braceyourself Posted November 6, 2016 Share Posted November 6, 2016 I dont feel exactly proud for writing this but I've been with my bf for the past 3 1/2 years. Our relationship is good but we dont have sex and haven't had a good sex life ever (I choose a good guy over a passionate guy/relationship). During the past year, we have had sex 2x/month or so. I have to ask for oral and when I offer to have sex (which isnt often) I'm sometimes turned down. Sex is now out of obligation.. it's the same position for 2 or 3 minutes and we go on about our day. We both feel like there is someone else out there for us but neither one of us is willing to move on because outside of sex everything else is fine. We both work in the corporate world, we dont have any kids together (i have one), nice cars/house, and we travel often. I've never really been a cheater until now. I met a man about 3 weeks ago who was married for 20 years. He's 42 and Im 33. We met online, and as soon as we exchanged numbers I informed him that I had a bf. He respectfully told me he couldnt date me because him and his wife had infidelity issues in their marriage and he wouldn't be able to trust me. And after they separated he met another woman and she cheated. His told me his ex wife made him feel inadequate and other gave other men more attention than she gave him. He now has 4 kids. Two by his ex wife and twins by the other woman. He is struggling financially so he doesnt feel like he has much to offer. Anywho, a few days later, he text me and we met up 4 days later and hit it off. During that time, i could tell he was hurt and had some emotional issues and often told me I shouldnt cheat on my bf if he was a good guy. The following week we spent everyday together and had sex 3 or 4 times that week. One day, he asked me if I ever cheated on my bf and honestly I said no. Then after sex with this guy, my bf called me and sent me a text and I went home. The next morning, I went to the guy's house and we slept together and I went to work. That evening, I text him and asked did he want me to come over and he said no (I feel like maybe someone else was over there) and he said we needed to talk. I text him later that day but no response. The next day, he told me to come over and lets have sex. I said dont ever text me again and he said I was never his and I'll be with the next guy in 3 mins. He said it never would have worked anyway. I want to know if this guy liked me or was just using me for sex? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted November 6, 2016 Share Posted November 6, 2016 What a mess....he was using you for sex. He could never have and didn't trust you as relationship material. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted November 6, 2016 Share Posted November 6, 2016 Uhm, yeah he was just using you for sex.... you're cheating with him and I'm assuming he knows. He probably doesn't consider you relationship material, but has no problem hooking up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted November 6, 2016 Share Posted November 6, 2016 Using you for sex? He told you he couldn't be with you because you have a boyfriend. Maybe you were using him for sex. If you wanted a real relationship with this guy, you could have ended the one with your boyfriend first. You chose not to and now you're wondering why he doesn't trust you? Seriously? When he told you he had trust issues due to being cheated on in the past .... Okay. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted November 6, 2016 Share Posted November 6, 2016 I don't understand. He outright TOLD you he would never date you. What on earth made you think he had any feelings for you other than sexual ones? And if the sex with your BF is that bad but you don't want to break up, why not open up the relationship instead of cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
Author braceyourself Posted November 6, 2016 Author Share Posted November 6, 2016 Thanks for the responses. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 6, 2016 Share Posted November 6, 2016 This is definitely a mess. Of course, he wanted sex. He told you that when he told you that he wouldn't date you, because you have a boyfriend. You need to think about what you want and make a decision regarding your relationship. You say things are fine except the sex, yet you made the decision to be unfaithful and betray your current partner. That's not ok. If you want better sex, you need to do the right thing and end your relationship. You owe that to your current partner. Link to post Share on other sites
gorf Posted November 6, 2016 Share Posted November 6, 2016 I want to know if this guy liked me or was just using me for sex? I never understand this "did he just use me for sex?" line people use. Look at the situation: you used him for sex. You were a willing and decided person on it. So it was a mutual decision. And as a result blatantly cheated on your boyfriend. Stay with this looser or not, but either way, break up with your bf immediately 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 6, 2016 Share Posted November 6, 2016 You and your BF are corporate professionals, have your s&*^ together, wouldn't it be the mature adult thing to do is end the relationship? You two don't need to be together. As of now you two are just roommates, not BF/GF. What is keeping you two from moving on? Oh btw the guy didn't use you for sex, and yes he did like you, liked you enough to have sex with you. You both got what you wanted....some sexual healing. Just because you have sex with someone doesn't obligate them to be exclusive to you nor do they own you anything. Sex is not currency. The guy is a hot mess, he isn't relationship material neither.....so I say the pot is calling the kettle black. If you want a relationship you need to clean up your own backyard, breakup with your BF, start fresh. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted November 6, 2016 Share Posted November 6, 2016 I never understand people putting more effort into cheating, sneaking around, and pining over an affair partner instead of putting that energy into strengthening the weaknesses of your relationship. Did you talk to your boyfriend about sex in the relationship? Did you explicitly state what you like? Don't like? Show him? Regardless cheating is never the way to go. You've now let another man into your relationship and you don't seem so broken up about cheating on your boyfriend. Rather you're asking if some random guy you met used you for sex. Be kind of your bf and break up with him because you've destroyed the trust in the relationship, bad sex or not. And think of how disrespectful you've been to your bf. You had just had sex with another man, answered his call, and then went home to him. Then you went back the next morning. And I'm guessing your bf was home taking care of your child while you were out grooming his replacement. Can you see how unbelievably disrespectful that is? And no you weren't used for sex. You're not a victim here. You got what you wanted from someone who told you explicitly what they were going to give you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted November 6, 2016 Share Posted November 6, 2016 (edited) I dont feel exactly proud for writing this but I've been with my bf for the past 3 1/2 years. Our relationship is good but we dont have sex and haven't had a good sex life ever (I choose a good guy over a passionate guy/relationship). During the past year, we have had sex 2x/month or so. I have to ask for oral and when I offer to have sex (which isnt often) I'm sometimes turned down. Sex is now out of obligation.. it's the same position for 2 or 3 minutes and we go on about our day. We both feel like there is someone else out there for us but neither one of us is willing to move on because outside of sex everything else is fine. We both work in the corporate world, we dont have any kids together (i have one), nice cars/house, and we travel often. I've never really been a cheater until now. I met a man about 3 weeks ago who was married for 20 years. He's 42 and Im 33. We met online, and as soon as we exchanged numbers I informed him that I had a bf. He respectfully told me he couldnt date me because him and his wife had infidelity issues in their marriage and he wouldn't be able to trust me. And after they separated he met another woman and she cheated. His told me his ex wife made him feel inadequate and other gave other men more attention than she gave him. He now has 4 kids. Two by his ex wife and twins by the other woman. He is struggling financially so he doesnt feel like he has much to offer. Anywho, a few days later, he text me and we met up 4 days later and hit it off. During that time, i could tell he was hurt and had some emotional issues and often told me I shouldnt cheat on my bf if he was a good guy. The following week we spent everyday together and had sex 3 or 4 times that week. One day, he asked me if I ever cheated on my bf and honestly I said no. Then after sex with this guy, my bf called me and sent me a text and I went home. The next morning, I went to the guy's house and we slept together and I went to work. That evening, I text him and asked did he want me to come over and he said no (I feel like maybe someone else was over there) and he said we needed to talk. I text him later that day but no response. The next day, he told me to come over and lets have sex. I said dont ever text me again and he said I was never his and I'll be with the next guy in 3 mins. He said it never would have worked anyway. I want to know if this guy liked me or was just using me for sex? LOL You work in the corporate world and your cognitive skills are this poor? Are you a Telemarketer? lol He liked you, but just for the sex. But having a relationship with you? No way. You showed him how easy a mark you were and he ran with it and now you feel guilty. I am no corporate person but I do know that integrity knows no employment status. And lady, your integrity is piss poor, to say the least. The best recourse you have is to be honest with your BF. Your reasons for cheating are not reasons, but flimsy excuses. If you really want to restore your integrity, you will come clean with your BF, Give him the option as to whether he wants to continue in a relationship with you, and regardless, you need to do some deep digging to actually know your "whys". You have to do the last one for yourself, so you can become a safe person to be around, whether your relationship survives or not. right now as it stands, you are probably as toxic a partner as there can be. Book Smart and Street Stupid is no way to go through life, young lady. You'll get chewed up and spit out time and again by anyone with a smooth speech and a minimal amount of interest in you at the rate you are going. Use your head for something other than a hat rack. I'm not sorry to be harsh in the least. This was something you needed to hear. You are better than this, and you know it. This isn't junior high, it's someone you purport to love that you are toying with. Come on,now! Good Luck. Edited November 6, 2016 by Space Ritual 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 6, 2016 Share Posted November 6, 2016 Using you for sex? He told you he couldn't be with you because you have a boyfriend. Maybe you were using him for sex. If you wanted a real relationship with this guy, you could have ended the one with your boyfriend first. You chose not to and now you're wondering why he doesn't trust you? Seriously? When he told you he had trust issues due to being cheated on in the past .... Okay. Why do women willingly have sex and then ask if they were used for sex? It makes no sense whatsoever! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted November 6, 2016 Share Posted November 6, 2016 Why do women willingly have sex and then ask if they were used for sex? It makes no sense whatsoever! I don't think it is confined just to women, I think more men have asked themselves the same thing than we would ever admit to. Women may more readily ask aloud than men, but I would be willing to wager that more of us guys ask ourselves the same question from time to time. I certainly have. I have not always made the best choices over the course of my life when it came to satisfying my carnal desires, as some hookers and strippers between Chicago and St. Louis would attest to in my case...lol Link to post Share on other sites
Shanex Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 Why do women willingly have sex and then ask if they were used for sex? It makes no sense whatsoever! This here I want sex with some guy outside of an almost sexless relationship but now regret it because I was used? Dump your boyfriend. Stay single for a bit, then date again. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 Why do women willingly have sex and then ask if they were used for sex? It makes no sense whatsoever! Some women think they can change a guy or his intentions if they give him a free sample of the goods. It's like when they set up those free sample stations in the grocery store. Unfortunately for these women, I assume the ROI is just as poor. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fenix Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 I dont feel exactly proud for writing this but I've been with my bf for the past 3 1/2 years. Our relationship is good but we dont have sex and haven't had a good sex life ever (I choose a good guy over a passionate guy/relationship). During the past year, we have had sex 2x/month or so. I have to ask for oral and when I offer to have sex (which isnt often) I'm sometimes turned down. Sex is now out of obligation.. it's the same position for 2 or 3 minutes and we go on about our day. We both feel like there is someone else out there for us but neither one of us is willing to move on because outside of sex everything else is fine. We both work in the corporate world, we dont have any kids together (i have one), nice cars/house, and we travel often. I've never really been a cheater until now. I met a man about 3 weeks ago who was married for 20 years. He's 42 and Im 33. We met online, and as soon as we exchanged numbers I informed him that I had a bf. He respectfully told me he couldnt date me because him and his wife had infidelity issues in their marriage and he wouldn't be able to trust me. And after they separated he met another woman and she cheated. His told me his ex wife made him feel inadequate and other gave other men more attention than she gave him. He now has 4 kids. Two by his ex wife and twins by the other woman. He is struggling financially so he doesnt feel like he has much to offer. Anywho, a few days later, he text me and we met up 4 days later and hit it off. During that time, i could tell he was hurt and had some emotional issues and often told me I shouldnt cheat on my bf if he was a good guy. The following week we spent everyday together and had sex 3 or 4 times that week. One day, he asked me if I ever cheated on my bf and honestly I said no. Then after sex with this guy, my bf called me and sent me a text and I went home. The next morning, I went to the guy's house and we slept together and I went to work. That evening, I text him and asked did he want me to come over and he said no (I feel like maybe someone else was over there) and he said we needed to talk. I text him later that day but no response. The next day, he told me to come over and lets have sex. I said dont ever text me again and he said I was never his and I'll be with the next guy in 3 mins. He said it never would have worked anyway. I want to know if this guy liked me or was just using me for sex? It is callde Karma. Link to post Share on other sites
JoeSmith357-1 Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 Did I seriously just read a post that said basically "I cheated on my boyfriend with some guy who told me he couldn't date me, and i am upset with this guy with just using me for sex?" Break up with your boyfriend and find someone who is sexually compatible with you... I have a feeling you are using your boyfriend for all things other than sex and it's pretty one sided Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted November 10, 2016 Share Posted November 10, 2016 Do you realize how disgusting this sounds.... Do your boyfriend a favor and breakup with him Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 10, 2016 Share Posted November 10, 2016 Well, that's how it works. That's why if you're looking for a real relationship, you won't pick someone who is already in one, because it's tainted right from the start because if they'll do it to him, they'll do it to you. You know there's practical reasons for some of these old fashioned morality rules. Fall for a cheater and you can't expect them to not cheat. Naive people who are usually still young and/or idealistic try to tell themselves that like in a fairytale, if he/she is really the one, things will be different with you. They won't. Not for long. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlatino Posted November 10, 2016 Share Posted November 10, 2016 You should be ashamed of yourself , asking if he used you for sex. Ask you boyfriend what he thinks. So sad it's all ways the good ones that get cheated on. Maybe you should stay off line cause it's a matter of time you will cheat again.. A CHEATER ALL WAYS A CHEATER Link to post Share on other sites
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