Broke up due to outside reasons and miss understanding, trying to get her back.

[KratMich]

Hi everyone, I am new here and have very much recently, as in a week had a break up. I will start my story of the relationship from the beginning so that you can understand the events leading up to and get a perspective of what went on and why, if you want to know the end then skip to bottom after the next two paragraphs.

 

So our relationship has been relatively short being only 3 months long. She is the daughter of my mums best friend and I met her when going for tea their. We had a laugh and she added me on facebook the day after and got talking from there on really. I am 27 and she is 18 and has never had a boyfriend, still a virgin and is a bit socially awkward. She has friends but not many and is very self-conscious though I think shes gorgeous and she mainly spends most of her time in her room or sits in parks with her mates etc on the odd occasions. I on the other hand have a full time job, she is at college, had several short and long term relationships.

 

Now you know the background of us both lets start with the relationship. We started talking and got along great, we went on dates, drives, hers for tea, talked nightly, talked about me all the time to her friends of how nice I was and wanted me to meet her two main mates. We had fantastic days together and conversations. Her mum then mentioned about her not knowing of where she stud as she didn't know if we where an item or not. I reluctantly agreed to say, do you want to give it a try, even though it had only been a few weeks and she happily replied yes and was really excited. We carried on with no real issues for a few weeks.

 

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First issue was her fear of separation or fear of sleeping at any ones house other than her own. She would sleep rarely at her best friends place. So it came to asking if she wanted to sleep. We agreed upon it and bought drinks in and had a good day. She then said "oh if I feel sick I probably will not ever sleep again". I was confused and shocked by this as I never heard anyone mention such stuff before. So I immediately got worried but didn't really mention it more. Low and behold she felt sick in the night and the morning she was even worse.

 

A second issue occurred a few weeks later on a friday when I had a bad day and she thought I was off with her and crossed wires where had with my mum talking to hers (they are best mates) and making out I didn't want the relationship, this was sorted though at the end of the day after a lot of crying and arguments with the parents etc. The day after she was going on a trip with her best mate who then all of a sudden took a dislike to me when her relationship ended! The saturday came and I called my gf, she answered but sounded a bit distracted so I asked what she was doing and she was talking to a friend on her mates phone. I carried on telling her how my day went as I had a funny incident and then the phone changed to her friend. The friend stayed on the phone for half an hour before my gf came back on and said sorry I got to go now we are going for lunch talk later. So I pulled her up on this on the same day and we had a talk, she thought she did nothing wrong. But this just added fuel to her friend who I didn't know till that night disliked me. Low and behold my gf felt sick and ill that night on the trip away.

 

Me and her mate ended up arguing the following monday as I found out she had been saying stuff about me, told reluctantly from my gf, but I was upset as she never defended me to her friend. I was being compared to her mates ex who was a control freak and abusive, and that I am not. The argument ended in tears and my gf came back in crying and hugging me. We didn't sort the problem fully out till the friday of that week when she broke down more about it and we talked and said nothing more will be mentioned but I dont want my conversations being sent to her anymore as it was not fair and to be defended at least. We sorted this out a week later and all was fine with the mate, she had a new bf low and behold....

 

So moving on even further I felt our relationship had not moved much. Our only level of intimacy was kissing, holding hands, touching her leg or her on mine, hugs and thats it. If I kissed her neck she would back off as she didn't want to be turned on and laughed it off. She wouldn't let me touch her chest, accept for a bit of kino on my part, by accident or me taking a chance yet would tell me her some lads would once grab her ecig out of her chest and feel her boobs. I said oh so they can do this but I, your boyfriend, cannot and she would go a bit silent.

 

We had a talk on 2 separate occasions about intimacy and sleeping out I said intimacy is not just sex. The first talk went on death ears and the second, the day after, seemed to work for a week with her allowing me to touch her chest more and kiss her neck etc, then it went stale again. She would say about having sex in a month, I laughed it off, then it went to two month, then christmas and then to years then to never etc etc so this is why I pulled her on it as she was going hot and cold.

 

The other issue was her joking, so she says, using our relationship in an ultimatum of if I flick her chest again we are over. Or if I take her up a hill, as I said jokingly to her as she hates hills, we are over. As I would find out her forms of jokes would not improve as there was a guy at the ecig shop I took her too that liked her. She thought different but she ended up finding him on fb to find his age, he would always try make her laugh being stupid and stare at her etc. I then find out she has been talking about him to her sister when a joke was mentioned by her sister. I talked to her about this and she claimed she just heard me mention him on phone and asked about him finding his name out etc. But going down the line 2 weeks later I find out from her sister that she, supposedly as a joke, told her there is a guy near her age, funny and he is plan b if it ends with me. I went mad and rung her. We had a major argument and her mum got involved etc and I talked it over for a while as her mum thought it was ok to say!

 

She rung me that night once back and calmed down etc and I asked what is happening and what do you want to do as your mum suggested a break. She said she didn't want a break and also she was worried of loosing me. We made up and agreed we not go to that shop again etc.

 

It was arranged few weeks later to sleep for halloween, it came and she felt sick and wanted taking home at 2 in morning. We had yet another talk the day after on how she needs to help herself get over this problem by facing her fears. Or compromise and I sleep their every now and then but she also found an issue with that. She thinks we are all getting at her as she rather just stay at home in her room on her terms.

 

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The last day, She calls me and we talk as normal and I tell her a joke saying I cant do fireworks at yours now laughing and she turns around and says its ok as I am going to a bonfire on thursday. She knows I love fireworks etc and events like that, I asked if she was going with her mate and she said yes and 5 other girls. Most of these girls would bring a guy if they could, and her mate, when with someone would always bring him along but my gf never would offer me to come with her even though mostly it was sitting in a park. I said it would be nice to do that as a couple etc and its not very nice you never ask. We end up talking about the relationship seeming, to me, being one sided. She said oh shall we call it a day then. I said I dont really want to as it needs to be worked on but it seems you do not want to be in this relationship by saying that. She said its not fair if you think its one sided and I dont want you unhappy but I do want to be with you or I wouldn't be etc. We have a long chat and she is crying but then gets confusing. I said do you care for this relationship and me and want to be in it as you hardly speak when confronted nor tell me how you feel etc. She said yes I do and I do want to be with you but on next breath says I dont know what I want my minds blank. This goes back and forth and then she says I need to sort my head out but you wont wait for me and I cant expect you too. I told her to go to sleep and think about it tomorrow getting back to me when she knows and said take care.

 

Day after I wait and wait and get nothing from her. Then find out mid day from her mum to mine that we where over, that I ended the relationship! This all then kicks off as she has only said some part stories on things etc and made out I ended the conversation differently yet I never did etc. In the mean time of this me and her never talked it was my mum and her mum with us both on the outside. So I said to tell her mum to tell her that I at least deserve to be told it is over. She then text me and said "I am sorry I got wrong end of the stuck I honestly thought it was over after last night. But after todays events its over, hope your ok and hope we can be friendsx" I refused to reply to it.

 

I felt heart broke as I really really like this girl and it seemed she was turning things back on me and that she took the easy option out instead of helping herself. Well it comes to thursday and my friend says do you want to go to the bonfire, same one she is gong to. I said I dont know as I dont want to bump into her. He said forget that as there is around 1000 or more people and its dark so chances are slim. I agreed in the end. We ended up getting their late missing half of the event and had just ten minutes before fireworks. I was getting re-directed trying to find a parking spot. Then who is in front of me with her mates, her. I had gone no contact on her for 3 days. She sees the car and looks down looking sad. I parked up and we started walking up and she was gone. I then walked past a shop and she was there with her mates. I glanced at her and she saw me and her mate give me the evils. I Just ignored her.

 

She walks into me several more times that night, I ignored her each time. I then thought I will text her to offer to talk to her if she wants as I know she saw me and see if she accepts. Looked as though she was about to go home but then they all stopped looking around and I saw her check her phone. She then looked at me and her friends did too and she came walking over. Her mates went to my mates and me and her talked. She was shaking and looking like she was going to cry. I said I never wanted this to happen and she said me neither but I said it was everyone else on our part talking and the two people that mattered did not talk. We agreed on that and I talked about her being diagnosed that day with SADS and a little depressed. She then said her heads a mess and I dont know if I can be in a relationship feeling like this as I cant think and I am to messed up with to many problems so dont hold your hopes up etc. I said ok go home lets talk on phone later. We did and she mentioned how she felt a bit on how me talking to her about her problems seemed like I was getting at her etc and how there was so many different issues over the past three weeks, all our problems was in the last 3 weeks. She said she felt a bit of relief because she didn't have to watch what she had to say, felt as if she had to watch what she said after the ecig guy joke encase it upset me. I said why didnt you ever tell me this and I said you never communicated with anyone about your issues.

 

She then said about being friends but I said lets take each day as it comes and see what happens down the line. Then she perked up. Day after I left her and she got in touch with me, seemed a bit happier though said her head is still a mess. Also is on her time of the month at the moment which may contribute. We talk for a bit and I end the conversation. Then I ask her if she like to come up for fireworks and she agreed. I go my friends and we snap chat a bit. I go home and she face times me then she stares at me and I smile and she says whattt I say what you looking at and she says ooh my besty. I just change subject quickly.*

 

Anyway she didn't talk all day yesterday and neither did I, leaving her to still try miss me and not to chase her anymore etc before calling me on face time at night.

 

So that leaves me to here, she is trying to keep me around as a friend and saying im her besty or friend etc etc. But does it seem like I got a chance to make things better or not. I believe it can be made good again and to take each day as it comes talk, meet etc. But I dont want to be friend zoned. I tried the kino stuff, sexual tension, bringing back happy memories and having a laugh and lots of eye contact which she gave amply too when we met for fireworks. I am confused on what to do.

 

Today I have not sent her any message at all in the thought that, do I let her miss me and make the contact and put herself out to talk to me. Or do I just send her a message and talk to her. Hope you can help and seeing what I should do or if it seems salvageable. I have yet to hear from her etc and been keeping myself busy as best as possible. EDIT she messaged me in the end.

Edited November 7, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
OP request ~T

[William]

Moderator bump after adding condensed version ~T