Jayne1982 Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 I've been with my husband for 14 years, he is my soul mate. I love him so dearly! For quite for some time he brushes me away making excuses that he is tired to have sex with me. He says that hes not cheating. Half of me wants to believe him? This morning I was playing with him, he flinched and made out I was going to bite him! I offered him a blow job! That's it!! He knew he made me feel stupid and was sorry, but it made me feel so upset for the rest of the day. I was crying and he told me that I need to get help because I'm always upset, when he was the one that made me cry. He denies me quite often making me feel unattractive worthless. I don't know if all this boosts his male ego, if you look at us am the beauty and he is the beast. I just don't understand. He says he only joking when he brushes me away, but a joke is a joke not every time.Surely he's aware that my feelings are destroyed. I've had enough I can't do this no more I want to leave? Can anybody help me! Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 I've been with my husband for 14 years, he is my soul mate. I love him so dearly! I guess the standard for soulmate is a lot lower than it used to be . He seems to neither care about your feelings nor your sexual satisfaction. Have you had a direct conversation with him about this? Obviously something going on, time to find out what it is. If you have a hard time bringing this up, marriage counseling might provide a safe platform for discussion... Mr. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 So, your soulmate makes you beg for sex? Your soulmate doesn't take into account your physical and emotional needs? Your soulmate thinks turning you away when you try to initiate sex is a joke? Any man that loved you, soulmate or no, wouldn't treat you that way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 (edited) 1) You must check for cheating. Don't ask him, don't seem concerned. Start spying - computers, phone, car, everything. If you find some bit of evidence - dont confront until you have a ton of evidence. Please dont make the mistake of having a break down when you find one little tiny bit of evidence. Wait till you have a ton of evidence - You might find cheating or you might find porn or other addictions. 2) You need to try to turn him around - not by begging but by being independent and having your own life. You start working out more, dressing better, acting confident, maybe going out with your GF's for drinks and coming home late - he might notice - and might work harder to keep you pleased. 3) You need to decide how much you would loose in your marriage, life, kids, home if you divorce - to go seek a new life. What are the plus and minus of leaving or staying ? talk to a lawyer and understand (just for consideration) what a divorce would like like for things. Really just sit calmly and visualize your life if you got divorced - what do you see? (for sure more sex) but what else ? 4) Lastly (and I may take some heat for this) ...IF - big IF - you find he is not cheating, wont change after you change, and getting divorced would not work for you - go get a causal male F buddy. Your a woman - you could easily find any number of single men - who would be glad to take care of you sexually with no strings, and no wanting to ruin your marriage, little risk. Think of it like a work out buddy, or getting a massage. If this is what you need to be sane. Edited October 31, 2016 by dichotomy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
littlestarsmum Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 I’m so sorry to hear about the struggles you're facing. Wish I could give you a hug. I just said a prayer for you and I hope that God will provide the comfort and help you need at this time. Have you ever considered talking with a counselor? Do you think that's something that might be helpful for you personally? A good counselor might be able to give you some solid guidance. I know your situation may seem impossible right now, but I do believe there is hope. Hugs & prayers! Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 hmmm. he does sound like he has some mental issues. Maybe he has an immature way of communicating...plays games instead of saying what he really wants. or maybe he is starting to get erectile dysfunction, and is shying away from physical sex because he is afraid he might not be able to get it up. i guess the answer to your dilemma is to keep trying, and keep communicating. If he does something that makes you feel unloved...tell him right away. If he acts odd about sex, simply say "why are you acting so odd? don't you like blowjobs anymore? What other thing would you like instead?" Keep at it, develop a thick skin, and after some period of time, he might start acting more adult and caring. don't be surprised if it takes a good year of your effort though Link to post Share on other sites
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