Lauren75 Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 (edited) We've been happily married for 18 years, although he's been suffering from performance anxiety since I was pregnant with my our child more than 10 years ago. Stupid enough of me and probably him too to think that he couldn't perform, I didn't want to put any pressure on him and I guess he didn't want to make me feel lousy so we were sexless since. Til I found out that he's been cheating on me for almost half a year with someone at work. I was so lost I didn't know what to do. He told me he loves me and our child very much and wants to take care of us. We also agreed to try to work things out and we started to get our sex life back but while we were trying, he started chatting with her again and ended up sleeping together on one business trip 1 month after I found out. I only found out about the relapse after we returned from a trip together. He told me he did it because he was overwhelmed by guilt and he need his own ending. In a way I could accept that but before I could move on or even start to heal I discovered that he had been cheating on me with someone else for 2 years. I don't understand.... he keeps saying he loves me more than anything else... he wants this to work and I can see he's very committed & eying very hard, no longer chatting nor trips with them, give me access to his phone, emails, bank accounts etc but I'm not sure what I should think nor do. Edited October 29, 2016 by Lauren75 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 He is a serial cheater and wants his cake and eat it too. He has a wife and child at home and he gets his jollies elsewhere, which no doubt suits him fine. I guess this may all have started 10 years ago or even sooner maybe. He stopped having sex with you because he was getting it elsewhere... Are you in MC/IC? If not then you need to be IF you want to save this marriage. He, obviously is not taking this seriously, he lay low until he thought he was in the clear again, which is actually not uncommon with cheaters. He may have a burner phone, a secret email address or uses an app to communicate, and another bank account, many cheaters do. Getting caught does not mean they stop, it may just mean they hide it better. You have a lot of thinking to do here. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 You're gonna get a lot of different advice from a lot of different perspectives on what to do in this situation. For me what helped me the most was a journal. If you don't mind I have some follow up questions.... you guys didn't have sex for roughly ten years? If so, then how did you...scratch the itch? Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 He was happy until he got caught. Your 'happiness ' was not real because you didn't have him. He is a serial cheater. These are just some the many extra side pieces he has. There are more. He will have a sorry story to tell about why he did it. All cheater have. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 You didn't have sex for ten years and were okay with that? Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 Ugh. You deserve better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 So he suddenly started having performance anxiety when you were pregnant 10 years ago and hasn't had sex with you ever since. It sounds to me like he might be one of those guys who can no longer view their wife as a sexual being once she becomes a mother to their child. He sees you as a mom, not as a woman. I can't believe you both let this go on for ten whole years. How have you coped? Link to post Share on other sites
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