ex sends mixed signals

[evanop]

Ex broke it off a month ago. He has been sending me mixed signals since. We talked for a while after the breakup, where he kept professing his love and confusion to me. I then initiated 2 weeks of No contact. He had been active on the dating site that we met on and I confronted him about it. He has always been sort of honest, told me he was on a sh*tty date that did not have any chemistry but also reached out to me telling me he wont be with anyone until we will see each other again (we were long distance, he is coming back in 1-2 months). I was so confused because he keeps telling me he has feelings for me but he's still unhappy with himself.

 

His reason for break up was 'space for self development' INCLUDING dating other women, but he now says that he does not care about that aspect of it anymore and just needs some space to become who he wants to be - more confident.

 

I just wonder if, after he becomes more confident, he will want to be with me - or with other women. I know he thought that I was a bit too, well, confident for him, throughout our relationship. We have talked today about possibly spending Christmas together. And he wants to 'talk' when he is back. I am so confused.

 

I still love him a lot, but he seems to be not sure about what he wants.

 

Should I wait or move on? I was thinking about giving it one more shot if he returns, and if it all fails, I will move on. Or should I just forget about him now? I really tried, but it has been so hard. There really has never been anyone like him in my life. I just wish he wasn't so quarter-life-crisis-like right now.

[LastAcorn99]

I can understand your confusion, and i would be very concerned about the fact that your ex wanted to break-up because he wanted to date other women. I feel you have to ask yourself whether you can truly trust him again to be solely committed to you in the days ahead, if ever you reconnect. All the best!

[Sweetfish]

Ex broke it off a month ago. He has been sending me mixed signals since. We talked for a while after the breakup, where he kept professing his love and confusion to me. I then initiated 2 weeks of No contact. He had been active on the dating site that we met on and I confronted him about it. He has always been sort of honest, told me he was on a sh*tty date that did not have any chemistry but also reached out to me telling me he wont be with anyone until we will see each other again (we were long distance, he is coming back in 1-2 months). I was so confused because he keeps telling me he has feelings for me but he's still unhappy with himself.

 

His reason for break up was 'space for self development' INCLUDING dating other women, but he now says that he does not care about that aspect of it anymore and just needs some space to become who he wants to be - more confident.

 

I just wonder if, after he becomes more confident, he will want to be with me - or with other women. I know he thought that I was a bit too, well, confident for him, throughout our relationship. We have talked today about possibly spending Christmas together. And he wants to 'talk' when he is back. I am so confused.

 

I still love him a lot, but he seems to be not sure about what he wants.

 

Should I wait or move on? I was thinking about giving it one more shot if he returns, and if it all fails, I will move on. Or should I just forget about him now? I really tried, but it has been so hard. There really has never been anyone like him in my life. I just wish he wasn't so quarter-life-crisis-like right now.

 

 

I read some of your post. I have a couple questions?

 

You say this is a LDR where is he now?

 

Does he travel to different places?

 

He is actively on a dating site.. how did he approach you on this site when you first met?

[evanop]

I read some of your post. I have a couple questions?

 

You say this is a LDR where is he now?

 

Does he travel to different places?

 

He is actively on a dating site.. how did he approach you on this site when you first met?

 

I am in Europe, he is in US.

I approached him on the dating website, we met fairly quickly.

He doesn't travel to different places at the moment and will return in about 1-2 months. He was not on the dating site after we got together. He only went back on it about a week after we broke up. He got off of it again after telling me he wont be with anyone until we reunite. He then went back on it and told me that he is only on it for fun, but not going on dates anymore.

My suspicion is that he is on it to get his ego stroked and because he is lonely, to distract himself.

But I could be wrong.

[ChickiePops]

He's keeping you on the back burner to stroke his ego while he gets his pickle tickled by other women. Time to let this go.

[Sweetfish]

I'm not trying to be mean or have ideas running thru your head, but this is the reality. The fact that where ever he is at may not be his home town. To be on a dating site and active is only to get laid. So what if he meets a girl and the chemistry is great. Chances are they will hookup and when he comes back he doesn't have to live with the guilt that he was in a "relationship". Right now he is in conflict and bringing you into the mix. He loves you, but yearns for other women.. "fear of commitment"

 

Your best bet is to tell him now it's over...stop giving him the benefit of the doubt because he is using it to his advantage. If he hasn't done anything "yet" this will shake him up. But trust me your clinginess will drive him away FAST! Too late it already has.. a lot of guys can be this way. It sucks, but it's true. 90% of the men I work with cheat and it's mostly because they travel, have low self esteem, or their wives push them to cheat.

 

What's the point of driving up his confidence and driving down your trust? To be honest the best way to drive confidence is to hang out with other men... not women. For women to see men articulate with other men and lead the conversation is a lot more sexy than talking to a bunch of women. So that's a load of crock.

 

 

Get your feeling and the situation under control. You have a lot more power in the relationship than you think. If I were you. I would end it now and when he comes back you need to come to terms that he has probably hooked up with women and are you really ok with that??

[BC1980]

Having feelings for a person does not mean you want to be in a relationship with them. I assume that the mixed signals are him telling you he still has feelings for you. He clearly has no interest in a relationship with you. He broke up with you and is on a dating website.

[evanop]

I'm not trying to be mean or have ideas running thru your head, but this is the reality. The fact that where ever he is at may not be his home town. To be on a dating site and active is only to get laid. So what if he meets a girl and the chemistry is great. Chances are they will hookup and when he comes back he doesn't have to live with the guilt that he was in a "relationship". Right now he is in conflict and bringing you into the mix. He loves you, but yearns for other women.. "fear of commitment"

 

Your best bet is to tell him now it's over...stop giving him the benefit of the doubt because he is using it to his advantage. If he hasn't done anything "yet" this will shake him up. But trust me your clinginess will drive him away FAST! Too late it already has.. a lot of guys can be this way. It sucks, but it's true. 90% of the men I work with cheat and it's mostly because they travel, have low self esteem, or their wives push them to cheat.

 

What's the point of driving up his confidence and driving down your trust? To be honest the best way to drive confidence is to hang out with other men... not women. For women to see men articulate with other men and lead the conversation is a lot more sexy than talking to a bunch of women. So that's a load of crock.

 

 

Get your feeling and the situation under control. You have a lot more power in the relationship than you think. If I were you. I would end it now and when he comes back you need to come to terms that he has probably hooked up with women and are you really ok with that??

 

Well, I had a conversation with his brother a while back, where I mentioned that I would never in the world take him back if he had slept with someone else. That that is beneath me, I have too much dignity for it.

And a day later I got an email in which he told me that he wanted to clarify for sure with me that he wont be with anyone until he returns. That he was looking at other women, but it only made him realize that they can't live up to how great I am.

[evanop]

Having feelings for a person does not mean you want to be in a relationship with them. I assume that the mixed signals are him telling you he still has feelings for you. He clearly has no interest in a relationship with you. He broke up with you and is on a dating website.

 

He did say that he may want to get back together upon his return, but that he can't do long distance without feeling like he can't focus on his work.

WE did long distance before and it pretty much slowed down his work as we were constantly calling and reassuring each other... he also was very jealous.

[kidm]

So he loves you, wants to be with you but he broke up with you and is now feeding you all these lines to keep you waiting in the wings in case his hunt produces no new woman. Girl, wake up! When a man wants to be with you, he doesn't break up to find himself and log on to dating websites. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. I doubt he is ready for a serious committed relationship. He not even in his hometown and is looking for women in the area he traveled to? What more do you need to know? He's not going through a quarter life crisis, the only crisis was that he was in a relationship but still wanted to sample what else is out there. That's a man who is not ready to commit. Never wait to be picked by man. He knows he has all the power. He has you right where he wants you- confused and waiting on him to pick you.

[evanop]

So he loves you, wants to be with you but he broke up with you and is now feeding you all these lines to keep you waiting in the wings in case his hunt produces no new woman. Girl, wake up! When a man wants to be with you, he doesn't break up to find himself and log on to dating websites. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. I doubt he is ready for a serious committed relationship. He not even in his hometown and is looking for women in the area he traveled to? What more do you need to know? He's not going through a quarter life crisis, the only crisis was that he was in a relationship but still wanted to sample what else is out there. That's a man who is not ready to commit. Never wait to be picked by man. He knows he has all the power. He has you right where he wants you- confused and waiting on him to pick you.

 

Well I know he is not ready to commit, that is what he said when he broke up. This is no news. Everything you say is pretty obvious. No need to wake up here.

And yes, he is near his hometown, 20 min away from it, staying for the time being until he has enough money to return and build a life here.

[Sweetfish]

I am in Europe, he is in US.

I approached him on the dating website, we met fairly quickly.

He doesn't travel to different places at the moment and will return in about 1-2 months. He was not on the dating site after we got together. He only went back on it about a week after we broke up. He got off of it again after telling me he wont be with anyone until we reunite. He then went back on it and told me that he is only on it for fun, but not going on dates anymore.

My suspicion is that he is on it to get his ego stroked and because he is lonely, to distract himself.

But I could be wrong.

 

Well I know he is not ready to commit, that is what he said when he broke up. This is no news. Everything you say is pretty obvious. No need to wake up here.

And yes, he is near his hometown, 20 min away from it, staying for the time being until he has enough money to return and build a life here.

 

So in a nut shell. Your ok with what he is doing as long as he comes back to you.

[evanop]

So in a nut shell. Your ok with what he is doing as long as he comes back to you.

 

No, I have clarified to his brother that I won't take him back if he was intimate with others. After that, he reached out to me and said that he won't be with anyone. That he had one date and that it was sucky and he realizes no woman is like me. And that he wont be with anyone until we 'reunite'.

[Been]

Your being played. He's running around when he's away from you. When he comes back he wants you available to him.

Tell him your dating as well and I bet his response won't be too pleasant.

Someone says they can't commit move on. They need space? Then tell them to leave.

His brother is not going to tell on him.

[evanop]

Your being played. He's running around when he's away from you. When he comes back he wants you available to him.

Tell him your dating as well and I bet his response won't be too pleasant.

Someone says they can't commit move on. They need space? Then tell them to leave.

His brother is not going to tell on him.

 

No, his brother isn't, but the brother's GF is. Who is my friend and tells me everything, and she knows everything.

 

Gosh, people on here are always 'one size fits all'. Could anyone read all my posts and give a less jaded, less judgmental and men-hating opinion?

Thank you.

[Sweetfish]

No, his brother isn't, but the brother's GF is. Who is my friend and tells me everything, and she knows everything.

 

Gosh, people on here are always 'one size fits all'. Could anyone read all my posts and give a less jaded, less judgmental and men-hating opinion?

Thank you.

 

 

Negative.. your in denial and not hearing what you want to hear.

 

Your boyfriend is actively dating other women and tells you will be together when he comes back.

 

No one is man hating or giving jaded advise.

 

The question is are you OK with that?

Are you ok with him having an emotional affair?

[evanop]

Negative.. your in denial and not hearing what you want to hear.

 

Your boyfriend is actively dating other women and tells you will be together when he comes back.

 

No one is man hating or giving jaded advise.

 

The question is are you OK with that?

Are you ok with him having an emotional affair?

 

Huh? Emotional affair? I don't really see where you read that.

He said he went on one date and that there was no chemistry and it sucked and he hasn't been on any other dates.

He said all the girls he talked to were boring and none of them compare to me (he did not say this to me, he said it to his brother).

 

Again, today I got an email in which he wrote he thinks of me and misses me a lot, that he had a dream about me and cares so much about me.

 

He also liked something on my mom's facebook (which is really weird).

 

I am not in any sort of denial, he is not having an emotional affair and not dating other women. I also went on a date since the break up and it was ****. So what?

 

He's not 'emotionally' investing in anyone, and he is not sexually being with anyone. So yeah, I am ok with that.

Lol.

[BC1980]

No, his brother isn't, but the brother's GF is. Who is my friend and tells me everything, and she knows everything.

 

Gosh, people on here are always 'one size fits all'. Could anyone read all my posts and give a less jaded, less judgmental and men-hating opinion?

Thank you.

 

It's got nothing to do with man hating. If anything, you should love yourself more and know that you deserve better. I know that every situation has its own nuances, but people behave surprisingly similar in these situations. I've hung out here for a few years now, and I've had my fair share of real life experience with men over the years. A lot of this stuff keeps repeating itself.

 

I know it's hard, and it's difficult to see reality when you are emotional and care about someone. We've all been there. But we aren't emotional about your ex in the way you are, so our advice is objective. We can see what you can't see.

[evanop]

It's got nothing to do with man hating. If anything, you should love yourself more and know that you deserve better. I know that every situation has its own nuances, but people behave surprisingly similar in these situations. I've hung out here for a few years now, and I've had my fair share of real life experience with men over the years. A lot of this stuff keeps repeating itself.

 

I know it's hard, and it's difficult to see reality when you are emotional and care about someone. We've all been there. But we aren't emotional about your ex in the way you are, so our advice is objective. We can see what you can't see.

 

I am not stupid, I have been through breakups before and I have seen these behaviors in others and I have advised others on situations like these.

You said it yourself, every situation has its nuances.

 

But yeah, there seems to be only negative advice here and terrible things are being said. Only negative.

 

What will I do if he is back? What then?

Oh, and yeah, people have indeed said things on there that are just simply not true. Don't get any of this animosity.

 

Please close thread. thanks.

[evanop]

He's keeping you on the back burner to stroke his ego while he gets his pickle tickled by other women. Time to let this go.

 

Who says he slept with anyone? Clearly he says he hasn't, and so do our mutual friends.

[Been]

Never said you were stupid. But like people tell you sometimes the heart clouds your judgement. I hope everything works out for you-I have no reason to wish you bad. But he broke up with you. And here you are putting your life on hold for someone who LEFT you.

You live once. And if you want to wait around for someone of course that's your right. I've seen this many times. And 9 out of 10 times it doesn't go good for the person waiting. I really do hope it does go well for you.

[evanop]

Never said you were stupid. But like people tell you sometimes the heart clouds your judgement. I hope everything works out for you-I have no reason to wish you bad. But he broke up with you. And here you are putting your life on hold for someone who LEFT you.

You live once. And if you want to wait around for someone of course that's your right. I've seen this many times. And 9 out of 10 times it doesn't go good for the person waiting. I really do hope it does go well for you.

 

Well I didn't check for a few days but today I did and he deleted his dating profile again. And he wrote an email in which he wrote he misses me and dreamed of me. I don't know...

It's all a bit weird.

 

I am going on a date tonight to distract myself. I hope it will be some fun.

Haven't really put my life on hold at all. Just because I still love my ex and wonder about his future intentions doesn't mean I am going to wait for him forever. It's only been 5 weeks.