Betaboy78 Posted November 5, 2016 Share Posted November 5, 2016 I have been married for 10 years this year and since about May I have not been seeing my wife in the same way as I used to. We got together because we were friends with benefits and found ourselves pregnant within a few months of knowing each other, it was a strange situation and decided to give it a go and were engaged 6 months later. We have a son, he is a great kid and have bought him up well, he is now eleven and we have been trying to have another baby for 7 years. I am now 38 and am desperate for another child, my wife is now on the large side and is also epileptic, she had 4 fits during pregancy which scared the hell out of me. In order to have as safe chance of a baby then my wife has been told that she needs to lose 5 stone to give herself the best chance of a safe pregnancy. I have not ever seen any effort from her and I have totally gone off sex as it is not a pleasant experience which i told her about as its something i just cant hide from her. She is a lovely person, really kind and has stood by my side through thick and thin but I just dont love her anymore and its frustrating she is not helping herself. I have tried everything to help her from helping her with diets to paying for the gym but it isn't helping, nothing I try to help her with is succeeding and I am totally fed up because I want another child. Thing is, Im broke and have no where else to go, cant go back to my parents as i havent always seen eye to eye with them. I am so depressed, christmas is going to be miserable, not sure what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted November 6, 2016 Share Posted November 6, 2016 Was she big when you met her or did she gain the weight afterwards? Are you not able to have sex with her because of the weight issue? The epileptic fits were not linked to her weight were they? Is it really safe for her to have another child with the fits in mind? Does she actually want another child? Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted November 6, 2016 Share Posted November 6, 2016 Hi Beta boy, you say you are broke and yet you want to bring another child into this world. How do you intend to pay your bills, educate your kids and put them through college if you are already broke? What is the fascination with having another kid? You ate now 38 years old and even supposing your wife got pregnant tomorrow you would be 39 by the time your child was born. That is a pretty advanced age to become a new dad especially when your finances are questionable. Maybe nature is getting in the way and preventing your wife from conceiving. Sometimes things happen for the best. If you really wanted another child why did you wait ten Yeats to decide on this? The best time would have been two to three Yeats after your first one was born. A large age gap between siblings does not make for a healthy relationship between the two. The other issues about your wife are understandable. Her gaining weight and not doing anything to try to lose it is on her. Her having fits is an act of nature and she cannot be held responsible for that. Besides, you say she has stood by you through thick and thin and has a good personality. As they say you cannot have everything. A lot of people have troubles much bigger than what you are facing. To me it looks like you are an escapist and are not prepared to stick it out when the going gets tough. You need to have more stick to itiveness. Guess you need to get some sessions with IC as does your wife. Maybe she has self esteem issues. Does she work or is she an SAHW? Just some thoughts for you to mull over. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted November 6, 2016 Share Posted November 6, 2016 Betaboy, If you do not love your wife then for goodness sake set her free to be with someone who can love her and treat her with respect. She can't help having fits but she could help the weight gain. If she doesn't want to address that then you can't make her do so. Does she know that you don't love her any more? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betaboy78 Posted November 6, 2016 Author Share Posted November 6, 2016 Hi, just to clarify a few things here.... My wife hasn't had an epileptic fit for 9 years, we have been trying for a child for the past 8 years, she was smaller when we first met. When i sayvi am broke it means i do not have enough money to find my own place but together we can survive financially..... just. Link to post Share on other sites
LilyMila Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 Don't even think about having another child if your marriage is in trouble. Another child means additional stress and less couples time. It puts strain on even good relationships. What you want is not necessarily what you need right now. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
tinkerbell16 Posted November 12, 2016 Share Posted November 12, 2016 Don't even think about having another child if your marriage is in trouble. Another child means additional stress and less couples time. It puts strain on even good relationships. What you want is not necessarily what you need right now. Please do not bring another child into an unstable marriage. CHILDREN do not save marriages. You said your wife has many positive qualities. Focus on these and good things will happen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
puppy1031 Posted November 12, 2016 Share Posted November 12, 2016 Hey, just a guy, I just wanted to say I have a 13 year age gap between me and my younger brother. It's a different, more parental type of relationship than I have with my siblings who are closer in age but it's not unhealthy by any means. Just different. That's not to say they're all healthy, but I don't think it's fair to imply that a large age gap makes for an unhealthy relationship between siblings. Anyway, beta, if you are "just" getting by, you still probably cannot afford a child. Children are expensive. Link to post Share on other sites
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