Millard Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 Hi! 29 F here. Been too long since I posted. I've since gone on a weight loss journey and lost 30 lbs so far! With this awesome lifestyle change, I've noticed that I'm in the mood for sex more often, and feel that I can last longer in bed...if I had the opportunity!! My husband, 37 M, sadly is still overweight with a VERY bad diet. No matter how much I try to cook him tasty food, he eats MAYBE half and never the vegetables nor fruit. If I don't cook, he'll make pizza or TV dinners, and always drinks soda. I know it's affecting his health both physically and mentally. Ugh, it feels so defeating being with an unsupportive guy like this. He barely even wants to excersize. I go on walks/jogs everyday and he MIGHT join me on average once a week. Dispite bad health and lack of libido on his part, I'm left wondering what to do if I achieve my goal of losing another 20 pounds? I feel like that he's being a waste of human to me.. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 Have you discussed it with him? Have you told him how good you feel and how you want him to feel good too? Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 A serious talk about the state of your relationship and its future is in order. You can't make him do anything, and he's not following your example or even going along with eating well when you prepare healthy food. It may be necessary to warn him that you want him to shape up - otherwise, the risk is that you'll ship out. He has to value the relationship enough to make changes of his own accord, but if he buys in, you can help as much as possible. Right now, all you've got is resistance. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 I feel like that he's being a waste of human to me.. This feels like it's headed towards another polarizing "weight gain in the relationship" thread. You'll get answers ranging from "for better or worse" to "he owes you". My wife has struggled with her weight for most of our relationship. I work hard at my own health and fitness, encouraging her (intermittent) efforts and loving her for her other wonderful qualities. While YMMV, you might consider continuing to set a good example and understanding he's ultimately responsible for his own choices, Congratulations on your weight loss! Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
lucy_in_disguise Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 What was he like when you were dating? Were his lifestyle choices and extra weight issues then? What prompted you to make changes? It sounds like this issue is causing you to lose respect for him. Getting more context may help set your expectations. If he was already overweight when you first met, I think it will be more challenging to expect him to modify his lifestyle now, since it is you who is changing the standards here. If he used to be in good shape and have healthy habits, I think it's more reasonable for you to expect more of an effort. Either way, you can't force him to eat healthy and exercise- the desire has to come from him. And it's unlikely that demeaning comments like "waste of human" are going to motivate him. The best you can do is set a good example, and provide opportunities for him to make healthier choices. Regardless of his choices on this, the apparent loss of respect is not a good sign for your relationship. I would look deeper to determine if there are other issues in your relationship contributing to your feelings about him. Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 Dispite bad health and lack of libido on his part, I'm left wondering what to do if I achieve my goal of losing another 20 pounds? I feel like that he's being a waste of human to me.. Were you a waste of a human when you were fatter? Link to post Share on other sites
Sand to Glass Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 Dispite bad health and lack of libido on his part, I'm left wondering what to do if I achieve my goal of losing another 20 pounds? I feel like that he's being a waste of human to me.. Do you think he's unsupportive because he is not making the same lifestyle changes you are? Or because his attitude is actually unsupportive or even negative? You are making changes to improve your health, and that's fantastic. But you can't make him do it too. His not doing what you want isn't him being unsupportive. Being encouraging to you regarding YOUR changes - that's support, and that's what you should be recognizing. OTOH, if you see yourself losing respect and attraction to him solely for this, it's time to address that. But recognize that he is still the same guy, it's your mentality that has changed, so don't put it all off on him. It's not his fault you have now decided that vegetables are a relationship issue. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Millard Posted November 9, 2016 Author Share Posted November 9, 2016 Were you a waste of a human when you were fatter? I sure felt like I was. I was a terrible couch potato not doing much except going to work. I barely contributed to house work either at my heaviest Link to post Share on other sites
Author Millard Posted November 9, 2016 Author Share Posted November 9, 2016 Do you think he's unsupportive because he is not making the same lifestyle changes you are? Or because his attitude is actually unsupportive or even negative? You are making changes to improve your health, and that's fantastic. But you can't make him do it too. His not doing what you want isn't him being unsupportive. Being encouraging to you regarding YOUR changes - that's support, and that's what you should be recognizing. OTOH, if you see yourself losing respect and attraction to him solely for this, it's time to address that. But recognize that he is still the same guy, it's your mentality that has changed, so don't put it all off on him. It's not his fault you have now decided that vegetables are a relationship issue. Geeze, you and lots of other people are so right :/ I'm being way too haed and critical of him. Also, to answer someone else's question, he was not fat when we met and I gottwn fatter since we met. At least now i am back to the weight I was when we first met. In the meantime, I have to take a good look at myself. I know I'm not that shallow..or at least i thought I wasn't. Oh boy. Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 Hold on a second... I think it is great that you are losing weight and feeling better. While I don't think you want to divorce or anything, it is very difficult for one partner to get in a good place and the other partner does not want to come along. A healthier lifestyle is something that, hopefully, both should want to share. If he does not get off the couch, there will be some incompatibilities that crop up and may become unworkable. You can't make him but I would like to think that you can lead by example and encourage him to take better care of himself. And, as everyone knows, if a man (or woman) is not taking care of his wife in the bedroom, someone else will. Link to post Share on other sites
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