danmich Posted November 3, 2016 Share Posted November 3, 2016 Long story short, Wife had an affair 6 months ago, then started supporting his daughter and even having her move into our house. However, since I was the one that moved out and started divorce proceedings, my two daughters 16 and 13 blame me and are refusing to talk to me now for two months. Due to some issues and false accusations from my Wife, as well as counsel's advice, I can't be at the house, but I desperately want to regain the relationships with my daughters. I message them everyday, but very few responses other than they do not want to see me or go to my place. Any thoughts or helpful advice would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted November 3, 2016 Share Posted November 3, 2016 Get family law involved for children. Ask your attorney to get it started. Go through with divorce. Check laws in your state regarding fault / no fault divorce. Basically you've given random info to nothing to work on. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 3, 2016 Share Posted November 3, 2016 my two daughters 16 and 13 blame me and are refusing to talk to me now for two months. Tough situation. You'd most likely have been better served remaining in the home, uncomfortable as that might be. Do the kids know why you split up? Your girls are teenagers, they're going to react emotionally. You often lose them at that age, they usually come to their senses a few years later. I'd continue to try to be there for them as much as circumstances allow - birthdays, school functions, etc. - but you'll have to be patient and supportive for now. Think long term... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted November 3, 2016 Share Posted November 3, 2016 My soon to be 15 year old daughter treats me the same and we have a perfectly healthy and intact family life. A big chunk of it is simply estrogen and emotional reactions. Don't push them but don't allow yourself to be scapegoated. Have you came right out and told them the mother was screwing around??? They are old enough to know the truth and cold hard facts. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jaQ3 Posted November 3, 2016 Share Posted November 3, 2016 Have you sat down with each of them for a 1 on 1? Sounds like it's time for an uncomfortable adult talk about why and how relationships break down. My mom did this with me, and although it was cringeworthy hearing details I didn't want to know, I needed to hear it to understand. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
friendlyfriend Posted November 4, 2016 Share Posted November 4, 2016 Well, I presume your moving out was the right thing. Having said that, this situation happens often with children. Kids at this age feel vulnerable because their ‘security’ is being severely tested and they have to, first, depend on the one they are living with. So you become a scapegoat (additionally your ex- is probably not too happy with you and doesn’t hide that from them.) until they can take a second breath for what’s going on. I think the key is open lines of communication from you to them. Letting them know that you love them tremendously, and are there for them if they need you or when they’re ready. Patience, stability, and dependability are the key. They are in the throes of emotional turmoil, and eventually you can be seen as the land of stability, love, and trustworthy. But, they have to come to that realization themselves, and only your persistence in communicating a steady and consistent message, will eventually catch their attention. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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