Author DonJuan` Posted July 26, 2005 Author Share Posted July 26, 2005 Mary3: amen to everything u said.... cept.... ... Why is it not a good idea to consider taking her back in the future IF I have not found someone else? I mean... by that time she would have matured and be less full of s***. Like i said, she is PERFECT, there are just some things that are preventing us from being together... things that with time, WILL heal/fix. (her maturity, her feelings for this other guy) But like i said... the chances of me NOT finding another girl are slim... VERY slim! I was just saying that IF I was single, and she was single, and i wanted her at THAT time, then I would give it a go, because she IS practically perfect in my eyes. Anyways.... I'll keep u updated on anything that happens with my life in the near future Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 Thats kind of like your next door neighbor coming over to your house and saying : " Gee, Don Juan , I find you very attractive and would very much like to be with you , but right now I have a husband and 2 kids , but if you are patient enough and wait for my divorce , which could occur in the next 2 years, after my husband and I settle all the legal stuff, well I would like you to wait for me just because I think I am worth it ? " Would you wait for your neighbor ? No. Of course you wouldn't. But you want to know why its NOT okay to wait for this girl who will get nicer, better , more mature, less complicated , assured and she promises to be all these things later if you will kindly wait ? I think you should do whatever you want to do Don Juan. But just please remember at her age she will change her mind many times, she will grow up eventually and by then you will be older and wiser and realize that she is still growing up and maybe another wonderful Don Juan will cross her path and she will be attracted to that guy as well. She already is attracted to the crush and to you. What makes you think that she wont keep changing and growing and evolving and soon wanting something else besides you and the crush ? Not to be mean but maybe you need an older woman Link to post Share on other sites
Author DonJuan` Posted July 27, 2005 Author Share Posted July 27, 2005 Mary3: i see what you are saying, and I agree 100%. And as i said, i'm not PLANNING on waiting for her, I simply said that if in the future when she IS mature, and IF she still wants to be with me, and IF i still want to be with her, THEN maybe something will happen. Note all the "IF's" there.... So the chances that we will end up together one day are slim. I am NOT waiting for her, i AM going on with my life and I'm going to look for a different woman to make into my little princess. Link to post Share on other sites
upsetnhurt Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 Don Juan, Good for you. I am trying so hard to stay in that mindset as well and hopefully it will work out for both. Remember that there will be times that you will question whether you should be doing more for her to help her through this issue.....yet please convince yourself the you have done all you could for her and it is simply time that will get her through this. Whether she ends up with you is a crapshoot with the likely answer being no. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DonJuan` Posted July 27, 2005 Author Share Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by upsetnhurt Don Juan, Good for you. I am trying so hard to stay in that mindset as well and hopefully it will work out for both. Remember that there will be times that you will question whether you should be doing more for her to help her through this issue.....yet please convince yourself the you have done all you could for her and it is simply time that will get her through this. Whether she ends up with you is a crapshoot with the likely answer being no. Best of luck. Yeah... that has crossed my mind... But the hardest thing about all of this, is the times when I have a moment to think, and I just WISH that she was there next to me so that I could hold her etc, then thats when I feel that lump in my throat, that lump that you get when you feel like crying... But then I pull myself together, and think to myself that I WILL find me a girl out there that I will be ABLE to do that to, and will LET me love her, and she will love me the way I expect/need to be loved... But untill then... I'll have to just try and fight the feelings, fight the longing Her face is always in my mind, her voice, the feeling of her, everything, its like in my mind, and doesnt wanna get out... and the longer i stick to my decision, the harder it is on me, but hey, life goes on. I cant really believe that i lost my 1st love of my life, the girl i wanted to marry one day! ... But in the future when i DO find Mrs Don Juan, I guess I'll be happy that this happened... Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 Don Juan I TOTALLY empathize with you because I was once where you are today. I was * there * so long I wondered if I would ever get * here * where I am today. It took a LONG time to get hereause that other person continued to be in my life but only on his terms and hurting me for months , knowing how I felt about him and then later it was finally over .........and I stayed with Love Shack to try and read everything I could about why I did that to myself. I have learned a wealth of information and THATS The road you should be on now....not the road of wondering when or if she may come back. I hear you Don Juan and am proud you are no longer waiting . Good Job ! So YES I do know all the yearnings and feelings and wanting of *her * that you have... The kindest thing to do though is to move forward . Something that I read the other day may help you. : Start by visualizing her. Get a total mind picture of her in living color. Then as you look at her ( in your mind ) slowly see her colors change from vivid lively colors to Grey. When she is grey she is fading , she fades more until she is transparent . She is eventually invisible. She no longer is what your mind sees with your eyes open or closed. That vision of her that haunts you 24/7. Just as you MIND keeps thinking about her and all your special times.. you can retrain your mind to make her* transparent*. ( I myself don't need to do this exersize but months ago YES I would have needed to do it if I had read about this one. ) The other article said : That when you think of her : think of 5 great things about her ..... and then you take all those thoughts and make them slowly fade. Fade to less importance... Like 5 things you really liked about her. You train your mind to say : Oh yes she was a great kisser but I know there are other girls out there who could kiss that well and better. I KNOW you want to say NO other girl could kiss like her. Thats your MIND speaking. But YOU control your mind and you and I both know other girls are capable of loving you , kissing you, holding you,. ect. and that one person did NOT rule the entire world with those affections. Yes we do think that don't we for awhile. ? THat NO other person could possibly be like that person. In a sense it is correct . Because everyone is different. You just need to test the waters to see how other people treat you. You dont need to rush but when you are ready... Then you take 5 things shes done to hurt you , negative things, or things that happened that have hurt you and you put THOSE in the frontal view. See them. Remember them. Sounds harsh when all you want to remember is how lovely she is. But THATS the problem. You need to remember the things she has done that have hurt you, made you sad, and keep those into the front until someday you dont feel much at all and you can take the nice memories and store them wayyyyyyyy back in your mind. You dont need the good memories,. You can be thankful they occured . You can find and make new memories with someone else. I am a totally positive person but in your special case these exersizes are crucial so that you can say this : Gosh, she was soo lovely with her long flowing hair but now I hardly remember the way it shined. I cant remember alot of how her body looks because its way back in my mind. I DO however remember how she HURT me and would not be my love . And since I remember that RIGHT NOW I will protect my heart. Someday maybe I will see her again and try to be a friend if thats possible. I dont really feel anything for her now. Just a long ago memory of someone who USED to be in my life " Its nice to have great memories of people, vacations, pets, holidays ....but if that memory is hurting you more than helping you, then you have to learn to rethink the memory and put it in the distant past. Good luck : )_) Link to post Share on other sites
Author DonJuan` Posted July 27, 2005 Author Share Posted July 27, 2005 Mary3: that was a post that i REALLY needed to read... thanx I just hope that I WILL be able to find another girl that will fill my heart with love, like she did. Anyways... I'm moving on, and this tme for good, meeting other women etc Link to post Share on other sites
Author DonJuan` Posted July 30, 2005 Author Share Posted July 30, 2005 Update: Well... Over the past couple of days she has been all lovey dovey and I have been distant towards her, not texting her anymore, nothing, and the last day or 2 we hardly speak to each other on the phone, in person, or on msn etc. I can feel that we are slowly drifting, and it hurts more and more, but I guess this is the process I need to go through in order to get over her and move on, so i'll have to just deal with it Anways... My nightmare is coming true, hehe.... me and her are becoming strangers again, and soon i guess we will hardly EVER keep in contact, maybe the odd sms here and there, but thats about it.... Now my next biggest fear / thing that I dread is her coming up to me one day and introducing some other guy as her boyfriend, thats something that makes me suicidle just thinking about it but hey.... I guess I feel like that now because I am still so emotionally attached to her, I'm sure I'll be fine with her having a different boyfriend in the future Ok, well thats practically where I stand at the moment, and I'm hoping that things get smoother and smoother for me with time Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted July 30, 2005 Share Posted July 30, 2005 When my x told me he found someone else it was like a punch in the stomach but I was mad at myself for ANY reaction but played it cool . Now it does not bother me at all and very greatful to get to that point. You still have some healing Don Juan. It might bother you if she gets a new guy. Time will tell. But your best strategy is to act like it does not bother you at all. Even though it hurts inside. Link to post Share on other sites
kgal Posted July 31, 2005 Share Posted July 31, 2005 I feel insecure at times.. and I believe there are always reasons. I know my reason.. but I agree that it is a self struggle and only she can make the decision to change. It seems like it would be work for you to always assure her things are fine between the two of you IMO. I suggest you tell her how you feel. See what happens... if she freaks then tell her you care and you want to help.. but its up to you to stay with her and the routine of telling her she's the only one. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DonJuan` Posted July 31, 2005 Author Share Posted July 31, 2005 Originally posted by kgal I feel insecure at times.. and I believe there are always reasons. I know my reason.. but I agree that it is a self struggle and only she can make the decision to change. It seems like it would be work for you to always assure her things are fine between the two of you IMO. I suggest you tell her how you feel. See what happens... if she freaks then tell her you care and you want to help.. but its up to you to stay with her and the routine of telling her she's the only one. Good luck. I'm not sure if you read the whole thread, but she KNOWS how I feel, and we came to the conclusion that we would not be together, now i am at a point where i need to slowly get over her, weather i want to or not. Thanx... Link to post Share on other sites
kgal Posted July 31, 2005 Share Posted July 31, 2005 I'm sorry, I didn't read through each post. I wish you luck getting over her. Just keep in mind that there is someone for you I'm sure, who will not be this way w/you.. and you still have a happy relationship ahead of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DonJuan` Posted July 31, 2005 Author Share Posted July 31, 2005 Originally posted by kgal I'm sorry, I didn't read through each post. I wish you luck getting over her. Just keep in mind that there is someone for you I'm sure, who will not be this way w/you.. and you still have a happy relationship ahead of you. Thanx a lot for the uplifting words, I'm sure there is a special girl out there for me... I just hope that she will be able to fill that missing gap in my life as completely as this one did Thanx again... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.positive Posted August 2, 2005 Share Posted August 2, 2005 Shell mature with time. Until then good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DonJuan` Posted August 2, 2005 Author Share Posted August 2, 2005 Originally posted by Mr.positive Shell mature with time. Until then good luck. Yeah.... Thanx Link to post Share on other sites
Author DonJuan` Posted August 4, 2005 Author Share Posted August 4, 2005 Update: Well until now I have been really distant towards her and she has confronted me about it, and I tell her that SHE chose for things to be this way.... SHE chose to JUST be "friends" and nothing more, even after I told her that once I move on, there wont be another chance. Now she seems to regret her decision, yet, she is still standing by her original word of "I am still not ready to get into a relationship with anyone because I still have feelings for that other guy and I am just too confused and need to sort myself out" ... hahaha... Thats the same s*** she has been saying for the past.... FOREVER! Every day that goes by, I am more and more happy with my decision to move on and get over her... It IS still a little hard, and I do get those times where I miss her and long for her etc, but with each day its getting better and better, and I am actually starting to see other women in a sexual way again... its been a LONG time since this, and I must admit, its feels pretty good Anyways... Just another thanx to you all, and if anything happens in the future, I'll keep you guys posted Till then..... ch0w! Link to post Share on other sites
upsetnhurt Posted August 4, 2005 Share Posted August 4, 2005 Good for you Don Juan. I too have my down days yet it does get better with time. You figure that if they don't want to be with you then it is probably better to move on and find someone who does..............it's ironic that she still plays that tune of "I'm confused and still have feelings for the other guy". I respect the confused part and I applaud her for not getting involved with you during this time period as it will only result in more hurt to you. It should tell you something that if that guy came calling for her she would jump in an instant.........noone deserves to be treated like a second fiddle...and if you stayed around that is what you would have become. Link to post Share on other sites
upsetnhurt Posted August 4, 2005 Share Posted August 4, 2005 Good for you Don Juan. I too have my down days yet it does get better with time. You figure that if they don't want to be with you then it is probably better to move on and find someone who does..............it's ironic that she still plays that tune of "I'm confused and still have feelings for the other guy". I respect the confused part and I applaud her for not getting involved with you during this time period as it will only result in more hurt to you. It should tell you something that if that guy came calling for her she would jump in an instant.........noone deserves to be treated like a second fiddle...and if you stayed around that is what you would have become. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DonJuan` Posted August 4, 2005 Author Share Posted August 4, 2005 Yeah.... Well I'm happy I made the decision to move on.... And as much as I still would love to be with her, I guess there is another girl out there somewhere for me Life goes on........ Link to post Share on other sites
Author DonJuan` Posted August 11, 2005 Author Share Posted August 11, 2005 - Well....... For the past couple of weeks she has tried being close to me, talk to me a lot etc, but I have just pushed her away more and more, and a few days ago I even went to the extent to tell her that I dont think we should be friends anymore because she was not making it easy on me to get over her.... She of coarse begged me not to "cut her out" and all this other bulls***, but then I simply told her that she only had herself to blame for all this s***, SHE f*cked up, and now she needed to deal with the consequinces. So anyways, now we just say "hi" to eachother on the odd occasion, and thats about it... blah Link to post Share on other sites
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