Calmandfocused Posted November 2, 2016 Share Posted November 2, 2016 Hi all, I just needed a rant. After being strong, clear headed and motivated, Im now feeling tearful, fearful and just completely exhausted with all the divorce stuff. I keep crying, mainly because I keep having these flashbacks of incidences throughout the marriage and it's like I'm reliving the pain. The flashback for today? Valentines day 2011. Im heavily pregnant. Stbxh presents me with nothing so I ask him if I have a surprise for later. His response was that because I asked I now get nothing. Around 5pm I'm presented with 12 dead (yes dead) roses. I remember feeling really upset, telling myself that it doesn't matter, they are only flowers and that it's my own fault for asking for something. There was a nagging voice at the back of my head saying "he doesn't love you" and I refused to listen to it. Maybe these ridiculous things are haunting me as women at work have been going on about how their husbands/ partners are their rock, how supportive they are etc (no one knows) and all I could think was ive never felt so alone in my relationship. Flashback for yesterday - he threw coffee all round out newly painted walls in a temper. I just feel so sad today Thanks for reading Calm Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 2, 2016 Share Posted November 2, 2016 Do you have friends you can call so you can get out of the house? Sitting and dwelling on old times is not going to help you. You have to get up and get moving. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted November 2, 2016 Share Posted November 2, 2016 Stay strong, you are going to have these thoughts. They are normal. Take a deep breath, cry if you need to and move on. When you are finished with everything, you can start living you own life. Imagine how much fun that will be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Calmandfocused Posted November 2, 2016 Author Share Posted November 2, 2016 Thanks for your replies. I keep focusing in the fact that there is a life after all this, that in 5 years time I will look back and be glad of the decision I've made. I think I get caught up in the whys, and what did I do type thoughts. Also, I never wanted this, I never wanted to be divorced, another statistic. I admit that i wanted the fairy tale but I dont think I had unrealistic expectations in terms of what I wanted in a partner. Just wanted a decent, loving, caring man who loved me. That was all. I reckon I'll feel better tomorrow. I don't usually wallow in self pity. I think I've just had a set back as everyone around me seems so happy and so in love at the mo. I know everyone feels this way though going through a break up. I have my wonderful children. Something great came out my marriage so despite everything, I'm glad I did it. My hurt will eventually end but I'll still have my kids so it will all be worth it 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LancasterAmos1966 Posted November 3, 2016 Share Posted November 3, 2016 I have my wonderful children. Something great came out my marriage so despite everything, I'm glad I did it. My hurt will eventually end but I'll still have my kids so it will all be worth it You have a great attitude. Having that foundation will help you during the rough days. Link to post Share on other sites
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