Regression

[Rick_Ralty]

After about 3 weeks of being dumped from a 4 year relationship I started seeing this new girl I had met from college years ago (she had just gotten dumped from her longest relationship as well). We had known each other for 5 years as platonic friends before we started seeing each other. I always had a thing for her. She’s the hottest female I’ve ever known. There were many times with my ex of 4 years, were while we we dating, that I would fantasize about my college friend. But I never made any move because I was in a relationship and not an asshat.

 

I’ve been seeing my college friend for about 3 months now and she's more physically attractive, more intelligent, and friskier. We’re taking whatever we have completely slow - but we’ve come to an understanding that we’re more than just friends with benefits. It’s also been surreal, because I never thought I had a snowball’s chance in hell at being college girl’s lover. She treats me really well and I’ve been feeling a stronger emotional connection with her… until it was my birthday.

 

I have not talked to my ex in 4 months and while I recognize 4 months is still much too soon, I feel like I’ve substantially regressed.

 

The few days before my birthday, I started thinking about my ex intensely. It’s completely ****ed up, because my college friend went all out for my birthday, and was very thoughtful, put a lot of effort into it - literally, it could not have been more perfect. I don’t know why I can’t stop thinking about the person who rejected me and everything I had and focus on the person who is putting effort into us and maintaining me. I have just wanted to talk to my ex so bad, I still love her, and I, dreadfully, hope that one day we can get back together - as much as I don’t want to admit it. I still haven’t spoken to her in 4 months, but I creeped her Facebook with all the stereotypical pitfalls.

 

I feel like I'm being pulled apart in two directions. just need some advice or words of encouragement. Or… something.

[Logo]

After about 3 weeks of being dumped from a 4 year relationship I started seeing this new girl I had met from college years ago (she had just gotten dumped from her longest relationship as well). We had known each other for 5 years as platonic friends before we started seeing each other. I always had a thing for her. She’s the hottest female I’ve ever known. There were many times with my ex of 4 years, were while we we dating, that I would fantasize about my college friend. But I never made any move because I was in a relationship and not an asshat.

 

I’ve been seeing my college friend for about 3 months now and she's more physically attractive, more intelligent, and friskier. We’re taking whatever we have completely slow - but we’ve come to an understanding that we’re more than just friends with benefits. It’s also been surreal, because I never thought I had a snowball’s chance in hell at being college girl’s lover. She treats me really well and I’ve been feeling a stronger emotional connection with her… until it was my birthday.

 

I have not talked to my ex in 4 months and while I recognize 4 months is still much too soon, I feel like I’ve substantially regressed.

 

The few days before my birthday, I started thinking about my ex intensely. It’s completely ****ed up, because my college friend went all out for my birthday, and was very thoughtful, put a lot of effort into it - literally, it could not have been more perfect. I don’t know why I can’t stop thinking about the person who rejected me and everything I had and focus on the person who is putting effort into us and maintaining me. I have just wanted to talk to my ex so bad, I still love her, and I, dreadfully, hope that one day we can get back together - as much as I don’t want to admit it. I still haven’t spoken to her in 4 months, but I creeped her Facebook with all the stereotypical pitfalls.

 

I feel like I'm being pulled apart in two directions. just need some advice or words of encouragement. Or… something.

 

 

I would stick with the here and now. Your ex is your ex. I know the feeling of those thoughts creeping in on you when you're with someone else. It's an uneasy feeling especially if you're having a great time and they're making an effort and into you. Some activities will trigger thoughts and memories about your time with your ex. I ignored them the best I could until they went away. Give it a couple of weeks or a month. Invest in your new relationship and those thoughts will become history.

[sandylee1]

Think of why she dumped you and use that to move forward. You were together for 4 years and for whatever reason she wasn't happy. What would change about that in the future?

 

I'd not go back to a person who dumped me, as I feel it gives them a chance to do it again, unless they had an exceptional reason for it.