7 week seperation went south, got the not in love speech

[whichwayisup]

Thanks guys. All good advice. Re the alcoholism thing, i admitted i was an alcoholic when i lost my license but am not sure i need help like others. I dont need alcohol, have no physical addiction to it, can often have just a few drinks and stop but sometimes i start and either it gets too regular over time or i just drink way too much at once because my off switch doesnt work. Alcohol is my only vice, when i left the army we moved to my wifes town with her friends and family.

 

I have always worked shifts and off days split between working on a house that needed a lot and being a dad. I didnt have time to make friends or have a hobby, in 12 years i took nothing for myself, everyday has been devoted to the kids, working on the houses we have had or working for money. A drink was a treat, a relax, the only thing i had. I didnt even go out to the pub because i would rather be at home with my family. For years i would start a night shift at 7pm get home at 7.40am as my wife left for work. I got my daughter fed and dressed and to school. Grabbed a coupke of hours sleep then picked her up from school, did homework, played, fed her and left for work again just as my wife got home at 6pm. And she quit her job because she didnt like working in an office. All through this i have worked myself stupid while she has sat on her ass.

 

I never had time for a life so a drink was it, like having a box of chocolates. I know it gets out of hand though if i drink way too much at once because i lose common sense. Have gone long periods of 6-8 months no problem. The problem was when she started to complain and i made promises it turned into secret drinking which meant vodka. Now the kids come first, i cant risk them.

 

Even now though i dont see what life i can build. I work 4 on 4 off. On my 4 rest days i need my children. There is still no time for hobby or friends or women. She has always had nothing but free time, a full social calender and friends - she will be fine, as usual.

 

You go on benders and do stupid things when you're drunk. Drinking has ruined your marriage. Your wife got fed up with it, giving you chance after chance. of course she loves you but she just can't deal with it anymore.

 

You can't handle booze, that's a fact. Go to AA. Do counseling. Fix yourself, be the best man you can be so you can be the best father to your children. Aim for friendship with your (ex) wife so you two can co parent together and have a genuine respect for one another for the kids sake.

 

Chances of her taking you back is really slim.. especially since you're not seeking help for your drinking or doing counseling, she doesn't trust you to take you back in.