Reply to ex' birthday wishes?

[Stillmissing him]

I need your opinions on this.

 

My ex dumped me over 9 months ago. I managed to finally start total NC nearly 4 months ago.

 

Now I had my birthday 2 weeks ago and he sent me birthday greetings via text and email. Should I reply?

 

On the one hand I think it is only decent to reply to birthday wishes, on the other I am afraid to get drawn back into the pain of losing my former relationship with him. He has not said anything about missing or loving me.

 

I still care way too much about him and am barely healed up. I dont want to risk getting hurt again, but I also believe that if I continue to ignore his messages, he will just move on and forget about me (if he has not already). (He has sent me a few messages in the last few months)

 

So, should I listen to my fears or send him a short reply?

 

Please advice!

[markraine]

What does the card say? Does it sound like it is asking for a reply, or is he just trying to be thoughtful. People can care about each other, but still not be in love or want a relationship. If it doesn't specifically hint at it, I would just keep up the no contact, you're doing good where you are at right now, no need to collapse, slide all the way down the ladder and start at the first rung again.........its really a judgement call though, but honestly, I'd say its just better off left alone If you want a reply, just send him a card on his birthday, not asking for a reply, it'll be thoughtful and you won't seem ungrateful and crap, then again why would you even care???? Good Luck!

[Zaira]

I think a "thanks" will do it

[Stillmissing him]

Originally posted by markraine

What does the card say?

"What ever country you are in I hope you have a great day and wish you many more to come. "

 

So no, not really asking for a reply, and not very personal either. So I guess you are right and I should just ignore him, it is not so easy though because I still think about him all the time, but it is better to not go there again. And whatfor? A lousy generic message?

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

Originally posted by Stillmissing him

I need your opinions on this.

 

My ex dumped me over 9 months ago. I managed to finally start total NC nearly 4 months ago.

 

Now I had my birthday 2 weeks ago and he sent me birthday greetings via text and email. Should I reply?

 

On the one hand I think it is only decent to reply to birthday wishes, on the other I am afraid to get drawn back into the pain of losing my former relationship with him. He has not said anything about missing or loving me.

 

I still care way too much about him and am barely healed up. I dont want to risk getting hurt again, but I also believe that if I continue to ignore his messages, he will just move on and forget about me (if he has not already). (He has sent me a few messages in the last few months)

 

So, should I listen to my fears or send him a short reply?

 

Please advice!

 

I think you should acknowledge that you received his message. Read some of my posts and you'll see what he might be going through. I want my lover back, and he hasn't replied to any of my emails, texts, or voicemails in over a month, and the last time we talked, we were supposedly in love with each other but just taking a break because he is working out of town until sometime this month (not sure cuz he hasn't contact me to tell me when he'll be back).

 

If you want him to stop sending you messages, you have to make it clear to him to stop.

[Stillmissing him]

Well, I did not reply to his wishes back in July and now his birthday is coming up in a few days. This of course has me thinking if I should contact him to wish him all the best.

 

The breakup was over 13 months ago and I have not replied to his messages since march. After the birthday messages he tried to contact me twice more in august, but nothing since then.

 

I am feeling much better now and am even dating a bit. (in fact I am off to meet some guy in an hour). I still miss my ex though and think about him a lot.

 

I wish we could be like the couple in Gwen Stefani's 'Cool' video. I know that I definitely want to be in contact with him in the future, I just dont know if I am ready for that yet.

 

I wish I could just wait until he contacts me again, but after all the messages I ignored in the last 7 months I dont think he will contact me again.

 

And what better excuse for me to contact him then his birthday?

 

What do you guys think? Should I wait another year to make sure I am completely healed and maybe even in love with someone else already?

 

Even if it means that by then he wont be interested in having any contact with me anymore? I kinda promised him that I would stay his friend after the breakup, and contrasting to most people who break up, he was serious about that.

 

I think he is hurt and disappointed that I did not stay in contact with him. From his point of view it was a mutual breakup as I also was not too happy in our relationship at the end of it. We were just too different from each other and often spoke about breaking up. I never wanted to go through with it though.

[Stillmissing him]

I did not reply to his birthday wishes after all. Now his birthday is approaching in the next few days and I feel a strong urge to send him a message.

 

Our breakup took place over a year ago and I have not had any contact with him since march.

 

I still care and think about him a lot and I know that I definitely want to be in touch with him in the end. Just dont know if the day has arrived.

 

What do you guys think?

[seachange]

Hmm. Tough to answer, because you're still the best judge of whether you can handle it. Worst-case scenario: he doesn't answer at all. Or possibly even worse: he answers with a brief update on his life, which includes a new love. Is that something you're really ready to hear?

 

If so, then I don't see anything wrong with sending a similarly generic message - hope your birthday is happy, good luck with your life, etc. But don't rush yourself.