should I prevent my girlfriend from cheating?

[pinkerton15]

hey guys

 

so I've been dating this girl on and off for a year or so. during this time, we've broken up a couple of times, she cheated, i cheated.. it's been really crazy.

 

but the weird part is she keeps on telling me that she likes it when i see other girls (as long as she doesn't know). she likes bad boys and likes being rejected is what she said.

 

now I've come to a point where I'm just tired of it, and I just want to be with her. but she's been wanting to break up with me the past couple of weeks. I've prevented it a bunch of times, but she keeps telling me to look for someone else.

 

she told me she went on a date with some guy the other day, and I just lost my mind... i was crying and banging the walls with my hand, and screaming to my pillow it's pathetic... but i never realized how much i loved her.

 

i don't want to lose her. she says she needs space and stuff... but i get so scared of her just dumping me out of the blue. she keeps telling me she loves me so i feel like i have nothing to worry about...

 

but i'm just wondering should i just like, give it some room.. and act like an ******* again (lol cuz she likes that)... i've been a bit sweet recently and she got shocked by it... so i don't know, i need to know how i should act... cuz i wanna be with her.

[JewelD]

She has some issues. Be wary of people who enjoy emotional abuse. They sometimes like to inflict it as well.

 

I don't think yall are truly in love, you just want each other.

[pinkerton15]

She has some issues. Be wary of people who enjoy emotional abuse. They sometimes like to inflict it as well.

 

I don't think yall are truly in love, you just want each other.

 

people who enjoy emotional abuse... you have experience with that? could you tell me more? cuz yeah both her parents passed away at an early age.. step mother is kinda messed up..

[basil67]

Pinkerton, this woman is not capable of giving you a stable, loving relationship. Only stay with her if you desire ongoing drama.

[Redhead14]

hey guys

 

so I've been dating this girl on and off for a year or so. during this time, we've broken up a couple of times, she cheated, i cheated.. it's been really crazy.

 

but the weird part is she keeps on telling me that she likes it when i see other girls (as long as she doesn't know). she likes bad boys and likes being rejected is what she said.

 

now I've come to a point where I'm just tired of it, and I just want to be with her. but she's been wanting to break up with me the past couple of weeks. I've prevented it a bunch of times, but she keeps telling me to look for someone else.

 

she told me she went on a date with some guy the other day, and I just lost my mind... i was crying and banging the walls with my hand, and screaming to my pillow it's pathetic... but i never realized how much i loved her.

 

i don't want to lose her. she says she needs space and stuff... but i get so scared of her just dumping me out of the blue. she keeps telling me she loves me so i feel like i have nothing to worry about...

 

but i'm just wondering should i just like, give it some room.. and act like an ******* again (lol cuz she likes that)... i've been a bit sweet recently and she got shocked by it... so i don't know, i need to know how i should act... cuz i wanna be with her.

 

She's playing games with you. She knows you're invested in her and she's telling you about other guys she's dating? That's emotional abuse. Don't tolerate it.

 

i need to know how i should act -- You should always be YOURSELF and not accept bad treatment or behavior from anyone. And, you do not try to be someone you're not just to get someone to stay with you.

 

i wanna be with her -- You want to be with the HER you wish she would be.

 

she keeps telling me to look for someone else. -- Take her advice.

[JewelD]

people who enjoy emotional abuse... you have experience with that? could you tell me more? cuz yeah both her parents passed away at an early age.. step mother is kinda messed up..

 

I knew a girl once who had a thing for a certain type of man. Basically dudes who looked like they just got out of prison and would beat her like an old rug. We were in college at the time and she invited her gang member bf and he knocked her silly and was telling her she wasn't allowed to go anywhere, etc. She seemed to relish in the fact that everyone on campus was trying to coddle her and felt sorry for her.

 

Last I saw her, she had dumped that guy and gotten with a new guy who looked just like him. She was a nutcase overall and just enjoyed the attention. She came from a Japanese background and seemed ashamed of it, so this was her way of rebelling I suppose.

 

But you can't have relationships with people like that unless you're an abusive person. You're obviously not and that's a good trait to have. Just let her go create drama in someone else's life.

[pinkerton15]

thanks for all your replies.

 

well.. the thing is.. everything used to be a-okay.. but about 8 months ago she dumped me because she thought i got her pregnant..

 

so during that time we broke up, i started seeing someone else... we got back together a month after, but i was still seeing that other girl...

 

and since then, i saw other girls here and there. during that time she was so crazy about me, knocked on my door unexpectedly etc etc. i kinda took her for granted...

 

now that she's tired and want to leave me, i realize how much i love her and i don't want her to go. i begged her to stay and told her i was going to change.. i even semi-proposed to her.. just to show her how serious i was with her...

 

when she told me she went on a date with another guy, i felt like well i kinda deserve that i've done that to her before...

 

she is actually very kind, and patient and mature.. but all this is just a culmination of how ive been treating her. argh ****. i want her to stay.

[Redhead14]

thanks for all your replies.

 

well.. the thing is.. everything used to be a-okay.. but about 8 months ago she dumped me because she thought i got her pregnant..

 

so during that time we broke up, i started seeing someone else... we got back together a month after, but i was still seeing that other girl...

 

and since then, i saw other girls here and there. during that time she was so crazy about me, knocked on my door unexpectedly etc etc. i kinda took her for granted...

 

now that she's tired and want to leave me, i realize how much i love her and i don't want her to go. i begged her to stay and told her i was going to change.. i even semi-proposed to her.. just to show her how serious i was with her...

 

when she told me she went on a date with another guy, i felt like well i kinda deserve that i've done that to her before...

 

she is actually very kind, and patient and mature.. but all this is just a culmination of how ive been treating her. argh ****. i want her to stay.

 

8 months ago she dumped me because she thought i got her pregnant -- Really????? That is completely and totally off base. She didn't own her part of the responsibility for that? It takes two and, more importantly, you two are having unprotected sex????

 

now that she's tired and want to leave me, i realize how much i love her -- Put all this in your bag of learning experiences -- there are consequences to your actions and you need to show the ones you love how much you love them while you have them -- not when they are walking away.

 

The damage is done, son. You two are very young anyway. You both should be dating other people and having fun instead of all this drama.

[bubbaganoosh]

thanks for all your replies.

she is actually very kind, and patient and mature.. but all this is just a culmination of how ive been treating her. argh ****. i want her to stay.

 

Mature? Are you kidding me? She immature and a mental abuser and for some reason you overlook that. She blames you for getting her maybe pregnant. She has just as much responsibility to keep from getting pregnant as you do yet she wants to put the blame on you.

 

Do yourself a favor and move on. All she's going to do is make life really hard for you.

[Bounce2002]

This girl is showing you who she really is. Believe her.

[pinkerton15]

I'm in a really messed up relationship. I love this girl want her to stay but I don't know how.

 

So I've been dating this girl for 1 year plus. The beginning was good, but then she dumped me halfway... I started dating someone else and then suddenly we got back together, but still kept seeing that someone else. She found out, she went nuts... and then for a long time I was seeing her but seeing like 1 other person behind her back, and she kind of was saying oh let's be in an open relationship.

 

But at the same time, she loved me and got hurt by it. Now she wants to leave. But I love her so much and I don't want her go. It's ironic because she said, now that you want to be with me, I'm tired and want to leave.

 

She's dating some other guy apparently, but also we're still seeing each other. She got really close to dumping me, but I persuaded her not to, and we went on a holiday, and we got really close again, she said she loves me etc...

 

But I still get scared, the other day we were cuddling being with each other, and I told her I'm sorry for everything I've done, please just be with me. She said you're really too late... but then she dropped it.

 

I feel like I still have a fighting chance, and I'm already in there sort of. But this other guy is still in the picture, I know it. It's her back-up plan, I told her I changed and I don't mess around like I used to, but obviously she's not gonna believe me straight away...

 

Do I stop her from seeing the guy? Do I do it subtly? I feel like if I push her too hard... and prevent her from seeing him, then I'll lose her.

 

But if I don't stop her, then she'll think it's okay. So what the f*ck do I do. I really really really don't want to lose her. I can't sleep, I've been sleeping 3-4 hours a day for the past week.

[Been]

You tell her you've changed and either she believes you or she doesn't. If she doesn't then tell her you as a couple are no more. If she believed you then you start over and the past is the past.

[whatnot]

There's no trust here. (and for good reason) Without trust you got nothin'.

 

Good luck

[Marc878]

You can't make anyone do anything. It's up to her. All you can di is fix yourself. If not for her then your next relationship.

[fromheart]

First of all, try and get yourself some rest. Get down the gym work yourself to exhaustion, have a hot bath and sleep.

 

Meet up with her, and tell her what you want, ie an exclusive relationship just with her, no other people involved.

If she doesn't feel the same way, if she hesitates for whatever reason, tell her to look you up if she changes her mind and then you walk away with complete NC.

 

This might seem to be the hardest way, but its the most effective...

 

 

Do consider if you want a woman who dumps and gets back together first though. I've been there and nowadays I call it a day if the woman even hints about ending it.

[joseb]

First of all, try and get yourself some rest. Get down the gym work yourself to exhaustion, have a hot bath and sleep.

 

Meet up with her, and tell her what you want, ie an exclusive relationship just with her, no other people involved.

If she doesn't feel the same way, if she hesitates for whatever reason, tell her to look you up if she changes her mind and then you walk away with complete NC.

 

This might seem to be the hardest way, but its the most effective...

 

 

Do consider if you want a woman who dumps and gets back together first though. I've been there and nowadays I call it a day if the woman even hints about ending it.

 

All this, but especially consider the part in bold.

 

All that breaking up and getting back almost always means you are just not compatible.

[aloneinaz]

There's really nothing to do but hose down the smoldering remains of that "relationship".. Learn what you can from it and move on..

[kvolm2016]

Sounds like there has not been an honest commitment to this relationship from either of you. So it seems like it would be important to ask what has changed for either of you. What has changed in your mind that now makes you want to commit to this women alone? And what has changed for her that would make her want to commit to you alone? If you can't have this kind of honest conversation, then you probably are not headed in the right direction for a healthy, successful relationship. Thoughts?

[pinkerton15]

hey guys,

 

so I'm in a peculiar kind of situation. Ive been dating this girl for over a year. she caught me cheating like half a year ago.. then we kind of decided to be in an open relationship.. and about a month back, she wanted to leave me. I realized how much I loved her, and begged her to stay and now I'm fighting for her.

 

Anyways, I'm trying my best to reconcile the relationship. But I have a feeling she's seeing someone else or talking to other guys. Considering I've done that to her so many times in the past... my friend told me NOT to stop her from doing so, or at least be subtle about it.

 

The other day I couldnt take it and asked her if she was, and that she acts strange when she's around her phone, put a password on it when she previously didn't.

 

I don't know what to do. Should I stop her from seeing this other guy or whoever the hell it is.. or not? If I don't do or say anything she's gonna think that it's okay. But if I try to stop her... she's gonna be like well you did that to me in the past... what the fk do I do??!?!?!?!

[SoleMate]

This sounds like a casual relationship of convenience, so I would suggest it doesn't matter much if either of you bends its porous boundaries. Not worth the trouble to take action.

[pinkerton15]

This sounds like a casual relationship of convenience, so I would suggest it doesn't matter much if either of you bends its porous boundaries. Not worth the trouble to take action.

 

the thing is I love her and I want to make the relationship stable and back where it should've been. She understands that... but I think she's seeing others as a back up plan in case I start messing around again...

 

the way I see it is I just have to slowly convince her... but what if suddenly some other guy sweeps her off her feet. I feel like I should get pissed at her for seeing other guys but I'm scared it'll push her away...

[central]

You have an open relationship. You have no say in who she sees, unless you negotiate it with her. If you want to close the relationship - negotiate that with her. Approaching this in an underhanded way only reinforces that you can't be trusted, and will likely result in her ending your relationship. Only honesty and directness can - perhaps - get you what you want, but she also has to want it and trust you enough to consider it.

[pinkerton15]

You have an open relationship. You have no say in who she sees, unless you negotiate it with her. If you want to close the relationship - negotiate that with her. Approaching this in an underhanded way only reinforces that you can't be trusted, and will likely result in her ending your relationship. Only honesty and directness can - perhaps - get you what you want, but she also has to want it and trust you enough to consider it.

 

Well the thing is now, I don't want to be in an open relationship anymore, and she doesn't see this relationship as that either... because in the past she would actually allow me to see other girls! Which is why I did it. It's really complicated and weird... but now she says don't hurt me anymore and she's scared I'll hurt her again... meaning she don't want me to see anyone else!

 

Anyways I should negotiate closing the relationship with her? Ask her not to see other people and give this relationship a proper try?

[ChickiePops]

It's not cheating if it's an open relationship.

 

Also, if you were already cheating on her 6 months in then this is not a relationship that will withstand the test of time.

[carhill]

If both parties can agree to an exclusive and committed relationship, regardless of what has occurred in the past, and their actions reflect that, then 'preventing' her from cheating will be irrelevant, as she will not be seeking other partners or relationships, rather acting to support and grow this relationship.

 

Communication is your solution. Be clear about what you offer and agree to, what you want, and the boundaries of the relationship. Then listen. It things flow, go. If not, get out. The only person you can control is yourself.