women being dumped, how much is normal?

[5x5]

If i dump a guy, im just beating him to the punch. I'm not changing the outcome of the relationship. Everytime i date someone he dumps me. He'll be fine. He will just find someone else.

 

If your relationship goal is to dump someone, why bother seeking such relationships at all?

[hotpotato]

If your relationship goal is to dump someone, why bother seeking such relationships at all?

 

I dont seek relationships, but i end up in one every couple of years.

[hotpotato]

Surely there must be something deeper that you would look for in a man in addition to just working out and traveling? How about his character, integrity, etc? Honestly, if you (and I don't mean just you, this applies to anyone of any gender) pick a partner solely based on superficial traits, you cannot truly be surprised when the person ends up treating you poorly. It has nothing to do with you 'being an introvert' - lots of introverts maintain happy LTRs.

 

Because you're planning to hurt some random dude just because you were hurt in the past....?

 

Oh, you're not understanding what had in mind. It's not going to be some random guy, it will be my boyfriend. I'm not gonna pick some random guy, date him, and dump him. I'm talking about being in an actual relationship then dumping him.

[Els]

Oh, you're not understanding what had in mind. It's not going to be some random guy, it will be my boyfriend. I'm not gonna pick some random guy, date him, and dump him. I'm talking about being in an actual relationship then dumping him.

 

...............

 

So you are planning to dump your BOYFRIEND just to see how it feels like to be the dumper???

 

I don't even.... Jesus H Christ.

[ChickiePops]

Oh, you're not understanding what had in mind. It's not going to be some random guy, it will be my boyfriend. I'm not gonna pick some random guy, date him, and dump him. I'm talking about being in an actual relationship then dumping him.

 

Well this sounds nice and healthy and not at all like you're in desperate need of intense psychotherapy!

 

Why do you have a pathological need to hurt others?

[TheArtist]

But if you're in a relationship (whether you intend to dump him or not) isn't that the goal to begin with? If you dumped someone who you're dating just to see how it feels, are you going to then start a new thread with, 'I dumped this guy who adored me and I think I've made a mistake, now what? Wah, wah, etc'?

 

What a strange thread.

[hotpotato]

Well this sounds nice and healthy and not at all like you're in desperate need of intense psychotherapy!

 

Why do you have a pathological need to hurt others?

 

I don't. Hurting the guy is not the goal.

[hotpotato]

But if you're in a relationship (whether you intend to dump him or not) isn't that the goal to begin with? If you dumped someone who you're dating just to see how it feels, are you going to then start a new thread with, 'I dumped this guy who adored me and I think I've made a mistake, now what? Wah, wah, etc'?

 

What a strange thread.

Being adored is meaningless. I've had plenty of guys who adored me or said they loved me, and i'm with none of them. Love of adoration doesn't necessarily keep people together.

 

This speaks volumes to me.

 

You are not reading the signs and you are being a doormat. Neither are attractive. I don't think you are in the right emotional place to date either.

 

try Natalie Lue and Matthew Hussey for reading material. They are both practical, honest and non judgemental. You will not get the "rules" with them but instead guidance depending on who you are and how you normally operate as a person.

Actually, nowadays I can guess when a guy is gonna dump me. However, i'm not going to wait for that anymore, i'll just go ahead and dump him.

 

...............

 

So you are planning to dump your BOYFRIEND just to see how it feels like to be the dumper???

 

I don't even.... Jesus H Christ.

Well, it would hurt me, too. I'm not about to get dumped time and time again. Maybe if he can prove to me that he'll stick around, id think about not dumping him.

 

 

Are you just fine when you're dumped? Have you found someone else? It's horribly unfair that you'd hurt someone else, just to satisfy your own ego.

Yes, after awhile he'll be fine. I've always found someone after being dumped, and he willl, too. What do i do instead, wait around for him to dump me?

[PegNosePete]

Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to get punched in the face, hit by a car, or stabbed. But I don't go seeking those things because that would be NUTS.

 

Why on earth would you want to dump your boyfriend, if the relationship is going perfectly well, just to see how it feels? That is totally NUTS as well.

[Sweetfish]

I like men who are strong mentally and physically. I like a man who keeps his word. I need a man who is very masculine. Being physically active and a not a homebody are musts for me. I dont want to be in a relationship and be bored. If im active and hes a couch potato, we will both be miserable. In fact, i dont date often in part bc most men arent a fit for me.

 

Also, the guy i dump will be fine. He will just find someone else. Im not seeking out to hurt someone, i am protecting myself. The relationship is gonna end anyway.

 

I don't think your an introvert.. I think your just trying to plug your self in a category that most feel comfortable to you. I have not seen one introvert trait out of you.

 

Ever just assume your just quirky. Most introverts I know including my self, would not attempt to dump someone for kicks and only for the greater good and or they are being pushed in an uncomfortable position constantly(with the S.O.). I believe you need to check out the BPD thread for proof.

 

I think your attitude is what causing you to get dumped. It sounds mean..but what d you want? A sugar-coated answer?

 

You gave us no substance in this thread... another non-introverted move.

 

What are these quirks?

Why did you get dumped?

You talk about not dating boring guys and all these great traits? What do you have to offer?

 

Dating guide for women are HORRIBLE. Only one site/book I've seen comes close and thats the ex boyfriend recovery..

 

the advice here is pretty good. People are honest here and spend their own personal time to help others.

 

So why don't you be honest with your self and tell us about the real you.

[Kamille]

Maybe part of the issue is that you struggle to understand how other people feel?

 

That's what your plan to dump suggests. If you struggled to understand how the guys you were dating felt, this could explain why you struggle to maintain a relationship.

Edited November 11, 2016 by Kamille

[hotpotato]

Lol@me being mean! Now the first guy wouldve said that, but not the others. There were times here and there when guys brought it out of me, like bc of cheating or being emotionally abusive. Hell, one guy went on and on about how i had a big heart. Wuth the last one, we had our differences, but i was never mean to him. If i am mean, its from dealing with men...

 

I think im not good at doing gf things, whatever those are. At the same time, im not going to spend my life worried about everything i say or do. Not dating for years on end makes it worse. Some girls are very good at saying everything a man wants to hear and doing everything he likes.

 

 

Then me being weird and inteoverted makes it worse.

[hotpotato]

But it's going to be the end result anyway.

 

Let me give you a clue..dumping someone isn't any easier than being dumped.

 

This plan is ridiculous..going out of your way to dump someone just for the sake of dumping someone is like going out of your way to hit someone with your car.

 

1. Hes gonna dump me anyway

2. He will just find someone else.

[hotpotato]

Then why would you date him in the first place? Why not try to find someone who actually wants to date you?

 

Usually the guy does want to date me in the beginning. I'm intending on dating a man who does want to be with me and i with him.

[hotpotato]

In this thread i have people calling me mean and others calling me a doormat. Which is it?

[Sweetfish]

Lol@me being mean! Now the first guy wouldve said that, but not the others. There were times here and there when guys brought it out of me, like bc of cheating or being emotionally abusive. Hell, one guy went on and on about how i had a big heart. Wuth the last one, we had our differences, but i was never mean to him. If i am mean, its from dealing with men...

 

I think im not good at doing gf things, whatever those are. At the same time, im not going to spend my life worried about everything i say or do. Not dating for years on end makes it worse. Some girls are very good at saying everything a man wants to hear and doing everything he likes.

 

 

Then me being weird and inteoverted makes it worse.

 

again... what makes you an introvert?

[Shining One]

In this thread i have people calling me mean and others calling me a doormat. Which is it?

These terms are not mutually exclusive.

[hotpotato]

again... what makes you an introvert?

 

Because i like to keep to myself and dont mind being alone.

[hotpotato]

These terms are not mutually exclusive.

 

How do solve being a doormat? Start arguments? Ive never had a guy tell me i was mean unless he had already put me through the wringer. The guy before last and i never had an argument, and he still dumped me.

[RecentChange]

Usually the guy does want to date me in the beginning. I'm intending on dating a man who does want to be with me and i with him.

 

So is this not the case is your current relationship? Why do you know he is going to dump you? Why are you set on dumping him?

 

Is the relationship not good? Does it need to be ended?

 

I LOVE spending time alone, actually need a lot of "alone time" several hours a day - my social circle of people I actually open up to is extremely small - but I am still out going. I find it easy to talk to people, even strangers - perhaps you are different?

 

And I am sorry if this is offensive - but I find your approach to relationships extremely unhealthy.

 

And I am going to get all psycho babbly and say that it stems from your poor view of yourself.

 

Someone has a quote on their signature around here - something along the lines of if you do not love yourself, you will chase people who don't love you.

 

You have talked about dating men who disrespect you and oggle others. About how men have disrespected you and said unflattering things about your breasts. About guys who had weird issues that you put up with, despite airing your concern- and behaviours not changing.

 

There is a pattern here of clinging to men who disrespect you - and eventually dump you.

 

I would argue that you should have never been with any of them in the first place - but you have self image issues, and accept sub par treatment.

 

Until you feel better about YOURSELF you won't find a healthy relationship with a man who respects you.

 

Dumping your boy friend isn't going to make you love yourself more.

[Sweetfish]

Because i like to keep to myself and dont mind being alone.

 

 

This doesn't define someone as in introvert.

[hotpotato]

This doesn't define someone as in introvert.

 

Then what does?

I like and prefer solitary activities. I'm about to go on a vacation by myself. I go out to eat, to the movies, etc by myself pretty often. I've always been fine being by myself.

[hotpotato]

So is this not the case is your current relationship? Why do you know he is going to dump you? Why are you set on dumping him?

 

Is the relationship not good? Does it need to be ended?

 

I LOVE spending time alone, actually need a lot of "alone time" several hours a day - my social circle of people I actually open up to is extremely small - but I am still out going. I find it easy to talk to people, even strangers - perhaps you are different?

 

And I am sorry if this is offensive - but I find your approach to relationships extremely unhealthy.

 

And I am going to get all psycho babbly and say that it stems from your poor view of yourself.

 

Someone has a quote on their signature around here - something along the lines of if you do not love yourself, you will chase people who don't love you.

 

You have talked about dating men who disrespect you and oggle others. About how men have disrespected you and said unflattering things about your breasts. About guys who had weird issues that you put up with, despite airing your concern- and behaviours not changing.

 

There is a pattern here of clinging to men who disrespect you - and eventually dump you.

 

I would argue that you should have never been with any of them in the first place - but you have self image issues, and accept sub par treatment.

 

Until you feel better about YOURSELF you won't find a healthy relationship with a man who respects you.

 

Dumping your boy friend isn't going to make you love yourself more.

 

My relationships tend to be spaced out. Some of these things happened when I was 20 or in my early 20s. In fact, some of these guys have tried to come back, and I said NO. The last guy was boyfriend of the year except for a few things.

 

I'm not currently in a relationship, but yes, hypothetical relationship is a good one as they all start off good and wonderful.

 

I refuse to being dumped so many times in a row. He would dump me anyway. Unless he can prove he's not, i'm dumping him first.

 

I"m more hardcore introvert than you.

 

Plenty of men have said unflattering things about my breasts, that's pretty normal. I'm a chunky/muscular girl with almost a flat chest and tuberous breasts. Most men don't have an active preference for small breasts. The guys i've been with seriously have tried to make me feel better about them. In fact, the first boy in high school to have admit having a crush on me said something negative about my boobs. Sometimes you're gonna date someone and they're not crazy about all of your body parts and vice versa.

 

Nowadays i don't chase anyone. I quite chasing men when i was in my early 20s.

 

I want dating to be easy like it is for a lot of girls. It's not all roses, but it's also not a constant uphill battle. it seems pretty easy for most women to fall into relationships and marriage. I don't meet a lot of people, and I'm introverted so that makes it worse.

[RecentChange]

Plenty of men have said unflattering things about my breasts, that's pretty normal. I'm a chunky/muscular girl with almost a flat chest and tuberous breasts. Most men don't have an active preference for small breasts. The guys i've been with seriously have tried to make me feel better about them. In fact, the first boy in high school to have admit having a crush on me said something negative about my boobs. Sometimes you're gonna date someone and they're not crazy about all of your body parts and vice versa.

 

See this is where I staunchly disagree with you. A man who cared about you, and RESPECTED you would not be saying negative things about your breasts.

 

Why am I so adamant about this particular subject? - I have terrible breasts! I have a fried egg on one side (the half a hand full) and a full handful (the barely A) on the other side. I am 5'6" thick and muscular (so no, not some waif you would expect to be flat chested).

 

I wear padded push-up bras and refer to them as my "strap on titties" otherwise clothes just wouldn't fit right.

 

That said, a man has NEVER said anything disparaging about them. Sure the first "unveil" is a little unnerving (and I would often soften the blow with a warning "um, I have no tits") - but I only get naked with guys who RESPECT me, enough that they know if they dared say something negative when someone is so vulnerable (sharing their naked body) - that it would not end well!

 

And sure, we all have our physical short comings, but I would never tell a guy that his dick was shaped weird, or that I wished he had bigger pecks - its RUDE! There are somethings you keep to yourself - unless you are a jerk and have no respect for the person you are saying these things to.

[hotpotato]

Hiw is the boob job relevant anyway? A lot of women get cosmetic surgery for a variety of reasons. Yes, a man can like you and not like your boobs. Ive had men who told me i should model. Ive been called gorgeous even with no makeup. Ive had guys tell ne that i generally had a nice body. That doesnt mean any of them liked my boobs.

 

Ive gotten comments from guys whove never seen ne naked. My boobs are conical, and i dont wear a push up bra so its obvious donething is different. Like the guy in high school, he never saw me naked. He just knew something was different.

 

Plenty of guys still think im sexy. Im getting surgery bc thats what i want. I love beautiful curvy figures like what i never had. I love curves. My current girl crush is Uschi Digart.

 

Like i said before, no guy ive been serious with has flat out said anything negative about my breasts, like they were ugly or too small.