Would you forgive this type of betrayal?

[alexa83]

4 years ago i was dating a guy (let´s call him dan), things were going well, we dated for 5months, until he met another girl, he fell inmediately in love with her and dropped me. In 2 weeks he made her his girlfriend. i was devastated, because i was very in love with him.

 

5 months later i saw him at work and a couple of days later he calls me,and says he wants to talk. I said ok, i wanted to look put together and happy, give the impression that i was over it. but i still had feelings.

 

He picked me up, we went and got some food, i didn´t want to ask about his gf directly, i waswaiting for him to address it. He said he wasnt with her anymore and that he missed me so much etc etc . I was so young and dumb, i believed everything, he apologized about everything and i believed him, we ended up having sex.

 

And here´s were i get heartbroken. Right after sex, i wasnt even dressed yet, he said he was sorry but he wa sstill with his gf, and he felt so guilty, but he needed to be with me again to clarify his doubts, etcetc. i left the apartment in tears and i never talked to him again. i felt humilliated, and i felt like i deserved it, for being so stupid. After that my best friend contacted his girlfriend and told her everything. i was exposed. and he cried and begged to his gf for forgiveness, they talked crap about me, and they didn´t break up, she forgave him.

 

2 years later he starts contacting me, ( they broke up) saying he feels extremely bad about what he did to me and basically asking for forgiveness. it has been 4 years, and he keeps showing up, msg, instagram, fb, everywhere, even coming to my house, telling me he wants my friendship because he knows he doesnt deserve anything more, but i still can´t do it. he even helped me to get a job, i mean i think he really has good intentions with me, but i can´t be his friend. I was humilliated, his ex and friends know who i am, they know the story and to me, being friends with him after what happen is having no self respect.

 

Still this guy doesnt give up, he really wants me in his life and i feel guilty for not allowing him. Am i being too hard. ?? Would any of you forgive this and give him and be friends with him?

[Methodical]

Forget what he wants. He took what he wanted and then lied and used you. The real question is what do YOU want?

[Arieswoman]

alexa83,

I think the question you need to ask yourself is why you are still hankering after some guy who treated you like cr@p 4 years ago?

 

He's either very confused about what he wants or he's out and out manipulative and selfish.

 

He's treated you as a disposable commodity without consideration of your feelings.

 

being friends with him after what happen is having no self respect.

 

^^^^ you nailed it here.

 

You don't need this guy in your life. There are guys out there who will love you, want you and treat you with respect, but you won't meet them if you keep hankering after this toe-rag.

 

Please dump this one and move forward to a better relationship.

 

Good luck x

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Don't be fooled by the Mr Nice Guy routine and "love bombing", it is all an act. He is just trying to use you as his backup, like he has done before.

 

Let your instincts and your experience of his insincere behavior guide you. It would be a good idea to block him completely. He is no good for you.

[S2B]

Stop allowing him any room in your life - he's treated you terribly and you need to call him out for the jerk he is.

 

File a restraining order if needed - he should not be bothering you. Block every way he can contact you!

 

Point blank tell him to stay away! He's a user and a taker.

 

He isn't a friend. He will use you AGAIN if you allow him within arms reach.

[basil67]

I'd forgive him in the sense that I don't like to carry grudges. But would I risk giving him another chance to hurt me? No way on earth. Not friend. Not boyfriend.

 

Block him on all media and on your phone and email. And if he turns up at your house again, tell him that you'll get a restraining order placed against him.

[SammySammy]

The guy does not respect you. He has shown you several times that he does not respect you.

 

The reason he persists is because he thinks you're weak. He doesn't feel you have enough self-respect to not allow him to treat you that way. So, he persists. Knowing you will give in at some point.

 

It's difficult to have a relationship with a disrespectful person. Friendship or otherwise. He can't treat you well because he doesn't think well of you.

 

And you should expect to be treated well.

 

As far as I'm concerned, this guy should have been out of your life for good a long time ago. At the very least, you can start to show some self-respect by not allowing him into your life to use and take advantage of you again.

[spideywoman]

No, you're not being too hard. I agree with all the posters _ no need to go on that ride again. Let it remain in the past and let him stew. He'll get over it eventually and you'll soon forget about it as well.

[l8estnews]

I'll be hard on my post just to be different from other posters here:

 

Girl, I can't believe you are even talking to this guy again! What did he do to you for you be so accommodating to him despite the sh*t he gave you?! The question of "Am I being to hard on him?" shouldn't even be on your mind at all. You should be running away from this guy, and be rude to him. He deserves the crap you should be giving him.

 

But why are you playing the "I am here, talk to me" game with him? Screw him. Have some sense of pride and dignity, and stay away from people who's only there to use you.

 

"Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me thrice... well, I am an idiot"

[jen1447]

Still this guy doesnt give up, he really wants me in his life and i feel guilty for not allowing him. Am i being too hard. ?? Would any of you forgive this and give him and be friends with him?

 

Nope. And even if he's legit this time, so what? At some point you have to own your eff-ups. Big-boy pants time for him either way ....life doesn't usually dole out more than one free pass.

[aileD]

Tell him you forgive him, even if you don't. Then tell him that even though you forgive him and have no illl will towards him, you cannot have him in your life. Wish him well and send him on his way.

 

If he really is just looking for forgiveness because he feels bad, once you give it he will go away. If he doesn't, he's looking to screw you (literally and figuratively...again). Then it's time to file some harassment charges if he doesn't leave you alone

[Michelle ma Belle]

To answer your question...ABSOLUTELY NOT!

 

And you shouldn't either.

[GoreSP]

Oh, hell no!

[spiderowl]

He won't have changed fundamentally, is probably just trying to get you back as well as his other girlfriend. He does not deserve you; it's that simple. He is a manipulator who then turns around and hurts you. He is the one who should be ashamed. You have nothing to blame yourself for - you were honest and loving. You should be proud of yourself for being that person. He doesn't have the same compassion or integrity as you. He would only drag you down. Leave him in the hole he made for himself.

[TheTraveler]

4 years ago i was dating a guy (let´s call him dan), things were going well, we dated for 5months, until he met another girl, he fell inmediately in love with her and dropped me.

 

He said he wasnt with her anymore and that he missed me so much etc etc .

And here´s were i get heartbroken. Right after sex, i wasnt even dressed yet, he said he was sorry but he wa sstill with his gf

 

Print this out and stick it on your fridge.

 

Is this the type of guy you want right now in the present moment? And in the future?

 

This guy?

[joseb]

Right after sex, i wasnt even dressed yet, he said he was sorry but he wa sstill with his gf, and he felt so guilty, but he needed to be with me again to clarify his doubts, etcetc. i left the apartment in tears and i never talked to him again. i felt humilliated, and i felt like i deserved it, for being so stupid.

 

Honestly, I have no idea why you would ever let this prick contact you again.

 

Take a look at yourself and see why you put up with that.

[kvolm2016]

i feel guilty for not allowing him. Am i being too hard. ??

 

Seems like it might be helpful for you to understand why you feel guilty and why you are concerned about being too hard on him. If you hope to have a healthy relationship with anyone, you really need to understand yourself first. Why do you think you feel this way?

[Herbalist]

Nope.

 

I'll be the first to admit that in terms of feelings-only I have a soft spot for sociopathic sacks of **** because my father was a sociopathic sack of **** and growing up I loved my father desperately because ya know, he was my "dad" despite what a horrible person he was. I always wanted to fix him, or save him, or cling to the hope that if I could just figure him out or give him enough chances then magically he would transform into a proper human being. All of that got deeply ingrained in my psychology during my developmental years and made it so that my brain can feel empathy and pity for a lot of pretty terrible people. So feeling sorry for someone who has treated you like garbage? Yeah I'm pretty familiar with that.

 

But.

 

If you allow people to treat you like garbage, then they will. They will do it over and over again. It doesn't matter how many chances you give them, they just see it as more chances to treat you like garbage and get away with it. And over time it will damage you. It damages your soul (or whatever you believe in) and in the end you wind up with a very damaged ability to trust and love people, and what love and trust you did have, you gave to someone to prop them up so that they could go around damaging even more people.

 

It is painful to put down a beloved rabid dog, but it's still the right thing to do. It can be painful to cut off someone you care about even though they are a cancer to humanity, but it's still the right thing to do.