Boyfriendd Went To Strip Club!

[peachtree]

Cutie:

 

This thread is ridiculous! You believe this gentleman is "your man." "MY MAN--point blank." Guess what? Even if you were married he would not be "your man" because people DO NOT OWN other people--bottom line. You also said..."If he is in love with me he should be satisfied with just seeing me. I am embarrassed because I feel if my boyfriend has to go to strip clubs then that means that my boyfriend is not satisfied with just seeing my body. If he is in love with me he should be satisfied with just seeing me...and I don't see why my boyfriend would need to fantasize about other women. When I am pretty and have a nice body already." Guess what Cutie, it isn't how your face and body look, so much as what you CAN DO with them that really matters.

 

Also, you need to be aware that there are several billion people on this planet, perhaps millions of whom are females that "your" man could have as potential partners---women he may find very attractive and could make him very happy, who are smart enough to be tolerant and understanding of men, and who don't bitch when the man they are dating goes to a strip club! Just as a person requires some basic knowledge of an automobile before they attempt driving one, you need to acquire some basic knowledge of male behavior before attempting to "OWN" one! ha ha! GET OVER IT, and GET OVER YOURSELF. A little tip for you, men tend to find conceit in a woman a very unattractive trait. ..........JEESH..........

 

Peachy

[Iluvsiamese]

You have some good points, Peachy, but I object to the notion that you put up with whatever behaviour is dished out just because someone else might not have a problem with it. Yes, there are many women who would have no problem with their SO's hitting a strip joint BUT I would hazard a guess that there are many more who would have a problem but never let it be known for the reason that you give. This is being held hostage to someone else's standards. LOVE ought not to have strings attached--either way. She should not demand "if you love me you will not do this" and he should not do the "if you love me, you will let me do whatever I want" routine. This is not love--ever.

 

Keep in mind that there are many men who are respectful of their SO's feelings on this subject. It's not this subject that is really the issue, it's respect in general. Those who do, do it across the board, not just when it's convenient for them. This goes for women as well. Lack of respect in a relationship is a death sentence. Cutieh can just as easily go find herself one of these guys.

 

When I first read her post, I got the feeling that there was more going on here than the trip to the strip club. And there was--that was only the item that finally tipped the scale. My guess would be that there was lack of respect and consideration all the way around.

 

Yes, men are lookers, it's their nature but it's not necessary to flaunt it. Many men use it as an excuse to be blatent about it. What I consider amusing is that many men expect women to treat their delicate egos gently. God forbid that their women ever mimic their behaviour! Let it be known that no one, NO ONE, male or female likes to be treated this way.

[SUNSHINE143]

HOLY ****!!!!

 

 

I think about half of you need to grow up! This a forum for open opinion's, but these stupid cat fight should stop. I won't say any name's but some of you may need to grow up just a little.

 

AS for Cutieh, it is her feelings that are hurt. She has every right in the world to feel that way whether what her bf did was right or wrong in everyone else's eyes. Relationship are not about everybody and their momma, there about YOUR situation. If two people don't agree on what's respectful and disrespectful, then there is a problem.

 

My opinion on the strip clubs are different because I bar tended for a while and I know they aren't that bad, but to her they are. You can't stop the feelings and beliefs that you already have. The best thing would be to find someone who feels the same way or is at least willing to stop going for your sake. You don't go into a relationship trying to change someone, but if it's right you will both give a little for the other.

[Jolene]

Just remember...he's getting turned on to these strippers and then going home to you

 

This is the stupidest thing I've heard all week. If your bf is coming home to you after this type of "male bonding" and expecting anything less than a cold shoulder, then you need to set him straight.

 

But don't let occasional typical male behaviours (as irritating as it may be) cause big commotions in your relationship. It's not worth it. Let down the ego and you will find a happier place. It's very hard and I understand totally. But like my big sis told me when I was 20 and struggling with my first husband, (1) it is only a big deal if you make it a big deal and (2) you aren't going to win this argument.

 

If anything, feel sorry for a man who needs to pay for false attention and self gratification. He is being selfish, but he is human.

[Jolene]

Just remember...he's getting turned on to these strippers and then going home to you

 

This is the stupidest thing I've heard all week. If your bf is coming home to you after this type of "male bonding" and expecting anything less than a cold shoulder, then you need to set him straight.

 

But don't let occasional typical male behaviours (as irritating as it may be) cause big commotions in your relationship. It's not worth it. Let down the ego and you will find a happier place. It's very hard and I understand totally. But like my big sis told me when I was 20 and struggling with my first husband, (1) it is only a big deal if you make it a big deal and (2) you aren't going to win this argument.

 

If anything, feel sorry for a man who needs to pay for false attention and self gratification. He is being selfish, but he is human.

[Jolene]

Just remember...he's getting turned on to these strippers and then going home to you

 

This is the stupidest thing I've heard all week. If your bf is coming home to you after this type of "male bonding" and expecting anything less than a cold shoulder, then you need to set him straight.

 

But don't let occasional typical male behaviours (as irritating as it may be) cause big commotions in your relationship. It's not worth it. Let down the ego and you will find a happier place. It's very hard and I understand totally. But like my big sis told me when I was 20 and struggling with my first husband, (1) it is only a big deal if you make it a big deal and (2) you aren't going to win this argument.

 

If anything, feel sorry for a man who needs to pay for false attention and self gratification. He is being selfish, but he is human.

[Jolene]

Just remember...he's getting turned on to these strippers and then going home to you

 

This is the stupidest thing I've heard all week. If your bf is coming home to you after this type of "male bonding" and expecting anything less than a cold shoulder, then you need to set him straight.

 

But don't let occasional typical male behaviours (as irritating as it may be) cause big commotions in your relationship. It's not worth it. Let down the ego and you will find a happier place. It's very hard and I understand totally. But like my big sis told me when I was 20 and struggling with my first husband, (1) it is only a big deal if you make it a big deal and (2) you aren't going to win this argument.

 

If anything, feel sorry for a man who needs to pay for false attention and self gratification. He is being selfish, but he is human.

[Jolene]

Just remember...he's getting turned on to these strippers and then going home to you

 

This is the stupidest thing I've heard all week. If your bf is coming home to you after this type of "male bonding" and expecting anything less than a cold shoulder, then you need to set him straight.

 

But don't let occasional typical male behaviours (as irritating as it may be) cause big commotions in your relationship. It's not worth it. Let down the ego and you will find a happier place. It's very hard and I understand totally. But like my big sis told me when I was 20 and struggling with my first husband, (1) it is only a big deal if you make it a big deal and (2) you aren't going to win this argument.

 

If anything, feel sorry for a man who needs to pay for false attention and self gratification. He is being selfish, but he is human.

[tiki]

Preach it sista! You posted like 6 times.

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by tiki

Preach it sista! You posted like 6 times.

 

 

[tiki]

I think LS had a burp. There's several things posted multiple times. Too much posting McFly!!!

[cutieh]

If you are a girl, how do you introduce your boyfriend to a person? You don't say when introducing him "This is boyfriend." you say "This is my boyfriend." Or you say "This is my man." I didn't think that by me saying "This is my man." meant I owned him. If you still feel the same way then please tell me how should I acknowledge him when talking about him? Please, let me know. Thanks.

[Pocky]

Originally posted by cutieh

You don't say when introducing him "This is boyfriend." you say "This is my boyfriend." Or you say "This is my man." I didn't think that by me saying "This is my man." meant I owned him.

 

It's all about the connotation.

 

It's like saying:

 

This is my dog.

This is my mutt.

 

You're saying the same, but it's a completely different connotation. Mutt is negative and implies distaste or disrespect. Much like when you call someone "your man" or "your woman." To some it's seen as disrespectful.

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by cutieh

If you are a girl, how do you introduce your boyfriend to a person? You don't say when introducing him "This is boyfriend." you say "This is my boyfriend." Or you say "This is my man." I didn't think that by me saying "This is my man." meant I owned him. If you still feel the same way then please tell me how should I acknowledge him when talking about him? Please, let me know. Thanks.

 

I say "this is <insert name here>" when I introduce my BF, and he says the same. People know we are involved because of how we act with each other, respectful and affectionate, not because of what we label each other -- I don't add the "my" part.

 

Bottom line, people in a relationship need to have similar values, needs, wants, and need to be moving in similar directions in their lives. If your BF is habitually engaging in behaviors that you dislike, you need to reconsider why you are involved with him.

 

but I won't validate your insecurities about strip clubs and strippers. I have a few close friends who are strippers, and it's all about the money for them, and the fantasy for the men.

[deesgirl]

Way back at the beginning of this thread, someone said that men think of this differently than women do.

 

You want to go see the strippers as 'jerk off' material, but don't want to see your wife/gf in that way.

 

Personally I'm just as disgusted about a man going to a strip club to get jerk off material as you would be to know your SO is being USED as jerk off material.

 

 

 

OP, you are right in wondering how many times he's went without you catching him. To me, a man that will lie about going and sees nothing wrong with paying another woman to grind on him, is not someone you want to settle down with.

 

It's funny how so many people will take up guys on this subject. If they lie, it's your fault. PFFFT! If he lies, that's on him.

 

Find a guy that has the same morals you do. There are men that know these places are disrespectful when you're in a relationship. You just have to weed through the ones that won't lie about it.

[Athena21]

I

[cutieh]

Ok, I'm from Michigan. I don't know how you talk where you from, but when girls introduce are mate we say this is my boyfriend Rick. The same goes for guys. When my boyfriend introduces me to his friends he says "This is my girlfriend or this is my girl." I never took it that he meant he owned me. It's just the way to talk properly. I'm mean come on now I think your taking this too seriously. Expectally, since you just contradicted yourself by saying in your last post by saying I say "this is <insert name here>" when I introduce my BF

You may not introduce your boyfriend that way, but you still do think he is your boyfriend, because you just said "When I introduce my boyfriend"

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by cutieh

Ok, I'm from Michigan. I don't know how you talk where you from, but when girls introduce are mate we say this is my boyfriend Rick. The same goes for guys. When my boyfriend introduces me to his friends he says this is my girlfriend or this is my girl. I never took it that he meant he owned me. It doesn't mean you own them. It's just the way to talk properly. I'm mean come on now I think your taking this too seriously. Expectally, since you just contradicted yourself by saying in your last post

I say "this is <insert name here>" when I introduce my BF

You may not introduce your boyfriend that way, but you still do think he is your boyfriend, because you just said "When I introduce my boyfriend"

 

Semantics. read the rest of the post. this is ancillary nonsense.

 

Bottom line, if YOUR BF is engaging in practices you find to be morally reprehensible, you need a new partner. You can't and shouldn't be with someone with the hopes that they will change a fundamental aspect of their moral character. You have to love and accept them for who they are as they are now.

 

Also you may want to read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" - a little pop psychology explaining that men and women look at the world from different perspectives.

[Athena21]

I used to be just like you. Until one day, I brought up to my boyfriend that we should go with a group of friends. The only time he goes is if it's one of his buddies' birthday's or something like that and I would get so jealous. He would tell me every time he went though. Anyway, we went, I didn't really have that great of a time, but I got to see how he acted. He didn't bury his head in any girls' breasts, he didn't sit up front and tip, and he didn't get a lap dance. He actually decided we should leave before I did. When we were on the way home, we couldn't keep our hands off eachother. We had great sex when we got home. Since then, I told he to feel free to go whenever he wants and he hasn't gone since. If he wanted to bring a stripper home to mom, he wouldn't be with me. They are just something to look at and none of them are up to his standards because of that. If it still feels uncomfortable for your boyfriend to go , you should try going with him, see what it's like. After that, lay down some rules. Either he can go whenever, or only if you do. From there you will see what he is really like. If he begins to go all the time, you don't want to be with someone like that right? But if he doesn't, then he is still turned on by you and just goes once in a while for a good time with the guys.

[cutieh]

Alright, just please don't think by me saying "this is my man or boyfriend" I mean I own my boyfriend. Because I don't and I am being totally inocent on this note. I never felt I owned him. Remember when you go to a different country or state the way others talk is not always the same. Sorry if I offened anyone, but this is the way we talk where I come from. I and others don't see anything wrong with. My mother and father are devoted Christians are the most carrying people in the world and they don't see anything wrong with it. So it just may be something in the water.

 

I will read your books that you suggested. Thanks.

[cutieh]

Saying my man or my woman is just slang talk. To me saying my boyfriend or girlfriend isn't though. I was over my friends house and the phone ranged. My friend answered and told my other friend that it was her man on the phone for her. It's just a way of talking. Harmless.

[Pocky]

Originally posted by cutieh

Ok, I'm from Michigan. I don't know how you talk where you from, but when girls introduce are mate we say this is my boyfriend Rick. The same goes for guys. When my boyfriend introduces me to his friends he says "This is my girlfriend or this is my girl."

 

I didn't reference that in my post. I stated the difference between:

 

This is my boyfriend = This is my dog.

This is my mutt = This is my man.

 

And don't really care how you want to reference your significant other. I was simply providing a reference so you could understand why some may find the term "my man" distasteful, since you asked about it. You can call him your man whore for all I care.

[cutieh]

This is about you saying "You can call him your man whore for all I care"

I don't understand some of you people on this bored. You would like for me to be respectful with you. You think everything I say is out of line. But some of the things that you guys say is very mean, disrespecful and out of line. I always have to tiptoe around people. They can say anything they want to me, but if I do the samething I'm talking out of line. I just don't understand some. DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WANT THEM TO DO UNTO YOU.

Just forget it, PLEASE!

[Pocky]

Originally posted by cutieh

This is about you saying "You can call him your man whore for all I care"

I don't understand some of you people on this bored. You would like for me to be respectful with you. You think everything I say is out of line. But some of the things that you guys say is very mean, disrespecful and out of line. I always have to tiptoe around people. They can say anything they want to me, but if I do the samething I'm talking out of line. I just don't understand some. DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WANT THEM TO DO UNTO YOU.

Just forget it, PLEASE!

 

It was a tease, which is why there was a smiley face with a tongue sticking out. I was joking with you in a lighthearted way in an attempt to let you know that it doesn't matter what you call him - it really is an insignificant piece of information. It doesn't matter if you want to call him your "man", your "boyfriend", your "backdoor lover", your "man whore" or any other slang term you want.

 

I never said you were talking out of line. And nothing in what I said was mean or disrespectful. It was a tease - a joke - a comment made with a wink and a smile. Relax.

[Kyahdhin]

Hey no worries. I'm a guy and iIgo to strip clubs. My girlfriend goes with me sometimes. She likes em about as much as i do and shes straight as an arrow. Wanna know why guys go? It's a chance for us guys to be guys... ogle the opposite sex without fear of sexual harrasment or our significant other throwing a bitch fit and accusing us of cheating. We also like to drink lots of beer and curse like sailors. All of us guys look and thats not a bad thing. It's the touching part that gets ya in trouble.

 

My thoughts are, and take it from a guy. If he is coming home to you and not acting shady, I wouldnt worry about it at all. Hell go with him!. I guarantee after you guys get outta there, ya wont get outta bed for days!!!! Trying something new and different and totally wrong, may be just what you need to keep the relationship healthy.

 

Also remember. Strip clubs are just that. There's no hanky panky going on because if there was, those places get shut down real quick. And secondly the chicks want our money not our manhood I think your safe!!!!

 

Kyah.