women being dumped, how much is normal?

[hotpotato]

Hi all. Is it normal for a woman to be dumped a lit, like 3 or 4x in a row? I feel like im an oddball bc most of my peers date and fet married with no problem. Of course, i dont know what their relatio ships are like behind closed doors, but i dont see most women struggling so much.

 

I think its in part bc im quirky and introverted.

 

Any other girls here who get dumped quite a bit?

[stillafool]

Even if you read around here on LS you will see women are getting dumped by the droves. I don't ever remember it being this bad. I don't know what is going on. Sorry to be negative but if it happened to you you are not alone.

[Herbalist]

I think a lot of women get "dumped" but that it just tends to be different in how it plays out. When women dump men it seems that it is often like an event where the woman officially dumps the man, whereas when a man dumps a woman it is often some slow-death, awkward fade thing or the man just behaves really terribly until he can get the woman to dump him.

 

If you are a woman who has been officially dumped a few times (like the man actually lets you know in a respectful assertive manner that it is over) then you have just dated some unusually mature men and/or they respected you enough to be straightforward about it despite not being interested anymore. So that is actually a positive thing for humanity in general but don't let it fool you into thinking that it's weird for women to get dumped just because we are women.

[hotpotato]

But is it mormal for a woman to get dumped evety single time she dates? I dont see most women having this much difficulty. Usually ive been left for other women.

 

I dont think its super easy for everyone, but i seem to be struggling more than usual.

[stillafool]

But is it mormal for a woman to get dumped evety single time she dates? I dont see most women having this much difficulty. Usually ive been left for other women.

 

I dont think its super easy for everyone, but i seem to be struggling more than usual.

 

I don't think it's a matter of being a woman getting dumped, people get dumped. Women aren't immune to this. If you find yourself getting dumped every time you date someone maybe you should look within. Have you thought of getting a dating coach?

[StalwartMind]

You are asking the wrong question, because you have the wrong focus. You can ask a thousand people, and you'll not hear the same answer, and even if the majority said the same thing, that doesn't mean it's normal. If you consider yourself for quirky and are introverted as well, then you should also know that many, often extroverts tend to misunderstand you, but it can be fellow introverts as well.

 

Sometimes when you try to meet new people, whether it's seeking a romantic interest, friend or something entirely else, you can end up with consecutive negative or disappointing experiences. That doesn't mean that you are doing something wrong or that there is something wrong with you, except that perhaps you are meeting or being interested in the wrong people.

 

I'm an introvert myself, INFJ if that's of any relevance, and I have seen plenty of times how my introverted friends have made poor choices, which was not in favor of them crafting strong connections with others, because they chose to be around those who just weren't very suitable for them. I don't know what you do on these dates, but if someone cares about you, then they'll also make the effort to try and get to know, which includes understanding why you have the quirky sides which you claim you do.

 

All of us have traits which others may not fully understand, and know one knows how to deal with every single person on this planet. I certainly can't assess if there are things you do which may be disliked by others, but all such can be figured out through a couple of interactions. You are welcome to write here or respond in a private message if you feel some things are best not expressed in public, assuming that you even interested in perhaps understanding yourself better. How each person feels about keeping things private is vastly different, but in general many introverts can be very private, and be slow with opening up to others. Whatever is the case for you, there are more than likely things you can improve, and sometimes we just need to change our approach a bit in order to be more successful.

 

I always encourage others to not be intimidated by rejection or failure, because there simply are no guarantees in life. You can be the best at something and still end up losing, because sometimes odds are just not in your favor. Don't let disappointing or negative experiences discourage you from trying again, and also don't compare your own experiences with others, because no one is the same. Any type of relationship requires effort, and sometimes those you encounter just aren't as interested as yourself in wanting things to work. You'll be surprised how many women and men do struggle with different things when it comes to crafting strong and healthy relationship, but just because something is difficult doesn't mean it's impossible.

 

I can't emphasize enough how a positive attitude and being genuine helps a lot with finding people who will appreciate you, and if someone will gladly and easily reject or leave you, then you should feel happy that they did so, because those types were never meant to be right for you anyway. Someone who is right, will take you for all that you are, and help you improve areas which you may struggle with, but do desire to better. Finding someone who can do that and consistently support you is rewarding, and everyone who has the will and interest is capable of doing so.

[GunslingerRoland]

I don't know if there is a normal amount, but do you really want someone to not dump you if they know you aren't the one? Maybe take it on the bright side, that they aren't just keeping you around and going through the motions with you, like happens to so many other women.

 

You may have some lucky peers, but finding the right person to marry isn't easy for many, it takes times and luck.

[Sand to Glass]

But is it mormal for a woman to get dumped evety single time she dates? I dont see most women having this much difficulty. Usually ive been left for other women.

 

I dont think its super easy for everyone, but i seem to be struggling more than usual.

 

It's nothing to do with you, except it sounds like you're dating the wrong men, or assuming very short term dating counts as relationships? Or sticking it out when you shouldn't, so he's the one who calls it off?

 

The whole point of dating is exploring who works and who doesn't. It just ends because those two didn't match. Doesn't mean there's a problem with either person. And every mismatch will end, every time, until you find a match and marry him.

 

Be more picky!

[RecentChange]

If they are always having to do the dumping, perhaps you are clinging to the wrong men?

 

The one with his weird relationship with his daughter - did you not move on from him like so many recommended? Or did he dump you eventually?

 

You have complained about ex's oggling women in front of you. Did these guys dump you? You didn't ditch them?

 

Honesty I think much of this comes down to a respect issue. It sounds like the men YOU CHOOSE to date do not reflect you. They continue to disrespect you, until they dump you. Meanwhile you should have had some self respect and walked away long before it reached that point.

 

Is this why your user name is hot potato?

[hotpotato]

I don't think it's a matter of being a woman getting dumped, people get dumped. Women aren't immune to this. If you find yourself getting dumped every time you date someone maybe you should look within. Have you thought of getting a dating coach?

 

I tried Evan Marc Katz, but he wasnt officially my coach. I signed up for his emails, and i used to go on his website. I signed up for a couple of services over the years.

[hotpotato]

It's nothing to do with you, except it sounds like you're dating the wrong men, or assuming very short term dating counts as relationships? Or sticking it out when you shouldn't, so he's the one who calls it off?

 

The whole point of dating is exploring who works and who doesn't. It just ends because those two didn't match. Doesn't mean there's a problem with either person. And every mismatch will end, every time, until you find a match and marry him.

 

Be more picky!

What is short term? My relationships last at least 5 mos. One was 3 years (dumped), 10 months (dumped). The last one was maybe the shortest. He said he loved me and we looked at rings together. Then he dumped me.

 

It doesnt seem like other women are having such a hard time finding a match.

 

I get dumped whether or not im picky. Picky also means i date less men and less often.

Edited November 3, 2016 by hotpotato

[hotpotato]

I think a lot of women get "dumped" but that it just tends to be different in how it plays out. When women dump men it seems that it is often like an event where the woman officially dumps the man, whereas when a man dumps a woman it is often some slow-death, awkward fade thing or the man just behaves really terribly until he can get the woman to dump him.

 

If you are a woman who has been officially dumped a few times (like the man actually lets you know in a respectful assertive manner that it is over) then you have just dated some unusually mature men and/or they respected you enough to be straightforward about it despite not being interested anymore. So that is actually a positive thing for humanity in general but don't let it fool you into thinking that it's weird for women to get dumped just because we are women.

 

I usually get dumped for another woman and not usually in a nice way.

[hotpotato]

I don't think it's a matter of being a woman getting dumped, people get dumped. Women aren't immune to this. If you find yourself getting dumped every time you date someone maybe you should look within. Have you thought of getting a dating coach?

 

Im weird, quirky, introverted, and i believe i had adhd and/or aspergers.

 

Ive consideted dating a man then dumping him after a few months no matter what.

[Els]

What sort of guys do you go for?

 

Ive consideted dating a man then dumping him after a few months no matter what.

 

This really doesn't speak well of you...

[hotpotato]

What sort of guys do you go for?

 

 

 

This really doesn't speak well of you...

 

Right now giys who are like me - loves to workoutand go places.

 

Why doesnt it speak well of me?

[Els]

Right now giys who are like me - loves to workoutand go places.

 

Surely there must be something deeper that you would look for in a man in addition to just working out and traveling? How about his character, integrity, etc? Honestly, if you (and I don't mean just you, this applies to anyone of any gender) pick a partner solely based on superficial traits, you cannot truly be surprised when the person ends up treating you poorly. It has nothing to do with you 'being an introvert' - lots of introverts maintain happy LTRs.

 

Why doesnt it speak well of me?

Because you're planning to hurt some random dude just because you were hurt in the past....?

[hotpotato]

I like men who are strong mentally and physically. I like a man who keeps his word. I need a man who is very masculine. Being physically active and a not a homebody are musts for me. I dont want to be in a relationship and be bored. If im active and hes a couch potato, we will both be miserable. In fact, i dont date often in part bc most men arent a fit for me.

 

Also, the guy i dump will be fine. He will just find someone else. Im not seeking out to hurt someone, i am protecting myself. The relationship is gonna end anyway.

[RecentChange]

You don't sound like you are in a headspace that is capable of maintaining a healthy relationship.

 

You have heard the cliché "what is the definition of insanity" right?

 

Doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result.

 

This cycle won't end until you respect yourself enough to command respect from others, and eliminate any who do not respect you.

 

Also, it's immoral to date someone with the purposesful intent of "dumping them". Have you never heard of do into others? Do you have no empathy? If getting dump hurts you, you should know exactly the consequence.

 

Kinda like saying, hey I keep burning my hand, so I am going to grab this other persons hand and stick it in the fire. It's cool, the burn will heal eventually.

 

I am sure you don't have any scars from all these burns.

[hotpotato]

I dont know what to do except going on meds to make me more normsl. I know more of what i need in a man so i have progressed in that area.

 

He will be fine. He will just go on to someone else.

[RecentChange]

Counseling would help you identify the patterns you are getting yourself into, and how to make better choices.

 

Self esteem doesn't come from drugs.

 

Curious, why is your writing "slurred" today? You usually wrote more coherently.

[hotpotato]

Counseling would help you identify the patterns you are getting yourself into, and how to make better choices.

 

Self esteem doesn't come from drugs.

 

Curious, why is your writing "slurred" today? You usually wrote more coherently.

Self esteem doesnt matter if youre weird. Drugs help balance out my adhd. I tend to say and do wrong things spontaneously.

Im just going to find someone i like, date for a bit, them dump him.

No, im not on anything if thats what youre implying.

[Toodaloo]

I usually get dumped for another woman and not usually in a nice way.

 

This speaks volumes to me.

 

You are not reading the signs and you are being a doormat. Neither are attractive. I don't think you are in the right emotional place to date either.

 

try Natalie Lue and Matthew Hussey for reading material. They are both practical, honest and non judgemental. You will not get the "rules" with them but instead guidance depending on who you are and how you normally operate as a person.

[hotpotato]

This speaks volumes to me.

 

You are not reading the signs and you are being a doormat. Neither are attractive. I don't think you are in the right emotional place to date either.

 

try Natalie Lue and Matthew Hussey for reading material. They are both practical, honest and non judgemental. You will not get the "rules" with them but instead guidance depending on who you are and how you normally operate as a person.

 

I dont think my exes esp the first one would say i was a doormat. I made that man miserable, though that went both ways.

 

It doesnt matter, no matter what i do ill get dumped.

 

I dont want to have to think abt everuthing i say in a relationship. I want to do things naturally like other girls.

[hotpotato]

I don't know if there is a normal amount, but do you really want someone to not dump you if they know you aren't the one? Maybe take it on the bright side, that they aren't just keeping you around and going through the motions with you, like happens to so many other women.

 

You may have some lucky peers, but finding the right person to marry isn't easy for many, it takes times and luck.

 

 

I want it to be relatively easy to find someone like for other women. I dknt know any women except online who struggle like me. If a woman wants to find a man to marry, maybe its not like falling off a bike, but it isnt usually so hard.

 

I feel a lot better today, but i still think i dump a man if i dated them. I will not be dumped 5x in a row. Thats not happening.

 

I had a couple guys ask me out which aggrevates my anxiety.

[hotpotato]

You don't sound like you are in a headspace that is capable of maintaining a healthy relationship.

 

You have heard the cliché "what is the definition of insanity" right?

 

Doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result.

 

This cycle won't end until you respect yourself enough to command respect from others, and eliminate any who do not respect you.

 

Also, it's immoral to date someone with the purposesful intent of "dumping them". Have you never heard of do into others? Do you have no empathy? If getting dump hurts you, you should know exactly the consequence.

 

Kinda like saying, hey I keep burning my hand, so I am going to grab this other persons hand and stick it in the fire. It's cool, the burn will heal eventually.

 

I am sure you don't have any scars from all these burns.

 

I've been doing the same thing over and over, so i'm taking matters into my own hands and doing the dump. No, i haven't been dating the same kinds of men.

 

If i dump a guy, im just beating him to the punch. I'm not changing the outcome of the relationship. Everytime i date someone he dumps me. He'll be fine. He will just find someone else.