Did you act crazy during your affair?

[MidnightBlue1980]

Wow. Frankly, I am totally okay to do all of these things for my husband except a couple. I was fat when he met me, this is it sweets. Also anal, just not my thing. But the rest, why wouldn't I want to do that stuff, considering the things he does for me.

 

I don't think that is what affairs are about at all. I think neglect can be part of it but it certainly isn't all. Some men just feel entitled, stay away from those bast+rds.

 

I'm just repeating what I was told. Don't be fooled. Men lie to your face that they are fine with how you look and rip you apart behind your back. Not all men of course but when they have an affair, they generally do.

 

I heard all kinds of stuff about xmm's wife - fat, disgusting, slob. And while I am thin, my H is really into muscular women, he met someone without a job (and in her 20s) who had the time to lift weights for 2 hours each day. She did look good, I saw the selfies. She was not working 2 jobs and had had 2 kids of course, but men are cruel. I have a friend who caught her husband in an affair and the reason she divorced him was he called her "that fat b*tch" in text to the OW.

 

And yes, xOW said to my H how she loved to give bjs, and xmm asked me about it too. (plus the anal, which he never got). It's a big thing to a guy.

[ShatteredLady]

I'm still a hapless romantic that believes in equality. A huge step forward in social evolution.

 

I've never talked about this but I've thought a lot..... I'm English generation X. My whole political exposure was M Thatcher, a FAMALE Prime Minister (All of my formative years. My education....The greatest steps forward in English history (The industrial Revolution, The empire etc) Women leaders. It's got to have an effect on how the country felt about the sexes.

 

Our pop culture...

 

"Girls who are boys

Who like boys to be girls

Who do boys like they're girls

Who do girls like they're boys

Always should be someone you really love"

 

In my politically cool, social equality youth, I truly believed that we were the first COMPLETELY & utterly equal sexes in history. I didn't grow believing that Men were from Mars....We were all from Earth!! Politically things had NEVER been so optimistic in England! Blair won our hearts with "New England" & "we will be the FIRST generation NEVER to know war!". Oh we were so much deeper, we got it!!

 

Ok. It all turned to s**t but it was a lovely dream while it lasted.

 

I think that's why my husbands betrayal hits so hard. We were one. He never told me that he was from Mars!!

[whatatangledweb]

I can see why the OW acts crazy. The MM plays with her emotions whether it is on purpose or not. He future fakes then when she wants him to do those things, he makes excuse after excuse. Like a mindf*ck. Though I wonder if that is why some MM don't go with the OW after a d-day is because he believes the craziness is what she is really like.

 

Then as a BS I know why the BS goes crazy and I agree with Shattered Lady that we are much worse. I know my husband thought his OW had gne crazy and he hadn't seen crazy yet LOL. I was awful. I often wondered why he stayed and took it from me. He says he was because he loved me and knew it was his fault. Yet he never saw it as his fault she acted that way until I pointed it out.

 

I told him he must feel very special to have f*cked up two women's lives just for an ego boost. Not as his wife but as a regular person I can see how badly he played with her head and her emotions. He would tell her what she wanted to hear, then the truth,then back and forth. It would drive anyone crazy.

[Cyra]

He would tell her what she wanted to hear, then the truth,then back and forth. It would drive anyone crazy.

 

That is exactly why i acted like a basket case in the end. It can turn a sane person into a nutter and its an awful place to be

[SammySammy]

Act crazy? No. I don't think other people saw any difference in me emotionally.

 

The affair was strictly sexual for me. I took things to the extreme in that department just to see how far she would go. That created some interesting and intense times for us, but I don't think anyone outside of the affair noticed anything different about me.

[grassisorisntgreener]

I didn't act crazy, but I was crazy.

 

I ruined my entire life. I should have worked on my marriage instead of starting a relationship with a co-worker.

[MidnightBlue1980]

Act crazy? No. I don't think other people saw any difference in me emotionally.

 

The affair was strictly sexual for me. I took things to the extreme in that department just to see how far she would go. That created some interesting and intense times for us, but I don't think anyone outside of the affair noticed anything different about me.

 

That is because you are a man. You kept your feelings out of it. I wish he had been honest and said it was just for sexual experimentation instead of saying he was in love with me. But of course, I wouldn't have done it then.

[MidnightBlue1980]

I didn't act crazy, but I was crazy.

 

I ruined my entire life. I should have worked on my marriage instead of starting a relationship with a co-worker.

 

How did you ruin your life? What happened - did your marriage end?

[HeCantBreakMe]

How did you ruin your life? What happened - did your marriage end?

 

I am actually curious about your story too. I followed some of your old threads but I am curious how everything ended up for you?

[grassisorisntgreener]

I am actually curious about your story too. I followed some of your old threads but I am curious how everything ended up for you?

 

It did not end up good. I will try to keep this somewhat short, and sorry to thread jack -

 

So affair started in 2012. In 2013 the guys long time gf found out. Then a month or two later she figured out who I was. For over 3 years she threatened to tell my husband about the affair. I was too cowardly to fess up, so I just dealt with her reaching out to me at least monthly. She was so mean to. Like, so effing mean.. but whatever, I deserved it.

 

So last September I finally left my husband. It was so hard. I did it knowing it was the right choice, but I was also still holding out hope I was going to end up with my AP. Well months went by and he still wasn't single.. and then in July his gf did tell my husband. And he flipppppppppped out. Even though we weren't together. He put it all over facebook... told everyone. Threatened to kill the guy, and me, and himself. It was not a good scene. BUT..he calmed down and we went back to co-parenting pretty amicably.

 

So AP is still not single and it was coming up on a year that I had left my ex. So, I told him I was done.. that I was not doing this anymore. I left an entire life and I now share my kids, and he can't even break up with a gf he claims to not love anymore. DONE.

 

Then..I met a new guy. Single. Everything was legit. He was local, we knew a ton of the same people. Met him like a month ago. Things were going good. Just taking it slow as my divorce won't be final until January and we already know my ex is crazy.

 

Fast forward to this Halloween. Me and the ex and the kids all went trick or treating together. We live in a super small town and I live in the village and we had drank so I told him he could crash on my couch.

 

I wake up and he has my phone. He asked our son what the passcode was prior to that day apparently, and went through my entire phone. Got me out of bed and just starts freaking out about me seeing someone, tells me he knows everything.. and I'm just a mess..crying, telling him that I wanted to tell him (which is true, I had told my sisters that very day that I wanted to start living a genuine life and be open and honest).. and that I knew he would freak out so I didn't say anything yet. And then he takes off..with my phone. He says he destroyed it but that's not his style. He read every text on my phone. I delete NOTHING.. all my friends secrets and complaints and everything are on that phone. My sons birthday pictures..Halloween pictures..all gone.

 

I didn't call the cops because at that point there was really nothing they could do and I work for a police department and I didn't want people knowing my business.

 

So yeah...I am such a chill normal drama free person and this has become my life. And it really sucks.

 

Oh..and my ex texted my new guys as me...told him I never wanted to see him again and a bunch of other crap. Talk about embarrasing. I could seriously just crawl in a hole and die lately.

 

I need a life do-over.

[MidnightBlue1980]

It did not end up good. I will try to keep this somewhat short, and sorry to thread jack -

 

So affair started in 2012. In 2013 the guys long time gf found out. Then a month or two later she figured out who I was. For over 3 years she threatened to tell my husband about the affair. I was too cowardly to fess up, so I just dealt with her reaching out to me at least monthly. She was so mean to. Like, so effing mean.. but whatever, I deserved it.

 

So last September I finally left my husband. It was so hard. I did it knowing it was the right choice, but I was also still holding out hope I was going to end up with my AP. Well months went by and he still wasn't single.. and then in July his gf did tell my husband. And he flipppppppppped out. Even though we weren't together. He put it all over facebook... told everyone. Threatened to kill the guy, and me, and himself. It was not a good scene. BUT..he calmed down and we went back to co-parenting pretty amicably.

 

So AP is still not single and it was coming up on a year that I had left my ex. So, I told him I was done.. that I was not doing this anymore. I left an entire life and I now share my kids, and he can't even break up with a gf he claims to not love anymore. DONE.

 

Then..I met a new guy. Single. Everything was legit. He was local, we knew a ton of the same people. Met him like a month ago. Things were going good. Just taking it slow as my divorce won't be final until January and we already know my ex is crazy.

 

Fast forward to this Halloween. Me and the ex and the kids all went trick or treating together. We live in a super small town and I live in the village and we had drank so I told him he could crash on my couch.

 

I wake up and he has my phone. He asked our son what the passcode was prior to that day apparently, and went through my entire phone. Got me out of bed and just starts freaking out about me seeing someone, tells me he knows everything.. and I'm just a mess..crying, telling him that I wanted to tell him (which is true, I had told my sisters that very day that I wanted to start living a genuine life and be open and honest).. and that I knew he would freak out so I didn't say anything yet. And then he takes off..with my phone. He says he destroyed it but that's not his style. He read every text on my phone. I delete NOTHING.. all my friends secrets and complaints and everything are on that phone. My sons birthday pictures..Halloween pictures..all gone.

 

I didn't call the cops because at that point there was really nothing they could do and I work for a police department and I didn't want people knowing my business.

 

So yeah...I am such a chill normal drama free person and this has become my life. And it really sucks.

 

Oh..and my ex texted my new guys as me...told him I never wanted to see him again and a bunch of other crap. Talk about embarrasing. I could seriously just crawl in a hole and die lately.

 

I need a life do-over.

 

UGH on Facebook! That is my worst nightmare and the phone thing, it is a ticking time bomb with all the personal info. You are getting divorced though, but I can see the new guy not wanting to be sucked into massive drama. Did you explain to the new guy?

 

I have no idea why the GF is still with your xAP. Does she know you had been having an affair all this time?

[HeCantBreakMe]

It did not end up good. I will try to keep this somewhat short, and sorry to thread jack -

 

So affair started in 2012. In 2013 the guys long time gf found out. Then a month or two later she figured out who I was. For over 3 years she threatened to tell my husband about the affair. I was too cowardly to fess up, so I just dealt with her reaching out to me at least monthly. She was so mean to. Like, so effing mean.. but whatever, I deserved it.

 

So last September I finally left my husband. It was so hard. I did it knowing it was the right choice, but I was also still holding out hope I was going to end up with my AP. Well months went by and he still wasn't single.. and then in July his gf did tell my husband. And he flipppppppppped out. Even though we weren't together. He put it all over facebook... told everyone. Threatened to kill the guy, and me, and himself. It was not a good scene. BUT..he calmed down and we went back to co-parenting pretty amicably.

 

So AP is still not single and it was coming up on a year that I had left my ex. So, I told him I was done.. that I was not doing this anymore. I left an entire life and I now share my kids, and he can't even break up with a gf he claims to not love anymore. DONE.

 

Then..I met a new guy. Single. Everything was legit. He was local, we knew a ton of the same people. Met him like a month ago. Things were going good. Just taking it slow as my divorce won't be final until January and we already know my ex is crazy.

 

Fast forward to this Halloween. Me and the ex and the kids all went trick or treating together. We live in a super small town and I live in the village and we had drank so I told him he could crash on my couch.

 

I wake up and he has my phone. He asked our son what the passcode was prior to that day apparently, and went through my entire phone. Got me out of bed and just starts freaking out about me seeing someone, tells me he knows everything.. and I'm just a mess..crying, telling him that I wanted to tell him (which is true, I had told my sisters that very day that I wanted to start living a genuine life and be open and honest).. and that I knew he would freak out so I didn't say anything yet. And then he takes off..with my phone. He says he destroyed it but that's not his style. He read every text on my phone. I delete NOTHING.. all my friends secrets and complaints and everything are on that phone. My sons birthday pictures..Halloween pictures..all gone.

 

I didn't call the cops because at that point there was really nothing they could do and I work for a police department and I didn't want people knowing my business.

 

So yeah...I am such a chill normal drama free person and this has become my life. And it really sucks.

 

Oh..and my ex texted my new guys as me...told him I never wanted to see him again and a bunch of other crap. Talk about embarrasing. I could seriously just crawl in a hole and die lately.

 

I need a life do-over.

 

OH.. man!!! Honestly i truly wish i would have found this site before i went down this path. Affairs are NOTHING but drama.

 

How do you feel now that you are divorced? Do you have times where you wish you would have stayed and worked on things with your ex Husband or do you think you made the right choice by leaving?

 

THEY NEVER LEAVE. If they do leave they were out the door already. END of story.

[Tayla]

Have the phone service for that line turned off.

Most phones have lock features when theft occurred. It can be activated thru an online program.

 

You've done a dis service to honesty for abetting this guy in keeping your phone.

 

Why are you paying the price for his thievery? Get a lawyer, press charges and cease this nonsense. That's how you empower yourself. Your child will appreciate a parent who does the right thing.

 

Doing nothing hasn't worked. So do the right thing.

[Miss Clavel]

Yes...I felt crazy.

 

Besides the overarching issue of me betraying my husband, my values, my beliefs, my children...lying and trying to justify it all in my head, the actual relationship with xMM turned me into an anxiety-ridden, insecure, confused, objectified disaster.

 

There has to be some sort of FOO stuff at work here...at least in my relationship with xMM. And of course the way he treated me, the emotional unavailability, hot and cold/push and pull behavior absolutely fed my feelings of anxiety and low self-worth. The problem is, I feel that both the affair and MM himself helped create those feelings of low self-worth, though there must have already been a pre-existing need for me to get some validation from him. He compared me to his previous OW; he ultimately used me for sex; he would dump me and come back, over and over. So no wonder I felt insecure and confused.

 

But there is something about this kind of toxic relating that can fuel obsessive thinking...a feeling that the relationship is needed in order to relieve pain. It becomes addictive.

 

So yeah. I felt crazy. I probably acted crazy. I've never been that way in my life.

 

 

i'd be crazy too if someone was emotionally raping me.

 

cuz that's what you describe, imo, rape.

[imsosad]

I wasn't acting crazy as in bunny boiler crazy, but I did go off the walls in almost every aspect.

Home- from being a devoted,attentive mom and homemaker I became distracted and couldnt concentrate on home projects.

ExHusband- from being a nice,normal wife I became moody, unpredictable, edgy, selfish and commative.

Work- I love my job and am very invested in it, but during my affair I did not care about my work. I tried to care, but I was too distracted, emotionally charged and constantly on edge to function at work. I arrived late and left early so I can meet my AP. My prior impecable track record kept me from getting the boot,which would have been totally just.

Friends, hobbies,sports-Ha. Who can do any of that when you're always feeling half sick with guilt and anticipation and busy with obsessive thoughts.

Sleep-Nope.

AP- I would get depressed with guilt and shame, cry, turn on him several times a day, it's on,it's off. I cant do this and an hour later, I cant let you go.

It's exhausting just to remember all that. It lasted four months and I felt crazy every single second of it.

[grassisorisntgreener]

I wasn't acting crazy as in bunny boiler crazy, but I did go off the walls in almost every aspect.

Home- from being a devoted,attentive mom and homemaker I became distracted and couldnt concentrate on home projects.

ExHusband- from being a nice,normal wife I became moody, unpredictable, edgy, selfish and commative.

Work- I love my job and am very invested in it, but during my affair I did not care about my work. I tried to care, but I was too distracted, emotionally charged and constantly on edge to function at work. I arrived late and left early so I can meet my AP. My prior impecable track record kept me from getting the boot,which would have been totally just.

Friends, hobbies,sports-Ha. Who can do any of that when you're always feeling half sick with guilt and anticipation and busy with obsessive thoughts.

Sleep-Nope.

AP- I would get depressed with guilt and shame, cry, turn on him several times a day, it's on,it's off. I cant do this and an hour later, I cant let you go.

It's exhausting just to remember all that. It lasted four months and I felt crazy every single second of it.

 

Yes to all of this. Me too.

[Chica80]

Yes. This!!

 

I wasn't acting crazy as in bunny boiler crazy, but I did go off the walls in almost every aspect.

 

 

Work- I love my job and am very invested in it, but during my affair I did not care about my work. I tried to care, but I was too distracted, emotionally charged and constantly on edge to function at work.

 

Sleep-Nope.

 

AP- I would get depressed with guilt and shame, cry, turn on him several times a day, it's on,it's off. I cant do this and an hour later, I cant let you go.

It's exhausting just to remember all that. It lasted four months and I felt crazy every single second of it.

[MidnightBlue1980]

I was so crazy after it ended because he lied to his BS about it all. Reduced it to a one night hookup and said I was crazy. Almost a year later she did some IT magic and restored 2 years of deleted texts and messages and discovered he had been lying to her all 2016, false reconciliation and pretend MC.

 

Now xmm made two women crazy. His nightmare is just starting.

[Chica80]

I was so crazy after it ended because he lied to his BS about it all. Reduced it to a one night hookup and said I was crazy. Almost a year later she did some IT magic and restored 2 years of deleted texts and messages and discovered he had been lying to her all 2016, false reconciliation and pretend MC.

 

Now xmm made two women crazy. His nightmare is just starting.

 

Is this new? Like recently?

[freengreen]

It did not end up good. I will try to keep this somewhat short, and sorry to thread jack -

 

So affair started in 2012. In 2013 the guys long time gf found out. Then a month or two later she figured out who I was. For over 3 years she threatened to tell my husband about the affair. I was too cowardly to fess up, so I just dealt with her reaching out to me at least monthly. She was so mean to. Like, so effing mean.. but whatever, I deserved it.

 

So last September I finally left my husband. It was so hard. I did it knowing it was the right choice, but I was also still holding out hope I was going to end up with my AP. Well months went by and he still wasn't single.. and then in July his gf did tell my husband. And he flipppppppppped out. Even though we weren't together. He put it all over facebook... told everyone. Threatened to kill the guy, and me, and himself. It was not a good scene. BUT..he calmed down and we went back to co-parenting pretty amicably.

 

So AP is still not single and it was coming up on a year that I had left my ex. So, I told him I was done.. that I was not doing this anymore. I left an entire life and I now share my kids, and he can't even break up with a gf he claims to not love anymore. DONE.

 

Then..I met a new guy. Single. Everything was legit. He was local, we knew a ton of the same people. Met him like a month ago. Things were going good. Just taking it slow as my divorce won't be final until January and we already know my ex is crazy.

 

Fast forward to this Halloween. Me and the ex and the kids all went trick or treating together. We live in a super small town and I live in the village and we had drank so I told him he could crash on my couch.

 

I wake up and he has my phone. He asked our son what the passcode was prior to that day apparently, and went through my entire phone. Got me out of bed and just starts freaking out about me seeing someone, tells me he knows everything.. and I'm just a mess..crying, telling him that I wanted to tell him (which is true, I had told my sisters that very day that I wanted to start living a genuine life and be open and honest).. and that I knew he would freak out so I didn't say anything yet. And then he takes off..with my phone. He says he destroyed it but that's not his style. He read every text on my phone. I delete NOTHING.. all my friends secrets and complaints and everything are on that phone. My sons birthday pictures..Halloween pictures..all gone.

 

I didn't call the cops because at that point there was really nothing they could do and I work for a police department and I didn't want people knowing my business.

 

So yeah...I am such a chill normal drama free person and this has become my life. And it really sucks.

 

Oh..and my ex texted my new guys as me...told him I never wanted to see him again and a bunch of other crap. Talk about embarrasing. I could seriously just crawl in a hole and die lately.

 

I need a life do-over.

hugs. So sorry. More hugs.

[WisdomOverEmotion]

Yes very much so "crazy" did I go.

I was out of work for months with depression. I could not stop crying. I did not eat or leave my room for weeks at time. My family and friends were very considered for my well being during that time.

 

I had a lot of out bursts at xAP too. He would always say sorry and told me he's always there for me. Which was BS. He couldn't see how the whole experience of the affair made me ill.

 

I'm glad It's over and my head is back to a more normal and peaceful state.

[Stained glass heart]

Yes, I did. I admit it. Like you, I was hurt. I also had daddy issues but hadn't fully dealt with them until much later. Once I got therapy, I realized the type of person he is and always will be and that he'll never change. Made me feel better knowing once I apologized for my pyscho behavior, that he'll always be who he is. I can admit my behavior was wrong but he'll never do the same. Looking back on the things I had done, it was like, "How could I've been so stupid?!" It wasn't worth it because the end result was always going to be the same. They threatened legal action and filled out a police report, etc. It was ALWAYS HER doing it. He just went along with it to take the heat off of him.

 

Once I apologized for my behavior that was it. I felt so much better and I'm so much better because of it.

Edited November 26, 2016 by Stained glass heart

[hondababe]

Yeah I think ive gone a little crazy during it. Beforehand, I was confident and smiled a lot and was fun. I think thats what attracted him. And I was happy with him, I didnt know he was married and we had great times together. He came and stayed at my house for a weekend, flying over here of his own suggestion. Ive got a degree in English, specifically 19th century stuff, and he's the first person to have had a full on conversation about it. He knew what he was talking about. Seemed perfect. I changed once I found out. I think I held back to protect myself, needed to find out so did a lot of digging, got a bit obsessed with it I guess, then I stopped spending time on that and started spending time on me, but Id start to question him constantly. Havent really realised until the last 2 weeks that I was doing that. What did this mean to him, was it just sex to him, I told him it was just sex for me, blah blah... I think that has turned him off me.

But yeah, ive changed and been a little crazy and its so not who I am. I am the girl who was laid back, a free spirit, happy and smiling..

[esperanzado]

Holy hell was I nuts. I wish I had a dollar for every time my email to him had the word "forgive" in the title. Now I look back and wonder what the hell I was apologizing for. The person I needed to apologize to was ME!

 

 

After I went totally ape**** and outed the affair, he had the balls to say "I don't think you're ready (as in mature) to be in a relationship with me."

 

WHAT A DICK.

What a narcissistic, gas-lighting piece of sh$"!!!