Lost the love of a life time. Help me regain life and love...

[LostWithOutHer]

Two weeks ago I lost my soul mate, confidant and best-friend. She told me that she didn't love me like she used to and that she couldn't she us being married anymore. But under these circumstance I believe shes confused and mixed up in her feelings.

 

I thought our relationship was great, it had been 4 years strong, we talked of marriage, both felt ready except financially, she was going back to school and I'm not sure what I'm doing. This past 7 month's we've been out of work, and although we don't live together, we spent alot of time together, too much I now realize.

 

She had recently moved from the east coast to the west coast in search of good employment till this fall, she will then begin a degree in school. We hadn't been able to talk as much, with the time difference and work. Since shes been up there we talked about marriage and our future. And when my plans down here didn't work out I was supposed to going up to join her after visiting with my family who was coming home for holidays. But three weeks after she left, about a month before I was supposed to go up, she calls me and tells me it's over. Totally obliviously to me she tells me that she has felt like this awhile. I soon find out that there is another guy in the picture that has been pursuing her, again I was oblivious. He is a very well off sort, has his own house and a great job, an all around great catch. Since we've been officially over he's been doing everything right, sending her flowers, lots of great little dates. Plus she had a couple of dates with him in high school about 6 years ago.

 

She says shes happy, but my theory is while she was up there, in a new place, an area of a bit more wealth and lots of single guys, show interested in by an old boyfriend, after kinda getting bored of me ( I'll admit I didn't do the best job of keeping her relationship needs meet) and starting a new job and preparing for school. I also think here brother had a hand in it. Is it possible that it's a... confused about old feelings and new feeling thing? a get out see other people to understand our relationship thing? is it possible that its just those things and she still love me? (which she says she do, she still want to be my best friend, a best friend who she'd put before har boyfriend) could she just be in denial? She told me that we'd never be together again, but isn't that easy to say in the early stages of a relationship? While your being swooned by a "prince charming"?

 

I want her back, I've realized my mistakes, I shouldn't have let her go without a ring on her finger, but it's too late for that. I realize now how much I love her, and I'd never make those mistakes again, with her or someone else. So what do I do now? I'm still go up there, its my original plan, I have to still live my life, and I know if there is ever going to be a possibility of us getting back together I have to be there, close by.

 

So what do I do? what do the females think of my chances? Do I trust what people are saying? Some are saying it'll work out us together, but a few are saying move on. I so lost.

[Leah]

soon find out that there is another guy in the picture that has been pursuing her, again I was oblivious. He is a very well off sort, has his own house and a great job, an all around great catch.

 

I might have read over it, but you never stated what "mistakes" you felt you made in the relationship. I think that's important to know in order to get accurate advice.

 

Sounds like to me that you're both very young and that means transitions in life like school, work, people, etc.

 

Evidently, the relationship, as it existed, was not satisfying to her and when she left, got into a new environment, she just started to change and that's natural. I dont think it's necessarily what you did or didnt do.

 

You say you should have put a ring on her finger, but doesnt really sound like you were ready for that sort of commitment. If I were you, I would focus more on preparing myself for life (so you can compete with these guys who have houses and great jobs) then everything else will just fall into place and if you meet someone else you'll be ready.

 

I would give her space, tell her you respect her wishes, then back off for awhile. Let her know too that you're there for her if she changes her mind and that you're doing your best to get your own life in order.

 

Don't act too anxious and maybe she'll be more likely to give you a 2nd thought, like, "hey, he hasn't called me for awhile !! Hmmm, I wonder what he's doing !!? "

 

 

If you keep pushing too hard she's going to run ... in the opposite direction.

 

Good luck.

[LostWithOutHer]

What do I do if I know theres something she not telling me. I want to know anything that'll hurt me before I leave to go up, becuase I won't have and close family or friends up there. I think I should find out so I can get over it before I leave. Should I? How should I go about it?

[Samantha2005]

What do I do if I know theres something she not telling me. I want to know anything that'll hurt me before I leave to go up

 

Can you message her or email? You didnt say exactly what you're afraid she's not telling you?

[Leah]

True ... is email or messaging an option?

 

Actually, email may be even better. Just make it a SHORT email then come out and ask her if what you're thinking is true or not. Tell her you need to know before you leave or you wont go at all.

 

You're going to have to get to a point where you can stand up for what you want. You dont have to be agressive, but be assertive ... you have to let people know what YOU want and what YOU expect out of a relationship.

 

Don't be afraid or embarrassed, just express yourself and if you're not satisfied with the answer then move on.