In a Jam

[salparadise]

I like your advice. You seem more mature and able to navigate the moral grey area more. Say I do confess, OK. I feel better, then what? I still did it. I still had sex with my buddy's GF. But only then he is furious and in turmoil, and his GF is out to destroy me for outing her. Like you say, is it worth it for some peace of mind? Maybe I should man up and own what I did, keep it to myself.

 

Look I have a plan. My buddy is going home today to visit his family. He will be out of town until Sunday. My other roommate is going to be at work tonight from 5 pm to late. I'm going to message my buddy's GF on FB and have her meet me at the house. Then I'm going to lay it all down and tell her that:

 

1.) He can never find out - we have to keep this a secret.

2.) I am not interested in her and don't want her attention anymore

and 3.) if she tries to rat me out I will deny everything and turn it around on her (but I will only say 3 if she threatens me or challenges my demands)

 

This will cover all my bases and hopefully nip this all in the bud.

 

With respect to #2-3, I'd advise being conservative about what you say to her. Don't say that you aren't interested and don't want her attention because she could feel insulted by that. Just be neutral about that part and tell her that you feel guilty and don't want anything like that to happen again. Your interests and hers are aligned, so there's no need for pronouncements or anything else that creates negative feelings for her. Keep things aligned.

 

I think it's highly unlikely that she's going to create any problems––what motivation does she have if you don't create any by going adversarial (outing or crushing her ego)? Let her continue to believe that she's irresistible if that's what she's all about. You could get one of those mini-recorders and tape the conversation and if she agrees to the narrative then you have insurance. But be careful - no lights or beeping sounds.

 

I realize that this episode is traumatic for you and is counter to your values, however, it's not the first time that something like this has happened and it won't be the last. You're all a bunch of single college students. Sex happens. Don't overreact and make it a thousand times worse.

 

I'm somewhat fascinated by absolutists. That mentality is at least partly context oriented. There is an other-man/other-woman section on this board where those involved in ongoing affairs are posting, and the context is completely different. I bet if you polled average folks on the street that eight-five percent would say, pfffft, keep your mouth shut and don't make trouble where none exists.

[smackie9]

Oh well you did what a lot of horny college guys would have done.....I remember being that age and even back then a lot of people were freer about sex. I'd chalk it up as a "one time thing". Just act like nothing happened, stop looking at her, and make sure she doesn't have access to your flat while her BF is gone. She doesn't live there, so she has no right to let herself in whenever she wants.

 

If you know what you did was wrong, then you will know to control yourself and not to fall into temptation again.

[frigginlost]

I'm somewhat fascinated by absolutists. That mentality is at least partly context oriented. There is an other-man/other-woman section on this board where those involved in ongoing affairs are posting, and the context is completely different. I bet if you polled average folks on the street that eight-five percent would say, pfffft, keep your mouth shut and don't make trouble where none exists.

 

The "what people don't know won't hurt them" way is a very slippery slope. The truth, like it or not, always has a way of showing up. Always.

 

But, play the game the way you see fit, OP.

[Space Ritual]

The "what people don't know won't hurt them" way is a very slippery slope. The truth, like it or not, always has a way of showing up. Always.

 

Indeed it does. And not always the way you envision it or it's aftermath.

[salparadise]

The "what people don't know won't hurt them" way is a very slippery slope. The truth, like it or not, always has a way of showing up. Always.

 

You see, absolutism is like this. No, the truth does not always prevail. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. Is honesty always the best policy? No, not always.

 

I agree about it being a slippery slope, generally speaking. Be as honest as you can and try to live with integrity. But be stupid. There are times when honesty will send you to jail or get you killed... hurt people who don't deserve it, make things exponentially more complicated and difficult.

 

Life and ethics cannot be reduced to idioms and platitudes. It's not black & white. There are times when it's best to just keep what you know to yourself and spare others suffering... and it's not automatically evil to spare yourself suffering either.

 

Moral absolutism is a thing, and so is relativism. We aren't the first. Shocking I know.

 

Classic ethical dilemmas

Edited October 29, 2016 by salparadise
added link

[Power_Forward]

Alright guys. Update on what happened Friday night. First off, you're going to have to bear with me. You already know I'm not perfect, and I never claimed to be.

 

I will go ahead and come clean right off the bat. I ended up having sex with this girl again when my roommate was out of town. Yeah, so there you go. I know some of you are going to think I did it on purpose, but that is simply not true. But if you want to judge me I completely understand. That is the last thing that I wanted and I had absolutely no intention of doing this when I made the plan to confront her Friday night. She tricked me again there's no other way to look at it.

 

Here is what happened: On Friday my buddy left town to go visit his parents. My other roommate left for work around 4:45. So around 5:30 I message my buddy's GF on FB and said I need to talk to her. Literally about 5 minutes after I sent the message I hear the backdoor open and she comes into the house, so I realized she was on her way over to the house anyway. I hear her go into my buddy's room and close the door.

 

I am not the confrontational type people. I get nervous when I have to confront people about things. So I had a bunch of stuff that I wanted to make clear to her (I posted about it the other day) and was going through it in my head when she comes out of the bedroom and walks into the living room where i was sitting. She is not naked or anything just normally dressed.

 

She says whats up and asks what I'm doing. I told her I was just relaxing after class. Then I say I have to talk to her and did she get my message. She says "no" she didn't get it.

 

So I said listen, what we did the other day was wrong. I can't be doing that to my best friend. You're a cool person and everything but this is going to cause way more problems than we both need. As I'm saying this she has this look on her face like she is amused by what I'm saying. Then she tells me to "relax, it was just a one time thing. stop whining and being such a baby." Which kinda pissed me off, to be honest.

 

So I said it has nothing to do with whining and was actually very important, to which she laughed and said I was making too big of a deal about it. So I said as long as we're clear on where we stand then everything is cool. At that point she looked at me kinda mad and said "what do you mean "everything is cool"? I said it means what it means: if we drop this whole thing now then we won't have any more problems. She just stared at me for a minute then said "OK fine." and left the room. So I felt pretty good at that point like a weight had been lifted off my chest.

 

So about an hour goes by and I am still watching TV, and she comes back into the room and sits down on the couch next to me. At this point I am glad that everything got said that I needed to say and was feeling pretty relieved.

 

She then takes out some weed and starts rolling a joint on the coffee table. (we all smoke weed occasionally and when we're drinking so I didn't think much of it.) She asks me if I want to get high. I didn't think it was a good idea but I figured everything was cool between us so why not. So we smoke the joint which gets me pretty high.

 

This is when she seduced me again. We are sitting on the couch watching TV and she moves over and puts her hand on my groin near my zipper. I freak out and move her hand away. I tell her that it's not OK and we can't be doing this. She starts laughing again and asks me why I'm being like this. I told her what I said before was for real and I meant what I said. I turn away and start watching TV again trying to ignore her hoping that she will stop and get that I am serious.

 

At that point she gets up and walks over to where the TV is so she is standing directly in front of me. She turns around facing away from me and pulls down her pants, showing me her ass. She starts saying all kinds of dirty **** like " don't you want to spank my ass and pull my hair David?" and leans forward sitcking her ass out. In my head I am thinking "get out of here, go to your room" but she keeps saying it and I am just sitting there looking at her.

 

After a few minutes of this I got up and had sex with her.

 

If the time before was weird afterward this time was SUPER weird. When I finished and was walking away to my room and she says real sarcastically "is everything cool now David?" and is laughing.

 

I go to my room and close the door, feeling like complete ****.

 

So yeah. Pretty much all there is to say. At this point I'm holding no cards whatsoever. My plan failed and now I'm in a lot deeper than I was.

[salparadise]

Alright guys. Update on what happened Friday night.

 

I ended up having sex with this girl again when my roommate was out of town. Yeah, so there you go.

 

So yeah. Pretty much all there is to say. At this point I'm holding no cards whatsoever. My plan failed and now I'm in a lot deeper than I was.

 

Well, at least you know she's not on the verge of crying rape or anything like that. All you have to do is keep hittin' it and keep her smiling. It's not longer a practical problem –– it's an existential conundrum. Are you suffering from cognitive dissonance, or have you resolved it internally?

 

And of course the question we really want to ask... was it good?

[aileD]

She didn't "trick" you. It wasn't an accident.

 

She showed you her ass and you couldn't say no. Just like when you saw her naked and couldn't say no.

 

She didn't force you to do anything and you can't be tricked into putting your d**k inside another person.

 

You're in deeper because sex is more important to you than you best friend.

 

Accept that and move on. You aren't a good friend and the sooner you get out of your buddy's life, the better it will be because once he finds out he's probably doing to kick your ass

Edited October 30, 2016 by aileD
Thought the d word would censor itself...it didn't

[ChickiePops]

I'd put money on you not being the only other guy she's sleeping with.

 

Stop being such a selfish ass and tell your friend the damn truth!

 

And no, she didn't trick you. You're as bad as she is.

Edited October 30, 2016 by ChickiePops

[Power_Forward]

And no, she didn't trick you. You're as bad as she is.

 

I don't see it like that at all. I made the effort to right this wrong, she is the one taking action to get me to have sex with her. I am not seeking it out.

[frigginlost]

I don't see it like that at all. I made the effort to right this wrong, she is the one taking action to get me to have sex with her. I am not seeking it out.

 

Lol!

 

I made the effort to right this wrong, and instead screwed my buddy's girlfriend again. But it's not my fault! I've been seduced. It's not all my fault, she has to take some blame as it was her magnetic vagina pulling my iron manhood. I couldn't stop it. My buddy doesn't need to know this though, that's for sure. It would be best if I continue getting worked over by his girlfriend as I try to do the right thing.

 

Be prepared OP, because the first big fight her and your buddy have is going to be the catalyst of him finding out about you two...

[ChickiePops]

I don't see it like that at all. I made the effort to right this wrong, she is the one taking action to get me to have sex with her. I am not seeking it out.

 

...so you consider sticking your winky in her for a second time just because she was thrusting her butt in your direction as 'trying to right a wrong'?

 

It doesn't matter what she does to try to get you to have sex with her. Doing the right thing would have been ignoring her skank dance and going to your room. You don't get points for resisting for a few minutes before giving in.

 

You are exactly 0% victim here.

 

Out of curiosity though..if you truly think you've done nothing wrong then why haven't you told your 'friend' yet?

[Space Ritual]

Power Forward,

 

Nothing about your update surprised me in the least.

 

I knew when you had such a cavalier attitude towards my initial response in particular that you are probably the type of guy that would dismiss any advice that did not fit your narrative, and that you would simply have a positive response to those few that told you what you wanted to hear.

 

According to you, the truly guilty parties in this drama are:

 

1. The Girl you banged again

2. The friend of yours, who is totally in the dark, because if he didn't have such a tempting seductress for a GR this would ave never happened.

3. Weed. If you hadn't smoked that joint then you would have never unzipped your fly.

 

According to you there is only 1 victim in this story, and that is you.

 

By your account you simply could not resist said seductress when she made a pouty face it forced you to lose your balance with that raging hard on and you tripped over it and fell penis first right into the Seductress.

 

 

I do not know if you came back to update us out of Spite, or some underlying sense of guilt, as it is easier to accept being shamed by random strangers than actually taking ownership for your actions. Or fear of what will eventually happen. Or maybe you like the thought of putting one over on your roommate and wanted to come back and gloat about it under your breath as you regale us in the sad tale about how you were hoodwinked into sex that you didn't want to have. Maybe a combination of all of them.

 

One thing I do know. And that is eventually you will be discovered. One of you will not be able to keep your mouth shut about it. Maybe one of you blurt it out to someone you trust as a friend when you are a little tipsy and feeling a wee bit guilty and you just need to get it off your chest in real life.

 

Or maybe she will tell one of her college friends and then maybe that college friend of hers will tell another friend in confidence. And eventually the wrong person will be informed an then out of sheer pity tell this poor guy what his friend and GF are doing behind his back.

 

And if that happens you will find it difficult at best to keep many of your friendships with your best buds because even they will be wary of having their girlfriends in your company, or perhaps, they will feel forced to take sides. And if that happens they certainly will not be on your side. You see, they will also realize that you are not a person that can be trusted, about anything.

 

But again I am not shocked nor surprised. After all what do any of us who experienced know? We are just bitter schmucks who were stupid enough to be in love once upon a time with someone who betrayed us. We don't see reality because we are just bitter. We are losers because obviously if we reply to your update, we are certainly just bitter.

 

Of course that is in the back of your mind. Either you are a superb creative writer or you delight in recounting your cheating story. I am going with the latter.

 

I hope your parents kept you on their medical insurance. I think one day n the not too distant future, you are probably going to need it.

 

Take care:)

Edited October 30, 2016 by Space Ritual

[Poutrew]

You are totally owned, friend. You might as well just chop you manhood off with a sharp knife, put a bright blue bow on it and send it to her in a gift box. But don't fret, your winkey will have a lot of company when she adds it to the chain of withered winkeys around her neck. The next move in this chick's arsenal will be when your pal gets back from break, and she begins to play you both against each other. Your pal will be clueless, and she will have that evil smirk on her face and you will feel the chill of death flow in your veins.

 

When this girl gets done with you, you will truly know the meaning of fear...the next half year will not be fun for you, but hopefully you will have learnt an important life lesson (if you survive). Break the chain that connects little Power Forward to your brain before that chain gets wrapped around your neck...

[insert_name]

Power Forward,

 

Nothing about your update surprised me in the least.

 

I knew when you had such a cavalier attitude towards my initial response in particular that you are probably the type of guy that would dismiss any advice that did not fit your narrative, and that you would simply have a positive response to those few that told you what you wanted to hear.

 

According to you, the truly guilty parties in this drama are:

 

1. The Girl you banged again

2. The friend of yours, who is totally in the dark, because if he didn't have such a tempting seductress for a GR this would ave never happened.

3. Weed. If you hadn't smoked that joint then you would have never unzipped your fly.

 

According to you there is only 1 victim in this story, and that is you.

 

By your account you simply could not resist said seductress when she made a pouty face it forced you to lose your balance with that raging hard on and you tripped over it and fell penis first right into the Seductress.

 

 

I do not know if you came back to update us out of Spite, or some underlying sense of guilt, as it is easier to accept being shamed by random strangers than actually taking ownership for your actions. Or fear of what will eventually happen. Or maybe you like the thought of putting one over on your roommate and wanted to come back and gloat about it under your breath as you regale us in the sad tale about how you were hoodwinked into sex that you didn't want to have. Maybe a combination of all of them.

 

One thing I do know. And that is eventually you will be discovered. One of you will not be able to keep your mouth shut about it. Maybe one of you blurt it out to someone you trust as a friend when you are a little tipsy and feeling a wee bit guilty and you just need to get it off your chest in real life.

 

Or maybe she will tell one of her college friends and then maybe that college friend of hers will tell another friend in confidence. And eventually the wrong person will be informed an then out of sheer pity tell this poor guy what his friend and GF are doing behind his back.

 

And if that happens you will find it difficult at best to keep many of your friendships with your best buds because even they will be wary of having their girlfriends in your company, or perhaps, they will feel forced to take sides. And if that happens they certainly will not be on your side. You see, they will also realize that you are not a person that can be trusted, about anything.

 

But again I am not shocked nor surprised. After all what do any of us who experienced know? We are just bitter schmucks who were stupid enough to be in love once upon a time with someone who betrayed us. We don't see reality because we are just bitter. We are losers because obviously if we reply to your update, we are certainly just bitter.

 

Of course that is in the back of your mind. Either you are a superb creative writer or you delight in recounting your cheating story. I am going with the latter.

 

I hope your parents kept you on their medical insurance. I think one day n the not too distant future, you are probably going to need it.

 

Take care:)

 

That was my first thought, something seems off here.

 

"Hai guys. Oops, I accidentally had sex again. LOL!"

 

OP is trying too hard to deliver. She will find out she is pregnant in his next post, you wait.

[Power_Forward]

She didn't "trick" you. It wasn't an accident.

 

She showed you her ass and you couldn't say no. Just like when you saw her naked and couldn't say no.

 

She didn't force you to do anything and you can't be tricked into putting your d**k inside another person.

 

You're in deeper because sex is more important to you than you best friend.

 

Accept that and move on. You aren't a good friend and the sooner you get out of your buddy's life, the better it will be because once he finds out he's probably doing to kick your ass

 

I don't know if you are male or female, but you obviously have never been in the position where you are a straight guy alone with a hot girl trying to have sex with you. You can sit there and judge me all you want and say what I should of done and how I have no self control, but when you are a guy in that situation it is like you can't even do anything. Your mind just overloads and you can't think right.

[Power_Forward]

...so you consider sticking your winky in her for a second time just because she was thrusting her butt in your direction as 'trying to right a wrong'?

 

It doesn't matter what she does to try to get you to have sex with her. Doing the right thing would have been ignoring her skank dance and going to your room. You don't get points for resisting for a few minutes before giving in.

 

You are exactly 0% victim here.

 

Out of curiosity though..if you truly think you've done nothing wrong then why haven't you told your 'friend' yet?

 

I'm guessing from your username that you are a woman. So really you have no idea what its like to be a man alone in a room with a super hot girl when she is taking her clothes off. At first my brain was telling me to run out of the room, but I just gradually lost my willpower as the minutes went by. The level of arousal that I felt was uncontrollable when she did what she did. It's not like I conciously decided "OK to hell with it, let me have sex with her again". I felt like I was taken over and couldn't do anything. Ask a guy who has been in the same situation. He will tell you.

[Power_Forward]

She will find out she is pregnant in his next post, you wait.

 

Christ I hope not.

[Power_Forward]

Power Forward,

 

Nothing about your update surprised me in the least.

 

I knew when you had such a cavalier attitude towards my initial response in particular that you are probably the type of guy that would dismiss any advice that did not fit your narrative, and that you would simply have a positive response to those few that told you what you wanted to hear.

 

According to you, the truly guilty parties in this drama are:

 

1. The Girl you banged again

2. The friend of yours, who is totally in the dark, because if he didn't have such a tempting seductress for a GR this would ave never happened.

3. Weed. If you hadn't smoked that joint then you would have never unzipped your fly.

 

According to you there is only 1 victim in this story, and that is you.

 

By your account you simply could not resist said seductress when she made a pouty face it forced you to lose your balance with that raging hard on and you tripped over it and fell penis first right into the Seductress.

 

It seems from your comments that you have never been in the situation I was in. If you had been, you might think differently. Have you ever been alone in a room with a really hot girl you're not supposed to be with and she suddenly gets naked? I don't think so. If you had you would know the conflict that I am talking about. It is not so easy to walk away as you make it out to be.

 

I do not know if you came back to update us out of Spite, or some underlying sense of guilt, as it is easier to accept being shamed by random strangers than actually taking ownership for your actions. Or fear of what will eventually happen. Or maybe you like the thought of putting one over on your roommate and wanted to come back and gloat about it under your breath as you regale us in the sad tale about how you were hoodwinked into sex that you didn't want to have. Maybe a combination of all of them.

 

Who is shamed? I don't know you from Adam. This forum is the safest bet for me to be honest and open and not be found out. Like you say, running my mouth to other people I know would be inviting disaster. Judge me all you want. I don't care. You, like the others, seem to give no weight to my buddy's GF's actions towards me. I DID the right thing. I made the effort to resolve it. Then she used dirty tricks to mess that up.

 

 

One thing I do know. And that is eventually you will be discovered. One of you will not be able to keep your mouth shut about it. Maybe one of you blurt it out to someone you trust as a friend when you are a little tipsy and feeling a wee bit guilty and you just need to get it off your chest in real life.

 

Or maybe she will tell one of her college friends and then maybe that college friend of hers will tell another friend in confidence. And eventually the wrong person will be informed an then out of sheer pity tell this poor guy what his friend and GF are doing behind his back.

 

And if that happens you will find it difficult at best to keep many of your friendships with your best buds because even they will be wary of having their girlfriends in your company, or perhaps, they will feel forced to take sides. And if that happens they certainly will not be on your side. You see, they will also realize that you are not a person that can be trusted, about anything.

 

Maybe, maybe not. You seem to be letting your past experiences color your judgement. It seems you still have a lot of pent up anger and hatred about your own episode of being cheated on.

 

But again I am not shocked nor surprised. After all what do any of us who experienced know? We are just bitter schmucks who were stupid enough to be in love once upon a time with someone who betrayed us. We don't see reality because we are just bitter. We are losers because obviously if we reply to your update, we are certainly just bitter.

 

I'm not saying your a loser. You just don't seem to be able to empathize with me and cannot relate to being in my situation. Your coming from the other side of being cheated on.

 

Of course that is in the back of your mind. Either you are a superb creative writer or you delight in recounting your cheating story. I am going with the latter.

 

I hope your parents kept you on their medical insurance. I think one day n the not too distant future, you are probably going to need it.

 

Take care:)

 

Proves the point I made above.

[Power_Forward]

You are totally owned, friend. You might as well just chop you manhood off with a sharp knife, put a bright blue bow on it and send it to her in a gift box. But don't fret, your winkey will have a lot of company when she adds it to the chain of withered winkeys around her neck. The next move in this chick's arsenal will be when your pal gets back from break, and she begins to play you both against each other. Your pal will be clueless, and she will have that evil smirk on her face and you will feel the chill of death flow in your veins.

 

When this girl gets done with you, you will truly know the meaning of fear...the next half year will not be fun for you, but hopefully you will have learnt an important life lesson (if you survive). Break the chain that connects little Power Forward to your brain before that chain gets wrapped around your neck...

 

I think your being a little overly dramatic.

[Power_Forward]

Well, at least you know she's not on the verge of crying rape or anything like that. All you have to do is keep hittin' it and keep her smiling.

 

I don't know if that's the right course of action. The other people seem to be taking the morally absolutist approach that you mentioned. One interesting thing about that is they already know the whole story, so their anger and judgments are stemming from that knowledge. But if my buddy does not know about his, i.e. he is not in a place to get hurt, then is he really being harmed? The other guys on this thread will say "yes", but again that is coming from that absolutist position. The other way to look at it is if he never knew, he would never be hurt.

 

It's not longer a practical problem –– it's an existential conundrum. Are you suffering from cognitive dissonance, or have you resolved it internally?

 

To be honest I feel really unsettle at this point. I have never been in a situation where I am totally out of control. I am someone who likes to make plans, take control of situations, and do the right thing. It disturbs me that I made every intention to confront and then take control of this situation, and then it backfires and I am powerless to stop it from doing so.

 

 

And of course the question we really want to ask... was it good?

 

Everything else aside, yes it was. This girl is smoking hot - the kind when you go to the beach you walk slower so you can check her out. Her ass is really tight and thick. She's one of those girls that when you see her at the bar all you want is her grinding on you. When she did that in the living room it was rough sex - hard and fast. I felt really aggressive and angry towards her which was a new experience. The last time I had a GF was senior year in high school and it was more of a romantic type of situation. We didn't really do rough sex. But Friday night when that happened she was saying all kind of dirty stuff to me like pull her hair and spank her which I admit I did. And there was the effect of being high which added to the whole experience.

Edited October 30, 2016 by Power_Forward

[ChickiePops]

I'm guessing from your username that you are a woman. So really you have no idea what its like to be a man alone in a room with a super hot girl when she is taking her clothes off. At first my brain was telling me to run out of the room, but I just gradually lost my willpower as the minutes went by. The level of arousal that I felt was uncontrollable when she did what she did. It's not like I conciously decided "OK to hell with it, let me have sex with her again". I felt like I was taken over and couldn't do anything. Ask a guy who has been in the same situation. He will tell you.

 

Oh Jesus. This is the exact same thought process that an unapologetic rapist goes through. I hope we can chalk this disgusting display up to immaturity and that we don't end up hearing about you on the news eventually.

 

You absolutely made a conscious decision to have sex with her and it's not ok. What YOU did is not ok.

 

You're a shi**y friend and you deserve the lousy karma that's coming your way.

 

Take some responsibility for yourself, you're not a child. You are capable of self control.

 

And again..if you truly think the blame is 100% on her then why won't you tell your 'friend' what happened so he can dump her? You're putting him (and yourself, since you clearly have no intention of stopping yourself from banging her until you get caught) at risk for STDs and unwanted pregnancy.

 

PA, you could and should have left the room and masturbated instead.

[Power_Forward]

Oh Jesus. This is the exact same thought process that an unapologetic rapist goes through. I hope we can chalk this disgusting display up to immaturity and that we don't end up hearing about you on the news eventually.

 

You absolutely made a conscious decision to have sex with her and it's not ok. What YOU did is not ok.

 

You're a shi**y friend and you deserve the lousy karma that's coming your way.

 

Take some responsibility for yourself, you're not a child. You are capable of self control.

 

And again..if you truly think the blame is 100% on her then why won't you tell your 'friend' what happened so he can dump her? You're putting him (and yourself, since you clearly have no intention of stopping yourself from banging her until you get caught) at risk for STDs and unwanted pregnancy.

 

PA, you could and should have left the room and masturbated instead.

 

[]

 

This isn't about rape. This about being a man and having a woman strip naked in front of you, enticing you with sex. You have never and will never be in that situation so you cannot understand what its like, and how difficult it is to walk away.

Edited October 31, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
rude ~6

[kgcolonel]

[]

 

This isn't about rape. This about being a man and having a woman strip naked in front of you, enticing you with sex. You have never and will never be in that situation so you cannot understand what its like, and how difficult it is to walk away.

 

PF. You came here for opinions, you say, but when those don't yield what you were looking for as in, "you were enticed, seduced, entrapped etc " so you're all good, no need to confess and own up to stabbing your friend in the back, pun intended, you begin with the terminology of absolutist and rebuking the opinions you sought....you chose to do your buddies girl....you always had the ability to say no and you didn't. You sound a lot like those guys who'lll say, she deserved what i gave her because she should not have dressed the way she did. Better think long and hard about the direction you're headed.

Edited October 31, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited quote ~6

[salparadise]

I don't know if that's the right course of action.

I was being facetious there, but it does seem like she might be wanting you to be her backdoor man. And given her assertiveness and your inability to resist, it's not an unlikely scenario.

 

The other people seem to be taking the morally absolutist approach that you mentioned. One interesting thing about that is they already know the whole story, so their anger and judgments are stemming from that knowledge.

 

Yea, but they're absolutists. I don't buy it. I am a lot older than you and I can tell you from experience that life presents many situations (dilemmas) where you have to choose between two options that are both undesirable compromises. The absolutist thing works a lot better on a message board than it does in life. Life is all about making compromises, many of which have consequences, and they're often unknown consequences. It's not simple. Big picture perspective is valuable.

 

And another thing... the absolutists are telling you that you should be one-hundred percent selfless. That's just ludicrous. Nobody else is protecting your interests –– you have to consider both what is best for you and what is best for others. These will often be at odds.

 

However, in this situation they are probably not. If no one else ever knows what happened it will save everyone involved a lot of grief. The downside is that your conscience won't be clear, not that confessing would change that, and if your buddy's relationship doesn't implode on its own, you may face yet another ethical dilemma.

 

But if my buddy does not know about his, i.e. he is not in a place to get hurt, then is he really being harmed? The other guys on this thread will say "yes", but again that is coming from that absolutist position. The other way to look at it is if he never knew, he would never be hurt.

 

Unless he marries her, in which case what he doesn't know could result in a lot of grief and heartache. But I'm not much of a believer in trying to change the course of the universe either.

 

To be honest I feel really unsettle at this point. I have never been in a situation where I am totally out of control. I am someone who likes to make plans, take control of situations, and do the right thing. It disturbs me that I made every intention to confront and then take control of this situation, and then it backfires and I am powerless to stop it from doing so.

 

As you alluded in one of your other responses, given the circumstances it's sort of understandable that you were unable to resist. She initiated and you responded in the way you are biologically wired to respond. I think you should cut yourself some slack. It's almost like dangling a t-bone steak in front of a starving man and expecting him to say "no thanks, I empathize with cows."

 

But even if you're able to mostly forgive yourself for what happened once, then twice, you need to get square with yourself and be intentional about how you'll deal with it the next time. There's a difference between circumstances that caught you by surprise vs. being the guy who's banking his best bud's girl on an ongoing basis behind his back. While one is understandable, if not forgivable, the other would change the person you believe yourself to be. Life is messy isn't it?

 

Everything else aside, yes it was. This girl is smoking hot - the kind when you go to the beach you walk slower so you can check her out. Her ass is really tight and thick. She's one of those girls that when you see her at the bar all you want is her grinding on you. When she did that in the living room it was rough sex - hard and fast. I felt really aggressive and angry towards her which was a new experience. The last time I had a GF was senior year in high school and it was more of a romantic type of situation. We didn't really do rough sex. But Friday night when that happened she was saying all kind of dirty stuff to me like pull her hair and spank her which I admit I did. And there was the effect of being high which added to the whole experience.

 

I've always said the real education you get in college is not from attending class and hittin' the books. There are other guys on these boards posting about resigning themselves to never knowing what it's like to have sex, or even kiss a woman. Be thankful you're not in that group.

 

She sounds like a real handful, and at what 19 or 20 years old? You should ask her if she has any single girlfriends with similar proclivities. Your only hope is to avoid being there alone with her. Every time you tell her, "this can't happen agin" it's like throwing down a gauntlet and she'll show you who's actually in control of the mating dance.

 

You need to buy your buddy a beer.