Boyfriend doesn't seem interested in my life? UPDATE: cuddling leads straight to sex

[RecentChange]

Now that I see all the treads you have started....

 

BREAK UP already!

 

He doesn't care about you, he doesn't listen to you, he doesn't take time to make sex pleasurable for you.

 

Honey, love yourself a little more and don't settle for this.

[babybrowns]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months. We are in a LDR but I might move to live with him in the summer. He makes it clear that I am important to him and that he loves me very much.

 

He sometimes does compliment my appearance but it's more when I'm wearing 'sexy' stuff and when I'm naked. He's never once called me "pretty" or "beautiful"; the most he says is "looks good!" If I'm wearing something he likes.

 

However the other day I asked him if he checks out other girls when I'm not there, and his reply was "well, what if you saw a guy that was as hot as your favourite actor, what would you do? I don't stare lustfully after other girls though." I found his response to be honest but a little assumptive as I rarely check out other guys and have never done it once in front of him.

 

My boyfriend is a very practical person and I admire his frankness, and let it slide. However it has been bothering me a little ever since. Is there anything to worry about from the way he replied?

 

Also I do want to talk to him about how I wish he would make more positive comments about my appearance but I am scared of coming across as insecure. Advice on this?

 

Many thanks

Edited February 21, 2017 by babybrowns

[justwhoiam]

He sometimes does compliment my appearance but it's more when I'm wearing 'sexy' stuff and when I'm naked. He's never once called me "pretty" or "beautiful"; the most he says is "looks good!" If I'm wearing something he likes.

What's wrong with that? He's showing his appreciation, and how he's attracted to you. In the process, he's also complimenting you for your skills (clothes you pick, how you match stuff...).

 

I found his response to be honest but a little assumptive

You mean presumptuous? I don't think so. He was honest. Some men look, some don't. Some look in your presence, that's the worst. But that doesn't look like his case anyway.

 

Is there anything to worry about from the way he replied?

I don't think so.

 

I wish he would make more positive comments about my appearance

Why? I personally prefer to be complimented about my achievements than about my looks. But to each their own. To me there's more beauty in kindness and nice gestures than in pretty looks. I hope I'm not the only one thinking this.

[Cookiesandough]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months. We are in a LDR but I might move to live with him in the summer. He makes it clear that I am important to him and that he loves me very much.

 

He sometimes does compliment my appearance but it's more when I'm wearing 'sexy' stuff and when I'm naked. He's never once called me "pretty" or "beautiful"; the most he says is "looks good!" If I'm wearing something he likes.

 

However the other day I asked him if he checks out other girls when I'm not there, and his reply was "well, what if you saw a guy that was as hot as your favourite actor, what would you do? I don't stare lustfully after other girls though." I found his response to be honest but a little assumptive as I rarely check out other guys and have never done it once in front of him.

 

My boyfriend is a very practical person and I admire his frankness, and let it slide. However it has been bothering me a little ever since. Is there anything to worry about from the way he replied?

 

Also I do want to talk to him about how I wish he would make more positive comments about my appearance but I am scared of coming across as insecure. Advice on this?

 

Many thanks

 

Maybe your boyfriend isn't the gushy type. Some guys don't say "you're beautiful" even though they know you are. I'm sure you've been called "beautiful" and "gorgeous" by men who barely knew you. Doesn't mean anything. But if it raelly bothers you enough talk to him about it. Communication is import.

 

 

99.9% of men of heterosexual males look at other women. Just reality. Not only is what your boyfriend said nothing to worry about, it should be comforting he is honest with you.

[d0nnivain]

Yikes.

 

 

You have only known him through an LDR at that for 6 months & you are talking about living together? Bad plan.

 

 

If you head to his city going from LDR to living together almost guarantees you will be broken up before the end of summer.

 

 

Independent of him, if you have reasons to want to live in his city, go. But get a job & your own apartment. Date conventionally for a while.

 

 

As for him looking at other women, he has eyes in his head. He will always look. If he looks as opposed to ogles, leave it be.

 

 

As for the lack of compliments some guys just aren't verbal. My husband says uninspired things like you look nice, fine or good. I got so fed up I bought him a Thesaurus which I tabbed and highlighted fine, good & nice hoping he'd say something else. He never has. He's just not that guy with the ability to give compliments. It doesn't mean he doesn't think I'm pretty. He just can't say it. He shows me in many ways so I miss the words less.

[Chris516]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months. We are in a LDR but I might move to live with him in the summer. He makes it clear that I am important to him and that he loves me very much.

 

He sometimes does compliment my appearance but it's more when I'm wearing 'sexy' stuff and when I'm naked. He's never once called me "pretty" or "beautiful"; the most he says is "looks good!" If I'm wearing something he likes.

 

However the other day I asked him if he checks out other girls when I'm not there, and his reply was "well, what if you saw a guy that was as hot as your favourite actor, what would you do? I don't stare lustfully after other girls though." I found his response to be honest but a little assumptive as I rarely check out other guys and have never done it once in front of him.

 

My boyfriend is a very practical person and I admire his frankness, and let it slide. However it has been bothering me a little ever since. Is there anything to worry about from the way he replied?

 

Also I do want to talk to him about how I wish he would make more positive comments about my appearance but I am scared of coming across as insecure. Advice on this?

 

Many thanks

I get the feeling. That trust is a major problem in the relationship, correct?

[preraph]

It's very rude for a guy to be rubber-necking when you're with him, and that's disrespectful, but come on, all guys look at women. As long as he doesn't do it in front of you, be grateful. If he does, tell him how disrespectful it is.

[mightycpa]

Do NOT move in with a guy you barely know. Seriously, you have to be told that?

 

Bad plan! Bad plan!

 

Move in with a girlfriend or a stranger or something.

[babybrowns]

Thank you everyone for your replies, they are reassuring and yes I am grateful that he is honest with me about this.

 

In truth, my ex boyfriend was a serial ogler and would always gawk at other women in front of me, right from our second date. He was dishonest about it too when I would call him out on it. I was with him for a year (regret it now- love is blind!) and it dashed my self esteem. We broke up almost 3 years ago and haven't spoken since.

 

My current boyfriend doesn't ogle other women in front of me and I am impressed by his honest admission that he does do it from time to time. He also sometimes does show me that he finds me attractive, it would just be really nice for him to use the magic word 'beautiful' just once. I have been with him for 6 months and have known him for just over 1 year, I'm not planning on moving in with him right away but rather just getting settled near him.

 

What initiated this step is that the company that I work for crashed and we are all being made redundant thus have to find new starts. I'm taking it as an opportunity to make a fresh start near where he is. One thing however is that he just doesn't seem that excited about me moving to him. He claims that he is when I've voiced these concerns to him but he just doesn't seem to be 'jumping for joy' about it; not too sure what to do :-/

Edited February 25, 2017 by babybrowns

[d0nnivain]

Don't put all your relocation eggs in one basket. Do send resumes to jobs near him but don't pass up other opportunities.

 

 

If you end up near him because you have a good job & get your own apartment, you can see how things go. Just make sure you move to somewhere you want to be, regardless of him.

[babybrowns]

Don't put all your relocation eggs in one basket. Do send resumes to jobs near him but don't pass up other opportunities.

 

 

If you end up near him because you have a good job & get your own apartment, you can see how things go. Just make sure you move to somewhere you want to be, regardless of him.

 

Thank you. I just don't understand why he doesn't seem that excited about it when he does seem to be quite fond of me.

[d0nnivain]

Change is scary.

 

 

Do what's best for you & the rest should fall into place.

[Ronnys93]

Thank you. I just don't understand why he doesn't seem that excited about it when he does seem to be quite fond of me.

 

Likely because it isn't real to him yet. However, you really need to focus on your happiness in relation to moving. If you rely on his happiness, if things don't work out you'll be on the wrong end of the stick.

 

Try and make this work for YOU, not for him.

[elaine567]

Thank you. I just don't understand why he doesn't seem that excited about it when he does seem to be quite fond of me.

 

He may be perfectly happy to be in a LDR as he can live his own life as he chooses.

He may not really want a gf close by, as he will need to make compromises and end up taking you into consideration all the time.

Sometimes people are in LDRs for a reason. He may want to date and see other people at the same time, or it may be that he just likes a degree of freedom.

 

Reading your other threads, he is not that into you, he doesn't appear to miss you when you are gone, you care for him more than he cares for you by his own admission.

BUT he loves the sex, however he is not that interested in satisfying you...

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/long-distance-relationships/601432-boyfriend-doesn-t-seem-interested-my-life-update-cuddling-leads-straight-sex

 

Be very careful here.

I would be in no hurry to change my life for a guy like this.

[babybrowns]

He may be perfectly happy to be in a LDR as he can live his own life as he chooses.

He may not really want a gf close by, as he will need to make compromises and end up taking you into consideration all the time.

Sometimes people are in LDRs for a reason. He may want to date and see other people at the same time, or it may be that he just likes a degree of freedom.

 

Reading your other threads, he is not that into you, he doesn't appear to miss you when you are gone, you care for him more than he cares for you by his own admission.

BUT he loves the sex, however he is not that interested in satisfying you...

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/long-distance-relationships/601432-boyfriend-doesn-t-seem-interested-my-life-update-cuddling-leads-straight-sex

 

Be very careful here.

I would be in no hurry to change my life for a guy like this.

 

Thank you for your input, but please be made aware that my other threads are from months ago and our relationship has progressed since then, and his feelings even more so. I didn't say one word to him about the concerns I voiced in the previous threads you mention in your post, and yet now he is *very* engaged in even the slightest detail about me, and cuddling does *not* just lead straight to sex anymore.

Edited February 25, 2017 by babybrowns

[Els]

I think you're putting a bit too much importance on what he says or how he says it. Some people just aren't verbally expressive - and while it's valid for you to decide that you don't want to date such a person, it isn't necessarily indicative of their feelings for you.

 

IMO, talk is cheap. What do his actions show? What does he do to show you that he loves you, does he make an effort to come visit you often, does he do nice things to try and make you happy?

 

Again, if you decide that you can't be happy with a verbally inexpressive man regardless of what he does, that's fine, but you need to be able to distinguish between that and genuine lack of investment/love.

[babybrowns]

I think you're putting a bit too much importance on what he says or how he says it. Some people just aren't verbally expressive - and while it's valid for you to decide that you don't want to date such a person, it isn't necessarily indicative of their feelings for you.

 

IMO, talk is cheap. What do his actions show? What does he do to show you that he loves you, does he make an effort to come visit you often, does he do nice things to try and make you happy?

 

Again, if you decide that you can't be happy with a verbally inexpressive man regardless of what he does, that's fine, but you need to be able to distinguish between that and genuine lack of investment/love.

 

Thank you, this really says it. This man has shown me more love and care than all my previous boyfriends put together. He makes me very, very happy. That's why I am considering this move. I know I will get over the 'lack of verbal expression'; I guess that sometimes I just suffer from a little bit of insecurity and the thought of him looking at other women just concerned me as I wasn't thinking logically about it. But now I feel reassured. Thank you and thank you everyone else who contributed to this post <3

[xenawarriorprincess]

Men are visual creatures, so they are going to “check out” any and everything that walks past them, its human nature and completely normal and in no way diminishes his feelings for you. LDR are hard and bring up many feelings of uncertainty, but the only way to make it work is to trust that you and your partner are in it for the long haul and to focus on your plans of moving in together in the summer. He’s being honest with you and that’s a good sign, even if the truth stings.

[babybrowns]

Hello everyone,

 

I have been with my boyfriend for about 6 months. He is very kind, caring and sweet to me. He is also affectionate with me; he thinks I'm 'adorable'. However I have always felt since the start that I want more passion from him. During sex, he barely kisses me or caresses me; the only time he does kiss me is when I ask him to and even then he only responds with a quick peck or two.

 

I don't understand this because otherwise, he does seem attracted to me (e.g. "you look so great tonight I can't wait to take you home!") . I have never brought this up with him since it then wouldn't be natural / coming from him if I did, but it's got to the point where it's now killing my sex drive. I am very attracted to him but sex for me shouldn't just be about the mechanical movements but also passionate kissing, neck kissing...all the things that I never get from him

 

Would anyone have any advice? Many thanks

Edited March 14, 2017 by babybrowns

[ExpatInItaly]

How old is he, OP? And how much relationship experience does he have?

[Els]

I'm confused. This is in the LDR forums - are you guys long distance? If so, how often do you see each other, or how much time have you spent together IRL?

[justwhoiam]

I have always felt since the start that I want more passion from him

I guess if it's not there, he's not that kind of guy. It's usually about the type of guy, but I also think that the woman in front of him can make a huge difference. Some men are not passionate with some women and very passionate with others. So, it's also about the chemistry and level of turn-on between the two of them.

 

During sex, he barely kisses me or caresses me; the only time he does kiss me is when I ask him to and even then he only responds with a quick peck or two.

1. This makes me think you don't kiss him but just expect him to do it. Why. If it comes natural to you, why don't you kiss him and touch him?

2. As Elswyth said, it's important to understand how often you are intimate with him and how often you meet up with him in person.

3. Is there any kissing when you're just hanging out, going out shopping, doing whatever?

 

II have never brought this up with him since it then wouldn't be natural / coming from him if I did

I understand that. I'm just wondering what comes natural to you while you're at it, and if you refrain from doing anything in fear of doing something he wouldn't like. If that's the case, he's maybe just mirroring your behavior.

I can tell you one thing though. Being passionate doesn't start in the bedroom. If he's passionate, he at least tries to kiss you wherever, down the street, in the elevator, while you're in line waiting for something, etc. And if he doesn't like people around, he'll just take advantage of the first (seemingly) secluded corner, to hold you tight and kiss you. A passionate man will also try to touch you anyway he can, even if that means just rubbing the back of your hand while seated in a restaurant. That is building up anticipation somehow, and shows the need of being close and intimate.

 

Would anyone have any advice? Many thanks

Passion is not something you can demand. It needs to grow on its own. You can fuel it, maybe, but even the idea that you need to keep doing something for him to feel that way or in the mood would definitely kill my drive. It's like the man grabbing you even if you're washing the dishes... that's passion. If he's not that man, there's not much you can do.

 

My main advice here is: don't try to like him no matter what, even when there are so many things that just don't match your ideal man. You can let go some things, but not others.