Author Midlifecrisis1 Posted October 28, 2016 Author Share Posted October 28, 2016 Or maybe he trusts you would never do anything like this. Ugh...maybe...although I have expressed my unhappiness numerous times to him and he knows that he was driving me crazy and we were not getting along. Part of the issues I have with him is that he is not an emotionally available, expressive or in touch person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midlifecrisis1 Posted October 28, 2016 Author Share Posted October 28, 2016 This really goes beyond your relationship with your husband, your kids are also victims here, you carelessly tossed thier way of life and well being into the fire right along with that of your husband, you owe them more then that. This is true. In my head I justified it that my kids don't feel a closeness with my husband anyway and maybe they would be ok if we weren't together. My husband was being particularly hard on my 9 yo son during baseball season and making him cry all the time. XMM was drying his tears and being so warm and loving to my son. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 This is true. In my head I justified it that my kids don't feel a closeness with my husband anyway and maybe they would be ok if we weren't together. My husband was being particularly hard on my 9 yo son during baseball season and making him cry all the time. XMM was drying his tears and being so warm and loving to my son. Coddling don't make men. To me this is totally unacceptable on your behalf, to allow another man, one your cheating with to undermine your sons father... 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midlifecrisis1 Posted October 28, 2016 Author Share Posted October 28, 2016 Coddling don't make men. To me this is totally unacceptable on your behalf, to allow another man, one your cheating with to undermine your sons father... I know I know. This part I fully agree with and feel very bad about. And xMM even apologized when we were ending things for saying negative things about my husband all the time. XMM really tried to ingratiate himself into my family...even with my parents. It was overstepping and I don't know how my husband didn't have anything to say about it. Link to post Share on other sites
heartwhole Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 You are deep in the weeds of blaming your husband. It's his fault for not assuming that friendliness with your son's coach meant you were cheating on him? You don't have to stay married to your husband, and I'm sure you have reason to be unhappy, but no one ever made a marriage better by pretending it's OK to have a secret boyfriend while you're married. That's like taking a car that could use a little tune-up and driving it off a cliff. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 I am a MW and had an affair with a mm who lives in my town and our kids go to school together etc. the affair ended 3 months ago, his decision ultimately, no d-day. He just couldn't take the stress and anxiety and it was affecting how he treated his family and he was neglecting his business. Anyway, it ended. We saw each other once at the soccer field and talked and said comforting things to each other but I could feel his pure resolve and determination to make sure things are over. Ok. But when he sees me somewhere, he doesn't even acknowledge. If his car is behind mine on the way to school, he will pull over to put distance or another car between us. Why does it have to be as if we don't even know each other? As if he is bitter. He was the one who was so out of this world in love with me. I see that it's the same way for many people on this site...no contact means no contact at all ever. I just don't get why? Don't you ever have any contact with people you have dated in your past? Wouldn't you say hi to them if you saw them on the street? He was the one who needed to end things, he should be a bit kinder towards me. Someone please explain. He wasn't your boyfriend and you weren't dating. Once you stop trying to treat this as if it was a normal relationship between two single people, you will understand why he can and should ignore you forever..and why you should do the same. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 Plenty single people go NC with their ex. It helps massively especially in failed relationships where there is no hope of reconciliation ever. It is usually destructive and damaging to keep going "what if" and following an ex partner around in the vain hope they will change their mind and the relationship will resume. Better to acknowledge it is truly over, and start getting on with life, without that partner in it. Here, he is a married man, who has decided to cut you out of his life completely and that may be for many reasons, but whatever they are, no longer matters. He is done, and he wants to get on with life without you in it. You have to accept that, and start getting on with your own life too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 Why does an appendectomy have to involve cutting and leave scars? Because otherwise it doesn't really work. NC means no contact. It has to be all or nothing. The MM is doing it right. Link to post Share on other sites
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