Any hope of reconciliation?

[LastAcorn99]

I guess it’s only natural for you to feel this way after a breakup despite how your relationship has been. Sometimes our feelings can be deceptive; we have to take decisions and move on, no matter how hard, based on what we have experienced. I pray that you’ll find healing and strength with each new day. ((Hugs))

[benpom]

I was in an unfulfilling, toxic relationship and despite us mutually breaking up, my ex immediately started seeing his sister's hot friend. Despite all of my logical side saying "good riddance", my heart is overridden with rose-colored glasses and regret about how I should have tried harder to make it work.

 

How do you reconcile what you KNOW is right vs what your heart says?

 

1. Be consciously aware of the situation like you do now. In time, you will feel better.

2. Get into a new routine and bring something new and joyful to your life.

[Pete2304]

I was in an unfulfilling, toxic relationship and despite us mutually breaking up, my ex immediately started seeing his sister's hot friend. Despite all of my logical side saying "good riddance", my heart is overridden with rose-colored glasses and regret about how I should have tried harder to make it work.

 

How do you reconcile what you KNOW is right vs what your heart says?

 

Which roughly translates to "I've been honest with myself and I want him back. I'm heartbroken and jealous and it's hurting like crazy. Is there a way I can learn to hate him instead because I know I should"?

 

I was in a toxic (and I mean toxic) marriage for ten years and the simple answer is you can't just suddenly not want that person anymore. It's going to take a lot of time, a lot of will power and probably a lot of time spent with friends to take your mind off things, even if just briefly.

 

It doesn't happen overnight but eventually, little thoughts start creeping into your mind along the lines of "if I'm truly honest with myself, there were things I hated about them" and then the other one "if I got them back now, in truth, would I really, honestly be happy or do I just hate the thought of them being with someone else?".

[jaQ3]

-I broke up with my live-in ex boyfriend in early September

-that SAME weekend he went on a date with his sister's hot friend, they're in a relationship now

-he waffled back and forth between staying or leaving for a couple weeks, slept with me 2 weeks after their supposed anniversary.

-he cried to me on the phone with how painful this all is

-a week later tells me "most of him" wants me to move on.

 

November 1st we moved out of our house together, on separate days. I traded in my weepy, begging self and told him I didn't want to hear from him unless it was in regards to settling the lease/utilities. Unfriended him on social media.

 

His tone changed. Where before he sounded aloof and cold, he was now endearing. Still seeing her though. He called me from work the next week. He said again how awful he feels and he understands if I hate him, but he wants me in his life. He said it was "painful as hell" to move all his stuff out. He said he loves me. I didn't say anything. We rehashed what went wrong in our relationship and agreed to meet up in a few weeks to exchange some odds and ends.

 

That weekend he went with his new girl on a mountain retreat. The following Monday morning I get a bizarre text asking about keys (I had given them back to him weeks ago) and he asked who I was voting for? (This is Election Day)

 

2 weeks later he sends me a "I have a package for you I picked up when I was at the house" I didn't answer.

 

I broke down and sent him a happy birthday text a week and a half later. He thanked me and again immediately reminded me of the package and mail. The package is a $10 monthly subscription box it's not a big deal.

 

Should I meet up with him? I'm not sure if I should wait longer and build up attraction/nostalgia or if I should wait if/until the honeymoon phase of his now 3 month relationship is over?

[Blanco]

Stop viewing being single as so unbearable. You weren't happy with this guy, but now that he's gone and with someone else while you're single, you suddenly feel like this is a relationship worth rekindling.

[dumbass2]

"Admittedly for most of our relationship I was more unhappy than happy"

 

This is a comment you made from one of your earlier threads and you should be happy most of the time in a good, healthy relationship and you were far from it. There's more to a relationship than common interests.

 

As others have suggested, you might want to try just being single for a while. Your ex is not the one for you as you have made that clear in what you have posted in the recent past. You really need to be telling yourself about those things. The negativity was the deal breaker and still should be. It's just who he is. You're not going to change that. If you go see him it will give you a momentary high and then you will be strung around and draw this out for a while longer. Why? You've even said he is toxic for you. It seems that his moving on after the break up and getting with someone so fast has damaged your ego? Do you just want what you now can't have? He is in control because he has options besides you. What happened to the guy you met online and dated?

[jaQ3]

"Admittedly for most of our relationship I was more unhappy than happy"

 

This is a comment you made from one of your earlier threads and you should be happy most of the time in a good, healthy relationship and you were far from it. There's more to a relationship than common interests.

 

As others have suggested, you might want to try just being single for a while. Your ex is not the one for you as you have made that clear in what you have posted in the recent past. You really need to be telling yourself about those things. The negativity was the deal breaker and still should be. It's just who he is. You're not going to change that. If you go see him it will give you a momentary high and then you will be strung around and draw this out for a while longer. Why? You've even said he is toxic for you. It seems that his moving on after the break up and getting with someone so fast has damaged your ego? Do you just want what you now can't have? He is in control because he has options besides you. What happened to the guy you met online and dated?

 

 

It didn't pan out with the new guy I went on a few dates with, no physical attraction on my end.

 

I know logically I was miserable, I've written all kinds of lists and I stare at them often. I know although he's with her he didn't want to lose me out of his life. I just am spinning because this girl, while pretty, is shallow and uninteresting. I don't know what to do to reconcile how miserable I was with "this is the right decision"

[Blanco]

It's a commonly accepted notion that people who don't take time and the steps to properly heal from trauma will eventually need to "pay up."

 

I don't think you properly healed from the death of your fiance. You masked that significant loss by jumping into a relationship with your now ex.

 

Perhaps you feel at peace with what happened with your fiance, but it's come at the cost of you being able to feel OK with being single. Hence, you stayed in an unfulfilling relationship for far too long, and now removed from it, were already trying to replace him with another man.