He cheated on his fiancee with me

[smilewhenithurtsmost]

Hi loves! Before I begin, yes I know what I did was wrong on all accounts. I am not here to get bashed but maybe some answers.

 

About a month ago, my ex and I broke up after a 4+ year relationship. I've had a semi-crush on this guy, we'll call him Josh for about 2 years now. When I say semi-crush, I mean that I thought he was really good looking but we really didn't know each other. We had mutual friends in common but never met. I saw that he recently obtained a facebook account so I sent him a friend request and he accepted. To my dismay, I found out that he was engaged (just last month) when a mutual friend posted a picture of the engagement so I decided not to pursue any further.

 

About 2 weeks ago, I posted a picture on facebook. Josh sent me a message asking how we didn't know each other in such a small town. We begin casually talking and I mentioned his engagement. He said thanks but he felt pressured into it. He doesn't know if they will get married, if they will last, etc. He asked if it was ok if he could get to know me better. Against my better judgement, I said yes. He suggested that we talk on snapchat since it was easier for him. One thing led to another and we began a snap relationship of a sexual nature. We agreed to become friends with benefits with the understanding that this was strictly sexual and we would not date. I told him I would be dating during this time and he said ok but he didn't want to hear about it. We laid down a few ground rules and then decided to meet. He also asked me to go out of town with him for a business meeting in early November which I agreed.

 

This past Saturday, I was on a date when Josh contacted me to say that he was coming into town (he lives about 45 mins away). I finished up my date and headed to my house to meet Josh. We sat on the couch and started to watch a movie. He was kind of pissy with me because I didn't answer his message right away even though he saw that I read it. I reminded him that I was on a date and that was why. He then asked me if our state won the football game and I replied with "I think so" and he said "oh so your date was like that?". So anyways, we began to fool around and start having sex. He only last about 5 mins but decides to go for round 2. After a half hour, he was not able to get off again so I told him I understood. He left and about 10 mins later he sends me a message saying "wow". He left a article of clothing at my house so I sent him a message letting him know that we could meet tomorrow before he heads back and he said "i'll get it another time". Ok, no biggie.

 

Fast forward to the next day. He sends me a message saying "hey". I replied and he asked what I was doing. I told him and asked what he was up to. He said "just sitting here. Listen I don't think I can do this, I'm riddled with guilt today. I'm sorry". I replied with "ok" but sent him a message a few mins later asking him if I could ask a question and he said yea. I asked him "is it guilt or are you not attracted to me or was the sex bad? I can handle it, I just want to know." He replied with "Guilt. You're gorgeous and that's the truth. If I wasn't engaged, I'd tried to date you and that's a problem for me". I said that I understood and to take care. I noticed later that he deleted me on snapchat.

 

I'm kind of baffled by his last message towards me. Yes, I know he's engaged so I should leave it alone. I'm just trying to find out what he is trying to say. It just leaves me so confused....

Edited November 2, 2016 by smilewhenithurtsmost

[VeveCakes]

Whats there to be baffled about.

 

He feels guilty and doesn't want to continue.

 

He lied about not wanting his engagement and wanted to see if he could sleep with you and he did.

 

That was all he wanted, he got it, now he's gone.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Whats there to be baffled about.

 

He feels guilty and doesn't want to continue.

 

He lied about not wanting his engagement and wanted to see if he could sleep with you and he did.

 

That was all he wanted, he got it, now he's gone.

 

This ^ exactly!

 

In addition my ex-fiance, who was also divorced told me he was pressured into his first marriage. His ex-wife was crazy. His ex-girlfriend before me was also crazy, and now I am certain I am the crazy “ex-fiance” He left me and was with someone he met at work. I bet my life he told her that he was pressured into getting engaged with me as well. Let me tell you, HE is the one that always wanted marriage he wanted to marry me 6 months into our relationship. We did get engaged at the 1.5 year mark but he is the one that was more gung-ho on marriage than I ever was, not once did I have to ask him to propose or get engaged.

 

Why am I telling you this?

 

These are the lies men tell women to get with them when they are already attached.

 

Forget about him, he lied to you, and will also lie about you if you did end up with him.

[ChickiePops]

There is literally nothing to be confused about. He made a stupid mistake and he feels bad about it. He doesn't want to talk to you anymore. End of story..leave him alone.

[Kelley]

He has used you, had his fun and I feel sorry for the Fiance because she will never know what a scumbag he is until it's too late! I hope you learned a lesson and have more self respect next time to choose someone single! Sorry if it is harsh I just hate cheaters, yes I have been burned!

[smilewhenithurtsmost]

Did I say I was in touch with him or was going to contact him? No.

[Madame_Noire]

He got what he wanted from you and then left. Funny how he is acting jealous when he saw you read and didn't promptly respond to his message because you were on a date with someone else.

 

All I can say is best of luck to his future wife, if they even make it down the aisle that is. He sounds like the textbook, crappy husband material as it is "I felt pressured into getting married" What next? "She doesn't understand me/We have not slept in the same bed for months/we are only together for the sake of the kids" Hopefully she will see him for the dick he is soon enough. I can guarantee the fiancee has no idea there are relationship problems. He just wanted to have his cake and eat it.

[Redhead14]

Hi loves! Before I begin, yes I know what I did was wrong on all accounts. I am not here to get bashed but maybe some answers.

 

About a month ago, my ex and I broke up after a 4+ year relationship. I've had a semi-crush on this guy, we'll call him Josh for about 2 years now. When I say semi-crush, I mean that I thought he was really good looking but we really didn't know each other. We had mutual friends in common but never met. I saw that he recently obtained a facebook account so I sent him a friend request and he accepted. To my dismay, I found out that he was engaged (just last month) when a mutual friend posted a picture of the engagement so I decided not to pursue any further.

 

About 2 weeks ago, I posted a picture on facebook. Josh sent me a message asking how we didn't know each other in such a small town. We begin casually talking and I mentioned his engagement. He said thanks but he felt pressured into it. He doesn't know if they will get married, if they will last, etc. He asked if it was ok if he could get to know me better. Against my better judgement, I said yes. He suggested that we talk on snapchat since it was easier for him. One thing led to another and we began a snap relationship of a sexual nature. We agreed to become friends with benefits with the understanding that this was strictly sexual and we would not date. I told him I would be dating during this time and he said ok but he didn't want to hear about it. We laid down a few ground rules and then decided to meet. He also asked me to go out of town with him for a business meeting in early November which I agreed.

 

This past Saturday, I was on a date when Josh contacted me to say that he was coming into town (he lives about 45 mins away). I finished up my date and headed to my house to meet Josh. We sat on the couch and started to watch a movie. He was kind of pissy with me because I didn't answer his message right away even though he saw that I read it. I reminded him that I was on a date and that was why. He then asked me if our state won the football game and I replied with "I think so" and he said "oh so your date was like that?". So anyways, we began to fool around and start having sex. He only last about 5 mins but decides to go for round 2. After a half hour, he was not able to get off again so I told him I understood. He left and about 10 mins later he sends me a message saying "wow". He left a article of clothing at my house so I sent him a message letting him know that we could meet tomorrow before he heads back and he said "i'll get it another time". Ok, no biggie.

 

Fast forward to the next day. He sends me a message saying "hey". I replied and he asked what I was doing. I told him and asked what he was up to. He said "just sitting here. Listen I don't think I can do this, I'm riddled with guilt today. I'm sorry". I replied with "ok" but sent him a message a few mins later asking him if I could ask a question and he said yea. I asked him "is it guilt or are you not attracted to me or was the sex bad? I can handle it, I just want to know." He replied with "Guilt. You're gorgeous and that's the truth. If I wasn't engaged, I'd tried to date you and that's a problem for me". I said that I understood and to take care. I noticed later that he deleted me on snapchat.

 

I'm kind of baffled by his last message towards me. Yes, I know he's engaged so I should leave it alone. I'm just trying to find out what he is trying to say. It just leaves me so confused....

 

He trying to say "thanks for the one-night stand. I'm engaged but will still fool around when an opportunity presents itself".

[Michelle ma Belle]

Whats there to be baffled about.

 

He feels guilty and doesn't want to continue.

 

He lied about not wanting his engagement and wanted to see if he could sleep with you and he did.

 

That was all he wanted, he got it, now he's gone.

 

Couldn't agree more with this post.

 

 

 

It baffles me that you're baffled by his last message.

[Sunkissedpatio]

What next? "She doesn't understand me/We have not slept in the same bed for months/we are only together for the sake of the kids" Hopefully she will see him for the dick he is soon enough.

 

Seriously! What a crock of sht.

[Madame_Noire]

Nothing to be baffled about, I understand what he is trying to say and I do not even know him or slept with him, it is so cliche..... He thought with his penis and now he is overthinking and feeling guilty because of his conscience.

 

He can delete you on snapchat and block you on Facebook, but he will never forget or delete what he did and that will and should eat away at him.

[Space Ritual]

Hi loves! Before I begin, yes I know what I did was wrong on all accounts. I am not here to get bashed but maybe some answers.

 

About a month ago, my ex and I broke up after a 4+ year relationship. I've had a semi-crush on this guy, we'll call him Josh for about 2 years now. When I say semi-crush, I mean that I thought he was really good looking but we really didn't know each other. We had mutual friends in common but never met. I saw that he recently obtained a facebook account so I sent him a friend request and he accepted. To my dismay, I found out that he was engaged (just last month) when a mutual friend posted a picture of the engagement so I decided not to pursue any further.

 

About 2 weeks ago, I posted a picture on facebook. Josh sent me a message asking how we didn't know each other in such a small town. We begin casually talking and I mentioned his engagement. He said thanks but he felt pressured into it. He doesn't know if they will get married, if they will last, etc. He asked if it was ok if he could get to know me better. Against my better judgement, I said yes. He suggested that we talk on snapchat since it was easier for him. One thing led to another and we began a snap relationship of a sexual nature. We agreed to become friends with benefits with the understanding that this was strictly sexual and we would not date. I told him I would be dating during this time and he said ok but he didn't want to hear about it. We laid down a few ground rules and then decided to meet. He also asked me to go out of town with him for a business meeting in early November which I agreed.

 

This past Saturday, I was on a date when Josh contacted me to say that he was coming into town (he lives about 45 mins away). I finished up my date and headed to my house to meet Josh. We sat on the couch and started to watch a movie. He was kind of pissy with me because I didn't answer his message right away even though he saw that I read it. I reminded him that I was on a date and that was why. He then asked me if our state won the football game and I replied with "I think so" and he said "oh so your date was like that?". So anyways, we began to fool around and start having sex. He only last about 5 mins but decides to go for round 2. After a half hour, he was not able to get off again so I told him I understood. He left and about 10 mins later he sends me a message saying "wow". He left a article of clothing at my house so I sent him a message letting him know that we could meet tomorrow before he heads back and he said "i'll get it another time". Ok, no biggie.

 

Fast forward to the next day. He sends me a message saying "hey". I replied and he asked what I was doing. I told him and asked what he was up to. He said "just sitting here. Listen I don't think I can do this, I'm riddled with guilt today. I'm sorry". I replied with "ok" but sent him a message a few mins later asking him if I could ask a question and he said yea. I asked him "is it guilt or are you not attracted to me or was the sex bad? I can handle it, I just want to know." He replied with "Guilt. You're gorgeous and that's the truth. If I wasn't engaged, I'd tried to date you and that's a problem for me". I said that I understood and to take care. I noticed later that he deleted me on snapchat.

 

I'm kind of baffled by his last message towards me. Yes, I know he's engaged so I should leave it alone. I'm just trying to find out what he is trying to say. It just leaves me so confused....

 

What answers are you seeking?

 

You made a decision to talk to him, also made other choices including having sex with him AFTER you knew he was engaged.

 

He used you to get a piece of ass, and you jumped in with both feet.

 

So you did not make any mistakes. All your choices were conscious ones. You share half the blame of having sex with this guy. So don't attempt to minimize your actions.

 

He pumped you and dumped you. How does that feel?

 

The shame of all of it is that so many people go into engagements really not knowing what it actually means. A lot of poor excuses to go around on this forum about it, just read some of people's stories and you'll know yourself.

 

It all boils down to whether either you, or Josh have any sense of integrity.

 

There is actually some hope for you though. You could actually show you do have some morsel of integrity and inform Josh's fiance exactly what occurred along with the messages as proof.

 

She deserves to know exactly who it is she is marrying. If you can muster up the courage to screw an engaged man, then you probably need to muster up enough courage to be honest about it to someone who's life will be affected by it.

 

She is entering a marriage based on a lie. If it was you, wouldn't you want to know who it was you were marrying? Or would you elect to remain blissfully unaware?

 

And get an STD test. I doubt you used protection and only God knows what other people he has screwed so I'm sure you are not the first one he has banged during his engagement.

 

The "I feel forced into it" is the most often used line by guys to get a sympathy bang. And you fell for it.

 

Bravo!

[Space Ritual]

He can delete you on snapchat and block you on Facebook, but he will never forget or delete what he did and that will and should eat away at him.

 

 

Frankly he does not care as long as OP keeps her mouth shut about it. That is the only thing he is worried about. Engaged guys who screw women other than their fiance only feel guilty about it if someone finds out.

[stillafool]

Funny how he is acting jealous when he saw you read and didn't promptly respond to his message because you were on a date with someone else.

 

 

He wasn't jealous he was concerned. He knew he was just there for the sex and was hoping OP hadn't had sex earlier with the other guy. That's why he was being nosey about her date. Yes he used you for the sex but that's what you wanted so I guess you weren't used. I certainly don't understand what you are confused about. He made it clear he is guilty and tried to be nice by saying you're beautiful, blah, blah, blah.

[Robert]

This is a reminder from moderation to please keep posts productive and respectful to the threadstarter.

 

Thanks,

~6

[elaine567]

I asked him "is it guilt or are you not attracted to me or was the sex bad? I can handle it, I just want to know." He replied with "Guilt. You're gorgeous and that's the truth. If I wasn't engaged, I'd tried to date you and that's a problem for me". I said that I understood and to take care. I noticed later that he deleted me on snapchat.

 

I'm kind of baffled by his last message towards me. Yes, I know he's engaged so I should leave it alone. I'm just trying to find out what he is trying to say. It just leaves me so confused....

 

See the words in bold, that is the hook, so if he is at a loose end or his fiancée is away, and he fancies another bite at the cheating cherry, you will be only too pleased to oblige, as he has told you IF ONLY he wasn't engaged then you two could make a go of it. He is planting a seed in your brain, you then think this wasn't just a meaningless hook up, he really, really likes me...

Do not fall for this.

[ChickiePops]

Did I say I was in touch with him or was going to contact him? No.

 

So if he gets back in touch with you, you'll ignore him?

[aileD]

he asked if it was ok if he could get to know me better. Against my better judgement, I said yes.

Instead of saying "yes". Had you said "no, I don't think that's appropriate since you are engaged". You would have set a precident that you are respectful and thus someone to be respected.

 

I know you can't take it back now. But you can start making that your standard NOW.

 

Good luck to you

Edited November 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[frus69]

He is not guilty. He is lying when he said so. He doesn't want to continue because he didn't enjoy the sex. And not attracted to you enough to try it again. One thing for sure He isnt going to stop this. He will have sexy with someone else

[sandylee1]

Another one who's not sure why you're confused. He likes you and liked what was going on, but I feel he got jealous about you dating and doesn't want to admit that.

 

I really don't think it's guilt at all. He just got engaged and was very happy to find a way to get to know you secretly and deceive his new fiancée. He had to mention being pressured only because you mentioned the engagement ... otherwise he might not have said anything about it at all.

 

He didn't want to know about you dating and he thought you'd be exclusive with him, but when reality hit and he felt the impact (via a delayed response ) ,he couldn't handle it. Knowing you were out with another guy probably affected his sexual performance.

 

I reckon if more OWs were like you and made it clear they were dating and not pining waiting for the MM, they'd soon find the affair ends quick smart.... as the male ego struggles with it. They expect a single OW to be their's alone.

 

Pure and utter jealousy. .. maybe with a tiny bit of guilt.

[sandylee1]

He is not guilty. He is lying when he said so. He doesn't want to continue because he didn't enjoy the sex. And not attracted to you enough to try it again. One thing for sure He isnt going to stop this. He will have sexy with someone else

 

This wasn't the first time they hooked up and she went on a business trip with him. The sex or attraction wasn't the problem. His ego was.

 

Then to crown it off ... what use is a FWB if they aren't able to perform. He felt useless because he wasn't good.

 

He may have thought ... I've got a lovely faithful fiancée and here I am messing around.

[kendahke]

I thought he was really good looking but we really didn't know each other. We had mutual friends in common but never met.

I saw that he recently obtained a facebook account so I sent him a friend request and he accepted.

He asked if it was ok if he could get to know me better.

Against my better judgement, I said yes.

So anyways, we began to fool around and start having sex

He replied with "Guilt. You're gorgeous and that's the truth. If I wasn't engaged, I'd tried to date you and that's a problem for me"

 

I'm kind of baffled by his last message towards me. Yes, I know he's engaged so I should leave it alone. I'm just trying to find out what he is trying to say. It just leaves me so confused....

 

Nothing really confusing about this message, unless you thought that he was going to dump his fiancee on the spot and jump into a new relationship with you.

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm on board with the others here, in that I don't understand what you're confused about.

 

He knows having sex with you was wrong. He doesn't want to do it again. That's really all there is to it.

 

And he sounds like a whiny man-child, anyway.

[Robert]

The threadstarter logged off soon after this was posted so we'll close this up. If they wish to have it reopened they can request that via the 'Alert Us' button on this post. ~6