Boyfriendd Went To Strip Club!

[Merin]

Originally posted by cutieh

Yea I know I'm entitled to feel however I wish. I was just responding to what you posted.

 

Anyways, personally I don't know how many times he's been to the strip club. There were some occassions when I tried to call him and I could never get a hold of him. So I don't always know what he has done each day.

 

No, he actually denied the part about giving the stripper money. But if he hide telling me that he was going to the strip club, what makes you think he wouldn't lie about the money?

 

And I know I'm not married to him. But we do live together and do split the rent bill. So this was at a harship time where we were struggling to get the rent paid. I had to pay it all until he could come up with his half.

 

I know his money is his. But he is still suppose to be responsible for his half of the bills. I don't ask him to buy me anything and he doesn't. Only thing he would buy me is when we use to go out occassionally and he would pay for it, that's it.

 

And I never said that I expect my boyfriend to spend his money only on me. I'm not like that. But he hasn't taken me out in two months. He could even become creative and do little romantic things. He doesn't even do that. You don't have to always spend money. I ask him for a back massage because I have neck problems. I had to go to therapy for this. The therapist said it a be good to have a family or friend give you masssages at home. He won't even give me a massage.

 

But, seriously if your boyfriend hasn't taken you out in two months would you feel a little neglected?

 

First part of your original thread asked for honest opinions.. that was/is my honest opinion.

 

Living together isn't the same thing as being married and for some people who are married they still keep thier money seperate.. that isn't to say he shouldn't be responsible in paying bills/rent that he agreed to cover, the rest of his money though IMO is still HIS to manage how ever he wishes too.

 

You're saying what makes ME think he wouldn't lie about giving a stipper money when he lied about going to the club in the first place.. well honestly it isn't up to ME to make that determination that is up to YOU to make that determination regarding him and IF you feel that this guy is a liar and taking advantage of you financially then it's also up to YOU to determine if you can live with that.

 

I also didn't say that it was all good to go that your BF NEVER take you out or do anything for you, in fact I said he SHOULD take you out on occassion... What I said is your orginal post said he had gone to a strip club and indicated this ONE TIME is what you're upset about.. so my point was/is this was a ONE TIME event (based on your orginal post of what you were/are upset about) and it is still my opinion that while he should've told you he was going regardless of how he thought you would feel if that was his intent then he should've been upfront about it HOWEVER from what you've said I still don't agree with the idea or statement that another poster made saying he is spending ALL of his money on Strippers... he went ONE TIME with his friends... so yeah IMO it isn't criminal or indicate to me he has some serious issues.

 

I wasn't saying that you expect your BF to spend all of his money on you, but I do think it's unreasonable for you to expect him to be accountable to you or seek your permission on what he spends his money on.. again it was this ONE TIME that you indicated you were upset about and as you said yourself you don't know IF he's gone on more occassions or not right? So can the guy get the benefit of the doubt or no?

[cutieh]

The time for our rent to be due was during the time that he went to the strip club. Before I found out that he went to the strip club we had talks about me not wanting him to go. And he said that he didn't have a need to go anymore. He use to go to them before we met. So he goes and hides it behind my back.

 

And once again I think I have a right to tell him about him spending money on strippers if were struggling for rent money. It doesn't matter if it is one time or not. It is our bills. Together. Whether were married or not.

 

Sorry if i seem harsh! Just replying.

[SUNSHINE143]

Wow ladies, CALM DOWN. Where does a simple posting about what's going on in someones life turn into b!tch-fest? Do you 2 know each other? If not, don't be so hostile, it's only opinions.

 

As for the main thread, your boyfriend truly sounds like a waste of your time! Have you considered that he may be with you only because he can not afford to be without you? Love does not lie, love is giving, and love is putting yourself to the side to make someone else happy. Does your man do any of that. After reading your post I don't think he is truly feeling you anymore! What is a relationship worth without R-E-S-P-E-C-T?

 

The main point of my 2 cents is to tell you to really look at your relationship. Love is not all you need!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Merin]

Originally posted by cutieh

The time for our rent to be due was during the time that he went to the strip club. Before I found out that he went to the strip club we had talks about me not wanting him to go. And he said that he didn't have a need to go anymore. He use to go to them before we met. So he goes and hides it behind my back.

 

And once again I think I have a right to tell him about him spending money on strippers if were struggling for rent money. It doesn't matter if it is one time or not. It is our bills. Together. Whether were married or not.

 

Sorry if i seem harsh! Just replying.

 

Where did I say it was all OKAY and GOOD TO GO for your BF to not tell you about going to the club?

Where did I say it was all OKAY and GOOD TO GO for your BF to NOT be responsible for paying bills he agreed too?

 

You would be pissed if it was only ONE TIME.

You would be pissed if he spend ZERO money on going to the club.

You would've been pissed even IF he had told you he was going PRIOR to him going.

 

Eh screw it.. You're right.

He should be accountable to tell you where every dime goes.

He should ask for permission to spend any of his money.

He should ask you if it's okay for him to go anywhere or do anything.

If there is anything at all you don't like he should stop doing it regardless of what it is.

You should listen to a friend of a friend of his about what happend and not to him at all.

If he can't pay the bills right then it should be assumed it's because he spent his last 5 dollars at the strip club and then he should be tared and feathered and have to pay interest on paying you back.

 

There is nothing at all good about this guy.

He doesn't deserve you.

AND if he can't or won't take you out regardless of the reason it should be assumed it's because he's spent his money at the strip club.

 

All you.

 

You're not seeing my point or you disagree and thats all okay with me.

I don't agree based on what you've said that your BF is a total assclown for what he did but thats just my opinion.

So good to go.. I've said what my opinions/thoughts are on this, you disagree so all okay.

[Iluvsiamese]

Just one comment on all of this whoopla. CutieH is right about one thing--start out as you mean to go on. If you let everything go because you aren't married, don't expect to haul in on the reins once you are. It won't happen.

[Merin]

Originally posted by SUNSHINE143

Wow ladies, CALM DOWN. Where does a simple posting about what's going on in someones life turn into b!tch-fest? Do you 2 know each other? If not, don't be so hostile, it's only opinions.

 

 

 

 

Yes it is only Opinions and thats exactly what I said several times.

I don't take it personally

[cutieh]

ORIGINALLY POSTED BY CUTIEH!

The time for our rent to be due was during the time that he went to the strip club. Before I found out that he went to the strip club we had talks about me not wanting him to go. And he said that he didn't have a need to go anymore. He use to go to them before we met. So he goes and hides it behind my back.

 

And once again I think I have a right to tell him about him spending money on strippers if were struggling for rent money. It doesn't matter if it is one time or not. It is our bills. Together. Whether were married or not.

 

Sorry if i seem harsh! Just replying.

 

ORIGINALLY POSTED BY MERLIN!

Where did I say it was all OKAY and GOOD TO GO for your BF to not tell you about going to the club?

Where did I say it was all OKAY and GOOD TO GO for your BF to NOT be responsible for paying bills he agreed too?

 

You would be pissed if it was only ONE TIME.

You would be pissed if he spend ZERO money on going to the club.

You would've been pissed even IF he had told you he was going PRIOR to him going.

 

Eh screw it.. You're right.

He should be accountable to tell you where every dime goes.

He should ask for permission to spend any of his money.

He should ask you if it's okay for him to go anywhere or do anything.

If there is anything at all you don't like he should stop doing it regardless of what it is.

You should listen to a friend of a friend of his about what happend and not to him at all.

If he can't pay the bills right then it should be assumed it's because he spent his last 5 dollars at the strip club and then he should be tared and feathered and have to pay interest on paying you back.

 

There is nothing at all good about this guy.

He doesn't deserve you.

AND if he can't or won't take you out regardless of the reason it should be assumed it's because he's spent his money at the strip club.

 

All you.

 

Where did I say all this? We post on this board, so you can see exactly what we say. So why are you exaggerating what I write and putting words in my mouth. Please don't do this. Thank you. Even if you are trying to BE sarcastic this is not the place or time.

 

Your opionion is your business and that is ok.

[mutton]

I can understand how you feel, but this issue is obviously not about the money and his lack of responsibility with the rent. the only reason that you are feeling neglected is instead of him alleviating you of the responsibility of his half of the rent, he went off to a strip club and presumably spent "all" of his money on a stripper (which if this were true, it would be clearly inconsiderate of him to do to you). But would you be just as mad if he spent his money on something else that is "not priority", like going clubbing or another seemingly "wasteful" but enjoyable activity that does not happen to involve nude women?

 

It is true that he was wrong to lie to you about the strip club and you at least should deserve an apology for that. But if this is a one time instance, then its completely forgivable. Perhaps, as suggested in an earlier post, his friend pressured him into it and he went as so he would not look "whipped". You should at least give him some credit for admitting it to you so freely. As for your strong feelings about the strip club, I suggest you remind him of it and seek an apology. From then on, one of you has to compromise. Either, he stops going to strip clubs or you'll stop caring and let him do what he wants. If neither of you can reach an agreement, perhaps you're just going to have to find another guy who will respect your feelings in that aspect. Perhaps what you're angry about isn't so much as to him going once and not telling you, but at possibility that he may do it behind your back again in the future. If you don't trust him, why are you still in a relationship with him? No one's perfect.

[Merin]

Originally posted by cutieh

 

 

Your opionion is your business and that is ok.

 

Do what makes you happy.

I'm not responding in your thread any longer.

Good Luck

[RecordProducer]

Is this about him spending money or watching nude girls or hiding it from you or not asking you for a permission? Or you think he doesn't love you enough?

Could be all of it. You girls claim your rights endlessly and furiously and then are surprised when your guys leave you.

What is happening in reality? Are you being mad at him for days? Fighting with him? Calling him names? Cuz at the end that's what really matters and those are the things that kill the relationships.

Men make mistakes, if you're not willing to forgive them then you're not able to keep them. You need to draw a line as in how much you can put up with and communicate the things that bother you.

[cutieh]

You act like it is a threat to me that you're not going to respond to my threads anymore. Who cares that you don't. I don't and I'm sure everybody else on this board doesn't. So please don't let your fingers respond to this one.

 

Good bye!

[cutieh]

I already had a idea what I was going to do with this relationship, because there have been other things he has done as well. I justed needed others advice. As far as him apologizing he never did. All he said was he didn't tell me because I would not approve of it. And I never mentioned it again to him. As far as I am concerned about this situation it closes it chapter. The end!

Thanks for all responding to my post!

[RecordProducer]

Cutieh, I wish you all the best. Sorry, my reply sounded like I am "teaching" you something you don't know, now that I read it I figured... Sometimes I just wonder if we should be deaf, blind, and stupid in order to be happy with men. Definitely huge amounts of tolerance are required by women and that's the last thing we want to provide in a relationship. However it's most important cuz at the end they don't care about our looks, brains, honesty, cooking, etc. They only want to be able to do whatever they want and not be punished.

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by cutieh

You act like it is a threat to me that you're not going to respond to my threads anymore. Who cares that you don't. I don't and I'm sure everybody else on this board doesn't. So please don't let your fingers respond to this one.

 

Good bye!

 

Ouch .. If you look at the history of this board Merin is well loved and gives great advice.

 

You on the other hand just didn't like what she had to say.. You could of just thanked her for her time and moved on. You were rude to her

 

She had already said she wasn't replying to the thread anymore but you just had to have the last word !!

[cutieh]

If you would of read what I said you would of known why I said my last post.

 

First of all she put words in my mouth that I did not say. That was just rude in itself. I would never go on a board and bluntly lie like that to what a person's says. She did not give only her opinion but exaggerated what I said and put words in my mouth. That was rude for her to do. Like she is trying to mix everything up to confuse me and everybody on this board, but I'm not naive.

 

Secondly, she said that she was not replying to my threads anymore. This was because I think I caught her lieing about what I said. I think I have a right to say I don't care about that, because it was rude for her to say she wasn't going to reply to my post anymore. I feel if she wasn't going to respond anymore then just don't do it. You don't have to tell me that.

 

Thirdly, and I said I'm sure no one would care if she respond's to my post. I didn't say anything else about any other Tom, Dick or Harry's post. She can post to other threads all day if she wants to.

 

Fourth, I can have the last word, because it's my post and she choose to respond.

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by cutieh

If you would of read what I said you would of known why I said my last post.

 

 

I did before I replied

 

I do believe you have a valid beef with your boyfriend and he needs to grow up or you need to kick him to the curb

 

Fourth, I can have the last word, because it's my post and she choose to respond.

 

On another note it may be your post but it is a public forum posting asking for advice.. You are asking people to post to a thread you started but you don't own the thread and you didn't have to have the last word.. if you were just interested in advice just dropping it would've been a better avenue than to let your thread get tangled with crap

[cutieh]

Your right, I'm asking for advice not lies on what I said. Merin started off giving advice, then her advice went to lies.

 

I don't believe I necessarily have to have the last word. But when a person is lying on me and I purposely put my words in front of their face and they still manage to screw things all up it antagonizes me.

 

I believe I have the outright right to have the last word with Merin, if she is lying on me.

 

That's a wrap!

[cutieh]

So I guess Merlin should of had the last word then? This isn't a game you know, on who has the last word and who doesn't. I post to my feeling and liking.

 

Just like you said this is a board on advice. I'm just giving her advice on maybe she shouldn't lie or exaggerate what I write. That's all.

 

Peace!

 

God be with all!

[Merin]

Cutieh,

 

I understand that you're upset with your BF and I understand why you're upset with your BF.

 

While I do not lie nor did I put words in your mouth as to what you had said, I was giving another way of looking at things by way of exaggeration... sorry that it offended you.

 

I didn't stop responding to your thread because you had "Caught me" I stopped because it was obvious that you didn't want me to continue with my thoughts on things or my perspective and that is all okay. I was being respectful of you to not continue in your thread regarding this issue.

 

This isn't a matter of having the last word.. I'm used to not getting in a last word I have 2 Wee Peeps so it isn't a crisis for me if I cannot have the last word

 

With any luck at all you and your BF will find a way to resolve any issues that come up and be happy.

[soccorsilly]

Well Merin--

 

This post of mine proves that you simlpy DON'T have the last word-at least in this thread!

[Merin]

Originally posted by soccorsilly

Well Merin--

 

This post of mine proves that you simlpy DON'T have the last word-at least in this thread!

 

Doh!

[soccorsilly]

Try again

[Merin]

Originally posted by soccorsilly

Try again

 

[soccorsilly]

[Iluvsiamese]

I have read many of the posts on this forum and agree that for the most part, Merin gives good advice, well thought out. However, we need to be careful how we put things as there are no facial expressions, no vocal tones, and no body language to clarify our meaning. In trying to get a point across via exaggeration, it came off as being a bit nasty. I was a little surprised myself. The responses just escalated from there and it is too bad that everyone got a little hot under the collar. We need to keep in mind that we are dealing with emotional issues and not many of us like to have our emotions tromped on--a little kindness goes a long way. As well, there is sometimes background that is not included in the original question due to length. This is what I got from her posts--there was more going on than just the strip club and the money. That was just the straw that broke the camel's back, as it were.