ila56789 Posted November 4, 2016 Share Posted November 4, 2016 my boyfriend & i have been in a relationship for 3.5yrs now, together in the same country for 2.5yrs. since the past 1yr we are in a long distance relationship(i am in india and he is in the US) he has gone for further education. he is a family kind of guy and i know he misses home & family & has a lot of stress due to a part time job & excessive studies and projects. we skype once or twice a week. he calls (phone) almost everyday. hes always tired or not in a mood. i know he is absolutely busy, but whenever he calls, hes too tired or too frustrated to talk. i get little put off and ask him to keep the phone and sleep or chill out. i dont get my frustration out on him like that because i know that those calls are the only bonding time we have and thats why i get put off. i see nice couple posts and send them or send selfies or message him with updates and he doesn't reply to them and i have to beg him for selfies and ask him all the time what he did in his day. all he replies is "work" "studies". there are no details. we hardly have worthwhile conversations and most of the conversations exist because i talk. i ask him to talk it out to me but he doesnt, and then that disinterested and tired voice keeps buzzing over the phone. he says he loves me, he calls up on his own. but all this upsets me. he cringes when i talk naughty because he feels its hard to do it. before this relationship turned to a long distance things were stressed out but we used to have good times. i love him a lot. iv spoken to him about this many times but he is normal for hardly few days after the discussions. what should i do? im tired of this cycle, but i cant break off. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 4, 2016 Share Posted November 4, 2016 ila, this relationship certainly isn't meeting any of your needs. You say that you can't break it off. Am I right to assume this is because you love him? If so, why do you love him? In the last 11 months, how has having him as a partner added positives to your life? These are not rhetorical questions. I'm worried that you love who you think he could be - or who he was. But I suspect that you may not really love who he is now and how he treats you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ila56789 Posted November 4, 2016 Author Share Posted November 4, 2016 could be...but then i feel if we were happy being together for 2.5 years even though we faced a whole lot of problems here, we must be doing something wrong. but the thing is, i cant point out whats wrong exactly. he is busy, he has financial and educational stress, he has a long hectic day. i dont know...maybe long distance relationships are just tough. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 4, 2016 Share Posted November 4, 2016 How about this...leave him alone for the week or two so he can concentrate on his studies, etc.....take the pressure off him. By giving him a break, he will look forward to talking to you. Agree on a time when he has had sleep and is freed up...use skype to communicate. Don't discuss his lack of interest, making the conversation too serious and unpleasant. You want to be a distraction from his high pressure life. Why don't you go visit him? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 4, 2016 Share Posted November 4, 2016 could be...but then i feel if we were happy being together for 2.5 years even though we faced a whole lot of problems here, we must be doing something wrong. but the thing is, i cant point out whats wrong exactly. he is busy, he has financial and educational stress, he has a long hectic day. i dont know...maybe long distance relationships are just tough. yes they are, that's why we always say they are a waste of time.....they take more effort and trust than a regular relationships do. Without the physical aspect of a relationship you lose that emotional connection and bond. TBH you both are just being penpals/friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ila56789 Posted November 7, 2016 Author Share Posted November 7, 2016 yes they are, that's why we always say they are a waste of time.....they take more effort and trust than a regular relationships do. Without the physical aspect of a relationship you lose that emotional connection and bond. TBH you both are just being penpals/friends. I can't go visit because both of us can't afford the flight money. And ya, iv left him to his own devices. Apparently he has the time to reply to his parents and brothers msgs, he reads mine but doesn't reply to them. I seem to understand now that I have wasted my time, money and emotions for a year. It's sad I was blind and thought that I was important to him. Iv lost on a lot of potential guys who really wanted to make me special for a guy like him. I really thought he was the one. Now I don't think i can ever search for someone on my own because I have screwed up and I can't afford to screw up again. Iv lost faith in my ability to find someone who will be there for me always, like I am. Link to post Share on other sites
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