Am I imagining things?

[Niklas57]

Hi,

 

Found this texts, so I was thinking if I am crazy...

 

Him : I am sorry I could not get to see you but with all the goodbyes and parties I couldn't make it. I don't regret a single second of our story. Goodbye.

 

Her: I understand, but I am annoyed because you didn't spend a night with me. I feel you do not respect me. Take care

 

After confronting her, she didn't admit to anything. It was just an innocent flirt, she said.

 

Thank you for your time

[road]

Hi,

 

Found this texts, so I was thinking if I am crazy...

 

Him : I am sorry I could not get to see you but with all the goodbyes and parties I couldn't make it. I don't regret a single second of our story. Goodbye.

 

Her: I understand, but I am annoyed because you didn't spend a night with me. I feel you do not respect me. Take care

 

After confronting her, she didn't admit to anything. It was just an innocent flirt, she said.

 

Thank you for your time

 

 

She put out for a quickie and left feeling used because she did not get more.

[aileD]

He's cheating with her and ended it. She feels used.

 

There was emotion involved because there's "our story"

 

Did you confront him??

 

Are you her husband or his wife?

[smackie9]

It's just a text and there isn't anything too obvious or incriminating....it seems it can be taken many different ways.

 

Is there other texts or sketchy behavior or she has a past of cheating to make you come to the conclusion that she was?

[spideywoman]

doesn't sound like this was a quickie to me, either. he said he didn't regret a single second of our story _ so unless this is a blurb on the side of a cereal box there was something there that spanned a certain amount of time. is this your BF, who is it? why did you confront her and not him? he's the one i'd be asking.

[Niklas57]

Thank you for your reply,

 

I am sorry, I wasn't very clear as to the roles, I am the guy who was supposed to marry her next week after 9 years of relationship.

 

The man she was texting was a co worker of hers, who left last year and returned for 5 days to train some people this year.

 

If I find the strength, I will write the whole story but I just focused on my findings.

[Niklas57]

She put out for a quickie and left feeling used because she did not get more.

i am certain this was not a quickie, cause they worked together for 7 months.

[Niklas57]

He's cheating with her and ended it. She feels used.

 

There was emotion involved because there's "our story"

 

Did you confront him??

 

Are you her husband or his wife?

I am the person who she is supposed to marry next week, or better say was supposed to marry

[spideywoman]

Thank you for your reply,

 

I am sorry, I wasn't very clear as to the roles, I am the guy who was supposed to marry her next week after 9 years of relationship.

 

The man she was texting was a co worker of hers, who left last year and returned for 5 days to train some people this year.

 

If I find the strength, I will write the whole story but I just focused on my findings.

 

OK, this helps put things in perspective. Obviously she was the right one to confront since she's your partner. Thought it was the other way around.

 

I'm afraid my two cents won't be much different. There's something there (or was) between those two and she did not tell you about it. Her being annoyed that he didn't spend the night with him is just ... ugh. at best, she wanted a "quickie," one night of passion with another man; at worst, this is something that has been going on for a while and she has been yearning to spend the night or take the relationship to another physical level since spending the night (at least for me) does suggest more intimacy. and this is happening on the eve of your nuptials, BTW.

 

either way, i am terribly sorry you're going through this. whether or not you're interested in my advice i will go ahead and say it anyway. please do not get married. please talk to her again and try to get to the bottom of this and not let her get away, don't let her brush it off as "innocent flirt." an innocent flirt is just that _ i have done it, as i'm sure you have. being "annoyed" that a man won't spend the night with her is not an innocent flirt.

 

even if this means losing money, telling people the wedding is off, etc. you need to address this before entering a lifelong commitment. starting a marriage following some sort of betrayal is just not a good idea.

 

best of luck to you, stay strong.

[lolablue17]

Well, if she says it was just an innocent flirt, than I advice you to announce an innocent total cancellation of the wedding and an innocent breakup.

 

Not because of the undeniable cheating evidence, but because of her stupidity, giving you such a moron explanation.

[Niklas57]

Well, if she says it was just an innocent flirt, than I advice you to announce an innocent total cancellation of the wedding and an innocent breakup.

 

Not because of the undeniable cheating evidence, but because of her stupidity, giving you such a moron explanation.

Thank you for your reply,

 

The funniest part is when she tried to explain the messages.

 

1. I was annoyed because , all the team had arranged to go out and he did not come.

 

2. I meant a night with us and not with me.

 

3. I feel I am not respected because, he did not respected OUR relationship.

 

4. When I asked her which story he did not regret, she said it was the time they were working together.

 

I laughed my guts out, literally

[Niklas57]

doesn't sound like this was a quickie to me, either. he said he didn't regret a single second of our story _ so unless this is a blurb on the side of a cereal box there was something there that spanned a certain amount of time. is this your BF, who is it? why did you confront her and not him? he's the one i'd be asking.

Thanks for the reply,

 

When I was trying to get it out from her, she did not admit anything, but me being cool and relaxed, somewhere in between said

 

"he was bringing me chocolates and flowers and I took the bait",

 

"I needed validation"

[PegNosePete]

2. I meant a night with us and not with me.

Yeah right. You know what she meant. I hope you cancelled the wedding and told her you will not be with a cheater any longer.

[Methodical]

Him : I am sorry I could not get to see you but with all the goodbyes and parties I couldn't make it. I don't regret a single second of our story. Goodbye.

 

Her: I understand, but I am annoyed because you didn't spend a night with me. I feel you do not respect me. Take care

 

After confronting her, she didn't admit to anything. It was just an innocent flirt, she said.

 

The man she was texting was a co worker of hers, who left last year and returned for 5 days to train some people this year.

 

Had this been an innocent exchange, I would imagine her explanation would have gone like this:

 

He is someone I worked with for X years and thought of as a friend. He was in town on business and I had hoped to catch up with him but discovered he was too busy with others to even have a cup of coffee. Guess our friendship wasn't as tight as I had thought.

 

But then you posted this: (Along with her initial "innocent flirt" explanation...)

 

 

The funniest part is when she tried to explain the messages.

 

1. I was annoyed because , all the team had arranged to go out and he did not come.

 

2. I meant a night with us and not with me.

 

3. I feel I am not respected because, he did not respected OUR relationship.

 

4. When I asked her which story he did not regret, she said it was the time they were working together.

 

I laughed my guts out, literally

 

#3 is the clincher...

 

I feel he respected himself and your relationship, which is why he declined to meet with her.

[Niklas57]

Excuse me for the long post, I will try to put things in perspective and minimize personal feelings.

 

We met at 2007, decided to move abroad together cause of work at the end of 2008. Unfortunately we had to return at 2012 cause of my family issues.

 

Mother sick with cancer, sister got divorce from a gambler having 2 kids to take care after. They needed my support so without second thought we returned.

 

We started our life again, found work and so on.

 

At the end of 2012, out of the blue, she decides that the relationship is going nowhere. Had the conversation, as to figure out why is she ending this. The reasons she told me were the following.

 

- We haven't created a stable life and I feel insecure. I need a stable income (my work and hers at this point was 7 months a year but with lots of money), so we can create a family.

 

- I was not telling her I love you often or expressing my feelings often.

 

-She thought it was about time to move on.

 

I tried to change her mind by reasoning and talking through this out together but she said it was over.

 

I respected her decision and tried to move on but I was still thinking of her. We kept NC but after 3 months we started talking again. One thing led to another , I pursued her a little and then we decided to give us another chance.

 

Things were getting better , but then I had to leave for work in another location for 6 months. Although there was distance, we were in contact everyday, and at the first opportunity we were seeing each other. After a while though, she started again, I do not feel well in the relationship, what is wrong with me etc. All I could say is be patient in a short while I will return and we will work through this. Nope, she pulled the trigger for the second time.

 

I got hurt, but in the meantime I had a job offer all year round, managerial position and a very good salary. I accepted it and decided to continue with my life once more.

 

2 months later on, I received a letter at my work place from her. She was writing how much she loved me and how much she missed me, that everything around her reminds of me and all the things that can make you return to a previous state of mind. I fell for it.

 

We went out for a drink to talk. I told her how hurt I was and it will be difficult for me to trust you again. She said she was sorry and we are meant to be together, so I should give her another chance. I did but I was feeling like a beaten dog which approaches you with caution. We went a trip to see if we can work things out. Finally I gave in, and we tried once more.

 

1,5 month later, here she goes again. We were out for dinner and she says, that we need to break up. AGAIN. I looked her in the eyes and said nothing. Absolutely nothing. I continued eating and when I finished, I said it is time to leave.

Aren't you gonna say anything about it? There is nothing to be said , Let's leave.

 

I know at this point I should have stopped putting my self into this situation. But I didn't and I do not regret it.

 

Back to the story,

 

 

After a month or so she drops by my work place and decides to wait for me to finish work. We went to dinner and she starts telling me , that you are my man, the person to be, etc... She went to therapy and realized what a fool she was by treating me this way. I fell for it again (yeah I know are you a masochist?)

 

I knew she saw other people and didn't work out. But at this point I thought at least she had the dignity to broke up with me beforehand.

 

 

Anyway, Things were going good after that for 3 years and we decided to get married, in the meantime last January , she got pregnant but had a miscarriage. We worked through it and we decided to try again later on.

 

Meanwhile i got a promotion and became General Manager. That meant lots of working hours 6 days a week sometimes 7. She was working only on weekends. I was happy because I could provide to the household. I knew there was less time for us but I was trying at least a week to go out on dates. The majority of the house keeping fell on her due to my working hours. Before you come to any conclusions , everyday and I mean everyday I was thankful to her for the things she did at home and apologizing for the time I spent at work.

 

 

Anyhow, I think this post is getting long so I will try and conclude.

 

She had this full time job from April 2015 until end of October. The quality time we had was 1-3 days a week since we were both working hard. The same thing occurred this year from April until October again. The OM was there last season and came back again this year for 5 days.

 

Now the DDay.

 

She was having issues with her cell phone and was telling me that she needs a new one. I was going to sleep and because I trusted her ,I never had the urge to look after phones, Facebook and other social or no platforms. i checked what seemed to be the problem with the cell and the only app was Facebook. A gut instinct told me to look further and so I discovered the texts with him. By the way I found out that she was talking with other unknown men, but I did not confront her for that because there was nothing a sort of an evidence for cheating.

 

I can't write anymore for now as emotions overflow me.

 

I hope I can continue to write what happened next.

 

The wedding is cancelled and I broke up with her.

 

Thank you by my heart for all of you taking the time to read that stuff