he's a secret cuckold, who knows. If she comes forward first, she'll guaranteed throw you under the bus so fast your head will spin.

 

Being truthful and honest may feel like ****, but in this scenario a bit more than others it's going to be in your best interest to come clean.

[Gloria25]

Boy, is she nasty:sick::sick:

 

A lot of females now a days are just pigs, in one form or another. I mean, if they're not opening up their legs every Tuesday or Thursday, they are overweight and unkept. Geesh, I see the same thing with my student neighbors. The girls come and go like unpaid hookers on rotation.

 

That being said, I say shut up and never tell. He's an idiot to have his gf in an all-guy's place as if she was a dude too. I mean my 26yr old guy wouldn't have me around if his roomies were there and he pretty much did it cuz he didn't wanna treat me like "one of those" girls.

 

I mean how disrespectful of him to have her over so you guy can either see, hear, or infer that they're bumping uglies. Him and her are freakin gross. In other words, he already doesn't think much of her so you telling him about boinking her ain't gonna change anything. Shoot, he might invite you to take turns on her:sick:

 

Also, if you tell and he's dumb enough to have this pig on a pedestal, then till that lease ends, he and her will turn you into enemy #1.

 

Next time control yourself. BTW, maybe you need to go have a STD work up after that encounter.

[PaperCrane]

Boy, is she nasty:sick::sick:

 

A lot of females now a days are just pigs, in one form or another. I mean, if they're not opening up their legs every Tuesday or Thursday, they are overweight and unkept. Geesh, I see the same thing with my student neighbors. The girls come and go like unpaid hookers on rotation.

 

That being said, I say shut up and never tell. He's an idiot to have his gf in an all-guy's place as if she was a dude too. I mean my 26yr old guy wouldn't have me around if his roomies were there and he pretty much did it cuz he didn't wanna treat me like "one of those" girls.

 

I mean how disrespectful of him to have her over so you guy can either see, hear, or infer that they're bumping uglies. Him and her are freakin gross. In other words, he already doesn't think much of her so you telling him about boinking her ain't gonna change anything. Shoot, he might invite you to take turns on her:sick:

 

Also, if you tell and he's dumb enough to have this pig on a pedestal, then till that lease ends, he and her will turn you into enemy #1.

 

Next time control yourself. BTW, maybe you need to go have a STD work up after that encounter.

 

My biggest fear is the roomie and his gf get into a fight and somehow OP gets the old fashioned 'he forced himself on me!' and has an explosive situation to deal with.

 

To OP:

Also, what if they end up heading towards marriage later? Would you be okay with this man marrying a woman who'd cheat on him?

[Rockdad]

I would be concerned if they ever get into a heated argument or fight and she wants to take a kill shot at your buddy and tell him she F'd you. I just saw this scenario once again with someone close to me.

[IfonlyIknew]

Ouch this one is tough. We know not to sh*t in our own backyard yet it happens every so often. First and foremost, trust no one.. I've learned the walls talk, even though you can keep this a secret, the other members made a valid point "the kill shot" during an argument, the "his dick is better than yours anyway" stupid comments are likely to come up. Who would you rather get to him first? I worry if she does she will lie to lighten things up on her end.

[GoreSP]

The right thing to do is tell your friend. Nothing more to it.

 

Who knows maybe they have an open relationship agreement you knew nothing about...if not the poor guy deserves to know his girlfriend will so easily and casually cross the fence...

[PaperCrane]

The right thing to do is tell your friend. Nothing more to it.

 

Who knows maybe they have an open relationship agreement you knew nothing about...if not the poor guy deserves to know his girlfriend will so easily and casually cross the fence...

 

She was rather cavalier about the whole thing. No coyness at all. I brought up the cuckold thing because of just how obvious she was about it.

 

I dunno if this was a driveby posting by the OP, but yes he should tell him.

[Gloria25]

My biggest fear is the roomie and his gf get into a fight and somehow OP gets the old fashioned 'he forced himself on me!' and has an explosive situation to deal with.

 

To OP:

Also, what if they end up heading towards marriage later? Would you be okay with this man marrying a woman who'd cheat on him?

 

Then the OP should send her a 'cover your butt' text or email where he says something like 'hey, what we did was hot, but I can't do that to your bf and let's make sure it doesn't happen again'. But just becareful in the wording. He should start out by complementing her and getting her to text something that shows it was consentual (ie, her texting "Yeah, I liked you too"), then drop the hammer on her that it shouldn't happen again. Then he needs to save those texts to cover himself in case she wants to pull a fast one on him...

[Power_Forward]

Thanks for the advice guys. I have read all of your responses.

 

Well, you seem to only be thinking of yourself. The money you would still owe on the lease. Not wanting to lose a friend for yourself. Choosing sex over being an actual friend to him. And so on. If you only care for yourself then you would keep quiet in order to try to avoid the consequences. But if your character is important to you, then you should tell him. Because someone who cheats on their partner especially in such a way as you describe, is a sinister person who cannot be trusted.

 

For the sake of your friend then perhaps I could persuade you to tell him but to try to avoid the consequences to an extent still. You could tell him what happened, and that because he is your friend, you wanted to know if she would really cheat on him or not, and then you found out. But in order for this to fly at all you must tell him immediately. You could think of something that excuses why you waited such as that you wanted to wait until he wouldn't have anything big like an exam coming up or he wouldn't have to be around anyone, in case he would be very upset.

 

I know you seem to ask for advice for yourself but TBH I feel more for your friend so maybe consider a way to tell him the truth even if you do it in a way as to cover your ass a bit.

 

I see what you're saying. My viewpoint is that it's almost more selfish to confess what I did rather than keep it a secret. I'm kinda screwed either way. If I sit my buddy down and confess, he's gonna go loco, I know he will. He's not gonna see it as a friend "doing the right thing", he's gonna see it as me making a move on his GF, which I really didn't do.

 

Confessing paints me as the initiator, the one who made it happen, which I don't feel is true. She is just as guilty as I am, she enticed me. I didn't set out to have sex with her. But still, she can play the victim and spin it back on me real easy, and he is likely to believe her over me.

 

Second thing is that if I don't tell, you guys are right, she has it in her arsenal for the future, a secret weapon. The way she smiles at me like I said, it's not a nice kind of smile. It's more of a sinister smile, like "haha you can't do anything can you?" like she has control over me and enjoys it.

 

Then the OP should send her a 'cover your butt' text or email where he says something like 'hey, what we did was hot, but I can't do that to your bf and let's make sure it doesn't happen again'. But just becareful in the wording. He should start out by complementing her and getting her to text something that shows it was consentual (ie, her texting "Yeah, I liked you too"), then drop the hammer on her that it shouldn't happen again. Then he needs to save those texts to cover himself in case she wants to pull a fast one on him...

 

I don't like this idea because it leaves a paper trail. Right now it's just my word against hers and I can deny it if it comes down to that. But if I send a text she has evidence and can make me look like the bad guy if she ever decides to tell on me.

 

The thing is, she is hot. She knows she is hot and she knows I think she is hot, and also has my buddy wrapped around her finger to a large extent.

 

You didn't have to walk in that room, but you did. If I was he, I'd break your jaw. Not trying to sound all tough online macho man keyboard thumping away, but it'd be my honest reaction.

 

Thanks for the comments. I found it really hard to walk out of that house in that situation. Logically, I wanted to, it didn't feel right, logically. But just seeing her naked like that, it was like I couldn't do anything. I just went to his room and it happened.

 

And I understand your feelings of rage. I have felt them too as a guy thinking a GF might be cheating on me. We go insane thinking about it, which I why I am even more hesitant to confess.

 

My biggest fear is the roomie and his gf get into a fight and somehow OP gets the old fashioned 'he forced himself on me!' and has an explosive situation to deal with.

 

This boxes me in even more, the more I think about it, the more I see it as impossible to come out clean or even decent if I let this get out. It could be bad, in more ways than one.

 

I'm going to try and do what Gloria25 suggested about the text but just in person. I will talk to her and try to say how much damage this would do and that we have to keep it a secret.

Edited October 27, 2016 by Power_Forward

[PaperCrane]

Oh I get it, it's a ****ty situation. As the man you still have to 'initiate' so she can easily pin you with that.

 

Potential ruined friendships, relationships and housing situation. All this mess for 5 minutes of fun.

 

I detest cheating in the deepest way, probably my old scars flaring up. Normally I'd say you have to do the honorable thing, but maybe it's better to take the path of least damage. Hard to call since I'm not living it.

[Power_Forward]

Oh I get it, it's a ****ty situation. As the man you still have to 'initiate' so she can easily pin you with that.

 

 

yeah you know how it is. especially on college campuses these days with obsession with "obvious" consent and all that. guilty before being proven innocent. this girl is kinda crazy too, I don't know what she might do.

[Space Ritual]

I just don't know if the consequences of telling the truth are worth it. I would probably lose one of my best friends, I would break up their relationship probably, although maybe not. Is the truth always worth it? I don't know.

 

That's not the effing POINT!

 

You are a crappy friend and a worse roommate. If you are man enough to screw this guy's GF then be man enough to face the consequences.

 

Part of being an adult is taking responsibility for our actions REGARDLESS of the outcome.

 

If you even have to ask if the truth is worth it then you probably will have a had time understanding why you are probably going to get the boots put to you. Man alive Kid, you screwed up bigtime. I hope getting the shyte kicked out of you was worth a 6 minute piece of ass.

[Power_Forward]

That's not the effing POINT!

 

You are a crappy friend and a worse roommate. If you are man enough to screw this guy's GF then be man enough to face the consequences.

 

Part of being an adult is taking responsibility for our actions REGARDLESS of the outcome.

 

If you even have to ask if the truth is worth it then you probably will have a had time understanding why you are probably going to get the boots put to you. Man alive Kid, you screwed up bigtime. I hope getting the shyte kicked out of you was worth a 6 minute piece of ass.

 

I get what your saying, don't get me wrong. In a perfect world from an altruistic point of view in a vacuum where I don't have to consider the fallout of future consequences, then yes, your course of action is the right one.

 

However, reality is not so cut and dry. You want me to shoulder ALL the blame for this? To bear the burden of ALL the consequences for a mistake that I was only partially responsible for?

 

Sorry but I may be morally imperfect but I'm not a sucker. I'm not getting played by this girl if I can help it, nor am I putting my head under the guillotine for the sake of martyrdom.

 

I wish I lived in your world where everything is black and white. But I don't.

[salparadise]

My viewpoint is that it's almost more selfish to confess what I did rather than keep it a secret. I'm kinda screwed either way.

 

 

I disagree with the majority. Confession just ain't what it's cracked up to be. Sure it will relieve one kind of pressure, but it would just cause other problems –– not the least of which is that you have to live there with the roommate and there may be some serious hostility.

 

If he were about to walk down the isle with this girl it might be different but if they're just dating he has plenty of time to figure her out. The other scenario, where she might accuse you of something is a lot more likely as a defense than if you just keep your mouth shut.

 

I just don't see any advantage to confessing other than the cathartic relief, and you're right –– that would be for your benefit, not your roommate's.

 

Many of the other posters will cite moral obligation, but the values that they hold are by no means universal, and there is no clear right/wrong answer. I call it moral absolutism –– simple perspectives to complex problems. I'm sure they'll call me a immoral scoundrel for not joining them in the shame fest, but I don't think you should.

 

Reckless, casual sex has been known to happen on college campuses. Chalk it up to experience and hope no other consequence occur for anyone involved.

[insert_name]

I get what your saying, don't get me wrong. In a perfect world from an altruistic point of view in a vacuum where I don't have to consider the fallout of future consequences, then yes, your course of action is the right one.

 

However, reality is not so cut and dry. You want me to shoulder ALL the blame for this? To bear the burden of ALL the consequences for a mistake that I was only partially responsible for?

 

Sorry but I may be morally imperfect but I'm not a sucker. I'm not getting played by this girl if I can help it, nor am I putting my head under the guillotine for the sake of martyrdom.

I wish I lived in your world where everything is black and white. But I don't.

 

Well, you were 100% responsible for getting your cock out and that is as black and white as the argument needs to get. Regardless of anything she did if you had exhibited some self control then you wouldn't be in this situation would you?

 

And if anything you should be embracing the fallout, just think: by fessing up you would be HELPING your room mate so he knows what a s****y friend and what a s****y girlfriend he has. You would be improving his life for him by giving him the chance to remove you both from it. In fact he would really owe you both a debt of gratitude for outing yourselves....although it might take a few lifetimes for you to see a return on his gratitude.

[Space Ritual]

I wish I lived in your world where everything is black and white. But I don't.

 

I will try to explain the motive behind my last post to you so you have a point of reference as to how it may be black and white for me.....

 

Try walking in on your fiance screwing your best friend 3 weeks before your wedding.

 

I wonder what you would do, young man?

 

I had it happen to me some 28 years ago. And just in case you would like to know how that all ended up, I had 4 years behind bars to think about it every day. All over something that could have been avoided.

 

That is my reality...in black and white.

 

You see, had I actually known that it was going on and not been blindsided by people I trusted, sure I'd have been upset and hurt. But I probably wound not physically hurt anyone. I would have been able to move on knowing that it was over and more than likely not to have done what I did. And yes I was totally responsible for what happened. I have no one to blame but myself. And I've paid a dear price for nearly 30 years for that day. Sad that I din't just walk away but there is no manual about how to act when this stuff happens. As a result I lost a lot of things, most importantly my freedom.

 

Again, my actions did it.

 

 

But you see, had they been honest with me instead of carrying on, that day probably would not have ended like it did.

 

The point I am trying to make to you is that if you come clean and fess up you will have some drama, yes, you may even have to move but a very real possibility that you won't have something really bad happen to you. I think breaking a lease is quite preferable to getting put in the hospital.

 

I may have been harsh but I am dispensing this advice because I am trying to get through your head that if you try to cover it up, it will eventually come out, and it will be a lot worse for you then. When you can look at your roommate in the eye every day and act like this never happened, you've lost your integrity. And eventually he will find out. would you rather it be by you, or from someone else?

 

I am trying to save you from compounding an already awful situation by your desire to cove this up.. You can have some modicum of integrity and let this guy know exactly what happened so he isn't made a fool out of both you and his GF, and you may very well be spared any physical altercation as a result.

 

If you lie like a rug and he finds out, Physical altercation is almost assured at your age. That's why I am advising you to be honest.

 

 

I don't wish what I did on anyone. It took a lot of hard lessons to understand no one is worth my stupid actions. I am the poster boy for what NOT to do in an instance like this.

 

Please think about your next step. it could save you a load of drama.

 

Good Luck.

Edited October 28, 2016 by Space Ritual

[fenix]

I get what your saying, don't get me wrong. In a perfect world from an altruistic point of view in a vacuum where I don't have to consider the fallout of future consequences, then yes, your course of action is the right one.

 

However, reality is not so cut and dry. You want me to shoulder ALL the blame for this? To bear the burden of ALL the consequences for a mistake that I was only partially responsible for?

 

Sorry but I may be morally imperfect but I'm not a sucker. I'm not getting played by this girl if I can help it, nor am I putting my head under the guillotine for the sake of martyrdom.

 

I wish I lived in your world where everything is black and white. But I don't.

 

Guy... you are not only sucking as friend because you effed his girlfriend but also because you are allowing him to be with someone who is cheating on him with his buddy (and probably with so many others)... with friends like you who need enemies...

[Power_Forward]

Well, you were 100% responsible for getting your cock out and that is as black and white as the argument needs to get. Regardless of anything she did if you had exhibited some self control then you wouldn't be in this situation would you?

 

And if anything you should be embracing the fallout, just think: by fessing up you would be HELPING your room mate so he knows what a s****y friend and what a s****y girlfriend he has. You would be improving his life for him by giving him the chance to remove you both from it. In fact he would really owe you both a debt of gratitude for outing yourselves....although it might take a few lifetimes for you to see a return on his gratitude.

 

Am I really 100% responsible? My view is that I didn't really want to do this, this girl seduced me. I think it's more like 50 - 50 with regards to who is to blame. Maybe even 25% blame to my buddy for letting her come around and loiter like Gloria25 said. She took action to get me turned on and I gave in to it. There are faults on both sides here.

 

I feel like if I confess, then I'm making myself the fall-guy and incurring more consequences that I am due.

 

And another thing, and this is a larger point. Who in society gets ahead by playing Honest Abe all the time? No successful person runs around confessing all the questionable stuff they are engaged in. If that were the case we wouldn't need lawyers.

 

I will try to explain the motive behind my last post to you so you have a point of reference as to how it may be black and white for me.....

 

Try walking in on your fiance screwing your best friend 3 weeks before your wedding.

 

I wonder what you would do, young man?

 

I had it happen to me some 28 years ago. And just in case you would like to know how that all ended up, I had 4 years behind bars to think about it every day. All over something that could have been avoided.

 

That is my reality...in black and white.

 

You see, had I actually known that it was going on and not been blindsided by people I trusted, sure I'd have been upset and hurt. But I probably wound not physically hurt anyone. I would have been able to move on knowing that it was over and more than likely not to have done what I did. And yes I was totally responsible for what happened. I have no one to blame but myself. And I've paid a dear price for nearly 30 years for that day. Sad that I din't just walk away but there is no manual about how to act when this stuff happens. As a result I lost a lot of things, most importantly my freedom.

 

Again, my actions did it.

 

 

But you see, had they been honest with me instead of carrying on, that day probably would not have ended like it did.

 

The point I am trying to make to you is that if you come clean and fess up you will have some drama, yes, you may even have to move but a very real possibility that you won't have something really bad happen to you. I think breaking a lease is quite preferable to getting put in the hospital.

 

I may have been harsh but I am dispensing this advice because I am trying to get through your head that if you try to cover it up, it will eventually come out, and it will be a lot worse for you then. When you can look at your roommate in the eye every day and act like this never happened, you've lost your integrity. And eventually he will find out. would you rather it be by you, or from someone else?

 

I am trying to save you from compounding an already awful situation by your desire to cove this up.. You can have some modicum of integrity and let this guy know exactly what happened so he isn't made a fool out of both you and his GF, and you may very well be spared any physical altercation as a result.

 

If you lie like a rug and he finds out, Physical altercation is almost assured at your age. That's why I am advising you to be honest.

 

 

I don't wish what I did on anyone. It took a lot of hard lessons to understand no one is worth my stupid actions. I am the poster boy for what NOT to do in an instance like this.

 

Please think about your next step. it could save you a load of drama.

 

Oh man, I believe you, 100%. I know full well the uncontrollable rage and thoughts of violence that rise up when you suspect or actually catch your partner cheating on you. You want to kill somebody. I have taken evolutionary biology and we spent some time looking at murder. According to scientists, sexual infidelity and losing control of your sexual resources is responsible for the vast majority of murders.

 

So knowing this, what sense does it make to confess? Practically none. I'm not looking to get my face punched in, or worse. No thanks.

 

I disagree with the majority. Confession just ain't what it's cracked up to be. Sure it will relieve one kind of pressure, but it would just cause other problems –– not the least of which is that you have to live there with the roommate and there may be some serious hostility.

 

If he were about to walk down the isle with this girl it might be different but if they're just dating he has plenty of time to figure her out. The other scenario, where she might accuse you of something is a lot more likely as a defense than if you just keep your mouth shut.

 

I just don't see any advantage to confessing other than the cathartic relief, and you're right –– that would be for your benefit, not your roommate's.

 

Many of the other posters will cite moral obligation, but the values that they hold are by no means universal, and there is no clear right/wrong answer. I call it moral absolutism –– simple perspectives to complex problems. I'm sure they'll call me a immoral scoundrel for not joining them in the shame fest, but I don't think you should.

 

Reckless, casual sex has been known to happen on college campuses. Chalk it up to experience and hope no other consequence occur for anyone involved.

 

I like your advice. You seem more mature and able to navigate the moral grey area more. Say I do confess, OK. I feel better, then what? I still did it. I still had sex with my buddy's GF. But only then he is furious and in turmoil, and his GF is out to destroy me for outing her. Like you say, is it worth it for some peace of mind? Maybe I should man up and own what I did, keep it to myself.

 

Look I have a plan. My buddy is going home today to visit his family. He will be out of town until Sunday. My other roommate is going to be at work tonight from 5 pm to late. I'm going to message my buddy's GF on FB and have her meet me at the house. Then I'm going to lay it all down and tell her that:

 

1.) He can never find out - we have to keep this a secret.

2.) I am not interested in her and don't want her attention anymore

and 3.) if she tries to rat me out I will deny everything and turn it around on her (but I will only say 3 if she threatens me or challenges my demands)

 

This will cover all my bases and hopefully nip this all in the bud.

Edited October 28, 2016 by Power_Forward

[frigginlost]

 

1.) He can never find out - we have to keep this a secret.

2.) I am not interested in her and don't want her attention anymore

and

3.) if she tries to rat me out I will deny everything and turn it around on her (but I will only say 3 if she threatens me or challenges my demands)

 

This will cover all my bases and hopefully nip this all in the bud.

 

You're done dude. You can itemize this all you want, but the fact is, she has you by the short hairs. Not the other way around.

 

Ultimatum this girl, and she is going to destroy your world. Not immediately, but she will.

 

Have fun with that.

 

Or do the right thing, and talk to your buddy...

[VeveCakes]

I agree with above...

 

don't have her over.

 

I would honestly just text your buddy when he is away. Explain what happened - about her doing that and what happened after.

 

An honest friend is worth a lot more than a sneak...even if you did do something awful. He should know about his GF...she is probably sleeping with a lot of other guys too. You better get tested ASAP.

[olivetree]

You don't seem very motivated by the fact that telling the truth is the right thing to do, so I will phrase it as benefits for you and your friend.

 

Benefits for you

 

If you don't tell, this will eat away at your conscience. It really, truly will. If you have a conscience that is. The guilt can manifest itself in a bunch of deplorable ways, like physical ailments, etc.

 

Not only will the guilt eat away at you, but the paranoia of your friend finding out will too. And trust me, he will find out. She might promise not to tell him but then she does. Or she will tell a friend. People talk. They aren't likely to last forever, so one day they will break up. This is usually when people who didn't want to get involved when the relationship was still on come out of the woodwork. It will get back to him. He will come looking for you.

 

If the confession comes from you, it will be better for your friendship. He might decide to forgive you in a few years. If he finds out from someone else or his gf, there is no chance at all. And again, he will find out.

 

Benefits for your friend

 

The benefits for your friend is that his gf is obviously not good for him and you might save him from her. She sounds like a bit of a sociopath to me. Give him the power of choice through knowledge. If he already suspects she might be not be trustworthy, you can validate that feeling for him so he knows to trust his intuition. Sometimes when you find out someone is cheating on you, you actually feel relief that you're not crazy.

Edited October 28, 2016 by olivetree