Ex wants me to apply for a job at his company...

[purplesoccer34]

I dated a guy a few months ago, but one day he decided to end the relationship. I was heartbroken, but told him that I understood his decision. It was a peaceful breakup, and we've remained friends ever since.

 

While we dated, he repeatedly told me to apply for a job at the company he works at. It's a small company, but the opportunities there are plentiful. I never applied, because it's very difficult for me to work with someone that I'm dating. He has asked me to apply again more recently, but I haven't done it. I don't have strong feelings for him anymore, but the memories are still there.

 

It is an amazing opportunity, but something tells me that working with an ex is a bad idea. I just feel like I wouldn't be able to perform well at work if someone that I've dated in the past is at the same company. To make things a bit more difficult, he's very confused as to why I'm not taking advantage of such a good opportunity, and I'm finding that I'll have to explain it to him at some point. I'm thinking that this isn't really a big deal for him because I'm sure I felt more strongly about him than he did about me.

 

And even if we do end up on separate teams and never have to see each other, we will likely have some type of contact on occasion.

 

A part of me tells me that I should just go ahead and apply and interview at the company (he did say they would definitely be willing to interview me), but the thought of even interviewing with him around is making me incredibly nervous. I feel as though interviews are nerve-wracking enough without your ex being there.

 

What would you do? Am I truly missing out on what could be a great opportunity?

Edited November 2, 2016 by purplesoccer34

[LastAcorn99]

Since you’re definitely uncomfortable about the idea of being under the same roof as your ex, I would suggest you think deep and hard before you make any decision. From experience, for very different reasons, I know that when the interpersonal relationship in the workplace is uneasy or tensed, going to work becomes a drag and it starts affecting our performance. May you have the wisdom to make the right decision regarding this. All the best!

[UpwardForward]

I surely do agree with LastAcorn99. And it would seem to be the least painful route if you don't seek employment there.

 

However another question I would have is, whether or not you are currently employed: Would the job at his company be a good opportunity for you?

 

Possibly you could just take the interview, see how it goes - or if your feelings are relieved or reiterated.

 

There is a possibility he may not even be around during the interview.

[preraph]

I worked with an ex for 10 years because I was pursuing a very specific career path and he was on it, but it was HARD and not healthy. I wasn't going to let that stand in the way of me continuing on my path, though. It's painful watching them dating people and getting married and especially when there's still a spark on both sides, it can spin out of control. I was like his work wife.

[UpwardForward]

I worked with an ex for 10 years because I was pursuing a very specific career path and he was on it, but it was HARD and not healthy. I wasn't going to let that stand in the way of me continuing on my path, though. It's painful watching them dating people and getting married and especially when there's still a spark on both sides, it can spin out of control. I was like his work wife.

 

And most likely men love this. Having two women, one at home - one at work. Even if just a friend.

 

I see this each day with a few young men who have recently married. Marriage seems to make them more outgoing with other women on the job-site. Thus the women are attracted to them as well.

 

It's difficult to know OP, if he wants to pass on a good job opportunity to you and/or keep you closer to him.

Edited November 4, 2016 by UpwardForward

[loverboy69]

I suggest you pass on this opportunity.

 

Since you are asking about it you likely are not 100% healed over the situation. I say this with love: If he threw you a bone tomorrow you know you'd take it.

 

Starting a new job while your mind is preoccupied with this young man will only be a distraction and your performance will suffer. If you see him flirting with other females your mind will explode.

 

Take your skill set and apply at a similar or competing organization.

 

Chin up. You'll be alright!

[preraph]

And most likely men love this. Having two women, one at home - one at work. Even if just a friend.

 

I see this each day with a few young men who have recently married. Marriage seems to make them more outgoing with other women on the job-site. Thus the women are attracted to them as well.

 

It's difficult to know OP, if he wants to pass on a good job opportunity to you and/or keep you closer to him.

 

They do like it. Well, he and I are still friends decades later, but there was lots of rough water in between. It's just that we were on similar paths so we have that bond.