Ex wife and mother of 2 kids left me for co-worker

[SingleDad82]

This is my first post here, so first of all I'd like to say I am looking forward to talking with any of you who have experienced this.. I am going to do my best to explain my situation here.

 

My Ex wife and mother of my 2 kids left me unexpectedly about a year ago in November, much to my surprise, for a co-worker.I was your typically happily married man. I loved my wife, bent over backwards to make her happy. Worked the typical 40 hr work week and (since she was a nurse) spent the only free time I had left after the work week caring for our children, cooking, cleaning, and doing yard work. I felt like a prisoner.. but I was okay with it because it wasn't about my ultimate happiness. It was about my family.Once I caught her cheating the second time,(the first was an Emotional Affair involving only texts with a different guy, the second was physical) I simple gave the ultimatum that I would not compete for my own wife's affection and gave her the choice and she chose him. We subsequently divorced a short 6 months later. She has been in serious relationship with the guy she cheated on me with since the separation.

 

Since the separation, she has brought this guy around my kids and from what I can tell, it looks as though this relationship is the real deal to her, and rumors have circulated that there has even been talks of marriage.

 

I'm good with all of that.. Will it work out? I'd like to think likely it won't but what real value does it bring to my life to worry about such things? I'm not sure if it will or it won't, but I know no one deserves to be cheated on, and I certainly won't tolerate it.

 

What I struggle with, is that I want more than anything to have ZERO contact with her. But, the way our child care is setup I have to see her 2 days a week to drop off the kids so NC is difficult. It's gotten to the point that I am at peace with the relationship.. but I will not associate with it.

 

I don't speak to her when I drop them off and I certainly do not under any circumstances reach out to her throughout the week, for anything. I wish it wasn't this way, but it seems that every time she opens her mouth, it's just to rub her relationship in my face. A guy with the integrity of his.. no effect.

 

I've spent time focusing on myself, tried dating a bit, only to realize I'm no where near ready to commit my heart again after the trauma. Things are good, though I struggle at times with the bitterness of seeing her in such a "happy" relationship with this guy after the devastation she caused our family.

 

Either way, My biggest issue is how "okay" and non remorseful she's been throughout the whole thing. How can someone be so recklessly destructive with a smile on their face?

 

Anyways, to my question. How and in what ways have any of you dealt with a similar situation? I'd like to maximize NC to the fullest as I can having 2 kids with this person. And how, if ever, have any of you dealt with a situation of having to subject yourself to the other man/woman's presence at soccer games, "family" events, etc? If I had my choice, I'd just as soon cut her and her enablers (family) out of my life completely.. They certainly had no issues doing it to me once she introduced my replacement.

 

Thanks all!

[Space Ritual]

How and in what ways have any of you dealt with a similar situation? I'd like to maximize NC to the fullest as I can having 2 kids with this person. And how, if ever, have any of you dealt with a situation of having to subject yourself to the other man/woman's presence at soccer games, "family" events, etc? If I had my choice, I'd just as soon cut her and her enablers (family) out of my life completely.. They certainly had no issues doing it to me once she introduced my replacement.Thanks all!

 

 

 

 

There is no good way to have limited contact. As you can't have true NC unless you plan on totally going dark on your ex and your kids., and I doubt you are doing that.

 

As far as Limited Contact? Just keep all communication to text or email. don't have to talk to her during pick ups and drop offs unless here is a situation regarding the kids. You only have to have communication until the kids turn 18.

 

As far as you question about how your wife can be reckless with a smile on her face? You must simply understand that her cheating on you and leaving you was never about you or what you did or didn't do in the first place. It was always about her. Although you and the kids were her victims she never took any of you into account. It was always about her. Always.

 

I think that's the hardest hing for victims of infidelity to come to grips with. We always wonder had we done something different, etc. The answer is we are not responsible for the actions of another, only ourselves.

 

Cheaters rarely do. So if it wasn't with this co worker it would have been with somebody else.

 

Just remember that all this Unicorns and Rainbows are pretty new to her. She has not been with him long term by comparison, so she hasn't gotten the full essence of smelling his farts in bed after a trip to MacDonald's, been reviled at how he picks his ear, then looks at the wax and eats it when he thinks nobody is looking, and picking up his skidmarked drawers....So she might gag and go find somebody else in fallry short order. I would not be too hung up on the prospect of them getting married

 

She just has not arrived at that point yet.

 

But she will. But there is no use wondering what if about someone that could care less. Just coparent the best you can and only have discussions with her about the kids and finances regarding them.

 

Her new romance will fizzle out on it's own.