Is my friend with benefits relationship ever going to evolve into something else?

[catalina14]

Around December last year I met this guy. At first I didn't think much about him, I just thought he was really cool to hangout with. But then after a couple of times we saw each other I really started to like him. Nothing happened until new years eve. We didn't know each other much but by chance we were both on vacation with our families in the same city. We went out and eventually we ended up kissing but nothing else happened. On January we started to hang out even more. He met my friends and we even went to his country house for a weekend getaway just us two. I thought this was it. I really liked the guy and he seemed to like me too. I took for granted we were going to start a relationship.

 

Then Uni started. He left first and he suddenly stopped texting me. It was not until two or three weeks after I was also back in the city that he talked to me again. (We are from the same city but we both study in the capital of my country. He was casual and invited me to parties and stuff from time to time. I never said no. We started seeing each other a lot, almost every week. I had also become really close to his friends. His best friend is now my best friend. When I saw we weren't going to hang out I pulled strings with his friends and we eventually ended up doing things all together. At the same time I got to know more stuff about him and he about me. We had an absurd amount of things in common!

 

Suddenly I didn't need to use his friends so I could spend time with him. We just clicked and effortlessly saw each other almost every day. We we acting like a couple but thats when things got ugly. We hadn't defined our relationship so one night when things were getting serious I confronted him. I told him I was not going to do anything with him unless what we had was serious. He then told me he would rather have years of a great friendship with me than a 3 months of a relationship. He said if that meant he had to stop hooking up then we would do it and we would remain just friends. It hurt for a while but I accepted it.

 

As friends we got even more close but one day I had a huge breakdown because he tried to hit it off with one of my friends. We never talked about it, I let it go and he never did something like that again. Over the summer we spent all the time together we took trips, he stayed over at my house, our families loved each other and we just became best friends. Sometimes it was awkward, everyone knew we had a past, and we felt this tension between us but we didn't hook up once. It was actually kind of hard to keep it that way. Then I left to China for vacations with my family. When I got back things got more awkward. We would literally show up at everything as a couple, but nothing happened between us. We would hang out with another couple all the time. We would walk holding hands, hugging and everything. I was extremely confused and then one night we started hooking up.

 

We had a talk and he asked me I all we ever going to do was end up kissing and then act like nothing happened. I then kind of agreed to have a friends with benefits relationship because I know for sure he loves me and I have the hope he will eventually man up and take things the way they are. I know he puts me before anyone else, I can call him at 3 in the morning to pick me up and we wouldn't think about it twice. Nowadays we have sleepovers at each other houses almost everyday but we don't always hook up. I feel he's keeping that distance because he's afraid he will screw everything up.

 

Last night we almost went all the way but I stopped him because I know I will be an emotional train wreck if this doesn't turn up the way I want it to.

 

Guys please tell me what you think. I know this is the typical case of the guy that doesn't want any serious with me and is just using me. But really consider the fact that he genuinely cares for me and will do a anything to keep me by his side. My theory is that he doesn't believe in compromise (his parents divorced recently and he keeps saying everyone cheats.) and doesn't want to give us an official title. When we are together nothing else matters. We are literally like Marshall and Lily! We even have a box of bets!

 

Thank you guys!

(sorry for the long post) :goofy:

[catalina14]

Right now I'm in a friends with benefits relationship with who I believe is my best friend. The problem is Im really into him now. The relationship started because there has always been sexual tension between us. (we started kinda dating, then we ended things, then we became really close friends) Although we only have made out I'm considering going all the way because I really believe we will eventually end up together!

 

Guys please tell me what you think. I know this is the typical case of the guy that doesn't want any serious with me and is just using me. But really consider the fact that he genuinely cares for me and will do a anything to keep me by his side. My theory is that he doesn't believe in compromise and doesn't want to give us an official title.(his parents divorced recently and he keeps saying everyone cheats.) When we are together nothing else matters! We both now we made the perfect "click":love:

[basil67]

If he would do anything to keep you by his side and felt you made the perfect "click", he would agree to be your boyfriend. He wouldn't take the risk of leaving you single for somebody else to snap up.

[catalina14]

If he would do anything to keep you by his side and felt you made the perfect "click", he would agree to be your boyfriend. He wouldn't take the risk of leaving you single for somebody else to snap up.

 

When we started dating things started to get serious and we had the talk. He said he would rather be friends for years than have a relationship risking that it might last just months. He's just one of those persons that makes you feel completely whole.

[Buddhist]

When we started dating things started to get serious and we had the talk. He said he would rather be friends for years than have a relationship risking that it might last just months.

 

This is guy talk for I don't want to date you. Sorry but it is. If you are happy to retain friend status and possibly suffer the heartbreak of watching him call someone else his girlfriend and leave you, then go ahead. Just don't kid yourself that you're going to end up a couple because with what he's told you, it's clear that's not his intention at all.

 

When someone wants to be with you there aren't any objections to being with you; there aren't complex and iffy explanations for why they are not with you. They are just with you. It really is that simple. People make it hard by hearing one thing and reading something else into it. What you need to take away from his little speech is this....

 

I would rather be friends with you.

 

The rest is window dressing to not hurt your feelings.

[smudge21]

Yep, he's made it pretty clear where his heart lies yet your emotions are blinding you from his words. You're focusing on the "what if" rather than the "what is". If you keep living in this little bubble of hope and ignoring the facts, then you're leading yourself to heartbreak city I'm afraid. It's tough when we want someone who doesn't want us. Google for unrequited love and take note of what is said. You're agreeing to FWB because you believe by doing so he'll change his mind during that time, but how is he going to want you when he already has you. Be true to yourself and keep things as friends, if you can, as right now you may not have the relationship, but you do have the feelings. You may even need to take some time apart, but that's a conversation for another time.

[elaine567]

As you are FWBs, then go all the way because you want to go all the way and not because you think that will persuade him to see you as his gf.

FWB arrangements and "feelings" do not mix, they are arrangements for sex.

He has already told you he is not, and does not want to be in a relationship with you. Believe him.

 

FWB are usually chosen by a person because they have a fatal flaw that stops them getting "feelings". YOU dated it didn't work out, he liked the sexual tension, he has now made you his FWB, NOT his gf.

Big difference

Very few women make the transition from fwb to gf, as to many men, a women willing to accept such an arrangement with him, is not serious relationship material.

Hypocritical yes, but it is how many think.

[ExpatInItaly]

When we started dating things started to get serious and we had the talk. He said he would rather be friends for years than have a relationship risking that it might last just months. He's just one of those persons that makes you feel completely whole.

 

OP, he is being pretty clear he doesn't have girlfriend-boyfriend feelings for you.

 

I know you are convinced you will end up together, but it's rather obvious he doesn't feel the same way.

[Toodaloo]

I then kind of agreed to have a friends with benefits relationship because I know for sure he loves me and I have the hope he will eventually man up and take things the way they are.

 

Rose tinted glasses... He is telling you one thing and you are hearing another because its not what you want to hear...

 

I feel he's keeping that distance because he's afraid he will screw everything up.

 

No he is keeping that distance because he likes your company and hopes to get in your pants but you are not the one for him you will just entertain him until he finds the one he wants...

 

Guys please tell me what you think. I know this is the typical case of the guy that doesn't want any serious with me and is just using me. But really consider the fact that he genuinely cares for me and will do a anything to keep me by his side. My theory is that he doesn't believe in compromise (his parents divorced recently and he keeps saying everyone cheats.) and doesn't want to give us an official title. When we are together nothing else matters. We are literally like Marshall and Lily! We even have a box of bets!

 

A box of bets wow! Thats like having a whole toothbrush at his place and moving in right!

 

Yes that was sarcasm. Designed to make you wake the heck up.

 

I think you are being an idiot and wishing for something more than it actually is. I think you have bigged this guy up in your mind into something he isn't and that unless you rein in your imagination you are cruising for a really hard thump when you land back in reality.

 

That is what I think.

 

Don't do it to yourself. While you are pratting about with this guy you are failing to notice all the other guys out there who do actually want you for more than the contents of your knickers or as a diversion from the x box...

 

Respect yourself and see what is happening and listen to what he is actually saying. Because its all there. His actions are telling you, what he is saying is telling you... Hell he just needs a flashing neon sign but in your current state you would even ignore that!

 

Stop doing it to yourself.

[Midnight_Madness]

Hi,

 

I currently have a FWB and have come to realise that there are many ways in which the relationship can go. I have listed a few below .

 

1) After a while of enjoying each other sexually your partner may trust you more and decide dating to be a good idea.

2) He may find he has all the sexual and emotional connection he needs in his life but with more freedom, and want to remain FWB's.

3) He may think sex with you has made your friendship awkward and not want to continue being FWB or even friends.

4) He may fall in love with you but still not feel ready for a relationship so you set rules and limits to continue the FWB situation or end it entirely.

 

Sex does not necessarily make someone who hasn't committed to you change their mind. After all there is some form of reasoning as to why they didn't want to date you in the first place and sex isn't always the magic key to those steadfast reasons.

 

Best of wishes for the future ?.

[preraph]

FWB isn't supposed to turn into anything else. And most guys are fine with that where most women are not. So don't agree to it if that's not what you want because you are wasting time and emotional energy on a dud.