Yo Tony & the Fellas !!!!!!

[Confused]

Laconically speaking, I have been seeing my x girlfriend

 

after 6 1/2 months. I cheated on her over a year ago and

 

she found out in October. My dilemma is as follows:

 

We have been seeing a lot of each other and have had great times together...just like old times. We have been intimate and it's been great just like before. The thing that keeps eating at my brain is that she mentioned how she was seeing someone and they were initimate. I know it's hypocracy to get mad since I have been with other women, but hey...it's the macho side in me. I know she doesn't want to hold out in regards to honesty, but it's killing me. Not the fact that it happened, but on what level it was on. Meaning, did she get "loose" with him. She told me that I am the only man who has been able to make her feel comfortable in that area and even today, I am the only one she's shared complete uninhibitedness with. I'm in love with this woman and want to pass this hump. She said she wants to start over with me without making the same mistakes. Do you guys have any advice for me?? Do I believe what she's saying?

 

Am I being inmature or is it normal for man to have these feelings ? I don't want to find myself angry at her. Help !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Tony T]

1. "The thing that keeps eating at my brain is that she mentioned how she was seeing someone and they were initimate."

 

There was no purpose in her mentioning that except for the fact of getting back at you for cheating on her. But she had every right to screw every man in the world while the two of you weren't seeing each other. In case nobody's told you, women like sex as much as men. I would seriously look at the reasons she told you this...it was not a prudent thing to do.

 

2. "Do you guys have any advice for me??"

 

Yes, just forget it. If you love this lady and she loves you, who she's been to bed with is irrelevant. The vast majority of brides these days are not virgins. You will just have to get your act together, forget this, and not mention it again. If she does, then she is far too immature for you to have a relationship with.

 

3. "Do I believe what she's saying?"

 

I guess you mean: Should you believe what she's saying. I did not hear what she said. I only read what you said she said. I believe your account of what she said. Only you can make an evaluation of her honesty. But I think it is definitely in the range of believability that she would want to try to get things back on track with you. Given your history of unfaithfulness, I think this is a pretty nice gesture on her part. Then again, she may just be wanting an opportunity to hurt you as vengeance. You'll have to talk to her in depth about this.

 

4. "Am I being inmature or is it normal for man to have these feelings ?"

 

Not only is it immature, but it is irrational to expect a woman who is not seeing you to remain celebate until the possible opportunity may present itself when she can see you again. As a matter of fact, it's borderline narcisistic. You can't tell her how to live or judge her, especially when the conduct is away from you and has nothing to do with you while she's not seeing you.

 

5. "I don't want to find myself angry at her."

 

Again, it would be irrational and insane to be angry at her for doing something while the two of you were not seeing each other. You gotta be one hell of a control freak. You can't control other people who are not in your life at the time. And you shouldn't try to control people who ARE in your life. People are free. If someone around you does something you don't like, you are free to leave. Perhaps you should see a counsellor or therapist.

 

Now, if she cheats on you you still have no right to be angry. YOU did the same thing to HER. Try to understand the laws of karma. What goes around comes around. Now, if you are with someone who you have been totally faithful to and they cheat on you, that's grounds for getting a bit pissed. But, again, it's much better of leave and start fresh with someone new.

[Ed]

This is sort of a new twist on wanting to know details of your mates sexual past.

 

If she is willing to "forgive and forget" your past indiscretions, then you better drop the subject, real quick! Don't think about, discuss or otherwise acknowledge the fact that she "was" with another guy (you did say "was", not "is", in your post). It does not matter, one iota! If you don't do this, it will eat you alive.

 

The only thing you need to discuss or check up on are STDs. She should be as careful about this as you. And don't use the discussion of STDs to get information on her past sexual experiences.

 

For your information (so you won't be tempted to ask her):

 

You can get STDs from having sex in any position - missionary, standing, sitting or doggie style . You can get STDs no matter where you have sex - outdoors, in the tub, the car, the floor, the bed, the kitchen table or kitchen counter - any place. You can get STDs from giving or receiving oral sex in any of the previously mentioned places. You can get an STD from performing any of the previously mentioned acts, in any of the previously mentioned places, no matter if it was done one time or one gillion times! Using a condom can provide some measure of protection against STDs, although, there is no guarantee. And it does not matter if you put it on, she puts it on, he puts it on, you both put it on or how.

 

I hope that satisfies your curiosity. Be glad you are back together with your ex-girlfriend and don't worry about what she did or didn't do.