Lostgirl186 Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Just curious. Have any of you ever decided, along with AP, that you would have one final encounter? Meaning you both say it needs to be finished and both decide ahead of time that it will be the last time. How did it turn out? Were you able to stick with it? Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Just curious. Have any of you ever decided, along with AP, that you would have one final encounter? Meaning you both say it needs to be finished and both decide ahead of time that it will be the last time. How did it turn out? Were you able to stick with it? I'm hoping this is a hypothetical and he has not asked you to do this. I've done this with exes and it's a really, really bad idea if you still have feelings for the guy. You feel like absolute sh*t afterwards and no, it tends to result in your texting, begging and making a fool out of yourself. I didn't do this with xmm, for one, I promised my H I wouldn't do it again, I made a deal with God for two, and three, my guy friend said if I did it he would be so pissed at me and if I wavered, to just picture the smug look on xmm's face the second it was over that he had been able to get what he wanted out of me again. I understand the physical pull. It really does go away. I don't remember anything at all anymore really. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
HeCantBreakMe Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 I would make deals with myself "this will be the LAST time I promise self" -- next time "okay he will NOT get in my pants today" .... Next day "OKAY SELF - BE COOL TODAY".. See a pattern. I think when it is time to break and run - break and run.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chica80 Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Yes.....still here more than a year later.... Bad idea....last time is only the last time until the next time... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Not an affair - but I had a FWB for quite a while, I was fond of him, really fond of the sex we had. I met someone - and decided to "go exclusive". A few weeks went by - and I don't know, I think I was questioning if I really wanted to give him up. So we had a one last time - a last hurrah. I have to say, the sex was different that last time, it was a good closure for me. I never spoke to him again. Link to post Share on other sites
Grey Cloud Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 (edited) If you read some of my old threads you will see I posed the same question. I/we decided not to as we were struggling to break apart and that would of just made things worse and kind of defeated the purpose of ending! So we didn't. BUT we ended up having another physical encounter 4 months later. Sometimes it's not over even when you say it is. It's easy to delude yourself and think that it is the final time and then it will be over. Going on past history and the on/off nature of affairs why will this time be different? It rarely is unless you have incredible willpower and are 100% committed to moving on. It almosts becomes an excuse to allow yourself to do it again. And you will become even more hooked with that last physical encounter which means NC will fail even before it's started! If you were 100% committed to moving on then you wouldn't even contemplate one last time. You would just walk away now and not look backwards. Edited October 29, 2016 by Grey Cloud Link to post Share on other sites
Messy Lady Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Please don't do it Lost. It will only cause you pain. I work with my MM so no chance of NC. My MM ended things with me (again) in late August but then a month later we ended up being physical again. The next day it was back to being over for him and I'm left feeling used like a piece of meat. A week or two later he does the "it's really over" talk yet continues to flirt with me. He knows I still want him - he even said something along those lines yesterday along with playfully grabbing me and asking if I still love him. He's playing me to feed his ego and keep me there in case he changes his mind about us again. It's awful. It's hard to act normal and I know that last time he and I were together contributes to this because it was so good and it also gave me hope. How naive and foolish of me! Doing this will just make it harder for you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
FusionCutter Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Just curious. Have any of you ever decided, along with AP, that you would have one final encounter? Meaning you both say it needs to be finished and both decide ahead of time that it will be the last time. How did it turn out? Were you able to stick with it? What good would it do, and how would it change how you feel know? Link to post Share on other sites
Jemima1234 Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Yep we did! Throughout the affair there were probably 5 times we said right this is it, last time then we stop! We finally had what we called the finale - lol!! Was great but I was very emotional afterwards. The PA did stop then.... Well for a month!!! It's now over but this time there was no agreed final time. The day after we were last together he said it had to stop- I agreed. And so far so good!!!! So my feeling is no it doesn't work, it just makes that last experience particularly emotional for me and makes it harder to let go! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 I can understand wanting this but for me being physical with him is what bonded us. After all I talk to everyone, even cuddle with others (if I'm upset) but I wasn't sleeping with anyone else. For some reason I'd blocked his whole life out and I just realised I don't want to intimate with someone that's having sex with someone else. What if he doesn't shower in between? Seriously some men get off on that. It's gross 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 "One last time" when you do not really care a damn, it happens pretty spontaneously and you just walk away carefree afterwards. = Great "One last time" as a planned event, you are heavily emotionally invested and you walk away heartbroken afterwards = A disaster. My advice is don't do it. Very "romantic novel", but best avoided if you truly care, as it just makes things worse not better. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 For some reason I'd blocked his whole life out and I just realised I don't want to intimate with someone that's having sex with someone else. What if he doesn't shower in between? Seriously some men get off on that. It's gross I agree, most OW block that reality out. It IS gross. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jemima1234 Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 I can understand wanting this but for me being physical with him is what bonded us. After all I talk to everyone, even cuddle with others (if I'm upset) but I wasn't sleeping with anyone else. For some reason I'd blocked his whole life out and I just realised I don't want to intimate with someone that's having sex with someone else. What if he doesn't shower in between? Seriously some men get off on that. It's gross Totally agree. However I was never able to block it out. Caused the biggest arguments between us - me wanting to know if he was, him promising he wasn't, me not believing him!!!! Etc! Was the biggest struggle for me. Weird how I could cope with them living together, spending time together- tho I hated it I accepted it. But sex - nope. Still don't know if I was just completely naive to believe it wasn't happening between them but starting to obsess about it a bit less!!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cyra Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 It is like a junkie saying, just this one last fix... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 It just grossed me out I don't know why it never occurred to me before but I have to give him credit he never said he wasn't having sex with her. At least that's something 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jemima1234 Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 It just grossed me out I don't know why it never occurred to me before but I have to give him credit he never said he wasn't having sex with her. At least that's something Have you ever asked him about it? Find it amazing so many OW don't ask- in some ways wish I hadn't cos hate thought he lied to me and thought I was fool enough to believe him! Tho I guess some marriages are sexless so who knows!!!! Mine is! Link to post Share on other sites
Cyra Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Have you ever asked him about it? Find it amazing so many OW don't ask- in some ways wish I hadn't cos hate thought he lied to me and thought I was fool enough to believe him! Tho I guess some marriages are sexless so who knows!!!! Mine is! I asked my ex if he was having sex with wife, he said about once a month and he would always tell me if it happened, he also said she always initiated it (lies) and he just had to go with it even though he didnt want to, poor him! Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Why would I ask? What goes on in their bed is non of my business and I didn't want the mental images. Ignorance was bliss 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jemima1234 Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 I asked my ex if he was having sex with wife, he said about once a month and he would always tell me if it happened, he also said she always initiated it (lies) and he just had to go with it even though he didnt want to, poor him! Without being graphic how exactly does a man go with it when he doesn't want to?! My xMM told me that once (we were together before)- and wouldn't accept it when I said its impossible for a man to do that lol ? Link to post Share on other sites
Cyra Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Without being graphic how exactly does a man go with it when he doesn't want to?! My xMM told me that once (we were together before)- and wouldn't accept it when I said its impossible for a man to do that lol ? He would say things like 'it just happened' or 'it would be weird if I said no'. He would also say that in his mind he didnt want to, but 'it' just responded, so what could he do? Seriously it actually makes me laugh now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 I asked my ex if he was having sex with wife, he said about once a month and he would always tell me if it happened, he also said she always initiated it (lies) and he just had to go with it even though he didnt want to, poor him! When xmm came back 5 months later, he lied that it was still a roommate marriage. When he finally came clean, he said the counselor made him do it and he also wanted to make her feel secure. I said, so how was it? He said, it was difficult for him because he had feeling for me and thought of me during it. I was like, give me a break. Sex is like pizza. Even when its not the best, its still pretty good. I was so happy I did not fall back into it with him. Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Without being graphic how exactly does a man go with it when he doesn't want to?! My xMM told me that once (we were together before)- and wouldn't accept it when I said its impossible for a man to do that lol ? Well, a man's body does respond to touch, even if he is really not interested. But I do agree. If you are truly not into it, get a divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
starswewillnavigate Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Have you ever asked him about it? Find it amazing so many OW don't ask- in some ways wish I hadn't cos hate thought he lied to me and thought I was fool enough to believe him! Tho I guess some marriages are sexless so who knows!!!! Mine is! I never asked, I never wanted to know! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 It is quite a mental image, all those wives grinding and bouncing up and down on their reluctant and unwilling husband's "reflex" erection, whilst he looks away and thinks only of his beloved OW. Yeah sure, like that happens... 8 Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 It is quite a mental image, all those wives grinding and bouncing up and down on their reluctant and unwilling husband's "reflex" erection, whilst he looks away and thinks only of his beloved OW. Yeah sure, like that happens... I know! Men think we are so stupid. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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