BettyDraper Posted November 4, 2016 Share Posted November 4, 2016 So let me get this straight... 1. she does not work, and contributes NOTHING monetarily to the household 2. you support her 100% financially 3. she stays home all day, supposedly keeping up the house / chores 4. she want's you to do some of the chores? No f'ing way... either she gets a job or does 100% of the household duties. At this point, that IS her job This would not be up for negotiation. This. Unfortunately, many women have this awful sense of entitlement. I had to leave a Facebook group because it was filled with houseleeches who were proud to contribute nothing to their households. Some of them didn't even bother to get dressed! They would tell each other that staying at home with no children didn't mean that they should be "servants" and do all the housework and cooking. How interesting that they were perfectly fine with their husbands being wallet slaves! The dynamic was so ridiculous that I was seen as the bad guy for pointing out, that we had no excuses for dirty homes and no dinner at the end of the day since we had the luxury of being home without kids. The lazy cows also referred to me as "the perfect Stepford wife." Heaven forbid that I should dive into my role of a housewife with the same drive that I approached my career with. I keep a spotless home, cook gourmet meals, exercise, look after my appearance, blog and volunteer in my community. I also try to cut corners financially in any way that I can. My husband has a demanding career and he needs me to take care of everything at home so that he can focus purely on his work. We agree that I will not be employed due to the awful job market where we live, the two hour commute to the nearest big city for work and my medical issues. The bottom line is whomever is not working outside the home needs to work within it. A couple has to agree on how they will earn income and if they are fine with only one person being the breadwinner, then the spouse who is not earning money has to pay her way by taking care of the house. It is only fair! Dump the leech. She is nothing but an irresponsible child. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lucy_in_disguise Posted November 4, 2016 Share Posted November 4, 2016 Why did she drop out of school, and what the f does she do all day? How the chores are split up and the standards for cleanliness are going to vary by couple. I think moldy dishes are disgusting, but some people may find that acceptable. But, you have the right to want a partner who is doing something with her life. You are not married and don't have any kids- there is no reason you should be supporting her financially. I can't even fathom her sense of entitlement here. Why does she believe you should support her, a healthy capable non-married childless grown woman? What does she believe she should be contributing to the world at his time in her life? You can keep dating her if you want, but you should ask her to move out. It's the only way she may get her siht together. Although, she sounds lazy and entitled so more likely she'll break up with you and find some other chump to leech off. Link to post Share on other sites
lucy_in_disguise Posted November 4, 2016 Share Posted November 4, 2016 This. Unfortunately, many women have this awful sense of entitlement. I had to leave a Facebook group because it was filled with houseleeches who were proud to contribute nothing to their households. Some of them didn't even bother to get dressed! They would tell each other that staying at home with no children didn't mean that they should be "servants" and do all the housework and cooking. How interesting that they were perfectly fine with their husbands being wallet slaves! The dynamic was so ridiculous that I was seen as the bad guy for pointing out, that we had no excuses for dirty homes and no dinner at the end of the day since we had the luxury of being home without kids. The lazy cows also referred to me as "the perfect Stepford wife." Heaven forbid that I should dive into my role of a housewife with the same drive that I approached my career with. I keep a spotless home, cook gourmet meals, exercise, look after my appearance, blog and volunteer in my community. I also try to cut corners financially in any way that I can. My husband has a demanding career and he needs me to take care of everything at home so that he can focus purely on his work. We agree that I will not be employed due to the awful job market where we live, the two hour commute to the nearest big city for work and my medical issues. The bottom line is whomever is not working outside the home needs to work within it. A couple has to agree on how they will earn income and if they are fine with only one person being the breadwinner, then the spouse who is not earning money has to pay her way by taking care of the house. It is only fair! Dump the leech. She is nothing but an irresponsible child. Geez... Who are these women and where do they find husbands that will put up with that? I have been working since I was 16 and been financially independent since I was 20... I can't even fathom the mindset that one is entitled to a life of leisure- on someone else's dime. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted November 4, 2016 Share Posted November 4, 2016 Geez... Who are these women and where do they find husbands that will put up with that? I have been working since I was 16 and been financially independent since I was 20... I can't even fathom the mindset that one is entitled to a life of leisure- on someone else's dime. I hear you. If I was not ill and we were still living in the city we relocated from, I would still be working since I have always been independent as well. My husband and I have discussed those women and he was appalled at their beliefs as well. There is no way he would put up with me doing nothing at home since I don't have to work. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted November 4, 2016 Share Posted November 4, 2016 (edited) # Recent change New to this site. I was just looking at post.. I wanted to ask out of curiosity... Why do you do all the house chores if you both work and you make more money? Well, for one, just because I earn more I do not think I am entitled to do less work. As to why - I suppose part of it is traditional gender roles. I had been doing the grocery shopping/ cooking / laundry since I was 16 (lived with a single dad and that's how we made things work!). Even when I lived with roomies in college I was "the cook" they payed for the majority of the food, I planned the meals, bought the groceries and cooked it. I am an excellent cook, while my husband is a terrible cook. I know how to plan meals and shop in a way that creates minimal waste, he would buy a ton of junk food. Teaching him to cook, and creating lists for the store I find to be more trouble than doing it myself! Laundry, he has ruined enough of my nice clothes that we have a don't touch policy. He will get some of his own done time to time (but I tend to do it all at once). I hate scrubbing the bathroom, washing windows, etc - he usually does that. We just kinda settled into this routine - we don't squabble over chores. If I hated cooking and laundry that would be one thing, but cooking especially I enjoy. And I suppose for someone that never thought of themselves as "nurturing" - I do enjoy taking care of my husband and our home. Edited November 4, 2016 by RecentChange 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted November 4, 2016 Share Posted November 4, 2016 Some similarities here I also have a "it's just easier to do it myself" mindset on certain things ...don't get me started on loading the dishwasher! And we fell into gender roles too. I handle a lot of the stuff inside the home and he does most of the outside stuff. He does the trash and recycling, lawn care, anything that involves a tool or lifting stuff. I do dishes and laundry and. A Doc cleaning. We share crappy jobs like tub scrubbing We make kids do stuff too Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted November 5, 2016 Share Posted November 5, 2016 Personally, I've never believed that 'gender role chores' were equal. The gender roles for chores were established back in the days when men worked outside the home and women mostly didn't, so they really don't take equal amounts of time. I cannot think of any situation in which 'doing the outside stuff' would take as much time as 'doing the inside stuff', unless you live on a farm... in which case the 'outside stuff' would be considered breadwinning, as presumably you would be living off your farm. I suppose if you bought a fixer-upper house and needed a lot of DIY work/renovation early on then it might balance out, but only temporarily. If I were in a relationship where we were splitting the bills 50/50, I would want all of the chores to be split without gender being a factor. IMO, that's only fair. Of course, this doesn't apply to the OP's case, but since it was brought up.... Link to post Share on other sites
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