*sigh* So sick of being 5'8" - I feel like a leper.

[Moy]

Seriously, is being 5'8" as a man THAT repulsive to women? Yes, I'm 5'8" - but I'm a good, kindhearted and hardworking person, I'm in shape (I work out regularly) I have a decent job, own house, no debt.....yet I'm getting women on dating sites/apps blocking me the second that they find out my height.

 

Before you ask, no I'm NOT contacting leggy supermodels in their twenties, the latest woman to block me for being 5'8" was 56 years old (I'm 42) and well over 200lbs (a description not a judgement, before anybody jumps in - I was more than happy chatting with her) I'm attracted to a very diverse range of women and I don't really have a 'type' as such.

 

I know that we all have our preferences, but after four constant years of being made to feel like a complete untermensch for not being tall enough, the shame is becoming too much.

 

Rant over. Meh.

[PegNosePete]

How do you know they're blocking you for your height?

 

How come your height isn't on your main profile? Why are they "finding out" mid conversation?

 

Why are you chatting with them so much rather than arranging to meet?

 

I don't think height is your problem here.

[Moy]

How do you know they're blocking you for your height?

 

How come your height isn't on your main profile? Why are they "finding out" mid conversation?

 

Why are you chatting with them so much rather than arranging to meet?

 

I don't think height is your problem here.

 

1. My height is listed on my profile.

 

2. The conversation usually flows well, then it's:

 

"How tall are you?"

 

"I'm 5ft 8"

 

*block*

 

This happens over and over and over and over again. It's as if they don't read my profile properly, like what they see and then it's when they ask me that things start to unravel pretty instantaneously.

 

3. Arrange to meet? I try, believe me. Most people I chat with seem to be in it for the ego boost and get flaky when attempting to arrange anything offline.

[LookAtThisPOst]

the latest woman to block me for being 5'8" was 56 years old (I'm 42) and well over 200lbs

 

Rant over. Meh.

 

This doesn't surprise me as the obesity epidemic is on the rise, even with YOUNG 20-something women tipping the scales, yet they desire a man that's fitter than they are. They seem to have an over-inflated opinion of themselves.

[SoulCat]

This doesn't surprise me as the obesity epidemic is on the rise, even with YOUNG 20-something women tipping the scales, yet they desire a man that's fitter than they are. They seem to have an over-inflated opinion of themselves.

 

You seem to be under the impression that when a woman is curvy, heavy-set or downright fat she isn't supposed to have standards and requirements in regards to who she chooses to date.

That, because they carry some extra pounds they should just date anyone who gives them the time of day.

That being fat equals languishing in the dating equivalent of the bargain bin.

You are wrong.

 

 

It has nothing to do with having an over-inflated opinion of one's self. It's about what you do and don't find attractive in a potential dating partner.

 

I'm 5'9, and overweight. Would I date a short guy? No.

Would I date a weedy, skinny man? No.

I also wouldn't date someone with young kids, with criminal convictions or any type of addiction issues.

 

Because I'm attracted to tall, well built men who have their sh*t together, who lead stable lives and hold down a decent job. And I've never had any issues attracting them.

 

Sure, there will have been plenty of men not attracted to me, but why would I want to date them if attraction is lacking in the first place?

I'd rather 'next' 200 guys who I don't find attractive and hold out for the one who I am actually attracted to.

 

 

And in case you didn't know, there are plenty of men out there who like curvy, shapely women. My man does.

[salparadise]

Yes, I'm 5'8" - but I'm a good, kindhearted and hardworking person, I'm in shape (I work out regularly) I have a decent job, own house, no debt.....yet I'm getting women on dating sites/apps blocking me the second that they find out my height.

 

Firstly, this is a bigger factor in YOUR head than it is in reality. Sure there are some that filter for 6' or taller, but they're often the same ones that have a dozen other superficial dealbreakers. And a lot of them have no ability to pull what they demand. They're fantasizing. Just don't think about it––you can't do anything about it, so filter them first. Don't waste a minute of time or energy on them.

 

Secondly, don't chat beyond a few cursory messages to break the ice and ask them out. It's a process of elimination. They're looking for reasons to eliminate people and the longer you chat the more reasons you give them. Ask them out by about the fifth message, and if they say they want to get to know you first, they're time wasters––just next them and move on.

 

You're looking for one woman (on the same wavelength) who is not superficial and who wants an actual date with a great guy... and they're not the same ones who think they're going to find a fantasy via extended chatting. Be disciplined; do what works. There are many women who will appreciate you for asking them out sooner rather than later. I asked my girlfriend out in the first message and she accepted.

[Moy]

You seem to be under the impression that when a woman is curvy, heavy-set or downright fat she isn't supposed to have standards and requirements in regards to who she chooses to date.

That, because they carry some extra pounds they should just date anyone who gives them the time of day.

That being fat equals languishing in the dating equivalent of the bargain bin.

You are wrong.

 

 

It has nothing to do with having an over-inflated opinion of one's self. It's about what you do and don't find attractive in a potential dating partner.

 

I'm 5'9, and overweight. Would I date a short guy? No.

Would I date a weedy, skinny man? No.

I also wouldn't date someone with young kids, with criminal convictions or any type of addiction issues.

 

Because I'm attracted to tall, well built men who have their sh*t together, who lead stable lives and hold down a decent job. And I've never had any issues attracting them.

 

Sure, there will have been plenty of men not attracted to me, but why would I want to date them if attraction is lacking in the first place?

I'd rather 'next' 200 guys who I don't find attractive and hold out for the one who I am actually attracted to.

 

 

And in case you didn't know, there are plenty of men out there who like curvy, shapely women. My man does.

 

I agree completely that we all have our preferences and dealbreakers. We wouldn't be human if we didn't.

 

However, I'll take one line from your post and respond with a question of my own: "That being fat equals languishing in the dating equivalent of the bargain bin."

 

Would you say that men who aren't tall enough (i.e. at least 6ft) should be banished to the dating equivalent of the bargain bin?

[Els]

Do you not meet any women in real life? I daresay OLD has a much higher % of people with superficial requirements than almost any other demographic - this goes for both genders. I think the 'fast food' nature of OLD is somewhat less conducive to getting to know a person beyond their quantitative surface attributes.

 

My SO is roughly the same height as you. I personally don't perceive 5'8" as 'short' - it's significantly taller than the majority of women I know, in fact. And you say you were only searching for 4 years - which probably means you've had a relationship before, which further signals that the issue is in the place you're looking rather than your height (unless you somehow shrank in those 4 years....).

Edited November 8, 2016 by Elswyth

[SoulCat]

However, I'll take one line from your post and respond with a question of my own: "That being fat equals languishing in the dating equivalent of the bargain bin."

 

Would you say that men who aren't tall enough (i.e. at least 6ft) should be banished to the dating equivalent of the bargain bin?

 

 

Absolutely not. I don't think anyone should be relegated to the dating bargain bin.

But again, it goes back to personal preference. As a fairly tall woman, I'd want someone who is at least my height.

 

You personally may not be 'tall enough' for me, but you'll be plenty tall enough for a whole host of other women.

[Moy]

Do you not meet any women in real life? I daresay OLD has a much higher % of people with superficial requirements than almost any other demographic - this goes for both genders. I think the 'fast food' nature of OLD is somewhat less conducive to getting to know a person beyond their quantitative surface attributes.

 

My SO is roughly the same height as you. And you say you were only searching for 4 years - which probably means you've had a relationship before, which further signals that the issue is in the place you're looking rather than your height (unless you somehow shrank in those 4 years....).

 

No, I'm in my 40s. I don't have much of a social life and there is nowhere TO meet women.

 

After all of the hate that I've received about my height and appearance on OLD over the years, it has battered me down with unshakeable belief that I am genuinely defective and repulsive. I don't even look at women now as I feel that I have no right to breathe the same air as them.

 

Yes, I did have a relationship before...but this was before the explosion of the POF/Tinder/Social Media/Selfie/Narcissism and validation culture that pervades the dynamic of human relationships these days, not to mention that it's now deemed 'rapey' to even doff your cap and wish somebody a good morning as you pass in the street. Believe me, I have learned my place in the past four years and it's in the same ballpark as something that you try not to step in. Don't blame me for feeling this way, it's been drummed into me by others.

[salparadise]

However, I'll take one line from your post and respond with a question of my own: "That being fat equals languishing in the dating equivalent of the bargain bin."

 

Would you say that men who aren't tall enough (i.e. at least 6ft) should be banished to the dating equivalent of the bargain bin?

 

See, this is the crux of it... some women have an irrational sense of entitlement with regard to mutual market equity. They say, "I'm only attracted to tall men, and I have a right to my preference" and in the next breath try to convince you that being overweight shouldn't be held against them because it's just not fair. Some women, esp. young ones, have a no compromise mentality that is simply not linked to a corresponding awareness of their own limitations. It's true that women can always get a man, and it drives them nuts that they can't always get exactly what they want. But still, no compromise is approximately equal to virtue, so it persists.

[Els]

No, I'm in my 40s. I don't have much of a social life and there is nowhere TO meet women.

 

After all of the hate that I've received about my height and appearance on OLD over the years, it has battered me down with unshakeable belief that I am genuinely defective and repulsive. I don't even look at women now as I feel that I have no right to breathe the same air as them.

 

Yes, I did have a relationship before...but this was before the explosion of the POF/Tinder/Social Media/Selfie/Narcissism and validation culture that pervades the dynamic of human relationships these days, not to mention that it's now deemed 'rapey' to even doff your cap and wish somebody a good morning as you pass in the street. Believe me, I have learned my place in the past four years and it's in the same ballpark as something that you try not to step in. Don't blame me for feeling this way, it's been drummed into me by others.

 

So... let me get this straight.

 

You don't ever go out.

You somehow thought it was appropriate to try and make a laughingstock of rape in this thread (and it wasn't even relevant to your topic!).

You have severe self-esteem issues.

 

And you think the problem is your height?!?!

 

I know PLENTY of women who are dating men your height or shorter. Many guys I've had crushes on (including my SO) fall in that category. Unfortunately for you, though, they all do go out, they have decent self-esteem and they don't talk like the worst negative nancy I've ever seen.

 

So you do have a bit of work to do to edge past the competition.

[LookAtThisPOst]

You seem to be under the impression that when a woman is curvy, heavy-set or downright fat she isn't supposed to have standards and requirements in regards to who she chooses to date.

That, because they carry some extra pounds they should just date anyone who gives them the time of day.

That being fat equals languishing in the dating equivalent of the bargain bin.

You are wrong.

 

 

It has nothing to do with having an over-inflated opinion of one's self. It's about what you do and don't find attractive in a potential dating partner.

 

I'm 5'9, and overweight. Would I date a short guy? No.

Would I date a weedy, skinny man? No.

I also wouldn't date someone with young kids, with criminal convictions or any type of addiction issues.

 

Because I'm attracted to tall, well built men who have their sh*t together, who lead stable lives and hold down a decent job. And I've never had any issues attracting them.

 

Sure, there will have been plenty of men not attracted to me, but why would I want to date them if attraction is lacking in the first place?

I'd rather 'next' 200 guys who I don't find attractive and hold out for the one who I am actually attracted to.

 

 

And in case you didn't know, there are plenty of men out there who like curvy, shapely women. My man does.

 

You seem to be under the impression that when a woman is curvy, heavy-set or downright fat she isn't supposed to have standards and requirements in regards to who she chooses to date.

That, because they carry some extra pounds they should just date anyone who gives them the time of day.

That being fat equals languishing in the dating equivalent of the bargain bin.

You are wrong.

 

 

It has nothing to do with having an over-inflated opinion of one's self. It's about what you do and don't find attractive in a potential dating partner.

 

I'm 5'9, and overweight. Would I date a short guy? No.

Would I date a weedy, skinny man? No.

I also wouldn't date someone with young kids, with criminal convictions or any type of addiction issues.

 

Because I'm attracted to tall, well built men who have their sh*t together, who lead stable lives and hold down a decent job. And I've never had any issues attracting them.

 

Sure, there will have been plenty of men not attracted to me, but why would I want to date them if attraction is lacking in the first place?

I'd rather 'next' 200 guys who I don't find attractive and hold out for the one who I am actually attracted to.

 

 

And in case you didn't know, there are plenty of men out there who like curvy, shapely women. My man does.

 

Well, you're 5'9, I don't blame you for wanting to date taller, but thing is...shorter men can't do anything about height, but weight is something that can change and with America on the uprise of obesity, it seems to be getting more accepted unfortunately. Even young women, or just people in genera in their early 20s are ballooning up sadly.

 

I lost about 10 lbs myself, and I'm proud of it because I took a nutritional course and saw a major change from the mid 90s to now on a USA chart on the increased amount of people in the US getting bigger bigger.

 

You'll notice this too if you travel globally. A lot overseas, you'll see a lot of thinner, healthier people....get back to the terminals, and you do notice the difference.

 

I get a kick out of women only 5'3" demanding 6 feet or taller...I mean, really? lol

[Moy]

So... let me get this straight.

 

You don't ever go out.

You somehow thought it was appropriate to try and make a laughingstock of rape in this thread (and it wasn't even relevant to your topic!).

You have severe self-esteem issues.

 

And you think the problem is your height?!?!

 

I know PLENTY of women who are dating men your height or shorter. Many guys I've had crushes on (including my SO) fall in that category. Unfortunately for you, though, they all do go out, they have decent self-esteem and they don't talk like the worst negative nancy I've ever seen.

 

So you do have a bit of work to do to edge past the competition.

 

WhoawhoawhoaWHOA! I have NEVER made a laughing stock of such a horrendous crime in my life and I resent that comment deeply. I was referring to the Shoshana Roberts video that surfaced a couple of years ago and the fallout that followed.

 

Laughing stock? How dare you? Seriously.

 

Irrelevant to the thread? I was answering a post asking me if I met women in real life and I responded with the fact that I have noticed that it is now deemed creepy to say hello in the street, and this in turn scares me off wanting to say hello. I was answering a direct question, so yes it was relevant.

[SoulCat]

I have to agree with Elswyth.

If that is your general attitude and opinion of yourself, your height is the least of your problems.

[PegNosePete]

1. My height is listed on my profile.

Then height is not your problem. If it were, you wouldn't even get responses.

[Moy]

Then height is not your problem. If it were, you wouldn't even get responses.

 

And the fact that they ask me my height directly and then block me immediately when I tell them is pure coincidence, is it?

[PegNosePete]

And the fact that they ask me my height directly and then block me immediately when I tell them is pure coincidence, is it?

The other posts in this thread explain very well what your problem is. Lack of self esteem, self confidence and a positive outlook. Women can smell that a mile off. Maybe they ask your height as a "polite" way of ending communication once they realise they aren't interested in you.

[xxoo]

No, I'm in my 40s. I don't have much of a social life and there is nowhere TO meet women.

 

Fix that. That's your problem.

[Moy]

The other posts in this thread explain very well what your problem is. Lack of self esteem, self confidence and a positive outlook. Women can smell that a mile off. Maybe they ask your height as a "polite" way of ending communication once they realise they aren't interested in you.

 

Believe me, the conversations that I have - if you were to read transcripts of them - would leave you in no doubt that there was a genuine attraction on the part of the women that I have been chatting with until they asked me my height.