Missedup Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 (edited) Ok im going to say this 1st i dont want to hear just move on! Ok me and my wife of 13 year she droped the bomb of not in love with me any more i know there is another man loser at that she has turned cold on me will not talk to me yes i have pushed to hard you name it i tried i juat started nc again i tried it last week and fri i seen a light in her eyes and i pushed what im looking for is success story do wife ever come out of the fog i love her to death ahe has told me all the signs of the fog we have not lived in the same house for a month now we was living with her mom so her mom would not lose the house after her dad passed Edited October 30, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator more descriptive title ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 Expose the affair. If you don't know who it is check the phone bill. Exposure without warning to all related parties at once. No contact except text email, kids only. If you chase,cry, beg or plead they will flee farther. This make you look weak and pathetic. Do not write a stupid letter pouring your heart out. Get strong quick. If you want to save the marriage you have to act like you're willing to end it. Any weakness on your part you lose 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 Expose the affair. If you don't know who it is check the phone bill. Exposure without warning to all related parties at once. No contact except text email, kids only. If you chase,cry, beg or plead they will flee farther. This make you look weak and pathetic. Do not write a stupid letter pouring your heart out. Get strong quick. If you want to save the marriage you have to act like you're willing to end it. Any weakness on your part you lose All good advice. OP, you might consider punctuation. Clarity will get you more feedback... Mr. Lucky 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Missedup Posted October 31, 2016 Author Share Posted October 31, 2016 Thanks i have brought it in the light now its just no contact and see what happens 1 Link to post Share on other sites
littlestarsmum Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 I’m so sorry to hear that. Situations like this are difficult. It's pretty obvious that you want to have a good and happy marriage. Have you ever considered talking with a counselor? Do you think that's something that might be helpful for you personally? I just said a prayer for you and your wife, and I hope that God will bring healing and hope to your marriage. Peace to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 Thanks i have brought it in the light now its just no contact and see what happens Exposure should be to his/her friends and family, etc. Do they work together? If other man is married make sure his wife knows. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Missedup Posted November 1, 2016 Author Share Posted November 1, 2016 (edited) I have as much as i could exposure it.problem is like i said he is a loser he has no family my wifes mom knows but she stands behind her only about 60% . we have 3 kids 12 11 and 5 we have had a good marriage we talked about everthing and i do mean everthing just one morning it was like some one hit light on her heart she went cold and i have went full nc as of sat only text her tonight to see if i could take kids out! she tried to talk to me when i got there i didnt say much and walked off ! i forgive her and i know its just the fog. Does anymore know a round about time for them to see they are losing everything? Her mom told me my wife said that is was all the little thing that just added up and she fell out of love wtf !but for her to just walk away and not even want to try! I cant wait for the fog to left and get her back someone is going to get his a$$ beat sorry for so much Edited November 1, 2016 by Missedup Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 It may be that if there is a chance to save this you will have to be willing to end it. Stay NC. Have you done full exposure. Don't worry about pushing her away. She's already gone. Stay away from MIL. She's an enemy to your marriage. Blood is thicker than water. Join a gym start working out. Get a good haircut and upgrade your clothing/wardrobe. Get out and do things. Visit friends etc. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Missedup Posted November 1, 2016 Author Share Posted November 1, 2016 I under stand blood is thinker than water but her mom will lose the house if we dont fig this out! But i will not talk to her anymore i have went as full as i can there is noone esle the dbag works for the company i do and everyone there knows he is a snake in the grass he knows what the hell he is doing Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 I have as much as i could exposure it.problem is like i said he is a loser he has no family my wifes mom knows but she stands behind her only about 60% . we have 3 kids 12 11 and 5 we have had a good marriage we talked about everthing and i do mean everthing just one morning it was like some one hit light on her heart she went cold and i have went full nc as of sat only text her tonight to see if i could take kids out! she tried to talk to me when i got there i didnt say much and walked off ! i forgive her and i know its just the fog. Does anymore know a round about time for them to see they are losing everything? Her mom told me my wife said that is was all the little thing that just added up and she fell out of love wtf !but for her to just walk away and not even want to try! I cant wait for the fog to left and get her back someone is going to get his a$$ beat sorry for so much You forgive her and she's still in the affair??? Read "No More Mr Nice Guy" free PDF download. Her other man isn't the mainproblem. He's just taking what your wife is giving him. She may never come back. You can't make someone love you or do anything. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Missedup Posted November 1, 2016 Author Share Posted November 1, 2016 I have not told her i forgave her! but he is not making it easy i have look at my self and seen a few problems but they was not big i have talk to everyone she know and talk to not many around 3 and they all said she has all ways seemed happy and proud of her family her best friend even told me that ahe has never said any thing about beening unhappy and i believe her when she says that Link to post Share on other sites
Author Missedup Posted November 1, 2016 Author Share Posted November 1, 2016 And looked over that book and im not a nice im a leader i dont care what plp like of me im not fake the problem is the one person that loved me for who i am will not even talk to me right now yes i have a heart but i dont take **** from noone the only reason i have not beat him is because i dont want to push her into his arms Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 the only reason i have not beat him is because i dont want to push her into his arms Really? Not because it's a criminal offence, or because you don't want to be in jail, or have a criminal record for the rest of your life, or because you don't want to lose rights to visit your children? Or just because beating someone is a terrible thing to do to another human being? Why are you blaming him, anyway? Your wife is the one who is cheating on you, not him. It's her fault, blame her. Besides, you don't need to push her into his arms. She's already there. You should file for divorce. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Missedup Posted November 1, 2016 Author Share Posted November 1, 2016 Its both there flaut i have told him to leave her alone and he will not he was a friend of mine he is just using her and after she comes around i will wait a while before i do it im not stupid Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 In an affair they will pick out any issue from the past to justify their actions. Don't fall for that. An affair is on the perpetrator 100% 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Missedup Posted November 1, 2016 Author Share Posted November 1, 2016 And she has thats why i know its the (fog) i have heard everything and its all a lie i just hope she wakes up before its to late for us when i do go file im taking my kids 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Missedup Posted November 1, 2016 Author Share Posted November 1, 2016 And i know the road ahead will be all up hill but im willing to do any thimg to save my family 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 Dude, you're like a man in a burning building, saying "I'm willing to do anything to save my home". The home is already up in flames. The best thing you can do is grab the kids, jump out the window and hope for a soft landing. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 Your feelings will change over time. No one will wait forever. Have you done full exposure? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 I have as much as i could exposure it.problem is like i said he is a loser he has no family my wifes mom knows but she stands behind her only about 60% . we have 3 kids 12 11 and 5 we have had a good marriage we talked about everthing and i do mean everthing just one morning it was like some one hit light on her heart she went cold and i have went full nc as of sat only text her tonight to see if i could take kids out! she tried to talk to me when i got there i didnt say much and walked off ! i forgive her and i know its just the fog. Does anymore know a round about time for them to see they are losing everything? Her mom told me my wife said that is was all the little thing that just added up and she fell out of love wtf !but for her to just walk away and not even want to try! I cant wait for the fog to left and get her back someone is going to get his a$$ beat sorry for so much It's not anything other than she started being interested in someone else. Call her what she is - a cheater. You're handing the cheater ALL YOUR POWER by even wanting that cheater in your life. Stop trying to get back with her - for now. SHE needs to change. IF she not changing then don't think twice about ending it...it's over anyway if it stays this way. Start protecting yourself! Have you moved money to your name only? Have you closed her credit cards? Changed the locks on the house? If not, then do it today! Take YOUR power back so this isn't so much out of balance! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 And i know the road ahead will be all up hill but im willing to do any thimg to save my family Get this straight - the "family" is now you and your kids! The cheater left the family unit when she decided to be connected to the OM. Treat her as the enemy of the M unless she COMPLETELY changes! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 You are blaming all of this on some all-powerful and mysterious "fog." You are justifying her bad behavior by assigning all the blame to the OM and this mysterious "fog." And you are waiting for this "fog" to clear and for her to return home to return to your previous happy, healthy marriage. But The reality is she is making a choice to do this. She is screwing this other dude and leaving you behind because she wants to. She is choosing to continue her involvement with him despite your protests and despite your pain and despite the disruption in your family life. Right now you are addicted to 'Hopium' and it is making you dig in and wait for this 'fog' to clear so you can get back to your normal life. What people are trying to tell you is that it is already over and there is no going back to normal. The foundations of trust and respect and happily ever after have already been shattered. Yes this OM may dump her and she may come back to have a roof over her head and to have 24/7 access to the kids. But that is not because she loves you or desires you or wants to have a happy marriage with you. And you will never have the same love, esteem, respect or trust in her again. You will always be angry, resentful and distrusting of her. You have not and should not forgive her for what she has done and continues to do is unforgivable. It is unacceptable behavior for a spouse. Get off the Hopium and realize that it is essential for you to get a lawyer and start preparing for divorce. If you don't she will end up either continuing to see this OM while you foot the bills and babysit the kids while she screws him. Or she will get a lawyer and file on you while you continue to wait for this mysterious "fog" to clear and she ends up taking everything and leaving you with nothing because you are doing nothing to face reality and protect yourself. There is no "fog" and she is not being duped by the OM. She is doing this by choice because she wants to. Put down the Hopium pipe, face the reality and grow some balls and do what you have to do to protect your home, property, financial assets and relationship with your children. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Missedup Posted November 1, 2016 Author Share Posted November 1, 2016 Wow thats all i have to say to that Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted November 2, 2016 Share Posted November 2, 2016 There's no "fog"! She's completely checked out of the marriage. Why aren't you understanding that her actions show that very purposefully? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Missedup Posted November 2, 2016 Author Share Posted November 2, 2016 Yall can say what yall want to and i might ne a fool for waiting but its not over till its over yes i have protected everthing money cars not the house its not mine its her moms im not going to turn and run when there is a mistake made i love my wife with all my heart and soul after 13 year what do i have to waste but a little time i know her like the back of my hand and she is acting like her self and i can see that if she does not come back then i can walk away with my head high and say i have done everything that i could she made this bed and she has to sleep in it Link to post Share on other sites
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