Mental NC

[HeCantBreakMe]

Lovely ladies,

 

not sure if this would be the right thread to post this on but i think it falls under the "moving on" category which NC is but one tool toward.

 

had my therapy session today and my therapist gave me a swift quick in the derriere. i'm still hurting and will be bruised in the days to come fore sure. she was not letting me off easy. basically, after months of therapy, an ongoing divorce and end of the affair, she diagnosed me as being in a "moderate depression" which i was suspecting anyway. that didn't bother me. i know i am. then she kept harping on me, interrogating me even, on what i was going to do about it, how much longer was i going to allow myself to be depressed and what was i going to do to pull myself out of it. an action plan, if you will.

 

this mortified me. until now, i figured it was just a matter of time, one cannot be depressed forever, right? i mean, if getting out of a depression is so easy, then why are there so many going about life depressed? granted, there are degrees obviously and mine isn't that serious relative to other cases. i was offended on behalf of myself and other i have seen suffer. how can you diminish something so serious, i asked her. medication was discussed albeit briefly since i don't want that right now, nor does she think it's necessary.

 

so basically she said depression feeds on itself, it doesn't need any help to survive, to thrive and keep on bringing you down. it's inertia. and you need to actively, conscientiously accept it and vow to combat it. and she challenged me: spidey, she said, where's your pulse? i want you to live. i want you to come in here like you did several months ago and make me a little jealous of the stories you tell me, the things you did, the trouble you got into, the verve with which you spoke. make me want to be in your life, your friend. because right now, i am kind of bored of your 'home-work-pick up the dog-work-home-walk the dog' routine.

 

now i am freaking out. freaking out because i'm thinking "where do i even start?!" this seems like such a daunting, insurmountable task, finding joy in life again. i'm racking my brain and paralyzed at the thought. i know i can do it, but how? and of course the therapist left me to figure it out for myself, the great wise, woman that she is

 

so i guess i just needed to share since hey, that's why we're here, right? many times i have read your stories over the past year and they have inspired me into doing something or another. and i hope this little session of mine today, this little nugget of "duh!" info that was revealed to me might help someone here.

 

onwards and upwards. wishing all of us strength and patience in our journeys.

 

PS: editing since i noticed this was my 100th post here. ha! i'll take that as a sign that things WILL look up!

 

This is such a fantastic post thank you for sharing!!! I have came to the same revelation (after a discussion with my husband) and basically I am DONE living in hurt/anger/sadness- it is time i move into the acceptance stage and start letting it go. My husband gave me a choice- he would grant me an amicable divorce, where he would support me and the kids and be the best coparent ever OR I could start shutting that mental door and start moving into the future with him. I dont want to get a divorce and I darn sure am ready to to start focusing in the present and the future with my husband instead of living in the past. This my friends is what i like to think of as acceptance.

 

Some things i have done that truly help me with the mental torture:

 

1.) Stopped listening to music - it is a trigger for me and all about passionate love. Dumb. I threw on podcasts that help me better understand limerence and the affair

2.) Every time i started obsessing and i realized i was obsessing I started focusing on colors- things right in front of me to get me out of my head and into the present

3.) I created this terrible UGLY image of MM and i traded out the sexy stud who sexed me up with the ugly one that literally made me cringe. That took some time but uh it killed the sexual fantasies quickly trust me.

4.) I deactivated my facebook account- this is a big one. It wasn't enough to block. I had to deactivate.

5.) I quit feeling sad- this was a choice. If i get a twinge of sadness i let it come, then i put it aside. I don't have a desire to live in it anymore. This is over and done and so am i.

 

 

I am still working on things and i am now at the point where i am putting stop signs in my head because i am done with the feelings and emotions. THey are good for a time- to examine and allow you to learn and understand but eventually it becomes time to stop living in them and start focusing on the present.

[spideywoman]

I'm making a 6 month time table. I get very busy in the winter with my business so I am making a May 1st goal to be happy again. The plan will be work, exercise, diet and NC. I do not know how I will feel when I can never see or contact him again. I'm a little afraid.

 

Thanks, MB. My therapist was pushing me for a time frame but i was so resistant that she gave up on having me set a date. i'm sure she'll push the envelope next week. i panicked at the thought of being pushed, pushing myself and not be to able to just "be."

 

since i cannot fall sleep for a second night straight, i have devised a little plan, outlined my mission to launch operation kick a$$. as you, too, said, i will continue the gym regimen i have started up again recently as i try to get back into running; accept social invitations which for the most part i have been ignoring save for a few; and reach out to new people i have met, meet them for coffee, have a different conversation with someone. total NC for me unfortunately is not possible since we work together. he has been gone for several months and scheduled to be back early next year so at least i have a break from seeing him but contact, albeit indirect, continues.

 

i think my biggest hang up is, though, that i haven't accepted that xmm never cared for me or loved me. i bring this up since i just saw a post of yours i think in another thread. i honestly believe that he did. what i have accepted is that he didn't chose me, he's exactly where he wants to be, which is with his wife and children. that i have no doubt about. and yet, it's not enough to vilify him in my mind, to shrug everything off as a horrible experience. perhaps i'll get there some day. part of me, a big part, is waiting for his return. for the period to be placed at the end of the sentence when things are hashed out, which inevitably they will be. i am very aware that i am the one who should be placing the punctuation where i want it and when i want to, but i haven't been able to. it's a process. things are becoming clearer with time.

[spideywoman]

1.) Stopped listening to music - it is a trigger for me and all about passionate love. Dumb. I threw on podcasts that help me better understand limerence and the affair

 

Yea! I did this, too. Stopped listening to any kind of music unless it's disco / dance / electronica for my workouts music is a big trigger and was magnified by the mutual love of jazz xmm and i have. i also cut back on drinking significantly. while i still enjoy on occasional nights, some weeks more occasional than others, it just puts me in a bad and sad place and leads me down memory lane which i can do without these days. when i drink it just enhances the mood i'm in, which lately has been down in the doldrums. i don't need that to be magnified.