1 month til marriage and we both did something dumb

[crackerjax9]

Let me start off by saying I did something wrong. I quickly scanned through my fiances phone this morning. He got back from his bachelor party this weekend. Thursday night he completely blacked out with his friend, wound up falling asleep at the bar and on the streets and said he separated from his friend multiple times. I had called him st 3am that night because I woke up in a panic that I hadn't heard from him/- usually he'll say goodnight when he knows I'm going to bed. Anyway he picked up sounded wasted said he was outside his hotel and waitin for his lost fried and said to go to bed and we'll talk in am.

 

Next day he apologized said it would sound bad but he blacked out separated from his friend on and off that night and doesn't remember much.

 

Rest of the weekend he was attentive didn't go to strip joins or so he says so I was fine with him being a little careless Thursday.

 

This morning I went through his phone and saw a text from a girl named Katie at 430 am (around the time I called him) saying we'll need you to close the Uber on your end. I assumed maybe it was an Uber driver but then saw he labeled her name in his phone as cute girl from NOLA. And then why was he out when he said he was at hotel?

 

My mind is angry right now. He did this a couple of months ago when he was blacked out at a boys weekend. Took some girls number innocently he said because she kept asking for it so he took hers so she would go away.

 

Who is this girl, we get married one month from tomorrow and he's doing stupid stuff like that. I'm thinking to not even bring it up as it'll start an argument. I went through his phone, he may have been blacked out and just took a girls number or maybe it was an Uber driver and he thought She was cute and labeled it in his drunken mind. What do you guys think? Ugh.

Edited November 8, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
added paragraphs ~6

[Satu]

What I would be most concerned about is him getting 'blackout drunk.'

 

When a person does that repeatedly, they have a drink problem.

 

 

5 Types of Alcoholics Identified.

 

 

The young adult subtype accounts for about 32% of U.S. alcoholics. They're young adults who rarely seek help for alcohol dependence. About 24 years old, they became alcoholics by age 20, on average. They drink less frequently than other alcoholics, but they tend to binge drink when they drink. This is the largest subtype.

 

The young antisocial subtype comprises 21% of U.S. alcoholics. They are 26 years old, on average. More than half have antisocial personality disorder. They tended to start drinking at 15 and became alcoholics by 18 -- earlier than other subtypes. They are more likely to smoke tobacco and pot. The young antisocial subtype and the young adult subtype don't overlap.

 

The functional subtype accounts for about 19% of U.S. alcoholics. They're generally middle-aged, working adults who tend to have stable relationships, more education, and higher incomes than other alcoholics. They tend to drink every other day, often consuming five or more drinks on drinking days.

 

The intermediate familial subtype makes up nearly 19% of U.S. alcoholics. Nearly half have close relatives who are alcoholics. Alcoholics in this subtype typically began drinking by 17 and became alcoholics in their early 30s.

 

The chronic severe subtype is the rarest subtype, accounting for about 9% of U.S. alcoholics. This subtype mainly includes men, has the highest divorce rate, and frequently includes users of illicit drugs.

 

"When most people think of alcoholics, they think of middle-aged men with a profile similar to our chronic severe subtype," Moss tells WebMD.

 

"Our data shows that alcoholism is more a disorder of youth than previously suspected," he adds.

 

Moss warns that while some alcoholic subtypes may function better than others, "in all cases, alcohol dependence must be viewed as a severe disease with a significant adverse impact on health and well-being."

 

Source

 

If he's getting so drunk that he doesn't know what he's doing, he could be doing anything.

 

 

Take care.

[Friskyone4u]

Maybe if the blackout drunk was stopped you would not have to worry about this any more.

[Redhead14]

Let me start off by saying I did something wrong. I quickly scanned through my fiances phone this morning. He got back from his bachelor party this weekend. Thursday night he completely blacked out with his friend, wound up falling asleep at the bar and on the streets and said he separated from his friend multiple times. I had called him st 3am that night because I woke up in a panic that I hadn't heard from him/- usually he'll say goodnight when he knows I'm going to bed. Anyway he picked up sounded wasted said he was outside his hotel and waitin for his lost fried and said to go to bed and we'll talk in am. Next day he apologized said it would sound bad but he blacked out separated from his friend on and off that night and doesn't remember much. Rest of the weekend he was attentive didn't go to strip joins or so he says so I was fine with him being a little careless Thursday. This morning I went through his phone and saw a text from a girl named Katie at 430 am (around the time I called him) saying we'll need you to close the Uber on your end. I assumed maybe it was an Uber driver but then saw he labeled her name in his phone as cute girl from NOLA. And then why was he out when he said he was at hotel? My mind is angry right now. He did this a couple of months ago when he was blacked out at a boys weekend. Took some girls number innocently he said because she kept asking for it so he took hers so she would go away. Who is this girl, we get married one month from tomorrow and he's doing stupid stuff like that. I'm thinking to not even bring it up as it'll start an argument. I went through his phone, he may have been blacked out and just took a girls number or maybe it was an Uber driver and he thought She was cute and labeled it in his drunken mind. What do you guys think? Ugh.

 

Well, he was conscious enough to put the numbers in his phone.

 

I'm thinking to not even bring it up as it'll start an argument. -- So you avoid difficult subjects because they may be hard to deal with? That's not a good way to go into a marriage . . .

 

Are you concerned with starting an argument or more likely, that you will find out the truth and, thereby, end up not getting married? If you are so desperate to get married as to disregard signs that this guy is cheating on you now, you are going to be walking on eggshells throughout the marriage.

 

He's already done the "black out" thing once, how many times will you tolerate that explanation?

 

He needs to know that you will not tolerate this behavior and that there will be consequences for it. Don't be a doormat.

 

And, I for one, would not want a husband who goes out and gets black out drunk. It's irresponsible and, if you have children in the future, is that the kind of father you want for your children?

[VeveCakes]

not marriage material right now...

[crackerjax9]

Not bring it up as start an argument as I know he'll be pissed I went through his phone and I know he didn't do anything stupid like cheat on me. It'll start a huge fight. I'm conflicted.

[PegNosePete]

Don't start a huge fight.

 

Just tell him you don't want to marry an alcoholic who flirts with other women and takes their numbers.

 

There's no need to get into a fight. Just tell him that and leave.

[eightytwenty]

It does sounds like issues....

 

 

You have to deal with them. Marriage is hard, and its harder when you feel like you can't talk to him...

 

 

Sit him down and talk to him... Bachelor party, yes lots of guys get very drunk, this one time it can be forgiven. But I would still ask why he's saving females numbers. That's a huge red flag.

[crackerjax9]

Thank you. I'm not going to break up with him that sounds like a little much when he didn't cheat on me. We're getting married in literally a month. Guys do much worse on their bachelor parties. He is so good to me besides these two instances.He got drunk and acted stupid. I did let him know my feelings and trust me I'm not going to just brush it under the carpet.

[Friskyone4u]

Thank you. I'm not going to break up with him that sounds like a little much when he didn't cheat on me. We're getting married in literally a month. Guys do much worse on their bachelor parties. He is so good to me besides these two instances.He got drunk and acted stupid. I did let him know my feelings and trust me I'm not going to just brush it under the carpet.

 

Crackerjax

 

OK, don't break up with him. How about telling him no more blackout drunk because if you don't when he does cheat he will use the same excuse.

 

There are tons of threads on here about women who go clubbing and have ONS when drunk. Then they expect their husbands or boyfriends to understand they did not mean for it to happen.

 

Alcohol is NOT an excuse for inappropriate behavior and that menas no heavy drinking without you around.

[Space Ritual]

Let me start off by saying I did something wrong. I quickly scanned through my fiances phone this morning. He got back from his bachelor party this weekend. Thursday night he completely blacked out with his friend, wound up falling asleep at the bar and on the streets and said he separated from his friend multiple times. I had called him st 3am that night because I woke up in a panic that I hadn't heard from him/- usually he'll say goodnight when he knows I'm going to bed. Anyway he picked up sounded wasted said he was outside his hotel and waitin for his lost fried and said to go to bed and we'll talk in am.

 

Next day he apologized said it would sound bad but he blacked out separated from his friend on and off that night and doesn't remember much.

 

Rest of the weekend he was attentive didn't go to strip joins or so he says so I was fine with him being a little careless Thursday.

 

This morning I went through his phone and saw a text from a girl named Katie at 430 am (around the time I called him) saying we'll need you to close the Uber on your end. I assumed maybe it was an Uber driver but then saw he labeled her name in his phone as cute girl from NOLA. And then why was he out when he said he was at hotel?

 

My mind is angry right now. He did this a couple of months ago when he was blacked out at a boys weekend. Took some girls number innocently he said because she kept asking for it so he took hers so she would go away.

 

Who is this girl, we get married one month from tomorrow and he's doing stupid stuff like that. I'm thinking to not even bring it up as it'll start an argument. I went through his phone, he may have been blacked out and just took a girls number or maybe it was an Uber driver and he thought She was cute and labeled it in his drunken mind. What do you guys think? Ugh.

 

Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.

 

You did NOTHING wrong. He obviously figured he could do something and get away with it.

 

I am a bit biased in this respect, so take what I have to say with a grain of salt because I was 3 weeks from getting married when I walked in on my best friend and my fiance having sex in my bed. All I will say is that there is a difference between stumbling , blackout drunk, and arranging an Uber ride at 4:30 in the morning.

 

I am also a former Uber driver, so if you confront him, demand to see his credit card statement for an entry form that period of time from Uber. If he has one you may be able to discern from it a bit of info. Also you can get his ride history form the app if you can get into his phone again. It will give you the duration of the ride, the address the rider was picked up from and the address they were dropped off at.

 

I used to give rides late at night to strippers almost exclusively as that was about the time they would be off of work if the Strip Joint was a 4 am closer like many clubs are. Once in awhile they ha some drunk guy tag along with them so I knew what was up.

 

I hate to be alarmist but form what you describe my Bullschnit Detector is Redlining. He may have been messing about with a Stripper.

 

Usually guys don't leave the Guest of Honor at a Bachelor party to their own devices unless they are trying to give themselves "Plausible deniability" just in case something like this happens.

 

I wouldn't buy it. You probably need another peek at his phone, because his words are just that, words.

 

Again, you are not invading his privacy, you are invading his secrecy.

 

Good Luck

[Redhead14]

Not bring it up as start an argument as I know he'll be pissed I went through his phone and I know he didn't do anything stupid like cheat on me. It'll start a huge fight. I'm conflicted.

 

This morning I went through his phone and saw a text from a girl named Katie

I know he didn't do anything stupid like cheat on me -- If you trust him, why did you go through his phone????

[VeveCakes]

Thank you. I'm not going to break up with him that sounds like a little much when he didn't cheat on me. We're getting married in literally a month. Guys do much worse on their bachelor parties. He is so good to me besides these two instances.He got drunk and acted stupid. I did let him know my feelings and trust me I'm not going to just brush it under the carpet.

 

alright then good luck with your marriage

[olivetree]

How do you know he didn't cheat on you?

[crackerjax9]

Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.

 

You did NOTHING wrong. He obviously figured he could do something and get away with it.

 

I am a bit biased in this respect, so take what I have to say with a grain of salt because I was 3 weeks from getting married when I walked in on my best friend and my fiance having sex in my bed. All I will say is that there is a difference between stumbling , blackout drunk, and arranging an Uber ride at 4:30 in the morning.

 

I am also a former Uber driver, so if you confront him, demand to see his credit card statement for an entry form that period of time from Uber. If he has one you may be able to discern from it a bit of info. Also you can get his ride history form the app if you can get into his phone again. It will give you the duration of the ride, the address the rider was picked up from and the address they were dropped off at.

 

I used to give rides late at night to strippers almost exclusively as that was about the time they would be off of work if the Strip Joint was a 4 am closer like many clubs are. Once in awhile they ha some drunk guy tag along with them so I knew what was up.

 

I hate to be alarmist but form what you describe my Bullschnit Detector is Redlining. He may have been messing about with a Stripper.

 

Usually guys don't leave the Guest of Honor at a Bachelor party to their own devices unless they are trying to give themselves "Plausible deniability" just in case something like this happens.

 

I wouldn't buy it. You probably need another peek at his phone, because his words are just that, words.

 

Again, you are not invading his privacy, you are invading his secrecy.

 

Good Luck

 

Oh wow good idea.. didn't even think of that. I will ask to see it when I get home.

[crackerjax9]

This morning I went through his phone and saw a text from a girl named Katie

I know he didn't do anything stupid like cheat on me -- If you trust him, why did you go through his phone????

 

Because he blacked out I was curious and I guess from the last time he went out with the guys on a trip there is a piece of me that does not.