Nuno2015 Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 I've been maried for a year now, and we've been together for the past 6 years. My wife wanted much sex in the beggining, even more then me. Then we've lowered it for 2-3 times a week - that was perfect for me. Now we are like 1 time every two, sometimes three weeks. No "second day", no day after, no let's do it again. In the first year I just had to say it, and she would say "let's go!". In the morning "I don't have sexual energy in the morning". At lunch: "We have to eat, I'm hungry". By the end of the day: "It's time for dinner". After dinner: "Not with my belly full". At bed: "I'm too sleepy". I must say, sex is always great, always hot, she's awesome and I believe we love each other... but I'm 35 and she is now 50. Yeah, I know, but she looks young, tastes young, is young, and I love her and desire her. Believe me, I just touch her, and instantly become excited. Every time. She says it's nothing, sex happens when it has to happen, we don't need it to love each other. But she loves sex, sometimes is real hardcore - like she said. But I miss that and she doesn't want to talk about it, because she feels ok and doesn't care about what I feel, about wishing her so much, and having nothing, only morning kisses in her boobs while dressing, and she stops hot kisses, because she "doesn't whant to become hot and wet now, we have to do this or that, now it's not the time". No, she as no affair. Any tips for waking up that horse of fire that she is, a dream of a woman in bed? Thank you all, I'm suffering mainly because she doesn't get the problem, she thinks it's just my hormones. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Thank you all, I'm suffering mainly because she doesn't get the problem, she thinks it's just my hormones. Actually, can't help wondering about her hormones. Is she postmenopausal? Big adjustment for many women... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 You posted a similar complaint in Feb 2015 before you got married. Did things improve before you decided to tie the knot? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/514323-i-want-sex-we-had-before-more#post6145907 2 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Welcome to the wonderful world of menopause. Post menopausal sex is an interesting thing. A post menopausal woman is still capable of having sex. If you are nice about it and are stilled enough at it she may still have sex with you if you ask nicely and if she doesn't want to go through the hassle of you leaving for someone younger. But many post menopausal women do not feel that "need" to have sex anymore and no longer feel any kind of sexual yearning or sense of urgency to have it. With menopause the physiological sexual systems are shutting down and basically closing up shop. There may still be some psychological desires for closeness and affection etc and some women will understand sex's importance to a relationship for a man and will try to appease him as long as there is something in it for her. But that physiological yearning and desire and ....well... Horniness, are shutting down. That may be a BIG problem for a 35 year old man and a 50 year old woman. If a 35 year old man is still in good shape and is gainfully employed and is reasonably good looking, he can still get a 25 year old woman and have another 25 years of sex. With a 50 year old woman, hot, passionate, horny sex is going to be in the rear view mirror fading from view. Not many 35 year men are going to be able to take that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nuno2015 Posted October 30, 2016 Author Share Posted October 30, 2016 You posted a similar complaint in Feb 2015 before you got married. Did things improve before you decided to tie the knot? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/514323-i-want-sex-we-had-before-more#post6145907 Yes, a little bit, or I was less needy. But you know, summer was good, yes things were better, thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nuno2015 Posted October 30, 2016 Author Share Posted October 30, 2016 Welcome to the wonderful world of menopause. Post menopausal sex is an interesting thing. A post menopausal woman is still capable of having sex. If you are nice about it and are stilled enough at it she may still have sex with you if you ask nicely and if she doesn't want to go through the hassle of you leaving for someone younger. But many post menopausal women do not feel that "need" to have sex anymore and no longer feel any kind of sexual yearning or sense of urgency to have it. With menopause the physiological sexual systems are shutting down and basically closing up shop. There may still be some psychological desires for closeness and affection etc and some women will understand sex's importance to a relationship for a man and will try to appease him as long as there is something in it for her. But that physiological yearning and desire and ....well... Horniness, are shutting down. That may be a BIG problem for a 35 year old man and a 50 year old woman. If a 35 year old man is still in good shape and is gainfully employed and is reasonably good looking, he can still get a 25 year old woman and have another 25 years of sex. With a 50 year old woman, hot, passionate, horny sex is going to be in the rear view mirror fading from view. Not many 35 year men are going to be able to take that. Thank yoy,well , I don't know what to do. Leaving her because of sex... I love her and want her, so I should change ... But.. I want more sex now then when I was 25, you know? I've started my sexual life with 29! Yes, from my 21 till my 29 I only had sex occasionaly, not a "girlfriend", only casual sex. (like 15-20 times). I'm starting to look to younger women (bewfore I prefered older), but I still love her and don't want to cheat her, or leave her. ****.. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 Athol Kay, the blogger and author of "Marries Man Sexlife" states that men who take up with older women if they have a fundamental flaw in their game or have no grasp of their sexual market value. I think this is what has taken place with you. For some reason you felt you could only get with an older woman. There is no easy and painless answer here. Your options are divorce and work on your game and go back on the dating market to find a more age-appropriate partner than will have more years of fertility and sex drive left. Or resign yourself to the remainder of your years with a woman who is basically "done" with sexuality save for some handjobs out of sense of duty and maybe some 'mercy sex' occasionally when you are really desperate and she is feeling generous. Yes, you could try to cheat and you can ask for an open marriage. But neither of those options is really sustainable for a 35 year old man that has another 45 years of life expectancy left. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 This could be a temporary situation. Does she still have her period each month? Pre-menaopause can last from 2 to 5 years, sometimes longer for some women. That is the phase when the hormones are going up and down and creating all types of physical discomforts and emotional disturbance. Sex drive can take a hit during that phase. Once the menopause has been reached meaning when she has no more periods then a lot of women regain a healthy sex-drive sometimes even stronger than before because then there is no more pregnancy possibilities and a huge sense of freedom. There are ways to work around this and one of them is for her to see her doctor. She may need hormone supplements and that will fix her low sex drive. By the way I know plenty of couples that the woman is older and has reached that 50s or 60s and they worked through this just fine. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 It's likely hormonal. Ask her if she will see a hormone specialist who will do blood work to check various levels of estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone (yes, women need some too). She may need to be prescribed estradiol patches, progesterone pills, and/or low dose testosterone cream. All this may not completely "fix" the problem, but may well help considerably. Part of the problem is also attitude - is she willing to do things to help make YOU happy, or is it all about her? However, if she is unwilling to get help or use such prescriptions (or there are contraindications to some of these medications), then she is happy with a reduced libido even if you are not. If she cares too little about your needs to make a sincere effort to do something about what you see as a problem, then you have to decide if you can live with this for the rest of your life, or leave. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 This could be a temporary situation. Does she still have her period each month? Pre-menaopause can last from 2 to 5 years, sometimes longer for some women. That is the phase when the hormones are going up and down and creating all types of physical discomforts and emotional disturbance. Sex drive can take a hit during that phase. Once the menopause has been reached meaning when she has no more periods then a lot of women regain a healthy sex-drive sometimes even stronger than before because then there is no more pregnancy possibilities and a huge sense of freedom. There are ways to work around this and one of them is for her to see her doctor. She may need hormone supplements and that will fix her low sex drive. By the way I know plenty of couples that the woman is older and has reached that 50s or 60s and they worked through this just fine. Yes to all this! Not for nothing.....there are lot's of men of all ages with ED to whom many wives choose to remain supportive and faithful. Marriage is commitment to work together through many unforeseen physical predicaments. For sure I never thought my healthy, physically fit husband would end up with terminal brain cancer and die. If we love someone, we fix it if we can, we deal with it and compromise if we can't. OP, talk to her...make sure she understands that this is important to you. Give her your support to see a doctor, have appropriate tests/medications. Work on this together. Good luck! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 You were given the same advice re: hormones nearly 2 years ago. Did she see the doctor? What were the results of her blood work? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nuno2015 Posted November 2, 2016 Author Share Posted November 2, 2016 She had cancer (hormonal) years ago, she cannot take anything to influence her hormones. She has no period since long time. Thank you for your support, all of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 2, 2016 Share Posted November 2, 2016 (edited) Welcome to the wonderful world of menopause. Post menopausal sex is an interesting thing. A post menopausal woman is still capable of having sex. If you are nice about it and are stilled enough at it she may still have sex with you if you ask nicely and if she doesn't want to go through the hassle of you leaving for someone younger. But many post menopausal women do not feel that "need" to have sex anymore and no longer feel any kind of sexual yearning or sense of urgency to have it. With menopause the physiological sexual systems are shutting down and basically closing up shop. There may still be some psychological desires for closeness and affection etc and some women will understand sex's importance to a relationship for a man and will try to appease him as long as there is something in it for her. But that physiological yearning and desire and ....well... Horniness, are shutting down. That may be a BIG problem for a 35 year old man and a 50 year old woman. If a 35 year old man is still in good shape and is gainfully employed and is reasonably good looking, he can still get a 25 year old woman and have another 25 years of sex. With a 50 year old woman, hot, passionate, horny sex is going to be in the rear view mirror fading from view. Not many 35 year men are going to be able to take that. As someone who is sliding into 50, I take offense to this. I know you're generalizing here but there are still MANY of us 'old gals' who are still happily swinging from the chandeliers and who refuse to go down without a fight. Hot, passionate and horny sex is always on the menu in my house. Edited November 2, 2016 by Michelle ma Belle 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted November 2, 2016 Share Posted November 2, 2016 Are you courting her? Are you being romantic, telling her you love her every day, sending her love notes, taking her out on dates, telling her often how beautiful she is, doing offhand sweet things for her just for the sake of doing it? If not, her love-cistern has run dry my man. You need to fill it back up. Then...you might be surprised and she might just start having sex with you more frequently. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted November 2, 2016 Share Posted November 2, 2016 She had cancer (hormonal) years ago, she cannot take anything to influence her hormones. She has no period since long time. Thank you for your support, all of you. If she doesn't want sex due to having no sex drive of her own and she cannot take hormones to boost her natural desire for sex, then all you can do is woo her mind. Even if she isn't physically that into sex, you could push the right buttons, flip the right switches, and get her mind into sex. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted November 2, 2016 Share Posted November 2, 2016 If she doesn't want sex due to having no sex drive of her own and she cannot take hormones to boost her natural desire for sex, then all you can do is woo her mind. Even if she isn't physically that into sex, you could push the right buttons, flip the right switches, and get her mind into sex. Free your mind and your ass will follow... -George Clinton... Free her mind and her p*ssy will follow.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted November 3, 2016 Share Posted November 3, 2016 Free your mind and your ass will follow... -George Clinton... Free her mind and her p*ssy will follow.... They say the brain is the biggest sex organ. I know there have been many times I was busy or tired and my body didn't want sex left to it's own devices, but with some words and touch from DH, my brain got my body on board right quick. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted November 3, 2016 Share Posted November 3, 2016 They say the brain is the biggest sex organ. I know there have been many times I was busy or tired and my body didn't want sex left to it's own devices, but with some words and touch from DH, my brain got my body on board right quick. Making love to a woman start has to start several hours before the actual sex. You have to make love to her mind first, for her to have the best overall experience. But then... sometimes they just like to get it on. You have to go with the flow. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nuno2015 Posted November 5, 2016 Author Share Posted November 5, 2016 Yeahhh But how? I've never knowed(?) how to play the game, only with her things were perfect during the first years, but there was no game, I was just beeing myself. I don't know how to seduce. Link to post Share on other sites
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