Larryville Posted November 8, 2016 Share Posted November 8, 2016 Go tell that to men. Pop I just fundamentally believe that we live in a seriously deceptive society/world. Just look at today’s political environment. People are rewarded for being deceptive. Men will continue to play the deception card because most know they can get away with it. I say here often this will only get worse because our young boys and young men have fewer and fewer positive male relationship role models. Can women actually do anything about screwed up dudes, for the most part no. But I always go back to the old saying “you teach em how to treat you” if women allow men to get away with the crap they do they perpetuate the deceptive behavior. If you say “I want a relationship” they do that and be true to that. If you want sex, then just have sex and don’t pretend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted November 8, 2016 Share Posted November 8, 2016 I thought so, but perhaps I was wrong. A man telling me he's crazy about me, and saying he's my man and I'm his girl, what is a woman supposed to think? I would think to ask him "are you saying you want to be exclusive?" A sure fire question to ask him is "what are your intentions as far as I'm concerned?" He will tell you that he either wants exclusivity/monogamy with you or he'll tell you that he likes you and likes what is developing between you two without having to put labels on everything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted November 8, 2016 Share Posted November 8, 2016 It's been 2 days, and some people are saying wait and see if he reaches out and others are saying to text him. The last we spoke he said he'd call me later. I certainly don't want to chase a guy and look needy. then don't. reactivate your profile and take it from there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author leogirl876 Posted November 8, 2016 Author Share Posted November 8, 2016 Pop I just fundamentally believe that we live in a seriously deceptive society/world. Just look at today’s political environment. People are rewarded for being deceptive. Men will continue to play the deception card because most know they can get away with it. I say here often this will only get worse because our young boys and young men have fewer and fewer positive male relationship role models. Can women actually do anything about screwed up dudes, for the most part no. But I always go back to the old saying “you teach em how to treat you” if women allow men to get away with the crap they do they perpetuate the deceptive behavior. If you say “I want a relationship” they do that and be true to that. If you want sex, then just have sex and don’t pretend. But how do you teach someone how to treat you? People are gonna do what they want. All you can do is walk away from such people and move on with your life. I think what women want to know is how to prevent such things instead of walking away after the fact? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted November 8, 2016 Share Posted November 8, 2016 It's been 2 days, and some people are saying wait and see if he reaches out and others are saying to text him. The last we spoke he said he'd call me later. I certainly don't want to chase a guy and look needy. Ok, he said he'd call you . . . then you wait for that. If he takes a week to call you, decide then if you want to answer and/or continue seeing him. At this stage, if he lets a week go by, I'd be moving on myself. And, reaching out to him once isn't going to be needy/clingy, calling or texting him 10 times before or without a reply would . . . He did call you on Sunday while traveling, that's a good thing. He said he'd call you, see if he keeps his word. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 8, 2016 Share Posted November 8, 2016 Seeing him online ONCE is no base to call him a player. For all you know he was checking if you were online. If he were online actively several times a day or every day then I'd advice otherwise and god knows I have no mercy for men in relationship showing up online. Relax and let him show you what he's made of. It takes time to learn about someone. So he didn't text you for 2 days, no big deal So far! He may contact you later today, he may even tell you he noticed your profile isn't visible anymore and he'll do the same thing. This man is 53 years old and you are only 40! He's the lucky one here you are willing to give him the time of the day. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author leogirl876 Posted November 8, 2016 Author Share Posted November 8, 2016 Ok, he said he'd call you . . . then you wait for that. If he takes a week to call you, decide then if you want to answer and/or continue seeing him. At this stage, if he lets a week go by, I'd be moving on myself. And, reaching out to him once isn't going to be needy/clingy, calling or texting him 10 times before or without a reply would . . . He did call you on Sunday while traveling, that's a good thing. He said he'd call you, see if he keeps his word. Sounds good. I'm not used to coming unglued like this with men. It's usually the other way around. Link to post Share on other sites
Author leogirl876 Posted November 8, 2016 Author Share Posted November 8, 2016 Seeing him online ONCE is no base to call him a player. For all you know he was checking if you were online. If he were online actively several times a day or every day then I'd advice otherwise and god knows I have no mercy for men in relationship showing up online. Relax and let him show you what he's made of. It takes time to learn about someone. So he didn't text you for 2 days, no big deal So far! He may contact you later today, he may even tell you he noticed your profile isn't visible anymore and he'll do the same thing. This man is 53 years old and you are only 40! He's the lucky one here you are willing to give him the time of the day. Thank you for saying that! Normally I wouldn't care, but there's something about him I like. I'm not used to worrying like this with men. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted November 8, 2016 Share Posted November 8, 2016 But how do you teach someone how to treat you? People are gonna do what they want. All you can do is walk away from such people and move on with your life. I think what women want to know is how to prevent such things instead of walking away after the fact? You prevent it by being vigilant about your boundaries and not putting the guarding of them to those who can't meet the task. You prevent it by not engaging in behavior that puts you further from your goal. You prevent it be keeping a healthy amount of skepticism about you until he's proven by his consistent actions that he wants with you what he says he wants with you. It all depends upon how disciplined you are about protecting your esteem and feelings. A lot of women don't want to consider all of the red flags slapping them in the face because they don't want to have to get back into the pool to find a new partner, so they excuse, look the other way, calls things what they're not just to cling to a guy who isn't any good for them. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 Just read this whole thread...as an overthinker and a woman who has gotten burned many times myself...my head is spinning for you leogirl I agree with Pop, it is absolutely true that the app may say hes active when hes not...maybe he just didnt log out. I used to do that all the time so keep that in mind I think when you saw he was active...it sent you in a tail spin when really this could mean nothing. But I know how it is...thoughts that just snow ball. Its your minds way of protecting yourself from hurt....preparing yourself for the supposed blow thats right around the corner Right now instead of debating whether or not this guy is a player or whether or not he really is active on the site...or whether or not you "should" have had sex with him....press rewind. Stressing over this isnt going to help either way I'm like you, I like men to take the lead so I wouldnt be calling/texting him when he left off saying he'd be the one to reach out Let him come to you and meanwhile get into a better head space. Worrying about this wont make it hurt any less if he turns out to be a douche....and if he turns out to be prince charming you'll be kicking yourself for freaking out over nothing. Only time will tell Deep....deep...breaths. Allow whatever will be...be 1 Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 If you would rather believe an online apps unreliable status than to ASK him then I'm afraid it's gonna be difficult for you to ever find love Insecurity and doubting men is in your nature. No matter who you date, there will be something that makes you doubt. And you aren't willing to communicate,so scared to look "petty". And you are doomed for sure 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 Anything new leogirl? Link to post Share on other sites
Author leogirl876 Posted November 9, 2016 Author Share Posted November 9, 2016 Anything new leogirl? Yes, he did call and we talked. From past problems, I definitely have trust issues with men that I need to work on. In the meantime, I'm going to have to see how things play out. Thank you all for your support and information! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Larryville Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 But how do you teach someone how to treat you? People are gonna do what they want. All you can do is walk away from such people and move on with your life. I think what women want to know is how to prevent such things instead of walking away after the fact? Sorry Leo missed your reply… You just need to do a better job at reading people. My statement is not about this particular dude but how you go about relationships in the future. You have your own code that you go by and you need to make damn sure that men meet YOUR standard with no compromises. Men must earn your company. You learn to not compromise your standards you will get better relationship results. how to prevent such things Dudes are not that hard to figure out. You just need to delve deeper in the lets say “investigative” stage. Everything from reading body language, communication skills and patience goes a long way in uncovering a guys true intent. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author leogirl876 Posted November 9, 2016 Author Share Posted November 9, 2016 Sorry Leo missed your reply… You just need to do a better job at reading people. My statement is not about this particular dude but how you go about relationships in the future. You have your own code that you go by and you need to make damn sure that men meet YOUR standard with no compromises. Men must earn your company. You learn to not compromise your standards you will get better relationship results. Dudes are not that hard to figure out. You just need to delve deeper in the lets say “investigative” stage. Everything from reading body language, communication skills and patience goes a long way in uncovering a guys true intent. How long does it take usually? 3 months? 6 months? One man I dated, put on a great show for about a year. It wasn't until I moved in with him that the horns came out. Some people are really good actors, some not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 Sorry Leo missed your reply… You just need to do a better job at reading people. My statement is not about this particular dude but how you go about relationships in the future. You have your own code that you go by and you need to make damn sure that men meet YOUR standard with no compromises. Men must earn your company. You learn to not compromise your standards you will get better relationship results. Dudes are not that hard to figure out. You just need to delve deeper in the lets say “investigative” stage. Everything from reading body language, communication skills and patience goes a long way in uncovering a guys true intent. This is great advice Larry, however its very difficult to implement. Like leogirl said some of these guys can put on quite a show And "investigating" is a double edged sword....yes it can help us ID red flags but it can also cause us to overthink and accidentaly sabatoge Yes, sometimes it is obvi when a guy is a douche...but with my last experience and many other women's.... theres just no red or even yellow flags waving until you feel that knife digging into your back leogirl is a smart woman...I think she knows how to differentiate between the good guys and the bad guys...but sometimes the bad guys are too clever to detect until some time has passed and feelings have grown...thats when it hurts the most Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 Yes, he did call and we talked. From past problems, I definitely have trust issues with men that I need to work on. In the meantime, I'm going to have to see how things play out. Thank you all for your support and information! How did the convo go leogirl? Business as usual? How did it feel in your gut? Never ignore your gut girly Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 How long does it take usually? 3 months? 6 months? One man I dated, put on a great show for about a year. It wasn't until I moved in with him that the horns came out. Some people are really good actors, some not. It's not so much about how to avoid it because if someone wants to deceive you it's really hard to identify. What is important is how you react when you realize you are being played, used, deceived. You can only do your best and use your good judgment and when faced with being used you respect yourself by removing yourself immediately. I am 51 years old with lots of relationship and dating experience and STILL I got played and didn't see it right away. The price to finding love is taking a risk. Take that risk knowing if ever it doesn't unfold as wished you will still be alright. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 It's not so much about how to avoid it because if someone wants to deceive you it's really hard to identify. What is important is how you react when you realize you are being played, used, deceived. You can only do your best and use your good judgment and when faced with being used you respect yourself by removing yourself immediately. I am 51 years old with lots of relationship and dating experience and STILL I got played and didn't see it right away. The price to finding love is taking a risk. Take that risk knowing if ever it doesn't unfold as wished you will still be alright. Really well said G I'm saving this in a word document lol We cant always avoid the bad guys and the pain...we're not built that way. We just have to make the best choices we can and dust ourselves off after we fall Hope you're doing ok leogirl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author leogirl876 Posted November 18, 2016 Author Share Posted November 18, 2016 So I've been seeing this guy I met on OLD for about 8 weeks. We've been out on 10 dates & also slept together. I had posted in another thread about him that I thought he played me. I now realize that's exactly what's going on, that he's trying to string me along. All his shenanigans, I'm just over it. I'm not the type of person to ghost, I think that's really rude to do, but wondering if it's "politically correct" ok to dump someone you've dated for 8 weeks by text or if it should be saved for a phone call? For anyone who wonders why I think he's stringing me along, so we slept together 2 weeks, I was under the impression we something more but people on here said no but ok, haven't seen him since we slept together. He keeps calling and texting me, but has some reason why he's been busy and hasn't been able to see me, when I saw him a couple times per week before. We had plans to do something this weekend, and he texts me yesterday saying he didn't know, he was trying to figure out if he needed to go out of town (again) so I'm just done. I think since he's stringing me along, it should be ok to text him back saying this isn't what I'm looking for, but want other people's opinions..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ElizabethIII Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 If he had sex with you and has not arranged to see you for 2 weeks since then, I would assume the matter over even though he is still texting you. If you see him again he will only have sex with you and vanish again for a few weeks. I wouldnt say anything to him at all. It is tempting to say something to him but there is dignity in silence that words can never convey. Just block his number and fall off the face of the earth. Your point will be very clear. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Author leogirl876 Posted November 18, 2016 Author Share Posted November 18, 2016 If he had sex with you and has not arranged to see you for 2 weeks since then, I would assume the matter over even though he is still texting you. If you see him again he will only have sex with you and vanish again for a few weeks. I wouldnt say anything to him at all. It is tempting to say something to him but there is dignity in silence that words can never convey. Just block his number and fall off the face of the earth. Your point will be very clear. I've never done that before, but you may be right. Yeah, what a jerk! I'm afraid that I may run into him since we work in the same field, so that's why I wanted to at least say something. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 I agree with ElizabethIII. You don't owe him any explanation. He knows what he's done. Block and delete. Take care. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ElizabethIII Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 I've never done that before, but you may be right. Yeah, what a jerk! I'm afraid that I may run into him since we work in the same field, so that's why I wanted to at least say something. I've never really done before this year either. Now I just blank people. It is no ruder than how he has behaved. It is better to say nothing especially if you work in the same field. Show no emotion at all. Silence is best. It conveys that he is so asinine as to be below your level of annoyance. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 In your last thread one of your concern was he still had a profile online. Did he delete it? is he still active there? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts