My story

[eye of the storm]

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate it.

 

I'm done thinking about him.

 

I might invite him to our reunion in spring- it's a family event, so he could bring his. I will decide in spring.

 

You are not done thinking about him, you are still considering ways to contact him. You are lying to yourself if you think inviting him and his family to a reunion for any other reason except to see him and gage his interest. He has moved on. You should too.

[NTV]

So, since everyone has been so helpful, I thought I'd ask about my friend.

 

He's been in a R with this woman- they dated in the past and live in different states. It's been a quagmire since the beginning.

 

She was living with someone but they were not in a relationship, but they were raising her daughter (not by him) together. He moved out about 2 months ago and is selling the house she's living in in January.

 

She seems to be incapable of supporting herself in an apartment, so not sure what she's going to do then. My friend offered for her to live with him. She doesn't know.

 

She seems to have all these male friends. Disclaimer: I'm female, and have always worked in male-dominated fields, so most of my friends are men. However, most of her male friends were some sort of partner at some point in time. One in particular, J, who also lives in another state, has (supposedly) never dated her, but likes her and is not shy about it. He is flying in for Christmas. To be there with her for like 10 days.

 

My friend is mad. I think it's completely inappropriate for her to be friends with J knowing he likes her, when she's (supposedly) in a R with someone else. Am I wrong?

 

So, he is going out with someone tonight "as friends" who likes him. I told him it is not really fair to this person, and we discussed emotional affairs (which he doesn't seem to think are real?)

 

I say, if J comes- that's a deal breaker. And if he can't tolerate him being here, he needs to look at his own relationship. He admits to seeing this friend woman because he needs validation she's not giving him. So WHY stay together? It's so obvious!

 

Also...he and the woman used to date about 10-15 years ago, when they both lived in this state. Recently she admitted to seeing other people when he was at work. His response? I don't know if I believe her.

 

I feel like there's no saving him, he's just going to do what he wants.

 

One of my other issues, btw...I have very codependent friends! Whose relationships with me aren't always healthy...

You already know he's being an idiot. best bet is to get him to post here and get feedback he won't hold against you.

[Forever broken]

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate it.

 

I'm done thinking about him.

 

I might invite him to our reunion in spring- it's a family event, so he could bring his. I will decide in spring.

 

You got it right till the last three sentences. I wouldn't do that if I were you. Try and remain no contact.

[whichwayisup]

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate it.

 

I'm done thinking about him.

 

I might invite him to our reunion in spring- it's a family event, so he could bring his. I will decide in spring.

 

If you're done, then you're done. None of this "Might invite him to the reunion in the spring" talk. All you're doing is keep the door open a crack. He's moved on and you need to as well. You're looking for ways to reconnect with him, giving enough time to go by and then try open the door.

 

You go and who cares if he shows up or not. There will be tons of people there you can avoid him completely.

[Miss Clavel]

I don't think about him all the time. Every November I get sad because that's when the opportunity (career not MM!) happened and I feel the usual sadness and regret. But I don't usually think about him at all, tbh.

 

It came up in my mind because of that damn reunion. And then I had a dream about him.

 

There's going to be another reunion in spring. To my knowledge, he didn't go and probably didn't know about it.

 

Am I trying to avoid thinking about other things on my life? Absolutely! I'd rather not get into it, but I assure you, it's not fixable.

 

I was actually in a R when we were getting closer. That relationship ended about 6 months later. Recently the guy got D and added me on FB (no- he wasn't married when we dated). He's okay. I don't know if I'd date him again.

 

I had two other bad relationships in that time span. Then I just stopped dating.

 

I'm not often attracted to people, tbh. I'm not much of a Dater, and I think I wil probably remain single:

 

When I wasn't allowe to do that opportunity, I delved into a raging eating disorder that basically took over the rest of my 20s and my 30s so far.

 

I missed out on a lot.

 

I don't know what else to say. Everyone probably thinks I'm insane.

 

no, i don't think you're insane. i think you've got a case of the "what-ifs".

 

that comes a long with a dose of wistful thinking.

 

you're thinking about when you were young, and you miss that.

 

you think about when people protected you, and you miss that.

 

you think about when you had choices. and you have some regrets.

 

the road less traveled sometimes leads to the road not taken.

 

maybe you have a milestone birthday coming up?

 

you don't sound like you think of your life as a success?

 

maybe take the time to count your blessings.

 

my wasband used to say, "you think you've got it bad because you've got a flat tire and you might have to walk to work, try rolling yourself in a wheelchair down to the bus stop, at least you have a car and your limbs".

 

which pissed me off but that's another story.

 

don't look back, you are not going that way, if you're smart anyway.

 

let go, move on. in that order.

 

he is not that man anymore. he's aged, he's changed. he's moved on.

 

do the same.

 

maybe move on to some OA meetings? work on yourself and get back into your own life?

 

be a soulmate friend to yourself. it's a waste of time waiting for someone else to come along and do it.

 

good luck.

[Tobie]

It's hard, because I would like to see him again. He made a HUGE difference in my life. The other supervisors from that time are all men in his age range, all are on my Facebook and we talk here and there. All are married...nbd. (MM has no social media accounts). I just don't see that I should never, ever have contact with him again. I can understand not private messaging him or meeting up with him alone. I can't see the harm of telling him thank you at a public event with families present. I'm going to go ahead and gauge his interest in me at 0% since he has made no effort to contact me in 12 years, other than to respond to the one email I sent.