BlueBird16 Posted November 5, 2016 Share Posted November 5, 2016 (edited) Okay so my husband has admitted to flirting with a friend for years..which he says he did just to piss me off bc I was a flirt too in the past. That's the backstory. He and I were having a great night together at a party and this friend was drunk. She came up to him and gave him a sort of standing lap dance where she did everything but rub her crotch on him. He stood there and didn't move away. He says bc it would seem like she affected him and didn't want it to seem that way. Okay. Fine. He says he gave her a sort of "look" which made her stop. She did stop. BUT he not only still didn't move away...when she mumbled something..he said "what?" I was upset again. His behavior did not seem to indicate any coldness towards her from what I could tell. He engaged her afterwards by asking "what?". He thinks he "showed her that he isn't into her" and I'm hurt all over again. Who is right here? Edited November 5, 2016 by BlueBird16 Added something... Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 5, 2016 Share Posted November 5, 2016 This situation came up because he blamed you for your behaviour and is still retaliating. So now you're looking at placing further blame. But blame and right/wrong is not the way to a healthy relationship. I suggest you draw a line between yesterday and today. Both of you need to let bygones be bygones. Discuss how to be better partners to each other starting today. Focus on the positive changes you will both make without any rehashing of past wrongs. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TheTraveler Posted November 5, 2016 Share Posted November 5, 2016 That's awful. He disrespected you right in front of your face. That's a pretty low blow if you ask me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted November 30, 2016 Share Posted November 30, 2016 OP, I don't know how old you both are but you husband is pretty immature if he's playing this "tit for tat" game. which he says he did just to piss me off bc I was a flirt too in the past. Your husband is disrespecting you. He stood there and didn't move away. Has he disrespected you in other ways before this because I doubt if this is the first time? Me, I'd have got up and walked out. Have you talked to him since about this? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 30, 2016 Share Posted November 30, 2016 Who is right here? Without knowing the full backstory, my tentative vote is "neither of you". Your H is an immature azz for letting any woman "dirty dance" him. Can't help but wonder what his reaction would be were you to do the same to some guy, I've seen punches thrown over less. If you've done your own version of this same behavior, you're headed down a destructive road as a couple. If this is what you do in front of each other, hate to see what the other boundaries are... Mr. Lucky 4 Link to post Share on other sites
eightytwenty Posted November 30, 2016 Share Posted November 30, 2016 Who's fault? Does it really matter, marriage isn't over you did something better or worse, but how you work through things. Now did he talk to you about his feeling when you were flirting? If so did you back off? If he did and you stopped there wasn't a reason for his bs, but he might still could be hurt by it and doesn't feel like you've tried to make it right.. Who knows, you need to have a nice sit down talk to him about this, and y'all need to get the boundaries back up for each other and move on. This back and forth with be a marriage undoing if it keeps on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted November 30, 2016 Share Posted November 30, 2016 The friend disrespected you by doing that. Did you think about saying anything to her? Also ... how much of a flirt were you? Is what he says true about you flirting? Did you flirt in front of him? Link to post Share on other sites
BoaConstrictor Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 At some level you've already lost if you're imagining who is right and who is wrong. I would look forward and think about how you can better understand each other and be sure that he understands the degree to which his actions hurt you. And then I would talk about your own prior indiscretions. At some level, I think because you have both engaged in this type of flirtation that you are primed to use it as a way to draw you two together again, since presumably both of you can understand each other and perhaps discuss why this type of flirtation occurred. Link to post Share on other sites
fenix Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 OP, I don't know how old you both are but you husband is pretty immature if he's playing this "tit for tat" game. Your husband is disrespecting you. Has he disrespected you in other ways before this because I doubt if this is the first time? Me, I'd have got up and walked out. Have you talked to him since about this? Agree... and then... not! They both need to look at this, it seems her husband is retaliating for her previous behavior... the issue is deeper and they both need to talk. From what Op lets see, he is not the only one being disrespectful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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