I dont know what to do anymore (gf is insecure?) How to fix this?

[DonJuan`]

Update:

 

I saw her yesterday and today at college, and as much as I want to play it strict with the whole friendship thing (not being FWB) I keep on wanting to just hold her and kiss her etc... Every time she see's me she comes up to me, we speak a bit, and then we just hug one another now, and sometimes she doesn't wanna let go kinda thing. Its like she is scared to lose me, yet, she isnt ready to commit to me? But ya... I dont know if i can carry on like this... its so painfull not being able to kiss her or be intimate with her... I feel like i am pushing her away ... What if this will actually push her away?

 

Today at break she was sitting with her friends, I was sitting with mine, and i just wanted to go to her, pull her aside and kiss her, but then i remembered what u said, and i just sat there and tried to take my mind off it, which i couldnt do

 

Anyways... Is there NO way that I can make this whole thing with her work, without having to cut the intimacy and romance etc? Maybe it will help her get over the other guy quicker is we DO get intimate etc? I've never felt so lost about anything in my life, and I just dont know where to turn to now... I got all this college work, and i just couldn't care about it, nor can i concentrate on it till this whole situation with her is sorted out... I dont know how i let her have so much power over me, but she does, and I need guidance, before i loose my mind.

[New_Wife]

One of the single most cruel things we women can do is what is happening to you right now. I've done it. I'm not proud of it, but I have.

 

Girl is hurting. Guy didn't pan out. She feels unsexy. Undesirable. Unwanted. Instant fix = new guy. Get him completely wrapped around your finger and then do to him what was done to you. Make him into your own personal simpering idiot, so you can somehow tell yourself that you've still got "it" whatever "it" is, and that you've got that elusive feminine power to knock a man to his knees. Then, even if you don't feel better about yourself (which, you probably never will using that particular strategy as a method to avoid healing), you at least feel powerful.

 

The guy is irrelevant - just a toy really. Something to prove your worth. He probably gets mocked to your friends "watch the puppy jump for me" and you play the "c'mere - get away - c'mere" game with him until he bores you.

 

This isn't nice. I admit that.

 

I haven't done this in many a year, but I have done it, and I know the game.

 

If she really wanted to be in a relationship with you, she would. I know it's a common myth that women are all sorts of complicated - but really, we're not. If we want you - we get you (if you want us back). If we don't - we don't.

 

Sorry guy, but I think you're just her rebound balm. For your own emotional health, I suggest you let this go for now. If, at some point down the line, she sees that you've got more to you than an obedient puppy, she may take a second look and gain some interest - but by then - you'll have likely moved on to something more promising.

[upsetnhurt]

Don Juan,

 

Take it from me as I was in your shoes a month ago and it will only get worse if you allow her to benefit from your intimacy with her. Why would she want to get back with you when you are willing to provide for her as a boyfriend would yet not have an expectations of her? My ex and I continued to sleep together and we portrayed ourselves in everyway as a couple (holding hands, kissing, activities) yet when it came down to it she is unable to go with the flow and date me as she continues to say that she has "issues". It hurt so much knowing that each time I was with her it could be the last time or that at any point she could just turn herself off (which she did on numerous times). I take solace that I lasted three months like this and it was simple agony. I tried my hardest to make her happy during this time yet have to admit that it was difficult for me to handle. She and I became so confused about where we were headed and we finally decided that it was not healthy for either one of us. We have now not spoken for about two weeks and I realize that as hard as it is to not hear from her, the fact she can go this time without me says tons in terms of how she feels. Do I really want someone who can do without me? DO you Don Juan? The fact that she can't commit to you now should tell you that she has issues to deal with. Whatever they are you can't cure them....only she can and will do so on her own timetable.

[LucreziaBorgia]

1. Is there NO way that I can make this whole thing with her work, without having to cut the intimacy and romance etc?

2. Maybe it will help her get over the other guy quicker is we DO get intimate etc?

 

1. Nope. You want to make her miss that intimacy and romance with you enough to force herself to want to clear up her issues. She can't miss something and see it as a treasure, if you are giving it to her and she uses it because she can.

 

2. Nope. It will just allow her to use you while having feelings for some other guy. You want intimacy and romance to be the incentives for her getting over this guy. If you hand her the incentives, while she is still having feelings for this guy - then what would her motivations be for changing? She already gets the prize - AND - she gets to have it WHILE she has feelings for another guy.

 

Remember: you are worth more than a trinket to be played with. Make yourself the prize, with romance and intimacy the finishing touches. As long as she has feelings for some other guy, she doesn't get the prize. Period. She gets the same treatment as your male friends (those being truly 'just friends'!). If you really want to force it, cut out all the hugs too. If she hugs you, gently put your hands on her shoulders and say "please don't do this - I thought I was clear about this - I have feelings for you, but unless you can return them 100%, all this touchy-feely stuff has to stop now, or we can no longer be friends."

 

Make yourself something valuable to her, something worth working for if she wants - not something that she takes for granted because she already has it.

 

If she doesn't want to be with you because of this then know that it is only because of one thing: she wasn't pushed away - she was given a clear choice and WALKED away of her own accord.

[Mary3]

It appears from reading your post you work together / school together ( ? ) . In either case , especially if you work together and created an office romance , or a school romance ( whichever the case may be ) that you now have to be around her at lunch times , work times , class times.

 

Which just goes to show you have a hard time with office romance if you choose to go there.

 

After rereading your post I realize its college....Okay,

 

Now you are suffering as as a result of visually looking at her today...wanting her...wanting to kiss her...hug her...hold her....its TRUE TORMENT so therefore ( sometimes ) one of you needs to make a change.

 

Be that a new shift , a new class, ect.

 

Sad fact of getting involved at work or school with someone you have to look at the next day.

 

I try never to get involved with someone in my own department ( and stick with that policy ) Because what if you break up ? Then you have to look at this person daily.

 

No thanks.

 

Better if they work in another building. Another dept. ect.

 

The true sufferer here is YOU.

 

I dont know her suffering level other than realizing you are her doormat and she still wants you around...for what ?

 

For her own validation. Her own selfishness.

 

Her extra guy on the side ( you ) for sex who has low self esteem and allows this cow to drudge you through the manure on a daily basis.

 

You will NEVER get over her until you walk away completely . 100 % No contact. No calls , No texts. No her begging you to pay attention to her. No info from her friends ,your friends your mom, ect. It TRULY helps if you can follow this for your own mental healths sake.

 

She does NOT exist anymore. You need to cut your heart out of her chest.

 

This is extremely cruel and destructive to YOU.

 

I lived this once.

 

I am soooooooooooooo glad I can see the light again.

 

Don't go there anymore....we will try to help you. This is just sad.

[DonJuan`]

My luck.... I can get practically any woman that i come across (I'm really not meaning this in a boasting way at all, i'm closer to crying that to wanting to boast), but the ONE woman i really want, i cant have.... MY LUCK!

 

Anyways... I had a long talk with her tonight, and i told her that all i see her as is a normal friend now, no more even kissing, no more ending sms's with "mwa", and all the small things even, etc.

 

She seems to try to put a guilt trip on me by frowning all the time, or trying to hug me a lot so that i will push her away and feel bad, etc... She told me to sms her tonight before i go to sleep, and i answered with "what for" and she said "fine dont:(", and that was that, and again, leaving me feeling like s*** for treating her this way.

 

But hey, I guess this is the sacrifice i need to make in order for my happiness in the future.

 

Thanx for all the support guys, u really did help me open my eye's and start "seeing the light"

[Mary3]

For your own benefit you need to see her as non existant. Meaning she died ( in your heart at least ) Someone once posted here that they pretended the person was not alive anymore ie : dead ...so thats how they coped.

 

Its VERY sad that she cannot give you what you want.

 

She still wants HUGS . You KNOW what that means I hope ? Its her only connection left to you and she is WORKING you on your feelings.

 

Don't show any .

 

When she says :" Call me" this is what you need to say " Melissa ( insert name ) I have decided that this relationship has been very painful to me and I am going to no longer be in contact with you. I cannot be your friend right now.

I cannot sleep with you . I cannot be available to you. I am ending our relationship and when I see fit in the FUTURE , if I decide to be your friend . I will let you KNOW.

Please do not contact me any further. I will block your number and screen name if this wish is NOT respected.

You do NOT want to be with me anymore in the way that I need you so please show me some respect and leave me alone "

 

Thats it. Period.

 

She has no control over you anymore because she is not in your world. Only if you allow her to be.

 

Take back the Control

 

ASAP

[DonJuan`]

Mary3: The thing is, is that I tried pretending she was dead... i totally ignored her for about 2 - 3 months, and what happened? She gave up hope, thought i wasn't gonna give her another chance, and she got involves with this guy, which is the main reason she "cant get into a relationship with me now" (she still has feelings for him) ... So cutting her out of my life completely wont work, been there, done that, now i regret it.

 

Another reason why I don't want to cut her out of my life, is because I still value her friendship, and she values mine, so cutting her out of my like completely isnt really something that will play to my benefit (with HER at least)

 

I can see that she is getting worried now, i can tell by her voice and her behavior etc, which i'm guessing is good. And as far as me hugging her, thats I think gonna be the imit, so if i see her at school (for the 1st time that day), I'll hug her hello, and the same for the end of the day if i see her, i use to wait for her at the bottom gate, or visa versa, but now thats gonna stop too) and ya.

 

I am also being distant to her, having her tell me i am treating her like "rubbish" now, but thats probably her playing on my guilt again, which i will not allow her to do anymore.

 

I just hope she sorts herself out soon and comes to her sences, because I think this whole thing is hurting me more than it is her

 

Anyways... over-all, I'm still going to give her my friendship, but thats it, i will NOT break down. I'll even see her, go to movies with her, but not let anything happen, I'll make her want it so bad, but i wont give it to her, and hopefully she will force herself to sort herself out and decide to commit.

 

I also told her that i was not going to wait for her (ie: see other women), but i said that just to pressurize her more, i don't intend on following through with that, not because i cant, but because i don't want to, she is the only one i want, and until/IF i get over her, thats the way it will stay.

 

... If all this wont give her a wake-up call though, then i don't know what will

[upsetnhurt]

Don Juan,

 

Therein lies the problem we both have. You mentioned that she is the only one you want, and until/IF you get over her, thats the way it will stay. How in the world will you ever get over her if in fact you are continually around her and having friendship with her (which is a farse as you have admitted you want so much more). Are you willing to invest time (could be quite a long time - years) hoping that she will come around and see you for the person you are. What will happen when she one days says she has interest in someone else and here you are having waited all this time for her and unable to move on?

[DonJuan`]

upsetnhurt: I understand and see where you are coming from and what you are saying, and thats why I told her that I AM moving on, to see her reaction. After a few weeks (maybe a month or 2) if she has not sorted herself out, then I WILL cut contact with her until I am able to completely get over her and find someone else. So right now, I'm "testing" her in a way to see HOW MUCH she actually wants to be with me, and if her will-power to be with me isn't strong enough for my likings, then I will have no choice but to move on, and take the necessary measures to do so, even if it will hurt the both of us during the process.

 

Time will tell...

[upsetnhurt]

don juan,

 

how bout an update?

[DonJuan`]

Heya....

 

Well until now all we have done is occasionally hug one another at college... We speak every day though in the evening, but that’s something we have always done as friends for as long as I can remember, so its not something that will change weather we are going out of just friends, we always talk, every day, and some days when I cant speak she begs me to just speak to her for a little while, where I either say "ok" and speak to her for a few minutes, or I say that I really cant... I don’t think that speaking to her every day will affect us though, its something that we do naturally, as friends, and for some reason, we NEVER get bored of one another or run out of things to say, actually, we kinda get more "attached" when we speak... this is because Like I have said before, me and her like "click"... and I know it sounds funny, but its like we are husband and wife type of thing that we have.

 

Anyways.... Tomorrow we are going to meet up in town at some club and I would really love to be able to say that I wont let anything happen, but I don’t know if I can be strong enough to not let anything happen .. But on the other hand, maybe if I DO act distant to her tomorrow night she will get pissed off at the situation and force herself to get over the other guy... OR she will feel that I am pushing her away and that might cause her to start giving up hope?

 

I spoke to several of my girl friends and they ALL said to me that as much s*** as I have gone through in the past because of this girl, THIS time she IS right, because it WOULDNT be fait to me, or the relationship if she got into a relationship with me while still having feelings for someone else. They also told me that its not something that women can really control, and they can just hope and wait for them to get over the other guy. They said that they would feel bad if they got into a relationship with a guy that they liked a lot, but also have feelings for another guy, they want to be able to ONLY have the ONE guy on their mind, that guy being me in this case, and from what I understand, only time will fix that problem at the moment. They went on to add that by me being distant to her will not help, it will push her away, while I am meant to be the one that is THERE FOR HER at this time, and make her fall back in love with me WHILE she is getting over the other guy. So then I thought to myself "maybe FWB IS better, because then we would have all the romance, all the intimacy, and all that stuff that will make her fall in love with me again, and quickly.

 

These girl friends that told me all this, are also the girl friends that have told me to dump her in the past, as well as other things that work against the other chick that i am involved with, so I KNOW that they are looking out for ME, and not trying to make me do something that will not benefit me in the end.

 

I spoke to her last night and she told me that she would do ANYTHING to prove to me that she does 100% want to be with me, she told me I am the only guy she can see as a bf, and she has always told me how she never wants to get married, but then something that made my heart kinda jump was when she told me "you know how I am against getting married and always tell you how I will never get married? well, you're the 1 guy in the world that I WOULD marry."

 

I can just picture me and her being happy in the future, and I can see myself spending the rest of my life with this girl, she is PERFECT for me, and I am PERFECT for her, and at the moment we are just getting through a "bad time", but the way I see it, is that if I am affectionate towards her, if I AM romantic with her, if I DO get sexual with her, it will only bring us CLOSER.

 

I know she might be wanting all the benefits of having a bf, but not the commitment, but i am almost sure that THATS not true in this case. I have known this chick for long, she tells me secrets that her best girl friends don’t know, when I see her she always gets a smile on her face and comes to give me a hug that she almost doesn’t wanna let go of me kinda thing, when I kiss her, her friends tell me that she is on a cloud for 2 days after we just kiss... I dont.know.. its just a lot of things like that, that tell me that she IS being genuine with what she is telling me. She is not the kind of girl that would hurt me, and she would NEVER promise me things like she did, and tell me things that she did (that we WILL be together as soon as she can get over that other guy, and that she WANTS to get over the other guy so much, but she hopes that she will be able to soon so that we can be together) ... Like I have said before, I have known her for a while now, and I know the kind of person she is, you guys don’t, and I cannot stress how much of a good big sensitive heart she has... and that’s why I guess she got attached to this other guy so quickly.

 

Anyways.... What I think I am going to end up doing is agreeing to the FWB thing, but I am also gonna tell her that if I do meet someone that I "click" with, then if she has not sorted her feelings etc out yet, then I cant guarantee that I will wait for her 100%... but for now, and until I DO run into another girl that I "click" with, I'll be there for her, I'll wait for her, and I'll help her try and get over the other guy.

 

Some of you here might call me weak etc, but you don’t know this girl as well as I do, and I think that "cutting her out" is NOT the way I should handle this one. As long as I make it clear to her that she cant take forever, all is good, because if she really wanted to be with me, she would make a plan to get over the other guy as soon as she can so that she wont stand a chance of losing me.

 

Anyways.... sorry for the lengthy reply, but yeah, that’s my update.... Comments, insults, questions, opinions will all be appreciated

[upsetnhurt]

My situation was like yours up until the point the my ex gf informed that it was not healthy for her to remain in contact with me. She boasted that she can't stop thinking about me 24 hours a day yet something still haunts her (her ex) that prevents her from being with me. I am having a hard time believing that!

 

Don Juan, what exactly is holding up your ex in terms of being with you? She talks a good game yet actions speak louder than words. What feelings does she still have for this other guy? Are you going to be okay with the idea that you are playing second fiddle to him and only when he informs her that she is no longer in his plans will she come back to accept you as more than a friend?

 

I am sorry for being down yet I would hate for you to make the same mistake I did for a year. I too attempted to click with others yet it is extremely difficult when you are thinking of her all the time.

[DonJuan`]

What is keeping her wanting to be with me:

 

Well she tells me that I am the only guy that her feelings have been constant for, and STRONG feeling at that, whereas with other guys she will like them, maybe even like them lot, but after a while she will tell them that she doesn't like them/want to be with them anymore. With me, she has liked me for over a year now and with all the **** that has happened, she still likes me a lot, more than she has ever liked anyone else in her life. (so she says)

 

I am not going to be coming 2nd place to this other guy, because I actually KNOW this guy, we are distant friends, but I know exactly what the deal is between the 2 of them.... He wants sex sex and more sex, not a relationship, she doesn't want a relationship with him, but DOES like him. So at the moment the 2 of them are friends that speak to one another once every few days. I feel like telling her to cut contact with him, but then she will come and say things like "why cant i b his friend?" and s*** like that, so i'm not even gonna bother with that.

 

I know that this whole situation is complicated and rather unpleasant, but I have made the decision to stick with it, and see where things go, and hopefully all this "suffering" will pay off sometime soon.

 

I guess only time will tell...

[Mary3]

This is messed up Don Juan....

 

Some things that tell me she is stringing you along are :

 

She says YOU will be the one she marries someday ( What guy in his right mind would agree to wait around to be the future husband of a woman who still admits she has feelings for someone else but wants you to * hold on * ?)

 

Now, I KNOW your arguement and you will hold on until something crushes you inside BECAUSE you have feelings for her and are clinging to the * hope * that she wakes up.

 

They dont wake up Don Juan ...not ususally....they are confused and they use your feelings ( in this case ) to work you like a puppet.

 

You have a million things in common...she feels like your wife...ect...but the fact is OF COURSE she feels like your wife...you are still involved with her and you are hoping on a wing and prayer that she wakes up and wants you 100%

 

You are STILL not going to be fair to another woman who might come into your life because you hang on.

 

I did that Don Juan.

 

The whole FWB thing is going to get you hurt. You get the sex and closeness and the addiction continues. But someday you will get hurt.

 

If you told me that you and her were 100% together now and had been so for at least 6 months and she was totally devoted to you I would tell you great , this one might be a keeper.

 

But thats not the case.

 

She really is working you to her advantage. She spills marraige out of her lips and you , like an eager puppy , wag your tail for another tid bit from her. She will continue to do this and 20 other things to keep you interested.

 

But you really dont have her 100% . You seem to think that all kinds of things you try will get her back to you 100% but the fact is no book or meaningful friends can predict whats going on in her mind.

 

I know you dont want to lose her....but you really dont have her...not the way you should..

 

You said you dont want to stop trying. I know you dont. I just wanted to head you off from future pain.

 

But if she * wakes up * and takes you back, say 6 years from now....why would you want someone like that ?

 

You deserve much better than the treatment you are getting...

[DonJuan`]

Mary3: i DO see what you are saying... and it DOES make sence, but I know this girl better than anyone else, and I say that with confidence that I do, and I REALLY dont think that she is just trying to make me hang on and wait for her and to hurt me by doing all this....

 

... Put yourself in HER position.... lets say u want to be in a relationship with a guy, but you still have feelings for another guy and those feelings just arent going away.... what would you do? Would you go into a relationship with the guy u want to be with, yet still like someone else, or would you prefer to wait until such time that you are able to devote yourself and give the guy u WANT to be with 100% of yourself?

 

If this was the case with any other girl, I would agree with you and probably tell her to f*ckoff for f*cking me around, but with her, i KNOW that she truly does want to be with me, she just cant because she has feelings for this other guy which she cant get over just yet.

 

Anyways... I saw her tonight, but I was distant to her, I sat opposite her as appose to sitting next to her, and I only spent about 20 minutes with her before leaving somewhere else... For some reason when i looked at her i wanted to just cry because she looked so beautiful, yet i couldnt "have" her the way i wanted/want her, so instead of giving in and cuddling with her & s***, I just left. I never planned on cutting out the intimate stuff etc, but something told me that if I DID get close and intimate with her tonight, that I would come home tonight and cry myself to sleep again.

 

I went to a bar place type thing with music and a dance floor etc with a few friends and 2 ladies came and sat on the couch where we were sitting and asked me and 1 of my friends to dance with them. After about 10 minutes they invited us back to their place, and them being really attractive I was happy. Then as we were picking up our jackets & s*** I thought of her, and I just couldnt bring myself to touching another woman. Eventhough I told her that I am single and will do what I want to do, and I told myself that I will NOT hold back, something inside never let me touch another woman. So I am here typing out this post instead of being in some woman's bed, and for some reason, I'm kinda happy I made that choice

 

I dont know whats wrong with me, I really dont, but this 1 woman has become my world, and as much as I try and move on, I just cant. I really hope I'm not leading myself into a painful dead end.

[upsetnhurt]

Don Juan,

 

I feel for you and don't get me wrong....I know that you want this gal so bad. The problem is that you are going about it the wrong way. By involving yourself in any of her life you are not subjecting her to face the reality of a life without you. I know you have said that you are more distant than before yet be honest with yourself....I am sure you still make her feel so special with your actions. I forgot to ask you before...these feelings she has for another guy......is this the guy she dated for two weeks????? How long did she date this other guy and how serious were they? What type of feelings does she have? Is she having sex with him at the moment....or is she just waiting to see where he wants to take this between them? I think you mentioned that he is your friend......What is she doing to attempt to forget this guy, is she still talking with him? To me that would be a slap in the face. My ex remained in contact with her ex during and after our relationship and I must say that by doing so it showed me very little respect. This is still after her ex stalked and committed violence to myself and property. DO you see what I was willing to put up with????? Sounds crazy to outsiders yet when you care so much about someone......you are willing to put up with anything. I am trying to save you from this torture...........

 

I wake up every morning missing my ex and trying to understand why she didn't feel the same for me. I start realizing I will never come up with the answers and just need to move on as much as it hurts. The same needs to be done by you.

[DonJuan`]

She speaks to him a few times a week via msn/sms/phonecall.

 

They only kissed 2 times.

 

They were together for about a month.

 

upsetnhurt:

Put yourself in HER position.... lets say u want to be in a relationship with a guy, but you still have feelings for another guy and those feelings just arent going away.... what would you do? Would you go into a relationship with the guy u want to be with, yet still like someone else, or would you prefer to wait until such time that you are able to devote yourself and give the guy u WANT to be with 100% of yourself?

 

...?

[upsetnhurt]

A month seems like a real short time for one to have developed feelings that they can't seem to get over.......how long did both of you go out?

[DonJuan`]

Originally posted by upsetnhurt

A month seems like a real short time for one to have developed feelings that they can't seem to get over.......how long did both of you go out?

We were together for about 6 months.

 

She knew him before though, they were friends... I duno! *shudder* ... I also cant seem to understand how it is taking her so long to get over him! ...

 

 

... Anyways... i sent her a 2300 word email explaining EVERYTHING, what i thought, felt, the situation, what i think of it, etc.... and I told her that if she does not sort herself out SOON, then I will cut off any romantic feelings that i have for her, and I will not allow myself to get involved with her in that way again. So I am expecting to know where to go in the near future.

[upsetnhurt]

DON JUAN,

 

TOO BAD YOU CAN'T POST THE EMAIL AS I WOULD LOVE TO SEE WHAT YOU WROTE AND SEND THE SAME TO MY EX AS WELL!

[DonJuan`]

lol... well the emial ended saying this:

now if u want to be with me, u still have the chance, but as from this point onwards, i'm aiming at getting over u, so if u want to take your time, then be my guest, but if u come to me in the future and say u are ready, and I tell u that i'm not interested, then ont be suprised.

 

So yeah... I'll give you guys an update on her reaction/responce to the email

[Mary3]

Its very sad Don Juan.

 

You are saying the following to her :

 

" I am here for you honey , available right now, sitting by the phone , awaiting your call * phone rings * . Your heart jumps ~ Its HER ! Oh wooopie yeah ! "

 

Your biggest fault is you lost your playing card and prove to be weak, available, needy, stepped on many times , sort of pathetic ( but don't take offense because I think you are a great guy for someone who IS available to you. ) but it * is * what it * is * and thats not pretty .

 

You asked me the following :

 

Put yourself in HER position.... lets say u want to be in a relationship with a guy, but you still have feelings for another guy and those feelings just arent going away.... what would you do? Would you go into a relationship with the guy u want to be with, yet still like someone else, or would you prefer to wait until such time that you are able to devote yourself and give the guy u WANT to be with 100% of yourself?

 

 

Um okay . I would NOT be involved with you Don Juan if I had someone else I had feelings for ! I would end that relationship and THEN start one with you..

 

Warning Warning ! You are seriously in a time warp with your life FROZEN while this girl with ISSUES came into your life NOT free and clear !

 

The one that is going to get hurt is YOU.

 

This is what we call REBOUND. You are the BALL AGAIN ! You are going to get tossed around. I feel sorry for the OTHER guy TOO !

 

You both are being used.

 

You said some hot girls invited you back to their place and well I can assume you look pretty good and that you can attract other females.

 

You are hopefully still YOUNG and can have the rest of your LIFE ( thats called living it to the fullest ) and find someone SPECIAL ~UNCOMPLICATED. Not a girl who is thouroughly confused...

 

WHYYYYYYYYYY does she have feelings for him ??? STILL ?? DID you investigate that ?

 

DON JUAN SHE HAS FEEEEEEEELINGS for him ! She FEEEEEEEELS something for him. Yikes !

 

Bad omen.

 

Wake up.

 

WHYYYYYYYYYY Does he have feelings for her ??? Did you ask him ?

 

Somewhere someone is getting the royal shaft....here

[DonJuan`]

YIKES!

 

Mary3: She isnt going out with him... Me and her went out for 6 months, then after her giving me s*** and being immature/impulsive I ended it and ignored her for about a month. During that time she got involved romantically with a distant friend of mine. (he was a rebound guy i guess) and then when me and her started speaking again she realised she wants to be with me and no1 else, yet now she couldnt because she got attached to HIM. He doesnt care now, he likes some other girl now, but SHE still has feelings for HIM. She wouldnt go out with him or anything, she just still has feelings for him that she cannot get rid of at the moment.

 

Last night I realised that seeing that she is only 18, she might still want to live life and "explore" more, and if i pressured her into a relationship now, it wouldnt last. So I decided to tell her to live her life, and I will do the same. If we were meant to be together, then we will one day, if not, then we'll find someone somewhere out there to love and return our love.

 

My main objective now is to be with other women and FIND someone else, and if in the future i happen to NOT find anyone else, and likewise with her, and we run into one another and things happen, then thats the way things will be, but I

m not counting on that happening, the chances of that are very slim. So I need to slowly start realising that I will never be with her and/or be able to love her and her return my love.

 

She keeps on hinting to me that it wont be long (before the end of the year) and that i MUSNT get in a relationship with anyone else... but I told her that whatever happens happens, and if i DO fall in love with someone else, then she has only herself to blame.

 

Right now I'm finding it hard to actually realise that its over between me and her, and this time probably forever, it kinda feels like a nightmare, but I guess time will heal

 

I dont know if SHE is to really blame though for all of this.... i mean.... is it REALLY her fault she cant get over this other guy? Is it REALLy her fault that she is very emotional and gets attached to a guy very easily? Anyways.. we ARE friends now, and so far its going good. I know it will take me a while to get over this girl, she WAS my 1st PROPER love. I have had my fair share of "playing the fields" and what i want/need now is to settle down with ONE girl.... if only i knew it would be so much of a mission ey?

 

Well... yeah... that about wraps it up... what do you guys think?

 

P.S.: If your guys want, I'll keep updating you on the situation.... let me know

[Mary3]

I reread your post and had written everything here I wanted to say but it was accidentally deleted. I understand your situation.

 

But your Goal is NOT to wait for her.

Your Goal is NOT to wait for this confused girl !

 

Your GOAL is to heal.

Your GOAL is to get on with your life without her .

Your GOAL is to learn all about YOU and why you put up with this.

 

He has MOVED on with his life. ( her crush )

 

She is still living in yesterday.

 

That is disturbing that she harbors these feelings and they are not returned.

 

She dangles you on a string and hopes you will cooperate and not date or kiss any girl.

 

I would tell her this :" Hey Lisa ( insert name ) I have decided to move on with my life. I wont make you any promises ,.as a matter of fact I intend to live my life to the fullest by doing everything I can to be happy. I wish you the best but I WILL NOT be waiting for you any further. This man you have feelings for has MOVED ON and so am I

 

End of story

 

The longer you keep contact with her the longer the delay will be for you to get your head straight on . The longer the healing process of realizing its over.

 

One last question : Its troublesome that * someday down the road * you will take her back . Wow that is such a waste of your life.

 

The thought of waiting for her....taking her back someday...is disturbing. You are in an unhealthy relationship and you need to break from this girl to REALLY think !