It Had So Much Potential, But Then It Fell Apart

[LiterallyMyLife]

So, for the past couple of weeks, I was talking to a guy. Or he was talking to me rather. He is younger, he's a little odd, not exactly what I would consider my type just based on pictures, but we talked sporadically for a few weeks. Most of the time it was him trying to talk to me and me ignoring or just one word answers.

Finally, one night he posted a picture of Christmas lights in his room and I thought it was pretty funny, so I messaged him about them and from there we talked a little here and there and finally we started actually having full conversations (typically at night because I didn't bother messaging him, and he would message me and we'd talk for a few hours).

Then, he hinted at me coming to visit him at work, which due to unfortunate circumstances (losing my wallet) and nerves I wasn't able to do, but he met with me after and brought me donuts and we talked a bit and then went our delegate ways. We agreed to hang out the next day and that went extremely well. Again, I didn't expect much, but he was fun to talk to and not nearly as strange as he seemed before. The next day, he asked to hang out and I ended up spending the night. Then the next day, he spent the night with me.

 

To elaborate, it wasn't back to back, but throughout about 5 days. And I can honestly say I've never been so comfortable with someone in my whole life. I wasn't expecting it. I'm not much of a cuddler. I certainly don't like guys spending the night. I'm not a big fan of sleeping next to people because usually I don't sleep well that way.

 

Anyway, this whole time he was mentioning relationships and asking how I felt about monogamy, and basically making me believe he was going to ask me out.

 

Two of the times he did cancel on me, but then changed his mind and decided to hang out anyway. Each time he claimed he was stressed and needed to clear his head. (Side note: the first day we decided to hang out, his car broke down and he was stressing about that and felt so bad that I had to pick him up).

 

Finally, the last time we spent the night together, that morning he seemed kind of off. I thought maybe he was just tired, but he didn't say too terribly much. We cuddled and hugged and all that before he left and then we didn't really talk much the rest of that day. The next day, he messaged me first twice. He wanted to tell me about his best friend finally asking this girl out and how happy he was for him and then literally the next second he said he wanted to tell me something. I braced for the worst but hoped for the best. This is what he sent:

"I really like you, I enjoy our time together, even without sex... but I don't know if I'm right for you... my life is a mess, my mind is gone, and I don't think I can give you everything you deserve in a relationship... you're an amazing girl and I love having you in my life... I just don't know if I can follow a relationship right now... not with what's happening. This isn't saying that I dowant you to leave, not by any means. I just don't want you to have to wait for me. And I feel like until I get my life fixed, that I'll be holding you back."

 

With that, I kind of just assumed yeah he was just after sex and he's pulling the it's not you, it's me card. Then he finally explained what was going on, and granted it is a LOT.

 

We ended up talking more last night and he seems stressed, and he kept saying that he knows he seems like a crappy person and that he does care and that he does want me. I was making polite conversation and I called him "friend" and he was like, "friend?". So I really don't know what to think right now.

 

The last thing he sent was: He said this last night "let me figure myself out...please. Just because I'm not there doesn't mean I'm not thinking about you, wanting you, missing you because I do. Don't leave me alone. Stay in my life please. I just can't be more than friends right now until I find myself again."

 

I'm giving him space, but I'm just trying to figure out if I should move on because he's only in it for sex or if I should wait for him.

[smackie9]

You should move on. He suffers from anxiety...when things are going great, that's when the anxiety kicks in, and he pulls back. The old hot and cold personality. He won't admit it but he has a problem with it because he lets it win every time. He'll use other excuses like the car breaking down, or family issues, work is tough....but that's just a smoke screen. When he keeps saying he needs to clear his head....that's a pretty good indicator he is having trouble coping with the anxiety.....crawls into his snailshell to make it go away.

 

Don't take it personally, he's got the issue not you....you can't fix this.